Lights in the Sky
by Vorcha Girl
Summary: James Vega had dreamed about Rennah Shepard for years and always hoped to meet her, but when he's tasked with keeping her safe on Earth he gets more than he bargained for; she's argumentative, stubborn and sexy as sin. Joining the crew of the Normandy, fighting the Reapers and falling in love was never part of the plan... (Vega/FemShep - Rated M for a reason)
1. Paralysed Force

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect!_

**A/N – I came up with the idea for this fic halfway through writing Burn, because James Vega is just far too sexy for his own good and he needed a story of his own. I planned the story of this fic while listening to the song 'Lights in the Sky' by NIN, thus the title. The lyrics fit nicely too. **

**I'm not sure how long this fic will be, lol. But I update one or twice a week depending on how busy I am with work and life. I'm staying mostly canon with this timeline and major events of this fic, but I'll be deviating a little (Vega romance, of course! But also with a few events!).  
**

**I hope you enjoy this fic – reviews are always loved!**

* * *

Rennah Shepard's intense violet gaze simmered as she looked up at James and her heavy lidded eyes pleaded silently as she watched him. She shifted under him and her hand moved to hold onto his wrist with far more strength that he would ever have guessed she would have possessed, especially given her slim build. She was a beautiful woman with glossy black hair like liquid silk, eyes that were a shockingly bright indigo and skin that was as smooth and pale as alabaster. As she lay under him, her red lips slightly parted, James wondered how on Earth they had wound up in this position; their bodies tangled together on the floor next to the couch.

It was exhilarating and dangerous all at the same time.

"James, please!" She pleaded softly, her voice a mere whisper as her wriggled slightly under him, her eyes focusing the force of her personality into the look she was giving him, "Give it to me."

"I can't, Commander." James forced himself to look away from those almost inhuman eyes and he glanced around the room, scanning for any sign that someone might be about to stumble across them. If anyone did walk in right now they'd be in trouble; that was for sure. He wanted to give her what she wanted, wanted to do it more than she probably imagined he did, but there were regulations he had to follow and the risk of getting in trouble was too high.

Besides he could handle this without her help.

He shifted his body on hers, intending to get up, but Shepard hissed under him as he moved and inadvertently pressed against his chest against hers. She closed her eyes and clenched her teeth against what seemed to be intense pain as she let go of his wrist and then bit her lip. James could feel something spreading between their bodies, a thick warm wetness, and it seemed to be rapidly seeping between them despite how careful he was being. He could tell that he'd hurt her and felt a short burst of concern; she was always acting so tough but she was made of flesh and blood just like him.

"Jesus, that hurts." Shepard muttered as she glared at him, this time her voice was laced with anger and her body pushed against his with more force, "Now get the hell off me and give me a goddamned gun, lieutenant!"

"I already told you; I can't." James cursed and ducked his head as more gunfire started up and he tried to cover Shepard's body with his own again.

There were still several Batarian mercenaries in the compound and although the couch was providing cover for himself and Shepard, he was sure at least one of them knew they were in this room and was firing at them, and a couch wasn't going to offer them much protection from direct shots. His concerns were made reality as more gunfire sounded and the windows behind them exploded with glass, showering both himself and Shepard in slivers of razor sharp rain. He heard her swearing loudly under him, one hand still pressed tightly between them to the gunshot wound on her chest, trying to stem the blood that seemed to just keep flowing.

He glanced down at her in concern and blinked in surprise; she didn't looked frightened as he would have expected given her injury. Shepard looked _furious_ and even as he stared down at her, wishing she would just stay low and be quiet, her biotics flared up around her and he felt his skin crawl as the power flowed over him; it was as though a million little ants were scurrying on his skin. It was very clear that Rennah had no intention of lying their quietly while he did all the fighting.

"Fine! Then get off me and fire back." She growled at him, pushing at him with her free hand. "One of the bastards is crouched by the door."

"How do you know?" James asked quietly as he carefully took his weight off her and glanced at the broken window behind them, wondering if he should be more worried about someone coming through it.

Shepard coughed and a little bit of blood came up, a few ruby droplets landing on her chin, "Line of fire." She hissed, wiping the blood away with annoyance and nodding at the bullet holes in the wall. "Just _shoot_ him, Vega! I'll stay down."

He nodded and carefully crawled off Shepard, his eyes taking in the huge spread of blood around her body; her shirt, hand and arm were coated thickly in bright red. She had lost more blood than he realised, he thought as he crouched behind the couch with his gun at the ready. It wasn't anyone's fault that she had been shot, but she hadn't helped matters by refusing to take cover and insisting on trying fight alongside him even though she had no armour and no weapons.

He wasn't entirely surprised though; he'd learned over the last few months that Rennah Shepard wasn't the kind of person to back down or follow orders.

Rennah determinedly sat up and glared at James, her biotic flare growing brighter as she focused herself and huddled into the cover of the couch. Despite her injuries she didn't seem to be showing much pain, although she was trembling slightly and her breathing sounded wet and slightly wheezy. The bullet must have hit one of her lungs, James decided as he forced himself to focus on the task at hand instead of Shepard. Unfortunately that was harder than it sounded because despite her words, James didn't believe for a second that she would actually stay under cover.

He peered over the top of the couch and did indeed see a Batarian crouched by the door, his assault rifle up and ready. James fired off a few rounds and ducked back behind the couch, ejecting a spent thermal clip and listening to the roars of pain from the Batarian. Shepard glanced at him, winked and rolled out from beside the couch, throwing a huge burst of biotic energy at the Batarian who was slammed into the wall with a strangled cry of pain. Before he could get to his feet, James was up again and fired a few rounds into his four-eyed head and the mercenary slumped to the floor, his brains splattered up the wall behind him.

He turned around intending to give Shepard a piece of his mind, when she let out a small sound of pain and sank down against the wall; a smear of blood trailing along the wall behind her as she crumpled to the floor in an untidy pile. She panted slightly and leaned forward, her dark hair falling in front of her face like a curtain. Using her biotics when she was so injured had cost her dearly and James hoped she had the good sense to remain down until they cleared the compound of the remaining mercenaries.

Vega checked the dead Batarian and than cautiously made his way over to Rennah, only too aware that there were more Batarians nearby and that the gunfire would probably draw more to their location. He tried to keep his eyes moving between the window and the door, but he kept glancing back at Shepard who had slumped back against the wall. She had pushed her hair out of her face and he could see that more blood was flecked down her chin. although thankfully she was awake and her beautiful violet eyes were open and watching him.

"Freeze!" A Batarian came through the door with his gun raised and pointed at James.

The merc was breathing hard, his armour was shattered and he was so focused on James that he didn't see Shepard lying on the floor. He _did_ see his dead comrade lying on the other side of the room and he growled as he popped a thermal clip and started to aim his rifle at his Vega's head, his eyes flicking between his dead friend and the Alliance marine. James raised his own gun, intending to fire back and keep him from seeing Shepard since she was the one they were here to kill.

Too late he realised that the Batarian had moved faster than he had and was going to take him out with a well-placed shot to the head. He didn't even have time to be afraid he watched the batarian's finger squeeze the trigger and he waited for the inevitable sound of the gun firing and the pain of being shot. He heard the loud crack of the gunshot and simultaneously felt someone crash into him as he was enveloped in a blue biotic aura. The force of the biotic charge knocked him to the ground and without hesitating or thinking he wrapped one arm around Rennah to hold her still and fired his own gun at the Batarian; the shot hitting him squarely in the face.

He knew without looking that Rennah had charged at him to save him from the shot, which was nothing short of astonishing given her condition, and he gently rolled the former commander off him. With a chill he realised that she wasn't moving and she had rolled off him in that heavy boneless way that only the dead or unconscious had. Muttering under his breath he sat up and surveyed the room; the Batarian who had shot at him was missing half his face and wasn't going anywhere soon, so James ignored him and focused on Shepard.

He felt for a pulse and sighed in relief when felt a weak rhythm beating feebly against his fingers, but that was when he saw it; a gun shot wound to the head. There was so much blood that he couldn't tell exactly where she'd been shot or how bad it was, but she had taken a bullet to the head and blood was pouring down from beside her ear. James quickly stemmed it with his jacket and held there while he waited for help to come.

The others couldn't be far away!

"Please let it be a flesh wound." He muttered fervently as he heard the yells of Private Rhykar and Lieutenant Sila, Shepard's other guards, as they came down the hallway towards him.

* * *

"What the hell happened, Lieutenant Vega?" Admiral Anderson looked angrier than Vega had ever seen him; and he'd seen him really angry on plenty of occasions lately. Each time he came from a Defence Committee meeting with Shepard he seemed angrier than the time before.

James shifted slightly but remained standing to attention, focusing on the wall opposite and keeping his arms rigidly by his side. He wondered how much Anderson already knew about the situation that had occurred today; did he want a blow by blow account or did he just want to know _how_ it had happened? The situation had been one which no one could have possible anticipated, let alone one they could have planned for any better than they had. The only reason that things had gone so pear shaped was that Rennah Shepard was too stubborn for her own good and had point blank refused to stay low, insisting on fighting alongside her guards.

"The Batarian mercenaries used an unmarked gunship to blast in the rear wall of the compound. They came in fast and hard and took out Hooper and Kayley before we knew they were even there." James kept focusing on the point on the wall, trying not to dwell on the deaths of men who he had come to regard as friends over the last few months. "I got Shepard and tried to get her to the safe room, while Rhykar and Sila held them off but a few got past them. Shepard got hit in the chest and went down. I dragged her in to the nearest room and we took cover…"

"So how is it that I have Shepard in a military hospital with a gunshot wound to the chest _and_ head?" Anderson's voice thundered through the room but James didn't flinch, he merely stood straighter.

"She wanted a gun sir, to help fight. I refused and told her to stay down because she was hurt, but when I fired at one of the men who had followed us, well, Shepard got up and rolled out from cover to use some sort of biotic blast-thing..."

"Biotic blast-thing?" Anderson suddenly sounded less angry and suddenly more amused, he even unbent enough to smile at James' ignorance although his eyes stayed cranky.

"I'm not really familiar with biotic terms, Sir." James kept staring at the wall, "I took out the Batarian and Shepard went down again; I thought she was out for good. Another mercenary came through the door and fired at me, but Shepard charged at me and knocked me out of the way – that's how she took the bullet, sir."

"Are you telling me, Lieutenant Vega," Anderson came to a stop in front of him, forcing him to meet his eyes, "that the woman you were sent to guard and keep safe from harm is in the hospital because _she_ was protecting you?"

An awkward silence fell and Vega swallowed hard before he finally answered, "Yes, Sir."

Anderson chuckled slightly and stood back, "At ease, Lieutenant Vega, take a seat." He waved James into a chair and sat down behind his desk, sighing softly and running a hand over his weary looking face. He looked tired now as well as angry, as though his concern for Shepard was draining his energy away.

James sat uncomfortably, reminded of the first time Anderson had brought him to this office to give him his official and unofficial briefing on his new role as Shepard's guard. At the time James had still been feeling a little uncomfortable about meeting Shepard; yes, she was his hero, but she was also the reason for a lot of his self-doubt. All those colonists that he'd let perish on Fehl Prime had died for nothing because of _her_. It wasn't actually her fault and it was good that she'd stopped the Collector attacks, but it made all those hard decisions he'd made seem completely in vain.

Anderson's briefing had been plain and clear, and his job seemed simple enough; he was there to ensure the former Alliance Commander and war hero, Rennah Shepard, was kept under guard at all times. Officially he was there to stop her escaping, but unofficially he was there to protect her from threats, especially since there was a price on her head so high that it was bound to attract a number of mercenaries and assassins. Vega had been proud that he had been chosen to personally head up her detail, but also confused about why the Alliance was handling Shepard this way, especially when several key members of the Alliance Command's upper brass were calling her a war criminal and a Cerberus defector.

It had become obvious after a few meetings with Anderson and Hackett, that they not only believed Shepard about her incredible story of destroying the Collector base and fighting off a human reaper when she'd gone through the Omega 4 Relay, but that there was more to her alliance with Cerberus than the general public knew. For thing, Rennah Shepard _had_ died when the first Normandy went down, it hadn't been a clever trick to get her in deep cover; she'd been dead. Cerberus had got hold of her body and had somehow managed to bring her back and had enlisted her aid in fighting off the Collectors. The amount of money that the group had poured into bringing her back and giving her a second Normandy was frightening, but it had paid off in the end for humanity.

It was also clear that Shepard's defection back to the Alliance military hadn't been taken lightly by Cerberus, who had tried on multiple occasions to seize the new Normandy, and had made at least two attempts to hijack the transport that Shepard was on. Both times they had failed, but by the time Rennah had been brought back to Earth, Anderson and Hackett had decided that she not only had to be kept hidden and protected, but that she needed to be protected by people who were loyal and who could be trusted to make tough decisions.

The underlying order of his mission was to keep Shepard alive at all costs; everyone else was expendable.

The order hadn't sat well with James, but once he met Shepard face to face and heard her debrief to Anderson personally about what had actually gone on in the Bahak system he'd understood why she had to be kept alive; Reapers were real and they were coming. Despite what the news vids were saying and the official word from Council, enough of the Alliance Command believed what she was saying to have begun shoring up Earths defences and preparing for an invasion. Rennah had been quite clear in her debriefing; the Alpha Relay's unfortunate destruction had only delayed the Reapers, not stopped them.

She'd bought the galaxy some time, but she didn't know how much good it would do if people didn't start listening and making some plans to fight them. She was angry and frustrated that she was being brought back to justify actions which were so reasonable to her, but she was playing the diplomatic game to help avoid a war with the Batarians. Rennah was an Alliance soldier first and foremost and she was doing what she thought was right.

When Anderson had introduced them and had told Shepard that Vega was going to be her shadow for the next few months, James had been lost for words; she was sexy as hell and the vids and recruitment posters hadn't done her justice. He'd known she was beautiful, but it was the force of personality in her gaze that had startled him. When she'd turned those violet eyes on him he'd felt pinned as she looked him over, seeming to look into his eyes for far longer than necessary before she'd nodded and accepted him. He wondered what would have happened if she'd decided he wasn't up to the job – would Anderson have fought to keep him there or would he have been replaced?

Unfortunately, despite the innocuousness of their first meeting, things had not been smooth sailing between himself and Shepard. They'd started arguing almost immediately when Shepard began contesting all of the rules of the compound they were keeping her in. She didn't want to give up her omni-tool, she didn't want to be without a weapon and she didn't want to have cameras in all the rooms watching her; she didn't care if the bathroom wasn't being watched, she wanted _more_ privacy. When he'd refused she hadn't taken it lightly. Rennah seemed to take an almost malicious pleasure in upsetting James and outfoxing him at the oddest of moments.

Like the time the camera in her room had gone down and when they'd gone to check she'd vanished; the cameras showed that she hadn't left her room through the main door, and her window was unbroken. All hell had broken loose for a minute or two, until Rhykar had told James that she was sitting in the lounge room and had just strolled in there and sat down a few seconds ago. When James had demanded to know what she'd done she'd just smiled at him calmly and denied any knowledge of what he was talking about.

That had been the start. Since that incident she'd vanished on at least five other occasions that they knew of – once she'd reappeared with takeout containers from a restaurant that was located miles away, and each time she'd simply shrugged and acted as though nothing had happened. She'd also managed to procure an omni-tool and seemed to have no trouble getting another one whenever they took it off her. She hadn't been stupid enough to try and get a gun in that they knew of, although James suspected that she probably had one stashed in her room somewhere.

The most frustrating thing was that she seemed to have no problems getting on with Hooper, Rhykar, Sila or Kayley; in fact all four of the men seemed to be slightly smitten with her, much to James disgust. It was only him that she seemed to go out of her way to irritate and only him who she never smiled at. No matter how much he tried, James couldn't get Shepard to simply accept her situation and make the best of it, she just had to keep pushing him. Rennah Shepard wasn't what he'd expected; oh she was just as beautiful as he'd known she would be, but it was the stubbornness and argumentativeness that had taken him by surprise. He'd thought they'd get on and work well together, instead they only ever seemed to rub each other up the wrong way.

"Lieutenant Vega, I gave you this job for two reasons; because you can make tough decisions and because I trust you to put Shepard first. But both Sila and Rhykar have made reports that you and Shepard are struggling to get along." Anderson looked gravely at James while he spoke, an accessing look on his face as he studied him. "I'm going to ask you a question and I want you to give it some serious thought; do you want to be transferred to a new mission? I can't risk Shepard's safety if you're not going to be one hundred percent committed to her."

James didn't even have to think to answer, "I don't want to be transferred, sir. I'm fully committed to keeping Shepard safe."

Rennah Shepard was a pain in the ass and she certainly wasn't anything like he'd imagined she would be, but she was important and he wanted to keep her safe. If he had to do more to get on with her, he would, so long as she made some sort of an effort too.

"Good to know, marine." Anderson nodded and turned his attention to the computer in front of him. Reading a message and smiling faintly before turning back to James, "Well, Shepard's out of the operating theatre and in recovery. The bullet in her chest did hit a lung but the damage wasn't as bad as the doctors first thought, and the bullet to her head just grazed her. Looks like she lucked out."

_And so did you._

What Anderson didn't say hovered unspoken in the air between them and James nodded, knowing that if Shepard had died he could have kissed his career goodbye too. "Good to hear, sir. Should I report to the hospital?"

Anderson smiled again, this time his eyes seemed to consider James a little more closely as though seeing things in him he hadn't seen before. "No. Go back to the compound, clean up and get your gear and Shepard's. We're going to move Shepard to a room at Alliance HQ; the risk of attack is still too great for us to risk sending her back there." The admiral tapped out a few buttons on his omni-tool, "I'll send you some updated orders. For now just get back there, pack both of your things and report to the new rooms."

"Yes sir." James glanced down at his Alliance shirt which was stiff with Shepard's dried blood and saluted before he turned and left the office, glad to be away from the brass. He felt oddly eager to see Shepard, for reasons he didn't want to think about too closely, especially given that he was fortunate to be seeing her again at all.

It was lucky that both he and Rennah had walked away from the attack today; if she hadn't knocked him out of the way he'd have died in that room, he knew it as surely as he knew the sun would rise the next day. She'd saved his life even though she didn't like him; it was crazy how things worked out. Despite all the problems they had between them, James was glad that she was still alive and glad that he would still be guarding her. Even though she was frustrating and stubborn as a mule, he'd would have missed seeing her smirking face and those strange violet eyes.

* * *

**A/N – Slow start, I'm sorry, but I'm letting this one build up to a nice simmer before I turn up the heat. Let me know what you think - I'd love some feedback on my first Vega/Shep fic!  
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	2. Shade Without Colour

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect. Not even a little bit. Not even at all._

**A/N – Thank you to the people who have read and reviewed. Your feedback and comments are encouraging and I appreciate them! ^_^**

* * *

James relieved the Alliance soldier who had been standing guard inside Shepard's hospital room and closed the door behind him quietly. Rennah lay on the bed asleep with her head bandaged; a drip still hooked up to her arm and a heart monitor beeping softly beside her. She looked a little bit like a fairy tale Snow White with her jet black hair, ruby red lips and skin as pale as snow. It was hard to believe that this delicate looking woman was the great Commander Shepard; she looked completely defenceless.

"You keep staring at me Jimmy and you're going to make me blush."

James jumped as her eyes flicked open and her violet eyes found his and pinned him to the spot momentarily, then he cleared his throat and sat down in a chair, feeling oddly like a teenage boy caught perving on one of the hot girls at school. "I, uh, sorry, Commander."

"Lose the commander, Vega." Rennah muttered sleepily as she pulled her eyes away and shifted uncomfortably in the bed, glancing in irritation at the drip in her arm. She seemed like she was still partly doped up from the anaesthetic as she began tugging at the various tubes and wires stuck to her. She pulled out the cannula and tossed it to the side carelessly as she added, "It's just Shepard or Rennah these days."

"Should you be doing that?" James leaned back in his chair and tried to decide if he was amused or concerned as Shepard ignored him and began peeling the heart monitor electrodes off her chest.

Immediately the heart monitor began squealing in alarm and within seconds the room was full of nurses and doctors, all of whom converged on Shepard like a swarm of locusts. James grinned as Rennah began yelling at the staff, ranting about getting the goddamned tubes out of her arm because they were annoying and getting the electrodes off of her goddamned chest because they made her itch. The doctors seemed used to dealing with angry Alliance soldiers though, and didn't put up with it any of it; within minutes they had put things right and begun retreating from the room and Shepard's ineffectual wrath.

After calm had been restored and the last of the medical personal had been escorted from the room, James could only chuckle as Shepard lay back on the bed like ruffled cat, scowling angrily at the drip they'd put back into her arm and the electrodes which they'd stuck back on her chest. When she heard him laughing she glanced back at him again, and for a second he thought she was going to throw something at him, but instead she smiled and flopped back onto the pillows.

"God, I hate hospitals. Remember the good old days when they'd just pump you full of medigel and send you on your merry way?" She glowered up at the ceiling and sighed in frustration, letting her head fall to the side and switching her attention to James, her face softening and looking strangely serious. "I wanted to thank you for getting me out of the compound earlier. If you hadn't been there I'm not sure if I would have made it."

"Thank me?" James spluttered and sat forward in his chair. _What the hell was she talking about?_ She'd saved his life, not the other way around! "Shepard, you saved my life and got yourself shot in the process. I should be thanking you."

Rennah went to shake her head and winced, "No way, Lieutenant. When they came in and shot Hooper and Kayley, they went for me next. You got me out and kept me safe." Her eyes darkened and a brief wave of sadness passed over her like a shadow. He could tell that the deaths of two of the two men weighed on her heavily. "I'm ashamed to admit it, but I didn't even know they were there until they'd killed them."

She sighed again and looked at one of the windows, her jaw clenched and one hand balling into a fist. The anger and frustration working its way through her was like a living breathing thing, and James finally understood that Shepard wasn't quite as unaffected by her situation as she seemed. The playful joking Rennah that he saw each day was a farce; whatever she was really feeling she was keeping buried. This was his first glimpse of the real Rennah Shepard and, even lying injured in a hospital bed with two gunshot wounds, she looked so angry it sent shivers down his spine.

"There wasn't anything you could have done, Rennah." James wasn't sure what prompted him to use her first name, since he usually avoided it; it usually felt too personal.

She flicked her gaze back at him, her indigo eyes burning with bitterness, "Of course there wasn't. Because I'm stuck here on Earth; _helpless_. I can't do anything to help anyone, let alone myself."

He wasn't sure what to say; this was the first time since meeting her that he felt like he was finally seeing the real Commander Shepard and it was strangely enlightening. The woman in front of him was passionate and angry. She wanted to be out fighting, not locked inside a cage with guards. No wonder she resented him; to her he was just another person standing in her way. He watched in fascination as she seemed to gather up her anger and swallow it back inside of her.

"Thanks for having my back, Vega. I know this probably isn't your dream assignment." Shepard closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them the anger was gone and the mask was back in place. She looked genuinely surprised when James started laughing at her comment, and then looked puzzled. "What? What did I say?"

"Nothing." James shook his head, wondering how he could ever explain to Shepard that this assignment was the best thing that had ever happened to him. True, Shepard wasn't what he'd expected her to be, but even he wasn't sure what he'd really expected. Shepard had been his idol; his dream. He'd never stopped to actually think about Shepard the person until he'd met her. "I've just always been a bit of a fan of yours. I always looked up to you."

Shepard blinked and half sat up at that, before hissing in pain and sliding back onto the bed, for the briefest of seconds he saw her start to smile before she stopped herself, "A fan?" She sounded genuinely bemused and James felt himself flush as her voice dropped to an amused drawl, "And I thought you didn't like me."

He flushed even more at that; had be really come across as being that unfriendly? All he'd wanted to do was be professional and do his job. He'd been trying to impress Shepard, not make her think he disliked her. He opened his mouth to say something and then closed it again as Shepard's eyes twinkled and she grinned at him; the first real smile she'd ever given him. It made something low in his stomach twist to see her looking at him with real warmth. He smile was enchanting and in an instant he understood why Hooper, Kayley, Rhykar and Sila had all fallen under its spell.

He forced himself to snap out of it and returned her grin, managing to look slightly bashful, "Let's just leave it at that, okay? If I say anything else I'll just embarrass myself."

Rennah chuckled again and looked pleased, "You're not getting out of it that easy, Vega. So, if you're actually my biggest fan…"

"I never said that!" James felt himself going red, but Shepard ignored him and kept talking,

"…then why are you always so grumpy with me?"

"Grumpy?!" James knew she was baiting him, but he couldn't help but rise to the bait, "This is coming from you? The woman who vanishes like a ghost and then acts as though nothing has happened?"

Shepard blinked at him innocently, "I don't know what you're talking about."

He narrowed his eyes at her, knowing she was still playing with him, but this was as friendly as they'd ever been and as frustrating as he found her, he was enjoying their banter. Whether her change in attitude was because they'd saved each other's lives or because she was still doped up from her operation, he didn't know. But it was refreshing, and unexpected, to have Shepard actually talking to him properly, instead of acting as though he wasn't there.

Her beautiful eyes twinkled at him and he knew she was about to embarrass him again, "Okay, so tell me what I did that impressed you so much?" When James began to frown she switched on her smile again, "For real, I'm curious. The only other self-confessed fans I've met have been lunatics, and you don't seem like a lunatic."

"Uh, thanks." Vega wasn't sure if she was complimenting him or mocking him, but he decided to give her an honest answer. "I suppose part of is that you're the media face of the Alliance military. It's not hard to start following your exploits when they trumpet them at the grunts in an attempt to inspire us. "

"Is that all?" She sounded disappointed and glanced away, "I thought there would be a little something else to the story than just media brainwashing."

"Well, there is. You're incredible," James realised what he'd said and quickly corrected himself, "an incredible soldier, I mean. You've never given up, even when the odds were stacked against you. You survived Akuze and the battle of the Citadel; and everything you and your crew did on the Normandy was amazing. You're the stuff of legends. You can't blame a guy for being impressed."

Shepard watched him as he spoke and her eyes narrowed as they focused hard on his face. When he was finished speaking she flicked her hand dismissively, "I'm nothing special. I'm just another soldier. "

"You might think that, Shepard, but it's not going to make it true. You're unique and amazing; you inspire more people than you can imagine. "

"God, now I _am_ going to blush." Shepard made light of his comment, and though she didn't blush, she was smiling a strange half smile and seemed pleased, if a little embarrassed. "I honestly thought you didn't really like me. Anderson gave me some of the details about Fehl Prime, and I just assumed..." She trailed off and met his eyes again, seeming to look into him rather than at him. It was a strange feeling.

James wasn't sure how to react to her comments about Fehl Prime, especially since he wasn't sure how much she knew. He didn't like talking about it all that much; he'd lost so many good friends that his heart ached now to even think about it. It wasn't like he blamed Shepard for being stopping the Collectors, but it had hurt knowing that everything he'd done had been in vain. Shepard had saved the day again and all he'd done was manage to get thousands of people killed.

"It must have been horrible." She looked sympathetic and her face seemed drawn again, as though she was remembering horrors of her own. "The Collectors and what they did to people was..." Her voice caught in her throat and Rennah closed her eyes briefly and swallowed.

Vega leaned forward and awkwardly took her hand, not sure what else to do, except hold it gently while she came to terms with whatever it was she remembered. He could tell she was fighting back tears and it made something in his chest tighten to see her so emotional. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze and felt her squeeze back, her eyes slowly opening again as she focused on his face. She looked so sad, like there was something broken inside of her that she couldn't fix.

"When I went through the relay and saw what they were doing to the people from the colonies that they abducted...it was horrible. I tried not to think about it or focus on it, but they were liquefying people alive in these tubes. Some of them were awake and the sounds they made when they died…" Her hand gripped his tighter and she shook her head slowly, as though struggling for control. "No one deserves to die like that, let alone innocent people."

James tried very hard not to think of the colonists on Fehl Prime, especially not of April who had only been a kid and hadn't deserved to die so young. If only he hadn't made so many bad decisions; firing the cannons at only half power and then choosing to save Treeya and the intel over the colonists. None of it had mattered ultimately; everything he'd done had been useless.

"There was nothing I could have done." Shepard brought him from his thoughts, her own eyes looking at him as though she knew exactly what was going on inside his head. "I mean, I could have stayed there and tried to save as many as I could, but I had to do what was right for the greater good."

"Sometimes there is no right decision, is there?" James got what Shepard was saying to him, without actually saying the words out loud; she understood how it felt to be forced to make a decision you regretted, a choice that would cost lives.

She'd made that decision in the Bahak System when she'd destroyed the Alpha Relay; knowing it would cost hundreds of thousands of lives. She'd weighed her choices, made her decision and now she was sticking by it, even though it must have felt like the world had turned against her. Even James had questioned Shepard's motives when he'd first heard what had happened, although he'd known that she would have a reason for it. He'd believed in her, which was why he was sitting here with her now instead of still gambling on Omega.

Shepard glanced at him again and yawned as she settled back on her bed, clearly intending to sleep. James watched her for a moment, feeling the familiar sense of pride that he was the one guarding her. Commander Shepard, an N7 officer and a legend in her own right, was lying only a few feet away from him and he was the person responsible for keeping her safe. Once he would have given anything to even meet her, and now he was working alongside of her. It felt right to be here with her, even if it was under less than pleasant circumstances.

James was about to turn the lights down so she could sleep, when he remembered something strange, "Hey, Shepard?"

"What?" Rennah mumbled sleepily, one hand itching at one of the electrodes on her chest under the blanket.

"When I came in earlier, how did you know it was me in the room? You had your eyes shut and I didn't say anything…"

Shepard kept her eyes closed but her lips curved up into a smile and she chuckled softly; her soft throaty laugh a purr that slid down Vega's spine like velvet, "I always know when you're in the room, Vega." She replied cryptically.

* * *

When Shepard woke up she felt infinitely better than she had when she'd nodded off with her brain addled by pain killers and the after effects of the anaesthetic. Her head felt fine now, probably the medi-gel or her super Cerberus healing powers had fixed it up nicely. Unfortunately her chest was still throbbing badly and every breath was agony; not that she planned to let anyone know. The sooner everyone thought she was doing better, the sooner she could get out of this prison!

_And go straight into another!_

Shepard ignored the bitter voice in her head and stretched carefully, wincing as the movement of her left arm sent spears of pain shooting through her chest. Okay. Moving her left arm was not a great idea. She glanced around the room and saw that Lieutenant Vega was gone, and a new guard was in his place – someone she'd never seen before. And even better, the new guy had fallen asleep at his post. Excellent.

Rennah sat up and saw that the horrible itchy electrode patches were off her chest, although they'd left angry red marks on her _and_ the drip was still in her arm; she pulled it angrily and dropped it on the bed. She hated hospitals. She'd spent too much time in them after bad things had happened, and waking up in a Cerberus lab after she'd been dead for two years had been the straw that broke the camel's back. So her chest was still hurting, so what? They'd filled her up with medi-gel and it felt better than it had a few hours ago. If she didn't get out of here she was going to go stir crazy.

She cursed the hospital gown as it flapped open around her, the ties only half done up. She hoped that new guard hadn't been a total pervert and snuck a look at her when they'd taken the electrodes off, not that she was ever going to find out anyway, but she'd had enough of other people thinking they could do what they liked with her. Especially Cerberus. She glowered at the thought of the _human first_ organisation and tried to tighten the tabs on the hospital gown, but it was impossible to do one handed and she gave up in frustration.

"Now that's an angry look." The bodiless voice drifted eerily through the room accompanied by a soft chuckle, and although Shepard couldn't see the face that matched the voice, she could imagine the smirk that would be on it. "I hope you never look at me that way."

Shepard grinned as Kasumi decloaked over to one side, leaning against one wall with some hospital snacks in one hand and her usual smile on her face. She and Kasumi, although they'd met less than a year ago, had become fast friends and the thief was one of the few people who Rennah trusted with her life. After the incident in the Bahak system and the destruction of the Alpha Relay, Kasumi had tried to persuade Shepard to run away, convinced that if she went back to Earth the Alliance would hang her out to dry and she'd be court marshalled and locked away.

Running away had been tempting, but Rennah was an Alliance soldier at heart, and she knew she had to go back and face the music for what she'd done. Kasumi had seemed upset at the time and hadn't said anything; not even goodbye. Shepard had thought it had been the end of their friendship…until Kasumi had decloaked in her room on the first night on the Alliance compound on Earth. When Rennah had gotten over the initial shock, Kasumi had casually said that she had some personal business on Earth, so she'd hitched a ride.

"Besides," She'd added with her usual quiet laugh, "if they do lock you up in some nasty military jail, I can break you out."

Since that night Kasumi had turned up at least once a day, usually bringing Shepard a new omni-tool and other treats since James invariably discovered her new one and took it off her. She knew it drove him mad, and it felt good to see him so frustrated when he tried to work out where she was getting them from. It was childish but she hated the way James had always been so unaffected by her while the other guards had always fallen over themselves to get her attention.

When Kasumi had realised how maddening Shepard's guards had found the mysterious appearance of the omni-tools, she had started uploading a stealth program on them so that Shepard could cloak for short amounts of time. It wasn't as fancy as Kasumi's tactical cloak, but it was useful for moving around undetected for short periods of time, and for frustrating James.

Shepard wasn't sure why she had gone out of her way to annoy James, but she had taken a certain amount of pleasure in driving him crazy. It was probably because he'd been so formal with her and so impersonal, so she'd assumed he didn't like her. As soon as Anderson had told her about what had happened on Fehl Prime and the choice Vega had made to save the intelligence on the Collector's over thousands of colonists, she'd known he wouldn't like her; she'd made his intel useless.

"So, the big cutie pie likes you, huh?" Kasumi popped a chocolate in her mouth and grinned, "And all this time you've been teasing him! You're so mean, Shep!"

"Knock it off, Kasumi." Shepard mock-glared at her, not surprised that she'd been lurking in the room for the last few hours and ears dropping. "Can you tie up this gown for me? I want to get out of this place while this guy is sleeping."

The master thief laughed again and came closer, tying up the gown quickly as she chatted, "Don't worry, he'll be out for ages; I slipped a little something in his drink." She chuckled as though this was hilarious, "Oh, I was going to tell you, but when I was going through Vega's stuff I found some very interesting things..."

"Oh no, no I don't want to know." Shepard made a face as Kasumi finished the ties and smirked at her playfully. "I don't want to know about people's personal stuff."

"This you'll want to know about." Kasumi swung around and jumped up on the bed, glancing at the guard who was still sleeping soundly and then grinning at Shepard. "Cutie pie has a picture of you in his stuff. It's an old picture, from before you died…"

The door to the room abruptly opened and in an instant Kasumi was gone and Shepard was left gaping at an empty space. When James walked in she almost fell backwards off the bed she pulled away so sharply. He had a picture of her? Why would he have a picture of her? Was it normal to have a picture of a stranger? He'd said he was a fan, sure, but a photo of someone seemed…_creepy_.

_Conrad Verner!_ Her internal voice piped up unhelpfully. _He might be just like Conrad Verner!_

"Uh, hi James. Vega. Lieutenant." Shepard stumbled over her words, swallowed and glanced at the sleeping guard, and then at the empty space on the bed next to her, wondering where the hell Kasumi had gone.

Rennah watched James walk into the room and glance around suspiciously; she was probably blowing this photo thing way out of proportion, she decided. The photo James had of her was probably some sort of promotional thing. Heck, she'd met people before that had _holograms_ of her. She worked with people all the time who were impressed with her record and looked up to her, it was just that none of them had kept photos of her. Well, not that she knew of anyway.

"I thought I heard you talking…" Vega's gaze came to rest on the sleeping guard and he froze, a muscle jerking in his cheek. He suddenly focused all of his attention to the slumbering marine and stalked over to him, the tension through his body enough to make Shepard a little concerned for the poor guy. "Private Riley! On your feet now!"

Vega's voice wasn't loud enough to be classed as a roar, but it was definitely not an inside voice and the guard jerked awake in fright, stumbling to his feet and reaching for his gun as his biotics lit up around him. He glanced around the room, saw Rennah sitting up in bed and saw Vega looming over him and abruptly left his gun at his side and came to attention, blushing furiously.

Shepard felt slightly guilty as James tore strips the young marine for falling asleep at his post; the pitiable fellow looked completely baffled and she felt a little sorry for him, especially when he was obviously struggling to stay awake. When the young biotic yawned for the third time in a row James sent him out of the room in disgust, waves of anger emanating from him.

"See you later, Shep." Kasumi's amused voice whispered in her ear, "I'll catch up with you tomorrow."

"Just go!" Vega was still ranting at the marine, "You're dismissed and you can report to me tomorrow, _Private_. I'll take the rest of the shift myself since you seem incapable of staying awake." James growled and all but slammed the door behind the confused biotic, who was yawning again as he stumbled out the door, half tripping in the doorway as though he had caught his foot on something which no one else could see.

James was pretty impressive when he was angry, Rennah thought absently while he checked his sidearm and then turned to face her, still looking vaguely annoyed. He'd been pretty impressive yesterday too when he had taken charge during the attack. Normally, she was too busy shooting and firing off biotic flares to notice more than where the next bad guy was coming from, but when she'd been hit yesterday she had been impressed with how athletically and quickly he'd been able to move and protect her, especially given how big he was.

_It was actually kind of sexy..._

"You're looking better." James glanced around the room, frowning at a bunch of flowers which were sitting on the side table near the hospital bed. They were a huge cluster of expensive and exotic looking blossoms that were so over the top and ostentatious that Rennah knew without a doubt they had probably been stolen and gifted to her by Kasumi.

She tried to act like she hadn't been in the process of sneaking off and she made a show of straightening the blankets on the bed, tactfully trying to change the subject away from the sleeping guard and the flowers, "How long was I out for? I'm feeling much better."

Vega was still frowning at the flowers when he answered absently, "Close to twenty hours. The doctors gave you a sedative." He walked over and looked at the card that was with the flowers, "When did these come in? No one checked a delivery in at the door."

Shepard fought hard to keep a straight face and managed to keep from grinning at his vexed expression, "No idea. They were there when I woke up." She reached for the card with the arm that didn't hurt, "Who are they from? Anderson?"

James flicked his fawn coloured eyes at her, the perplexed and suspicious expression still lingering on his face as he held the card out of her reach, "It just says, _'Gift for you! – K.G.'_. Do you know what that means? Who's K.G.?"

Rennah snorted in amusement at the message, remembering only too well how many times Kasumi had yelled that out while she'd been fighting alongside her during the battles with the Collectors. It had become a kind of ominous catch-cry that the infiltrator would yell out right before she'd take someone out. Shepard supposed that Kasumi had probably thought that writing that on a card after Shepard had been shot twice was hilarious. The girl had a bizarre sense of humour.

"I don't know who K.G. is." Shepard tried to shrug and gritted at her teeth as pain from her chest wound emanated through her. "Cute card though." She added, hoping to explain away at least part of her reaction to the card.

"You're lying again." Vega stated as put the card back with the flowers and sighed, "No one is supposed to know you're here, Commander. If this K.G. is someone you know, you need to tell me. Any breach in our security is serious."

Rennah gave him her best innocent look and tried to keep the lingering smile from breaking out into another grin, "Really, I have no idea who they are. Maybe Private Riley brought them in?"

"No, Riley came in with me earlier and he didn't have them then, which means someone else brought them in, and since no one else had signed in to see you, I'm at a loss to explain them." He gave the flowers another annoyed look and straightened as an idea apparently occurred to him. "Shepard, I don't want to pry, but is this K.G. a boyfriend…?"

"I _don't _have a boyfriend." The words came out far harsher than Rennah had intended, but the hurt that Kaidan had inflicted on her so recently was still a little raw. More than a little raw if truth be told. The seething bitterness inside of her at how unfairly he had treated her was still bubbling away; she'd had quite enough of having a boyfriend for a while, especially if they were going to be complete assholes to her when she turned up miraculously alive.

James seemed to sense there was something behind her sudden outburst and he backed off from the topic quickly, "Yep, right. Sorry." He held up his hands in a placating gesture and settled himself back into the chair by the bed, "I just thought…"

"I don't know where they came from, okay?" She felt suddenly and irrationally annoyed and lay back down on the bed carefully so she didn't jar her shoulder, feeling the familiar frustration and anger that she always felt when she thought about Kaidan.

James was silent for a moment before he spoke, "I didn't mean to hit a nerve. I'm sorry."

"It's fine." Rennah snapped waspishly and glared stonily at the ceiling, fighting to keep her temper in check. She knew she was being childish and that she was acting like a bitch again, but she couldn't help it; thinking about Kaidan's reaction to her on Horizon always made her angry.

She'd been looking forward to seeing him again and had been expecting him to be just as glad to see her alive as she'd been to see him. Boy, had she been wrong! What had hurt most of all was that she'd put her pride on the line for him, and he'd shot her down callously, as though she meant nothing to him. It had hurt; he'd made her feel like a fool for believing in them.

She seethed silently a while longer before she glanced back at James and sighed, "I didn't mean to snap at you Vega, I'm sorry."

James gave her this small half smile and waved a hand at her, "No problem, Commander. I won't ask what his name was."

"Best you don't." She agreed, managing to bury the lingering anger back down inside of her where it belonged and she scrambled for another topic of conversation other than her love life. "Any word on when I'm being released? I feel well enough to leave _now_."

"The doctors want to keep you in another night to make sure there aren't any lasting effects from your lung being hit and to do a few more tests, but they said you should be good to go tomorrow." He watched as Shepard sighed in relief and smiled at her reaction, "You're really not a fan of hospitals are you?"

Rennah gave him a look that would have withered a lesser man, "You worked that out by yourself, did you genius?"

"Someone's tetchy." He ignored her snarky comment and teased her instead, a grin breaking out on his face when she gave him another withering look.

"You try waking up in a hospital only to be told you've been dead for two years and see how much _you_ like it, Vega."

"Fair enough, _chica_." James crossed his arms over his chest and settled back into his chair, his eyes twinkling at their banter.

He really was quite cute when he wasn't spouting rules at her and taking her omni-tool away, she realised with surprise. His eyes were a pleasant shade of chocolate brown and his occasional use of Spanish was intriguing. Under different circumstances, and if he hadn't been her guard, they probably could have been friends, Shepard decided. Hell, if he loosened up more often and stopped being such an anally retentive omni-tool Nazi, maybe they still could be.

Seeing him in the firefight yesterday had certainly shown her why it was that Anderson had made him her personal guard, something she hadn't quite understood until she'd seen him in action. And, if she was honest, actually sitting down and talking to him had shown her a side to James that she hadn't even guessed existed. She'd thought he was all about rules and regulations, but he actually seemed to be a pretty laid back guy.

Plus there was something about James' presence that made her feel odd and made her skin tingle. She sometimes felt something similar when another biotic was around, but this tingle was different. It was almost like she was hyper aware of him; he made the hairs stand up on the back of her neck. The sensation was strange, but it wasn't unpleasant.

It wasn't unpleasant at all.

* * *

**A/N – This is fun. I'm seriously enjoying writing this fic ^_^ Drop me a review and let me know what you think.**


	3. Quiet and Meaningless

_Disclaimer: I still don't own Mass Effect. Shocked? Me either._

**A/N – Cheers for the response to the last chapter. I keep saying this, but this is going to be a really fun fic to write. This chapter was especially fun to write. I hope you enjoy it!**

* * *

James was having a bad day.

Actually, calling it a bad day was putting it far too mildly, he reflected to himself as he stood in Shepard's new rooms in Alliance Headquarters. He was having the kind of day where he felt like he was standing on the threshold of hell, and one tiny little push was all that would take to send him screaming into the depths of insanity. To start with, the simple process of moving Shepard from the hospital to her new 'temporary accommodation' at Alliance HQ been complicated by an overly officious Commander who had insisted on organising the process himself.

The man had treated Shepard as though she were a prisoner, and only a call from James to Anderson had prevented the Commander from going the whole hog and putting Shepard in restraints. Shepard hadn't been happy, and she quickly became uncooperative and belligerent with the Commander. Even James had found himself hard pressed the follow the man's orders; he wasn't Hackett or Anderson and he didn't seem to understand Shepard's situation properly.

Then, to make a bad situation worse, someone had leaked to the press that Shepard was in the building and when the time had come to move her, they'd faced a boiling sea of media and spectators. They'd been kept out of the hospital because none of them were Alliance personnel, but they filled the front courtyard and stretched out into the street. The Commander hadn't seen them as a threat and hadn't tried to move people on until it was far too late and the crowd was too big to do anything except attempt to contain them.

Most of them had seemed to be fans and supporters of Shepard, but a small minority had screamed abuse at her; calling her a monster and a murderer. Shepard had appeared completely unruffled until she'd stepped out flanked by guards, and the media swarmed up the steps of the military hospital and almost caused a riot; and then even she looked concerned. They'd had to retreat back inside, locking the hospital down until reinforcements arrived to peacefully disperse the crowds. But of course, the media had refused to leave and even a section of the hard core spectators had stayed; the pro-Shepard groups screaming at the anti-Shepard groups and vice-versa.

It had been an absolute circus and the Commander had vacillated about what to do; his orders having been to move Shepard by a certain time and in a certain way. Vega's frustration with the man in charge had grown and grown until he ignored protocol and voiced his own idea about how to move Shepard without being seen, an idea which the Commander had seized upon as though it was his own and had put into action. It had been annoying, but at least they'd got her out in the end without any further disruption.

They'd distracted the media with a decoy 'Shepard', who was actually just an Alliance hospital nurse who vaguely resembled Shepard when they put her in an Alliance uniform. While she'd stood in the hospital lobby, flanked by guards and _just_ in view of the media scrum outside, James and his men had been able to smuggle Shepard out the emergency exit in an ambulance. The fancy pants Commander, who James suspected had never seen battle himself, had stayed with the very pretty decoy nurse and put Vega back in charge of getting Shepard safely to her destination, which suited James fine.

Unfortunately, the day from hell hadn't stopped there. When they'd finally reached Alliance HQ and Shepard's new rooms, the lady in question had blown up when she realised that her world had shrunk down even further and she was now going to be contained to three rooms; a communal room, a bed room and a bathroom. James had seen Shepard in the heat of battle when she was angry, and the look on her face when she'd been told that she would be remaining inside these rooms for the next few weeks, _without exception_, had been enough for him to know that Rennah was pretty close to losing her temper.

And who could blame her? She'd gone from having the run of the galaxy on the Normandy, to being confined to a largish compound with an outside exercise area, to just three rather small rooms. The main communal room had an amazing view of the city, but he couldn't imagine Shepard ever stopping to enjoy the view. She'd grumbled and carried on and had found fault with almost everything, except that the rooms didn't have cameras in the bedroom or bathroom. That had actually made her smile, and it had been such a wicked little smile that both James and Riley had asked her what she was planning to do.

"Naked yoga." Rennah had told them, so po-faced and solemn that Riley had thought she was serious for a moment, but then she'd winked at the young private and had vanished into her room laughing. She'd been in there for the last hour doing who knows what, although James was pretty sure it _wasn't_ naked yoga.

And so James' day from hell had gone. He and Riley had spent the last hour lounging around the communal room and waiting for Shepard to reappear. They'd chatted about their service records and the places they been, until the topic of conversation had turned to Shepard and Riley had excitedly begun to recount some of the stories he'd heard about her over the years.

"I still can't believe Commander Shepard handed herself into the Alliance Military." Riley was lounging against the wall looking out the window, his bright blue eyes far more alert than they'd been yesterday when he'd fallen asleep on guard duty. "I thought for sure she'd take off and there'd be an awesome chase across the galaxy. You know, Earth's first Spectre going bad!"

James frowned at him; the private's unbridled enthusiasm was annoying him. "I wouldn't let Shepard hear you say that, she's an Alliance officer through and through _and_ she was the one that took down the Spectre Saren when he went rogue."

"Oh!" Riley straightened, reading the warning in James' tone clearly. "I wasn't trying to say that I thought she was guilty, I just thought it would have been really exciting…"

James waved off whatever Riley had been going to say, for more interested in the quiet thump he'd heard coming from Shepard's room. He frowned and went towards her door, pausing outside of it where he clearly heard Shepard swearing. There was another louder thump and then more swearing, and James resisted the urge to press his ear against the door. Whatever Shepard was doing, she sounded like she was in pain.

"Shepard?" He called, "Are you okay?" James knocked on the door and waited. Silence stretched behind the door, and just when James was starting to wonder if he should open the door and come in, he heard the sound of someone moving and then quiet cursing.

_Curious…_

"Umm, just a minute." She sounded flustered and a little stressed, "I, uh, need some help, but…"

"I'm coming." James opened the door and quickly went in ready to assist, Riley behind him with his gun drawn.

He took a few steps into the room before he came to a stop, his jaw dropping open as he took in the scene in front of him; Shepard was sitting awkwardly on the bed with her shirt mostly off. She had her good arm through one sleeve of the black button up shirt, but the other arm, the one on the side with the bullet hole, was stuck half in and half out. It was clear that Shepard couldn't get her bad arm the rest of the way in or out, and judging from the painful look on her face her arm must have been pulling on her chest wound badly.

James took everything in, in one brief look, and then he ran his eyes over Shepard again, trying not to let his eyes linger on the body that was framed by the open shirt. But he couldn't help it. She had beautiful ivory skin, a smooth taunt stomach and amazing breasts that were held in a sexy black lace brassiere. He knew he was staring, and he knew Riley probably was too, but it was so unexpected that he didn't know what else to do.

_She was so fucking gorgeous..._

"Oh, for crying out loud!" Shepard snapped angrily into the embarrassed silence and glared at both of them, her eyes focusing on him and flashing an angry shade of violet. "Will you stop ogling me and help?"

James stepped forward, "Of course, Shepard."

"I'll help…" Riley stepped forward at the same time too, bumping against James in his eagerness to _'help'_.

Shepard glared at the young private and gritted her teeth, "I have no idea who you are, other than someone who fell asleep when he was supposed to be guarding me! Get out!" She pointed at the door with her good arm, her voice thunderously loud.

"Just trying to help, ma'am." Riley seemed unfazed by Shepard's outburst; he grinned brazenly at her, winked and went back out the door chuckling.

James shut the door behind him and turned to faced Shepard with an apologetic look on his face, "Sorry, Commander."

Rennah looked at him for a second and then her face broke into an embarrassed grin, "Nah, that's okay. I'm not really mad." She stood up and motioned him towards her with her good hand, her eyes sparkling as she turned around, "It's hard to be angry at someone when you're stuck in a shirt. Can you try gently tugging it down, please?"

James moved behind her and gently pulled the shirt down over her shoulders, slowly, being very careful not to jar her too much he managed to get the shirt down over arms. It took a while as her bad arm was wedged in perfectly and Shepard hissed in pain with every inch he moved it down. He kept his eyes on the shirt and her arm, not wanting to give Rennah any other excuse to accuse him of ogling her.

"Not that I'm judging you Shepard," He got the sleeve down another inch and glanced up at her face which was half turned towards him, watching his progress. "But how did you even manage to get your arm stuck like this?"

She turned her head a little more and met his eyes, her expression sheepish, "It hurt to straighten my arm so I tried to…I don't know…put it on elbow first."

"Elbow first?" James finally tugged the shirt free and he glanced back at Shepard's back and froze, his eyes wandering down her shoulders and back as he held the shirt in his hands. His stomach knotted up tightly as he looked at the long stretch smooth skin which had been exposed to his gaze.

Rennah had tattoos covering her back and shoulders. Not one or two tattoos either, but a huge colourful mural across her shoulders that stretched right down to her lower back. The tattoo was a huge space scene; the background was a spread of blue black space with glittering stars and a swirling purple nebula. In front of the starry night sky were three huge planets, all which were artistically and colourfully shaded.

The blue black of space faded out in her lower back where they were several more artistically placed symbols and patterns which resembled crop circles. Or maybe they were just geometric patterns. Either way they were beautifully designed and were almost layered on top of each other. James had to control himself not to reach out and touch her back; he wanted to feel the rich colours under his fingers.

He realised he'd been staring for a while and he cleared his throat, clenching his traitorous hands into fists by his sides to stop himself touching her, "I didn't know you had tattoos."

"Oh, yeah." Shepard turned around and looked at the shirt in his hands, which was hanging dumbly by his side. "I hope you enjoyed your gander at them, Vega. But if you're done, can you help me put my shirt on properly?"

Her tone was mild but James could tell she was unsettled by his staring and he felt a little guilty. _I can't help it! _He wanted to tell her. _Those tattoos are beautiful…_ He swallowed the thought down and held the shirt up again, holding open one sleeve so she could slowly slide her bad arm in first. Once that was done she was easily able to get her other arm in and she began to do it up by herself, facing away from him as though concerned he was going to watch her.

_Which I probably would._

"Your wound's a lot worse than you made out, isn't it?" James tried to sound professional as he watched her dress, trying to banish the beautiful mural on her back from his mind. He'd never dreamed, even in his wildest fantasies about Shepard, that she had tattoos. He knew enough about her history to know she'd had a rough childhood on Earth, but she'd always seemed _so_ military. Plus none of the vids had said anything about them, and they weren't in any of the pictures he'd seen.

And he'd all of the vids about Shepard, and had probably seen all of the pictures of her too.

"It hurts." Shepard admitted as she turned around, her cheeks reddening slightly when she saw James was still watching her, "But it's okay, really. I just irritated it when I got my arm stuck." She stared at him for a moment and then shrugged, her lips pursing and eyes narrowing, "Look, you're staring at me Vega and it's a little weird."

"I, uh, sorry." It was James turn to blush and he scrambled for something intelligent to say. "I just haven't seen many tattoos as nice as yours; It's great work. Was it all done by the same person?"

Shepard seemed to relax at his question and tilted her head a little a little as she answered, "Yeah, the same person did all of it." She grinned and rubbed the back of her neck, a gesture which James was starting to recognise as being one of genuine embarrassment. "I got a _little_ drunk on the Normandy after we took out the Collector base, and Jack decided a great way to celebrate was for me to get inked. I'd had a lot to drink and thought it was a great idea. When I woke up the next morning Jack had tattooed my _entire_ back."

"You got your entire back done in one night?" He raised his eyebrows and whistled. "That must have hurt."

She laughed at his surprised expression, "I was _very_ drunk so I didn't feel a thing. I was a little pissed off when I first woke up, but I love them. They're a part of the post-death Shepard now. Plus, Jack was proud of them."

"Jack?" James didn't recognise the name Jack, but by the way Shepard spoke about him he must have been someone who was affiliated with Cerberus that she'd worked with. _She must have been very close to him too if they'd gotten drunk together and she'd taken off her shirt to let him tattoo her. _He felt an envious burn thread through him; a feeling which he certainly had no right to.

"Jack was a friend." Shepard's eyes looked a little wistful and when she didn't elaborate James felt the stab of jealousy get a little stronger.

"Well, he's very good at his work." He nodded and turned to leave the room, stopping to glance back at Shepard as she began to chuckle behind him, "What did I say now?" He asked.

Her eyes were dancing with amusement as she locked her gaze with his, "Nothing Lieutenant, it's just that if you ever see Jack in person you might regret saying that." She started laughing softly again and walked with him out the door, her mood much lighter than it had been that morning.

Outside the room Riley was lounging by the door, still smirking and Shepard gave him a haughty stare as she went past, otherwise ignoring him and marching out to explore the communal room properly. There wasn't much to explore really; a small makeshift kitchen which backed onto the common room that had a desk and some chairs. There was a small vid-viewer sitting on the desk which Shepard looked at briefly, before picking up a data pad and opening up her personal messages which he'd screened earlier.

James watched her from the corner of his eyes as he poured himself a glass of water in the kitchen, trying not to be too obvious. He'd always thought Rennah Shepard was attractive; it was half the reason he and half the other men he'd gone through Alliance training with had followed her career. She was a tough, strong and sexy soldier; not to mention the first human Spectre and a decorated war hero, so it made sense that the Alliance had made her a poster girl.

He'd spent many a lonely night on assignment in the early days thinking about Shepard and what she would be like as a lover. In the vids she was always so fierce and strong; and he'd imagined her being an insatiable lover. She seemed like the take-charge type and he'd imagined her taking charge of him in _many_ different ways; usually in his fantasies it ended with Shepard riding him in ecstasy.

Of course, he'd stopped the fantasies when Shepard had been killed, and he had worked hard not to think about them once he'd been given this assignment to guard her. He'd been focusing hard to stay very professional and avoid any unprofessional overtones of any kind. It had been easy when Shepard had been cold and distant with him, but now that she was warming up and he was seeing the real Rennah…well, it was getting harder for him to maintain the professional demeanour he had strived for.

Especially after seeing her today with her shirt off and those amazing tattoos…

_Don't even think it, Lieutenant!_

James finished drinking and rinsed the glass, glancing out the window at the beautiful view of the city spread beneath them. He didn't really notice the view though, he was finding it hard not to see Shepard in that black lace bra. He was finding it even harder not to think about the tattoos on her back, or the way her eyes twinkled when she laughed, or how full and lovely her lips were…

_Idiot_. Vega cursed himself silently, lusting after Rennah was a one way street to trouble and it was pointless, absolutely pointless, to start longing for something he would never have. Not only was she completely out of his league, but she was currently waiting to see if she would be tried as a terrorist for the destruction of the Alpha Relay. The woman clearly had no interest in him either, which was the only reason she'd asked him for help today when she'd become stuck in her shirt.

Despite his attempt at thinking things through logically, James knew he'd be seeing after images of Shepard in her bra for a long time. And he'd probably see those rich and vivid tattoos in a few dreams before he forgot about them. _I'm such an idiot!_ James thought to himself as he turned away from the window and glanced at Shepard again. He never went for the women who actually liked him. He always went for girls who were out of his league and completely oblivious to his interest.

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**A/N – A short chapter, I'm sorry but I'm in the middle of marking assessment and reporting! The life of a teacher is always intense at this time of the year! I hope you enjoyed this chapter – as always I'm keen to know what you thought.**


	4. Violent Souls

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect :(**  
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**A/N – I wanted to take a moment to thank the people that have been reviewing this fic so far. Your reviews and comments really make my day! So thank you to Jules Hawke, tlcinbflo, brandischoch, Kaitlyn, Sophia Shepard, Steven Cortez, Blausen, Mistress Cypress, TheEpicToaster, hanon, Shaun, 0.0, Sita, Samolfran and the many guests! You guys are all wonderful for reviewing and making me smile!  
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Rennah was meditating cross legged in the communal room, her biotics flaring around her as she kept herself floating a few inches off the ground. Once upon a time she wouldn't have been caught dead doing this, but Samara had been a fan of meditating whenever she needed to sort out her thoughts, and she had taught Shepard some methods to help her calm her mind and strengthen her biotics. The meditation was intense and required constant use of her powers; it was so exhausting it was almost painful, but in that pain came a deep awareness of her mind and body. It was in this state that Samara had told her that true reflection and serenity lay; beyond the pain.

It wasn't often that Shepard really felt the need to meditate; shooting a gun or hitting a boxing bag usually calmed her down enough, but lately she had been feeling overwhelmed and frustrated. It was all totally James' fault too; the way he'd looked at her when he'd barged into her room and had seen her nearly topless had made her feel…well…she'd had a hard time getting the look on his face out of her mind. For a second there Vega had stared at her with enough heat in his gaze to make Shepard sizzle; and she'd been simmering with tension ever since.

It had been a long time since she'd been physically intimate with anyone; man, woman or alien. And,_ boy oh boy_, could she tell. The first few months on the Normandy after Kaidan had so unceremoniously shot her down had been easy to handle because she'd been so hurt and embarrassed at the things her former had lover had said. The way in which Kaidan had spoken to her and the way he'd looked at her had made her feel so furious that she hadn't wanted to get close to anyone else.

She'd gone out of her way to avoid Jacob who had started dropping hints about hooking up with her, and had spent most of her time on the lower Engineering deck with Jack and Kasumi. Rennah and Jack had managed to get on fine, after all, both of them had had some shared life experiences; running with gangs and a violent, abusive childhood where they'd been exploited for their biotic powers chief amoug them. But Jack and Kasumi had been a different story. They'd initially struggled to get on properly; Kasumi had been terrified of Jack's temper and unpredictable nature. Shepard had persevered with both of them and eventually Jack had stopped raging at Kasumi and Kasumi had stopped tiptoeing around the biotic.

They'd spent many drunken nights together in that lower Engineering cabin; sitting on crates, drinking tequila and talking about everything from men to Cerberus. Both Jack and Kasumi had agreed that she was well rid of Kaidan and that she should find another gorgeous hunk of man to focus her attention on. Jack had stipulated that he couldn't be affiliated with Cerberus in anyway and Kasumi had added that he needed to be cute with muscles – or a hot sexy alien like Thane. Shepard had waved all their helpful suggestions away though, adamant that she wasn't going to be hooking up with anyone anytime soon.

They'd been good friends and although they'd really only talked trash and drank together, Jack and Kasumi had helped Shepard work out who she was after being dead for two years. They'd helped her move on from Kaidan and had reassured her that whatever his problem was, it was _his problem_ and there wasn't anything she could do about it. It was nice that Kasumi had followed her to Earth and Shepard appreciated her support, but after she'd spoken to James the other day about her tattoos and about Jack, it had made Rennah realise how much she missed her other friend too.

The last six months on Earth had been lonely. Sure, she'd had Kasumi sneaking in to visit and she'd had her guards and James to talk to, but it wasn't the same as on the Normandy. Her crew were her friends and family, and knowing that they'd essentially scattered to the winds made her sad. And now, after months of sticking around, Kasumi had finally had to leave to deal with a situation on the Citadel which had arisen. She'd been quite certain that she'd be back in a few weeks, but Shepard knew that life had a way of taking away the people she cared about, so she wasn't going to hold her breath. All she had left of Kasumi now was a state of the art omni-tool that she'd made Shepard promise to keep hidden so James wouldn't take it off her.

It had been a lonely few days without her sneaking in to visit.

Rennah heard the door open behind her and tried to ignore it as she sensed James and Rhykar enter to take over guard duty from Sila and Riley. It was good to have her other two guards back on duty; Rhykar and Sila were seasoned soldiers who she'd spent months getting to know in the old compound and she'd got on well with both of them. Plus, their return to duty meant that the other temporary guards could be replaced, with the exception of Riley who was staying on in place of Hooper and Kayley.

James had reworked the roster so that at least two of them were on duty with Shepard at all times of the day. The shifts ran in twelve hour blocks, usually with James and one of the other guards on the day shift, with the other two on at night. Rennah wasn't sure why, but she was glad to have Vega for company during the day; even though he was still threatening to confiscate any omni-tools that she procured.

Since their talk in the hospital, Shepard had found James to be a lot more personable…although the way he'd looked at her after he'd seen her tattoos had been more than just friendly. The look in his eyes and the way her body had reacted had been unexpected and not exactly welcome. She'd made the mistake of getting involved with an Alliance officer once now, and she wasn't going to make that mistake again. _Ever_.

Shepard kept her eyes closed in meditation as she heard Riley and Sila leave, her concentration slipping a little as she felt that strange tingling feeling she always got when James was around. Her heart beat a little faster and she opened her eyes to find Vega watching her from the kitchen as he chatted quietly with the other guard. _I knew it!_ She fought the urge to scowl at him for breaking her meditation, but really, he hadn't done anything. The problem was clearly hers, not his.

She ended her meditation and softly let herself come back to the floor. It was far harder than it looked and she felt her body ache faintly with biotic fatigue, but she did feel clearer and more focused. She wasn't sure if the meditation had actually worked though; her mind still felt far too busy and her thoughts had still been full. But she'd tried and she felt calmer, if not a little clearer.

She nodded at James and Rhykar as she stood up and sauntered over to the window, glancing out as she picked up a data pad and checked her messages for the tenth time that day. Anderson had been sure that the Defence Committee would be meeting about her today, but so far she hadn't had any summons to see them. Dejectedly, she glanced outside and saw a boy playing on the roof of the building opposite; he was running and laughing

_Stupid kid._

Rennah's eyes narrowed as she watched the small boy in the grey jumper running around in circles with the toy in his hands. She felt a stab of envy at his freedom; he probably should have been inside and studying, not playing on a rooftop without any adult supervision. It was strange to see people going about their lives while she was cooped up, but then she should have been used to this happening on Earth. Even when she had been a child on Earth she'd never had the chance to play or be free. Hell, she couldn't even remember her parents properly, all she had was a vague memory of her mother. Both of her parents had died before she was five years old, and she'd been left as an orphan and ended up being raised into a gang.

She gave the kid one more glare, resenting his light hearted play, and turned around, realising that James had been unusually quiet since he'd come in. Normally he would have done more than just quietly watch her; he would have said hello or asked about her day. Something was up, and sure enough when she turned around James was reading a message on his omni-tool. Even from across the room Shepard could see the flashing red light that meant it was a priority message and a chill went down her spine when he glanced up at her with troubled eyes.

_So, the time has come..._

"The Defence Committee wants to see you urgently_._" James looked away from her quickly and Shepard wondered what was in the message that he wasn't telling her. Whatever it was couldn't be good. James was normally fine under pressure but she could see the signs of strain etched on his face.

There wasn't time to ask James what the message said though, as he was already speaking in a low voice to Rhykar, his eyes sliding over to her briefly as she ducked into her room to get the omni-tool Kasumi had left her. She felt her heart sink at the look on Vega's face; the goddamned Committee hadn't even bothered to contact her directly, so it wasn't going to be good news. Rennah tossed the data pad onto the table in her room and held her head high and she stormed back out the door. Whatever they did to her, whatever the punishment for trying her hardest to protect Earth, she'd take it.

She'd take it with pride.

* * *

James walked with Shepard out the door, aware that this was the first time she'd been allowed out of the Detention Centre at Alliance Command. His eyes were alert for danger as he scanned the people rushing through the corridor, all of them with the same tense look on their faces that James knew was probably on his. The message to bring Shepard before the Defence Committee had been immediately followed by another notification that Hackett was mobilising the fleet, and as far as James was concerned that probably meant the Reapers had finally started their invasion.

"Shepard!"

James and Shepard both stopped at the shout, and Rennah broke into a relieved smile when she saw Anderson hurrying towards them, his dress uniform looking slightly rumpled and less than impeccable. James glanced from Anderson to Shepard as they shook hands, feeling a little on the outside as they continued walking quickly, Shepard ducking and weaving between people who were avoiding Anderson. He fell in behind them, wanting to give them a little privacy and to keep an eye out for any potential threats.

"What's going on?" Shepard's voice floated back to him, sounding tense but curious.

Anderson steered Shepard towards a flight of stairs and James only just caught his response, "Hackett's mobilising the Fleet."

"The Reapers?" Shepard stopped in her tracks and turned slightly to look at Anderson, her face tightening with fear.

"Most likely." Anderson took Shepard's arm and kept her moving, James following along in their wake and trying not to feel useless as he continued his look out.

He could make out some of what Anderson said as they walked, and he caught the gist of their conversation as he continued scanning the corridors. Even though they weren't speaking quietly or trying to hide anything form him, James felt like he was ears dropping as he shadowed Rennah, trying to shake the feeling of being a third wheel. He listened with awe as Anderson lay it out on the line for Shepard; the Reapers were coming and since Shepard was Earth's Reaper expert, the Defence Committee wanted her opinion and expertise.

Rennah however, looked less than awed at the news, and more frustrated and angry.

"You know more about them than anyone else, Shepard." Anderson had finally picked up on the former Alliance officer's sullen expression and his tone had an oddly placating tone in it, as though he knew how difficult Shepard could be and wanted to avoid it.

"Is that why they grounded me? Why they locked me up and took away my ship?" Rennah's bitterness was plain in her voice and her back went rigid with tension when Anderson abruptly stopped walking and grabbed her arm to pull her close.

"You know why they grounded you!" Anderson hissed the words at her quietly as he jabbed her in the chest. "When you destroyed that relay you killed hundreds of thousands of Batarians…"

"You think I don't know that? You think I did it lightly?" Shepard didn't seem to care that she was speaking to an Admiral, her tone was furious and her eyes were flashing violently as she pulled her arm free from his grip. "I did it to buy us time! If I hadn't the Reapers would just sailed right on through!"

"I know that, Rennah." Anderson sighed and stepped back, looking every bit as tired as he sounded as he diffused the situation. "The Committee knows it too or they would have court marshalled you and locked you up. Stop being so god damned difficult and work with _us_ for a change."

Rennah glared at him for a heartbeat longer and then the anger seemed to drain out of her and James saw the fear in her eyes again as she glanced at the glass doors ahead that led into the Defence Committee's meeting room. She ran a hand through her hair and closed her eyes briefly, looking for all the world like she was fighting hard to keep something inside of her that wanted to get out. She was angry, furious even, but there was something else; Shepard was genuinely scared.

"I'm sorry, I just…I hate being here like this." She opened her eyes and gave Anderson a frustrated look. "I could have been out there helping this whole time and instead they had me locked up here."

"I know, Shepard, but you need to focus on what you can do now." Anderson reached out and clasped her shoulder, squeezing it gently. "_We_ need your help, so listen to what the Committee has to say. Do it for me."

For a moment James saw something more than just a professional relationship between them; the way they spoke and the way they behaved was more like family. Rennah reluctantly nodded, her eyes softening as the frustration left her. She straightened her shoulders and a professional expression slid over her features so perfectly that James blinked in surprise. Shepard was clearly a master at hiding her emotions when it suited her; it was only her temper that let her down.

"I'll play nice, David." She smiled at him politely, baring perfect white teeth.

He chuckled and they both started walking again, "Don't get cheeky, girl."

"Never, Sir." She inclined her head, the smile gone and her face now so serious it was almost mocking.

The glass doors slid open smoothly at their approach and the receptionist waved them through, another staffer breaking away from a small group near the front desk to briskly lead them through the busy reception room. This was it, James realised; this was the moment when Rennah was going to either be reinstated or locked away. Either way this was the end of his role in her story; he was going to get new orders and probably be sent off with a unit of marines to fight the Reapers.

His steps faltered as they came around a corner and saw the meeting room doors right ahead, "Good luck, Shepard."

He stopped and held out his hand, something pulling tight in his chest at the thought of having to say goodbye to her. Rennah had been such a focus in his life for the last six months that the thought of waking up and not seeing her face each day made him feel empty. The time he'd spent in her company since the Batarian attack had shown James a completely different side to Shepard, and it was a side which he was probably going to spend the rest of his life dreaming about.

Rennah looked over her shoulder as Anderson moved ahead to speak to the woman who was leading them, and glanced back at James, her face still impassive as she nodded, her eyes uncertain. She reached out and her hand found his, her skin warm as she shook the hand he had offered. James glanced down, surprised to see that she had yet another omni-tool on her arm, and when he glanced back up she was grinning at him slightly.

"I'm going to miss you, Jimmy." Her hand squeezed his gently as she locked eyes with him. "I know I wasn't always a pleasant assignment, but I think you're an amazing soldier."

"Thanks, Shepard." He kept her hand in his for a moment, treasuring the feeling of her skin against his in a way that made him feel desperate and pathetic.

_Forget about her, Vega._

But how could he forget about her when she was standing right here in front of him? He searched frantically in his mind for the words to tell her how much he had enjoyed guarding her without sounding like a complete imbecile, but as always words failed him. He already felt awkward around her most of the time; she was so beautiful and so perfect that he felt intimidated even though he was the one in a position of power.

The smile on her face faltered a little and she stepped closer to him, her violet eyes darkening to indigo as she nervously brushed her hair to the side with her free hand. The hand that he held in his tightened, squeezing tighter as she looked up at him with her spellbinding eyes. "I just want you to know…"

"Shepard!"

A voice interrupted her and James blinked as the moment broke and he saw Rennah go still in front of him, her hand tightening again in his, but this time to a crushing convulsive grip. The man that had called out to her stood next to Anderson and had the stripes of a Major on his collar, but he didn't look at all like the average battle-worn solider. With his thick back hair, pale skin and rather intense brown eyes he almost could have stepped out of one of the advertising posters for the Alliance Military.

He was looking at Rennah with a quiet yearning expression on his face that made James instantly dislike him; that and the fact that he'd interrupted a moment which James knew he would never get back. He glanced back at Shepard who was still frozen in front of him, her eyes hard and cold. She swallowed hard and James saw her fight for composure before she started to turn around, looking for all the world as though she had just seen a ghost.

"Kaidan…"

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**A/N – Oh oh…James has some competition! Who does that Kaidan think he is? Ruining their big goodbye? **

**I was going to take this chapter all the way until they leave Earth but I'm exhausted after an emergency trip to the vet last night to save the life of my neighbour's dog, and then a six hour first aid course today. As always, please review – hearing from you makes me day!**


	5. This Is The Way The World Ends

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect_

**A/N – Another big thank you to the people who have reviewed! It means a lot and I really appreciate it!**

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"Kaidan..." Shepard let go of James' hand and turned around to face the dark haired man who had spoken, her face set in a painfully polite mask that James had only seen once or twice before and _only_ when she'd been stressed.

Rennah always played her cards close to her chest, but normally she let at least little of what she was feeling show on her face so she didn't come across as a complete robot; but not today. Right now, James couldn't have picked what she was feeling if someone had offered him a million dollars. As she walked over towards Anderson and Kaidan, James followed at a polite distance, curiosity getting the better of him since he'd never seen her react quite like this to anyone. He wasn't sure if she was angry, scared or excited. All he knew was that whatever it was she was feeling, she didn't want anyone to see.

"How did it go in there, Major?" Anderson had turned back to face him as Shepard joined them, and his question temporarily steered Kaidan's attention back to him.

He looked briefly and curiously at James before he turned his full attention back to Shepard and Anderson, "Not sure. I can never tell with them." His tawny eyes swept over Shepard as he spoke and James felt himself bristle at the look in them; he clearly had a history with Shepard, and judging from that look they'd obviously been close. "I'm just waiting for orders now."

Shepard had never spoken much about her past, aside from what she had told him in the hospital that day, but it was clear to James that she and Kaidan had once been an item and something nasty had happened to cause the tension between them. He knew her service record, or at least the unclassified bits, back to front, but there was a lot about her that was a mystery; such as why it was that she had so few close friends. Rennah had never had any visitors when she'd been in detention aside from Hackett or Anderson. No friends or family at all. It was a mystery, and if James were honest he didn't know the first thing about her personal life other than the fact that she didn't currently have a boyfriend and she was rather sore about it.

"_Major_?" Rennah repeated quietly, and the faintly hostile tone in her voice made James glance at her as she quickly cleared her throat and tried to look a little more friendly, her hands clenching briefly into fists as she spoke, "I, uh, hadn't heard. Congratulations."

Kaidan had the grace to look a little embarrassed and he shrugged as he looked from Anderson to Shepard, "Yeah, I guess you wouldn't have known about that, sorry Shepard."

The air thickened between them and James saw Anderson shift his weight awkwardly as Kaidan and Shepard locked eyes and an uncomfortable silence fell. The long look they exchanged wasn't exactly hostile, but it wasn't friendly either, or at least it wasn't on Shepard's end. Shepard looked both tense and slightly bitter, whereas Kaidan just seemed to be unsettled by her reaction to him. Whatever he'd expected when he saw Shepard, he clearly hadn't expected her to behave like this.

"That's okay, I've been kind of out of the loop lately." Although her voice softened as she spoke, there was a touch of acid in Rennah's tone and it was obvious that she was angry. "It's hard to keep up with recent events when you've been locked up..."

"Shepard." There was a warning in Anderson's tone and Rennah instantly shut her mouth, her teeth coming together with an audible click as she glanced at the Admiral with an unreadable look on her face. He nodded towards the double doors where the woman who'd led them in was waiting. "They're ready for us, let's go."

Admiral Anderson actually took the commander's arm and steered her away from Kaidan who was looking decidedly uncomfortable at Shepard's comment about being locked up. He watched Rennah as she walked past him, and James saw their eyes lock again briefly as nodded to her with that same overly familiar look of longing in his eyes._ Definitely an old boyfriend_, James decided as Rennah jerked her gaze away from him, pulled free of Anderson and stalked down the hall. As he watched her progress, James slowly made his way over to the Major, his curiosity peaked about what this guy could have done to make her so frosty.

Was it possible he had sent those flowers to Shepard in the hospital? His name _did_ start with a 'K' and Rennah had become quite angry when he'd questioned her about the flowers...

"You know the Commander?" James asked as he crossed his arms and lounged next to Kaidan, both of them watching as she vanished into the double doors that led to the Defence Committee.

Kaidan glanced at him, his eyes both wistful and a little tired, "I used to, a long time ago." He held out his hand and smiled affably, "Major Kaidan Alenko."

"_Alenko_." James repeated his last name and nodded; Alenko didn't start with a G unless it was silent, but he'd seen some crazy spellings of names in his time, so he wasn't going to assume anything. He took the hand that was offered and shook it, "Lieutenant James Vega."

The Major glanced back at the door Shepard had gone through and rubbed his eyes as though he was exhausted, "So, I take it you know Shepard too?"

"I've been guarding her for the last six months." James crossed his arms over his chest, slightly amused as Kaidan glanced at him again with a more accessing look, as though seeing him properly for the first time.

"Shepard needed a guard?" Now Kaidan sounded amused, and he mirrored James as he crossed his arms over his chest too.

"Well, not so much a guard to keep her in the detention centre, as a guard to keep her safe from assassination attempts." James grinned as Kaidan raised his eyebrows and whistled.

"Batarians?" He asked quietly, glancing around.

"Mostly, but a few other mercenary groups tried for her too." Vega was aware they were standing in middle of the corridor and he shifted out of the way, Kaidan following him. "Aside from the last Batarian attack, I didn't really have much to do."

Kaidan nodded and he frowned, "I saw Shepard on television at the hospital, but nothing was said about what happened to her. Was it bad?"

James nodded slowly and shrugged, "I'll tell you what I can, but only if you let me ask you a strange question first."

"A strange question?" Kaidan grinned, "I'm intrigued, so sure, go ahead."

Vega shifted awkwardly and tried to banish the faint feeling of embarrassment he felt, "Okay, this might sound odd, but did you send Shepard flowers when she was in the hospital?"

"Flowers?" Kaidan's eyebrows went up again and he straightened. "No, I didn't even know she was in hospital until I saw that media circus on the vids." His mouth twisted in an expression that looked like jealousy, and he glanced back at James, "What made you think I sent them?"

"We're not sure who sent them. They came with a card signed 'K.G.' and I thought I'd ask since your name starts with a K." James shrugged, feeling a little idiotic as Kaidan gave him an doubtful look, "Shepard got angry when I asked her about them and denied knowing who K.G. was, but I could tell she was lying."

"She's good at that." Kaidan's muttered more to himself then to James, but then he glanced back and his eyes widened as he hastily clarified, "She's good at getting angry I meant." He cleared his throat, and glanced back at James. "So you think the flowers were from a boyfriend?"

Kaidan spoke conversationally and casually, but James could tell there was nothing casual about his question; Kaidan didn't like the idea of Shepard having a boyfriend. He could see it in the way his eyes had sharpened and focused on James, and even in the far too casual tone of his voice. Whatever had happened between them was obviously unresolved, and had left Kaidan feeling lonely and guilty and Shepard furiously mad.

Vega shrugged, "I'm not sure. The Commander made it pretty clear that she _didn't_ have a boyfriend."

"Oh." Alenko sounded disappointed and frowned to himself, "Odd that someone sent her flowers, then."

"That's what I thought…" James would have said more, but there was a sudden high pitched electrical whine and the building exploded inwards on itself.

The air seemed to ignite around him and a there was a deafening roar that drowned out all other sounds and echoed inside Vega's head. He was barely aware of being flung backwards by the force of the blast or of colliding with the wall behind him; glass, plaster and shards of metal raining down around him. James curled into a protective ball as larger segments of the roof came tumbling down next to him and huge twisted metal support beams impaled themselves in the tile floor.

His head rang with the sound of the explosion and his vision blurred when he opened his eyes and slowly sat up, chunks of tile and glass falling off him and scattering across the ground. He groaned and held his head as he stumbled to his feet, glancing around dazedly as he realised that half of the building had been ripped away. He staggered forward a few steps and realised he could see the Vancouver skyline through the massive hole in the building.

Smoke and dust billowed around him, and the cries of scared and injured people rang out as a dark show fell across them. A monstrously huge ship settled outside the building like a giant bloated tick; it's glowing red lights like eyes as they seared through the smoke. It towered into the sky to almost impossible heights, and as James watched through disbelieving eyes it fired off a red laser canon with another high pitched sizzling sound and another wing of the Alliance headquarters exploded. He could feel the vibrations through his boots as more of the building was demolished by the giant machine, and more chunks of the wall and roof came crumbling down.

"Lieutenant Vega!"

He turned unsteadily at the sound of his name and saw Kaidan coming towards him, blood trickling down his face from a gash on his head. He had his gun out and was scanning for enemies as he jogged unsteadily towards James, his face pale and shell shocked. The major saw the huge ship through the gap in the wall behind James and his brown eyes widened, standing out starkly in his face as he came to a stop and stared in open mouthed horror.

"Reapers!" He took a step backwards and grabbed James' arm, his grip frightening tight. "Come on! We have to get to Shepard, _now_!"

"Right." James followed Kaidan back into the guts of the building, ducking around huge piles of rubble until they reached a point where the building had collapsed and they couldn't go any further. Three huge slabs of concrete flooring from an upper level had collapsed down and was blocking their way, and Kaidan cursed as James skidded to a stop beside him.

"Oh no, Shepard..." James felt a ball of icy fear settle in his gut at the sight of all that cement and twisted metal. If the inside of that room was anything like out here, there was every chance she might have been hurt or even killed.

_No! Don't even think it, Vega!_

Alenko was pacing back and forth in front of the rubble when James saw him abruptly clamp his hand to his ear as his transmitter crackled audibly, "Admiral Anderson?" He paused and then spoke again, his eyes finding James as he nodded, "I can hear you, sir. Is Shepard okay?"

James felt himself go rigid with tension while he waited for the response. He couldn't hear Anderson's reply, but he could hear the buzz of his ear piece as the Admiral spoke and the tension left him when he saw Kaidan sag with relief. "Thank god." There was another pause while he listened with one hand still held tightly to his ear. "The Normandy? Yes sir. We'll get there."

"Shepard's okay?" James asked as Kaidan let his hand drop from the transmitter and glanced back out the gaping hole in the side of the building as another shrill echoing laser blast sounded.

"She's fine, but the building is mostly down on their side. Anderson's with her and they're trying to find a way out to get to an extraction point. We need to get to the Normandy and reach them." Kaidan checked the thermal clip on his gun and nodded to James, "Let's go, Lieutenant."

"Yes, Major." James drew his own gun and checked the clip from habit, trying to ignore the excitement that had ran through him at the thought of the Normandy.

It was totally inappropriate to be excited at the thought of being on the Normandy with Shepard in this particular situation, but he couldn't help it; this was what he'd dreamed of when he'd first joined the Alliance Military. He'd wanted to serve on the Normandy with the great Commander Shepard and fight threats to humanity in all their forms. This was his chance to prove himself, a chance to show Shepard that he wasn't just a regular Alliance marine; he was something else.

* * *

James kept pace with Kaidan as he led the way back through the collapsed Alliance facility at a bruising pace, determined to reach the space port where the Normandy was currently being refitted. They moved easily and quickly amongst the debris as they cut through the middle of the building, but were forced to slow down considerably once they left the main building and tried to cross a courtyard. It didn't look at all familiar, but James was certain that this had once been part of an atrium with impressive skylights. The skylights were now smashed to pieces and slivers of broken glass, both big and small, lined the path like the jagged teeth of some great beast.

The sky boiled over the courtyard, a seething mass of dust and smoke with the nightmarish shapes of the Reapers moving through it, and Kaidan cursed and pulled up short as gunfire sounded from around a corner. They both heard the agonising screams of dying men and James moved fast; glancing out into the smoky courtyard and quickly rolling to cover behind a raised decorative garden bed. The cement border provided good protection as what he could only guess were Reaper troops opened fire on them.

Kaidan took cover behind the garden bed next to him, his eyes focused and glowing as his biotics flared around him and he threw a freezing biotic blast at the troops. He waited a beat and then fired several rounds at them with his hand gun and the sound of something large shattering arced through the air. James risked a quick glance out and then pulled back as bullets immediately smacked solidly into the cement wall where his head had just been. The brief glimpse he'd taken had shown him that one of the larger troops had been reduced to icy fragments thanks to Kaidan and the others were retreating behind cover.

He'd also seen that the courtyard was littered with the bodies of Alliance marines and staffers, most of whom appeared to have been brutally cut down by the invading creatures, rather than killed in the initial attack. The reaper troops, who looked nothing like the Collectors that James had fought on Fehl Prime, were set up defensively in the courtyard with the clear goal of picking off any marines who tried to cross.

"I counted at least twelve more of them." He told Kaidan as they crouched behind cover, glancing at his own hand gun which seemed woefully inadequate against the assault rifles that the Reaper troops had.

Alenko nodded and tightened his grip on his own gun; another iridescent blue aura began to curl around him as he gathered his power, "Okay, we need to do this fast. I'll use stasis to hold as many as I can and you take them out."

James nodded and readied himself as Kaidan held up three fingers, two fingers, one finger and then turned and jumped over the garden bed, his movements impossibly quick as he sent another biotic wave at the troops, holding several of them in a rippling blue field. He took cover behind a block of cement and twisted steel and held the stasis as James dispatched the Reapers that were caught, then charged forward to take out the others as Kaidan dropped the stasis and joined him, the remaining troops attempting to pull back to cover with growls and shrieks as they were killed.

"If I'd known I'd be fighting..._whatever the hell these things are_…I'd have brought a bigger gun." James yelled to Kaidan as they finished off the last of the troops and headed towards the space port.

"You and me both." Kaidan replied dryly and abruptly held up a hand for quiet as his ear piece buzzed audibly again. "I hear you, sir."

He nodded to himself as he listened to whatever Anderson was telling him and then glanced at Vega as he replied, "We're almost to the Normandy. I've got Lieutenant Vega with me, but we're taking heavy fire…sir? Admiral?" Kaidan pushed off the wall and locked eyes with James, "They ran into husks. Come on, we need to hurry."

They dodged into a gaping hole into the space port's outer wall which had once been a corridor before it had been ripped apart by gunfire and explosions. The narrow winding passageway through the docking bay was choked with smoke and echoed with the shrieks of husks, the cries of people in pain and the more ominous distant rumble of the Reapers themselves. Ahead, in the gloom, James saw several sets of glowing blue eyes and he fired quickly into them, watching with satisfaction as two husks fell to the floor and four more came howling towards them with their gaping mouths stretched open ghoulishly.

Kaidan exploded with biotic light next to him as a husk launched itself towards him, but James ignored Alenko's fight and focused on the husks coming for him. He fired point blank into one gaping face and then rammed another into a wall before he snapped its neck. He only just had time to flip out his omni-blade and stick the final husk in the stomach as it reached for him with its angry claw-like hands. He pulled his blade out with a thick meaty sound and the husk's intestines spilled to the floor like blackened eels, slime and gore splattering up the wall next to him.

"Keep moving." Alenko pushed past him and James followed, shutting his omni-blade away and ejecting a spent thermal clip.

The end of the corridor was collapsed downwards and they were forced to awkwardly crawl between several sheets of twisted metal and cement slabs. Once through they picked up the pace again thundered through the main halls of the space port to the facility that housed the Normandy. Kaidan was still in the lead and James pushed himself hard to keep up, aware that the trembling in the ground was increasing and he could hear the sound of Reaper lasers again.

They made it to the hanger and pushed through the door to see the Normandy moored in the middle of the hanger, its emergency lights flashing as they prepared to take off. Kaidan powered ahead of him as they ran up the ramp towards the airlock, their boots echoing loudly on the metal grating. As they reached the top the airlock cycled and opened and they both ran in, ignoring decontamination as the seal closed behind them.

They jogged straight through into the chaos on the combat deck, and Kaidan turned left and headed for the bridge. James faltered a little as he glanced around and tried to take it all in, but he quickly snapped to and followed Kaidan again, unwilling to be left behind when he'd come this far. He found the major on the bridge talking urgently in a low voice to the pilot as he readied the ship for an emergency departure, and he watched as Kaidan slid in to the co-pilots chair as though he'd done this before.

"We have Reapers inbound on this position, Major." The pilot was saying as his hands flew over the controls, moving so fast James couldn't even begin to follow his movements. "We'll find Shepard, but right we need to get the hell outta here, so hold on!"

James heard the docking clamps release and felt the engines fire as they took off. Through the windows he could see Reaper troops pouring into the space port like a swarm of ants, their guns firing at the Normandy as she accelerated forward. The take off was less than smooth and James had to grab a hand hold on the roof above to keep his footing as the ship surged forward powerfully.

Kaidan had activated the radio and was communicating with Anderson again as they got the hell out of there, "We've made it to the Normandy, still taking heavy fire…_oh god_!" Alenko froze for a moment as they all saw the enormous Reaper looming in the sky above them; it's red laser was glowing and they watched in horror as it erupted in a blinding steam of light, sweeping a path of destruction toward a huge Alliance vessel which was leaving the space port nearby. "They're gonna take down that dreadnaught! Evasive manoeuvres!"

Kaidan's fear was justified and the pilot began cursing and skillfully executed a turn that made James' stomach churn, and sent the Normandy in the opposite direction, accelerating beyond safe limits as the laser cut through the massive dreadnaught and its Ezo core exploded; the blinding flash ripping through the air. The shock wave decimated the space port and surrounding buildings and would have knocked the Normandy out of the air if the pilot hadn't pushed the ship to the limits to escape the blast radius.

"Gees, look at that! That blast put a hole in the pretty Vancouver skyline, that's for sure!" The pilot sounded almost smug as they manoeuvred through the air traffic.

"Jeff, it is unwise to linger here for too long." A feminine voice interrupted them, seeming to come from the ship itself and James glanced around, looking for the source. "I recommend retreating to a safe distance until we can establish an evacuation point for Commander Shepard."

The pilot quickly adjusted his controls, "Thanks EDI, but I think I'll stay nearby and practice my fancy flying while we wait." He glanced back at James and then at Kaidan, "Major, who's the big dude?"

"Lieutenant Vega was guarding Shepard on Earth." Kaidan glanced back at James himself, his gaze a touch more respectful then it had been earlier. Then he turned his attention back to the radio and continued trying to raise Anderson or Shepard.

"_Guarding_ Shepard?" The pilot laughed as though Kaidan had said something hilariously funny and James shifted uncomfortably, feeling like an outsider.

Despite his mirth, the pilot's attention was completely focused on flying them safely around Reapers and between huge fireballs that were careening down out of the sky, and nothing else was said for several minutes. The tense silence was only broken by Kaidan's continued attempt to raise Anderson, the look on his face as close fear as James had ever seen. From up here he could well understand Kaidan's concern; the Alliance facility was barely standing and Reapers were rampaging around it.

The Normandy's radio crackled and Kaidan activated it quickly as Admiral Anderson's voice came through, "Normandy? This is Anderson, do you read?"

"Admiral? What's your location?" Kaidan couldn't hide the relieved tone in his voice as he leaned forward, grimacing as another Reaper landed, its legs smashing and cutting through buildings and it's laser activating and targeting evacuating ships.

The radio squealed and crackled alarmingly, and when Anderson spoke James was only able to make out part of what he said, his words interspersed with electronic distortion "…by the harbour. I'm activating…distress beacon. Send…we've got wounded…"

"Wounded? Is Shepard okay? Admiral? Anderson? Shit!" Kaidan frantically tried cleaning up the signal as he spoke, but there was too much interference and the radio gave a final distorted squeal and went dead.

James felt helpless as he stood behind the pilot's seat; from his vantage point he could see the harbour almost dead ahead of them, but it wasn't the only thing he could see. The Alliance buildings near the harbour were being bombarded by the meteor-like fire balls and a Reaper, one of the biggest he's seen so far, sat between them, its eerie red beam slicing buildings in half.

"Is this really happening?" Kaidan sounded horrified and his face was pale as he watched the Reaper deliberately aim at shuttles and shoot them down, almost as though it was a cat playing with mice.

"I've got this, Alenko." The pilot reach over and touched his arm reassuringly, the familiarity of the motion confirming to James that the pilot and Kaidan were friends. Had they both served on the original Normandy with Shepard? "You take the big guy and get down to the shuttle bay. This is going to have to be a fly-by pick up, so Shepard's going to have to make a jump for it."

"Right." Kaidan swung out of the seat and tagged James, nodding for him to follow as he jogged back the way they'd come earlier through the combat deck and through the mess of people operating various controls and monitoring battle stations. The journey down in the elevator was an exercise in self-control, as it seemed to take far longer than was necessary to travel down to the shuttle bay, and it was all James could do not to fidget and shuffle in the silence.

Then the doors were opened and they were back in a world of noise and action; some marines were gearing up in armour and others were checking weapons, but all of them stopped briefly as they heard the thundering roar of the Normandy's main canon firing. Kaidan snagged an assault rifle off a rack as he passed and James followed suit, still shadowing Kaidan as he led the way to the docking bay doors. They both swayed unsteadily as the ship executed an unexpected sharp turn and then they heard the engines settling into a hover and the docking bay doors opened.

James hung back as they opened downwards and Kaidan ran forward with his gun raised, an armoured marine flanking him. James could see Shepard as she ran athletically towards the ship and executed a fantastic running leap, Kaidan holding out a hand to help her as she landed. A hand, James noticed, that she swatted away quickly, aiming a not entirely friendly look at Alenko as she did so.

_Ouch._

Vega couldn't hear what was said as she and Kaidan briefly spoke to each other and it took ounce of strength he had to stay where he was and not rush forward to see her, but he stayed put and waited. He could feel the tension as Shepard turned around and walked back towards the edge of the lowered door to speak to Anderson who had stayed behind. Again, James couldn't make out what was said, but he saw Anderson toss Shepard's dog tags back to her before he left, and he felt a warm glow inside of him.

_Commander Shepard was back!_

As the Normandy began to pull away, she stood for a moment and watched the Reapers destroying Vancouver and shooting down shuttles from the sky. Kaidan briefly stood beside her before he moved away and Shepard was left alone; her silhouette outlined perfectly as the bay doors began to close.

"Commander." James called out quietly, waiting until Kaidan had walked past him before be allowed himself to move towards her. He tried not to notice as the other man gave him a hard look, and instead focused on Shepard who hadn't noticed him yet.

"James?" She looked up at him and smiled as she walked, her purple eyes bright despite the dust and blood that covered every inch of her. She gave him a smile and James realised that she was genuinely glad to see him. "You made it."

It was impossible to stop the warmth that spread inside of him at the look in her eyes as Rennah closed the gap between them and clasped the hand he offered, pulling him into a friendly half-shoulder hug. The feeling of her body against him was almost better than anything he'd ever felt, and James felt himself grinning like an idiot at her. She pulled away again and straightened up, the smile fading as another loud roar was heard from outside and the Normandy accelerated away from Vancouver.

Rennah glanced over his shoulder and froze, her hand dropping his abruptly as she pulled back from him and stalked back up the ramp towards the elevator. _What the hell?_ James frowned; her abruptly change in behaviour was so unexpected that he was mystified until he turned around to follow and saw Kaidan watching them, his face unreadable as he watched Rennah. Alenko turned his gaze back to him and for a moment Vega felt himself pinned by the jealousy burning in them.

Then Kaidan turned and walked away, his back rigid.

* * *

**A/N – Good lord! That was a tough chapter to write! Although I did enjoy writing Kaidan as a jealous little creature…I always thought he seemed a little touchy with Shepard when they both met up again. So I'm blaming James! I hope you enjoyed this chapter – it was really hard to balance the action and the emotions! I hope it wasn't too boring! **

**Please review and let me know what you thought!**


	6. A Fading Star

_Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect_

**A/N – Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing; Samolfran, brandischoch, hannahschlegel0690, mumble1026, tlcinbflo, Jules Hawke, SimoneTRH, Candle in the Night, Sita, Maria, Shaun, Simone and the guests! Your reviews really brightened my day! Thank you!**

* * *

"Commander!" James hastily followed Shepard as she hurried away from him, walking so quickly that he had to jog a little to catch up with her, "Hey! Commander! What's going on?"

The way that Kaidan had been watching them, even though they had only been greeting each other as friends and comrades, had shaken James a little bit, so he could imagine how unpleasant it must have been for Rennah. It had only been for an instant, but Kaidan had stared at them with such jealousy that it had made James instantly wish that Rennah _hadn't_ pulled him into that half-embrace. After seeing Kaidan in action today, he wasn't someone that James wanted to have angry at him, and from Rennah's perspective it wasn't going to be easy commanding a ship if she had a jealous ex-lover to contend with.

_You don't even know if they were an item, idiot!_

Shepard was still ignoring him, or pretending she hadn't heard him as she strode away, her long legs carrying her quickly towards the elevator as James tried again, "Shepard!"

She stopped and whirled around quickly, looking at him impatiently as her eyes flashed. "We don't have time for this, _Lieutenant_!"

The use of his title was enough to make Vega hesitate and rethink what he was going to say as he looked at Rennah properly; she looked like she'd been through hell and back. Her face was splattered with blood, she was caked with dust and her uniform had blackened smears of husk gore all over it. Although she was standing proud and tall, there was a tension in her body and face, and James wasn't sure if it was because of the Reapers destroying their world outside, or because of Kaidan Alenko and the way he'd just looked at her.

"Don't blow me off then!" He kept his distance as they talked and kept his voice low, since whatever was making Rennah this jumpy wasn't going to be improved by him shouting at her. "What the hell was _that_? Why did you run away from me back there?"

_Sound professional! Not emotional!_

"I didn't run away, I just don't want people getting the wrong idea about us." Shepard spoke quietly too and glanced over to where Kaidan had been standing, but he'd turned around and was now busying himself with his gun. "We're at war and we have Reapers outside invading our planet, so I'm sorry if my behaviour is a little erratic but I'm _slightly_ preoccupied. Now, we have to go."

James wasn't an idiot and he could understand everything Rennah wasn't telling him; she didn't want people thinking that she'd been sleeping with her guard for six months on Earth. And by people, she mainly meant Kaidan.

"Wait…" He blinked and focused on the last thing she'd said, "What do you mean we have to _go_? Go where?"

Rennah indicated with her head that they had to keep moving, and she continued walking again, James at her side as they approached the weapon lockers where Kaidan was now watching them again. He looked so normal that James was half convinced that maybe he'd imagined the look in his eyes earlier, and that maybe it had been a trick of the light or maybe just paranoia. _Maybe I'm blowing this way out of proportion_, James thought to himself as Alenko hefted his gun and glanced at him, _maybe I'm reading this entire situation wrong..._

"What's going on, Shepard?" Kaidan put his gun down on the bench and crossed the floor towards them, frowning slightly at Rennah as she glanced only briefly at him and then looked determinedly back at James.

"We're leaving. Anderson ordered us to the Citadel…"

"Bullshit!" James broke in, unable to help himself. "There are Reapers down there destroying our world and I'm supposed to believe that Anderson ordered us to abandon the Earth? No way, Commander! He wouldn't order us to leave…"

"Well he did, _Lieutenant_." Rennah interrupted him with a voice like steel, using his title again as she stepped forward and angrily jabbed a finger into his chest. The warning was in her tone; _don't argue with me._

Her eyes which were usually so beautiful, were a sharp crystallised amethyst and flecks of biotic blue burned in them as she stared him down. With her deathly pale skin, ebony black hair and the flecks of blood down her face she looked terrifying as she glared at him. The biotic power that flowed off her tingled along his skin, although aside from her eyes glowing blue, she wasn't even showing signs of a biotic aura. Was she really that powerful?

James stepped back a little, intimidated by the anger in her voice and the look in her eyes more than he was her biotic ability. For the first time since he'd met her, he found himself facing Commander Shepard instead of Rennah Shepard, and the change in her demeanour was a slap in the face. He'd known she was ruthless and a driven leader, but after six months of being in charge he was used to saying what he thought and doing what he thought best.

"I just don't…" He started to talk again but Rennah's eyes seemed to swirl with blue as her biotics flared with her anger and she cut him off again.

"_That's enough_." Her voice was low and threatening and James subsided, aware that he was pushing the bounds of insubordination with his current behaviour. "If you don't like it then I'll drop you off at the Citadel and you can find your own way back to Earth from there. Until then, _deal with it_."

She glared at him angrily and stepped back, no doubt waiting for him to argue some more, but James forced himself to back down with a nod, aware that he'd been completely out of line, but humiliated nonetheless. After six months as her guard, it was going to be difficult to remember she was his superior and his commanding officer; but he was damned if he would apologise for his outburst! Maybe Shepard was fine with running away from Earth and leaving people to die, but he wasn't.

"The citadel? Why are we going there?" Kaidan interrupted them gently and drew her attention away from James, his own body language so mild and his expression so neutral that Shepard didn't take umbrage with his question or the interruption. "I thought the Normandy would have been more valuable on Earth to help fight the Reapers?"

Rennah drew in a deep breath and faced Kaidan as the blue faded from her eyes, "He wants us to get support from our alien allies. He knows we can't win this alone…"

"Hey Commander! I've got Admiral Hackett on the coms for you." The voice of the pilot over the intercom interrupted her, but rather than look irritated as James would have expected, she glanced up at one of the security cameras in the shuttle bay disbelievingly.

"Is that _you_, Joker?"

"Yes Ma'am." The pilot, Joker, sounded every bit as pleased as Shepard did, and James felt more left out than ever.

She grinned in the direction of the camera, "It's good to hear your voice, Joker."

"You too, Commander. I'll patch Hackett through down there."

The terminal near the weapons bench lit up and Shepard immediately approached it and accepted the message, the fuzzy screen showing a distorted double image of Hackett. Electronic noise crackled through the reception as he spoke to Shepard, and although his message was understandable, it was impossible to hear every word he said. He seemed to be ordering them to go to the Mars archives, although thanks to the distortion James was having a hard time understanding why Mars could be so important when they had a Reaper invasion to contend with.

James had always found Hackett to be slightly intimidating; he was so grizzled and battle scarred that you knew he'd earned his ranking through sweat and blood. The only person Hackett spoke to without sounding like he was about to tear shreds off them was Shepard, and when he'd commented about this to Rennah months ago on Earth, she'd replied that Hackett had torn shreds off her plenty of times, it was just that he'd learned that getting angry at her wasn't the best way to get results.

"Mars, huh?" Kaidan had drifted over near him, his assault rifle back in his hands as he looked at James mildly, "I wonder why Hackett is ordering us there?"

"I don't know." James shrugged and tried not to feel awkward with Kaidan beside him. "There must be something there though."

Kaidan glanced back at Rennah and hefted his gun as though reassuring himself with its weight, "Well, whatever the reason, if he's sending Commander Shepard it's sure to be a hell of a fight. You can count on that."

As if on cue, Shepard ended the transition and turned around to face them, her expression on of concern as she stared off into space for a second. James wanted to ask her what was on Mars, but after the way he'd questioned her earlier he wasn't willing to speak up. He watched her quietly, noticing that her eyes looked worried and her face was shadowed; over the past six months he'd become an expert at reading her body language, and he knew that something about the mission had her worried.

"So why Mars?" It was Kaidan who stepped forward, his handsome face trained on Rennah as she glanced up at him and then back at James, seemingly surprised to see them both still standing there. It was almost as though she'd been off in her own world while she was speaking to Hackett.

"I'm not sure, but he said Liara was working on something big there. Something to do with a weapon that could stop the Reapers." She drew in a deep breath and glanced down at her ripped and torn battle uniform, frowning slightly, "The facility has gone quiet, which is never good, especially when it sounds like this may be our only shot at finding a way to stop the Reapers."

"Trust Liara to be buried under a pile of Prothean data." Kaidan joked and Shepard spared him a brief and weary smile, although she seemed too distracted to really care about his joke.

_Something has her worried._

James nodded to himself; he'd never been to Mars himself, but he knew that a lot of sensitive information and data from the Prothean ruins were stored at the Mars Archives. Although, if this weapon had been at the archives all this time, why was it that they were only finding out about it now? Why had it taken decades to find it and why had they so conveniently found it _now_? Why had the facility gone dead? Was it Reapers or had something else happened?

Something definitely didn't feel right about this whole Mars mission.

James dragged himself from his thoughts to find Shepard's eyes trained on him, although she looked away as soon as he met her eyes and he wasn't able to read what was in them. Was she still angry at his insubordination? Was she regretting bringing him along? God he hoped not. He watched as she idly picked up a piece of armour off a repair bench and looked down at it thoughtfully before tossing it back to the bench.

"Joker, set a course for Mars." She looked at both of the men again and James' favourite wicked little smile crossed her face, "Gentlemen let's suit up and get ready for business."

"Aye aye, ma'am." James pivoted and followed Shepard and Kaidan to the armoury, determined to give the Commander no other reason to doubt him.

In the armoury Shepard went straight for a locker which had clearly been hers, and he heard her sigh audibly in relief when she found her N7 armour and several spare BDUs inside. It was only with a great force of will that James was able to make himself look away as she started stripping off and he focused on finding a uniform and armour that would fit him. It took some looking, but eventually he found a standard alliance military BDU in his size and some armour which would do the trick.

"Shepard! Are those…are those tattoos real?" Kaidan voice was incredulous and James looked over to see him half in his amour, staring at Shepard with his mouth open as he held his chest plate in one hand.

_Had he been watching her…?_

Rennah was facing the lockers and putting her armour on, the lower half of her body was covered, but she only wore a bra on the top half and all of those wonderful tattoos were exposed. For a moment there was silence and Shepard seemed like she was going to ignore his question, then she very deliberately pulled the top half of her armour on and began fastening it. Within moments the tattoos were covered up and James quickly looked away and continued putting his own armour plating on, wishing his armour would hurry up and seal in place so he could leave.

"Yeah, they're real. I got them some time _after_ Horizon." When she finally spoke up, Shepard's voice was far too casual and friendly for James' liking, and when he risked a brief look up he saw that Kaidan was standing there frozen and was decidedly pale in the face. The atmosphere in the room was frosty and the only sounds that could be heard was those of Shepard dressing.

Obviously something significant had happened between them on Horizon and it hadn't been good, because even though Shepard had spoken without a hint of negativity in her voice, her comment about Horizon had been too pointed to be an accident. James knew the sound of '_fuck you'_ even when the words weren't being spoken, and Shepard's comments had definitely had that kind of a ring to them. The only mystery was whether she'd made the comment because she was annoyed that Kaidan had been watching her change, or because she was still angry about what had happened between them.

_Not your business, Vega._

After a moment, Kaidan continued dressing without comment, but the room remained uncomfortably tense. James tried not to dwell on it, but it was hard; Kaidan had broken one of the golden rules about suiting up: you didn't stare at your crew mates - even if they _were_ incredibly sexy babes. Everyone knew that when you were getting ready for a mission you focused on your own armour and kept your eyes to yourself. You didn't watch your commanding officer getting changed, and you didn't blurt out comments about their body…

"Vega, check my seals would you?" Rennah's voice interrupted him as he went to clip on his final shoulder guard, and he looked up to find her standing in front of him, her eyes angry and her cheeks flushed.

He couldn't help but glance over her shoulder at Kaidan who was finishing putting his own armour plating on, looking embarrassed and furious with himself. He looked back at Shepard and realised that even though she was speaking normally, she was upset; he could see the signs of strain around her eyes. Kaidan, whatever he was to her and whatever they'd once been, still had the power to upset her emotionally.

James nodded and, trying to be tactful for once, said nothing as he checked her suit over carefully, surprised when she took his shoulder guard and fastened it on to him herself and then checked his suit over too. The feeling of her hands hooking up a piece of his armour was strangely intimate and he swallowed hard as she maneuvered the guard into place and locked it in. As she stepped back she met his eyes and James felt himself blush like a teenager, cursing himself for being so transparent as she smirked at him and stepped back.

_At least you cheered her up!_

"Looking _good_, Lieutenant." She tried to hide her smirk but wasn't quite successful as she gave him the all clear and then walked out, ignoring Kaidan even though he held out a hand towards her as she walked past him.

"Commander…" His voice trailed off as she walked out, her icy demeanour as good as a slap in the face.

"I'll check your suit, Major." Vega didn't like the uncomfortable and embarrassing silence any more than Kaidan did, and he motioned for the biotic solider to come over to him, unsure if he felt sorry for Kaidan or annoyed at him; it seemed like the guy just kept putting his foot in his mouth with Shepard.

"That was so stupid of me." Kaidan rubbed his temples with one hand as though he were getting a headache, his eyes looking muddied and stressed, "I just glanced up and saw all the colour and, well, I was just surprised to see them…"

"She didn't have any tattoos back when you knew her?" James knelt down to check the back of Kaidan's legs, trying to ignore the strange biotic tingle he felt as he ran hands over the seals.

Kaidan shook his head, "No. Well, I mean she had her gang tattoo at the back of her neck, but that thing was tiny and she hated it."

_Gang tattoo?_ James nodded as he remembered that Shepard _had_ been in the Tenth Street Reds as a child. In fact she'd been with them from a really young age until she'd enlisted in her late teens; a mixture of bad luck and a penchant for trouble guiding her to the kind of life James had almost become entangled in himself thanks to his father. Her history with gangs and violence was on her public service record, although huge chunks of the information had been redacted and blacked out. It had always made James wonder what she'd been doing when the Alliance recruiters had found her and convinced her to join up. She'd said nothing publicly about it, which indicated that whatever she'd been into hadn't been pretty.

"Well, she told me she likes these tattoos." James stood up and started checking his back seals, but Kaidan turned to face him, his eyes wary as he looked at Vega again as though trying to figure him out.

"You mean _you've_ seen them?" The statement was partly an accusation and partly curiosity.

"Well, yeah." James shrugged, "When she got out of the hospital she had a bit of trouble dressing on the first day and I helped her. I've got a few tattoos myself so I asked her about them. She didn't tell me much aside from the fact that some guy called Jack did them."

"Jack?" Kaidan slowly turned back around so Vega could finish checking his suit, "Who the hell is Jack?"

"Not a clue." Vega finished the suit and gave Kaidan a tap on the shoulder to let him know he was done. "I'll see you out there."

He left Alenko to finish checking the seals on his arms and left the armoury to get his guns, surprised to see Shepard leaning against the wall next to the elevator, her head back as she rested there with her eyes closed and an odd smile on her face. She looked very peaceful and quite at odds with the emotional Rennah who'd checked over his suit only minutes ago. He approached her carefully and she opened her lovely eyes, looking at him briefly before looking around the shuttle bay, that same strange smile on her face.

"Commander? Is everything okay?" James asked quietly, not wanting to spoil whatever it was that was making Rennah look so happy.

_I've never seen her look so peaceful._

"Yeah I just…it just hit me." She pushed away the wall and straightened up, "_I'm home_. After months of being cooped up on Earth, I'm finally back home again."

Rennah quietly walked forward to one of the weapon benches and trailed her hand along it, touching the ship as some men handled their favourite car; with reverence and love. The ship, he supposed, had been her home for quite a long time; she'd fought on this ship, lived on this ship and even died here. The Earth, even though it was a place where she'd been born, wasn't her home. Hell, according to Shepard's service records she'd barely been back to Earth in all the years since she left it.

"You know, I'd hug this ship if I could." Shepard smile was aimed exclusively at him as she talked and her eyes twinkled as she glanced around. "The Normandy has saved my skin more times than I can count. I've had some of the best and worst times on this ship, but it's always been here for me…" She broke off quickly as Kaidan came out and her smile faded away as he looked at her. "More than I can say for some things in my life." She muttered quietly, more to herself than to James.

_So, the plot thickens; Kaidan Alenko wasn't there for her when she needed him._

James pretended not to have heard Shepard's bitter comment as Kaidan approached them, his face entreating and apologetic, "Can I talk to you in private, Commander?"

"Of course, Major." Shepard managed to school her face into a more pleasant expression as she gestured to the far corner of the shuttle bay, waiting for Kaidan to precede her.

"Make it snappy; we're on the final approach to Mars now." Joker's voice came over the intercom, and James wondered if the pilot was listening to everything they said down here.

He picked out an assault rifle, a shotgun and a handgun for himself as Shepard and Alenko took themselves off into a corner and spoke quietly, trying not to be too obvious as he waited for them at the open Shuttle without staring at them. Every now and again though he heard Rennah's angry voice, but Alenko appeared to be keeping his cool and eventually they finished their talk and came back to join James, Shepard hopping into the shuttle without a backwards glance for either of them.

"Let's go, Lieutenant." Maybe it was James' imagination, but he thought Alenko sounded angry as he gestured for James to climb aboard.

Kaidan climbed aboard last and locked the shuttle door down as James started up the shuttle and waited for Joker to open the bay doors. It was strange, but as he left the Normandy and approached the dry red planet, the feeling that something was about to go very wrong only increased.

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**A/N – I enjoyed the little James/Shepard interactions in this chapter. I hope you did too! Now, I'm on holidays from work for the next two weeks so hopefully I'll have some extra time to write a little more frequently.**

**As always, please review! :)**


	7. The Dead Land

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect _

**A/N – Thank you very much to the people who are reading and reviewing. I love reading your comments and feedback! And hello to the people who are following along! *Waves* **

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James had never been good at flying; he'd flunked the shuttle flight portion of his Alliance training twice and had barely scraped through on his third attempt, so guiding a shuttle through Mars' atmosphere, with Shepard hovering behind him was the last thing on Earth he wanted to be doing. His fingers felt fat and clumsy and he had to concentrate hard not to make mistakes or fumble the controls; it was like going for his shuttle license all over again.

The planet's atmosphere buffered the small shuttle around and James adjusted the stabilisers to compensate, trying to ignore Shepard's gauntleted hand resting on the backrest in his peripheral vision. Once the stabilisers had kicked in properly, the shuttle cut through the planet's atmosphere like butter and as they completed the re-entry, the view screen cleared up and James whistled in appreciation as he saw the huge storm on the horizon. The red clouds boiled up into the upper stratosphere and were periodically discharging frightening bolts of lightning; it was an impressive sight. He felt the chair he was sitting on shift as Shepard pushed away and he heard the seals hiss as she put her helmet on, walking back out into the troop deck where Kaidan was sitting.

Once Shepard was gone it was easier for James to both breathe and think as he ran a search quick search of the facilities status and confirmed everything EDI had told him not long ago; the facility was offline with no data available. The Archive building was much bigger than he'd expected and sprawled out in all directions like a giant silver spider sitting on a red rock. Muttering under his breath, James ran a second search for a landing zone, and once he had located the landing beacon for the Archives he brought the shuttle in low to land, grateful that he was able to land the shuttle without crashing it for a change.

"Commander, there's still no contact from the facility." James quickly put his helmet and moved away from the controls, eager to put some distance between himself and the shuttle. "We've also got a massive storm heading our way and once it hits it's going to disrupt our communication with the Normandy."

"Of course, because nothing can ever be too easy for us." Shepard's faintly sarcastic voice came in clearly through the receiver in his helmet as he entered the troop deck to find she and Kaidan already armed and waiting. James quickly pulled his assault rifle out and when Shepard saw he was ready she opened the hatch and nodded to him. "Let's do this quick and hope that maybe it's just a downed transceiver."

Shepard jumped out with her hand gun firmly in her grasp; Kaidan following hot on her heels with James in tow, the two of them doing a preliminary check of the area around the shuttle while Shepard scouted a little way ahead.

"That's one heck of a storm." James commented to Kaidan as he locked the shuttle down and then made to follow Shepard who he could see crouched up ahead behind a tumbles of rocks and boulders; intently watching whatever was on the other side.

"Not really." Kaidan had been silent for the entire ride down in the shuttle, and now that he was finally speaking he sounded distracted and slightly dismissive. "It's pretty average for Mars."

"Well, it's going be bad for communication either way; standard storm or not." James tried to keep his voice light as they finished their search and jogged to catch up with Shepard, determined not to take Kaidan's tone personally.

Kaidan's dark visor made it impossible for James to see his face and get a read on his emotional state, but he was acting as though he was seriously annoyed with something. Possibly himself and the way he'd blurted out the question about Shepard's tattoos or maybe at whatever she'd said to him when he asked her to speak privately. Really, it was none of James' business, but he wished he knew what the two of them had said to each other back in the docking bay, because Kaidan had been brooded silently the entire flight down while Shepard had avoided him and stayed up front with James.

"We have trouble." Rennah's voice came in through the receiver in his helmet, and James saw her put her hand gun away and draw her sniper rifle, lining up a shot. "Looks like Cerberus."

"_Cerberus_?" Kaidan took cover next to Shepard, quickly looking over the boulders at the troops beyond. "Are they...? They're executing them!"

James took cover behind a low rock wall on the other side of the rough path from Shepard and Alenko. The path led down the hill to the Mars facility and the Cerberus soldiers below seemed completely ignorant of their presence as they forced an Alliance scientist to his knees and then shot him in the head.

"Shit!" Shepard's voice growled and an instant later he heard her sniper rifle fire off and saw the Cerberus trooper's head explode into a red mist.

The other troops quickly scattered for cover, but not before Kaidan leaped over the rock wall with his assault rifle blazing; taking out another Cerberus trooper before he ducked back behind a boulder, firing periodically to keep them at bay. James waited patiently behind his own small rock wall until a trooper bumbled into view, trying to keep out of Kaidan's line of sight. He quickly fired a short burst and the trooper fell to the ground dead almost before he knew someone was shooting at him. James started to sight on another of the troopers when he heard Shepard's sniper rifle go off again and saw the same man he was lining up in his cross hairs, get reduced to a fine red paste.

A spray of bullets whizzed angrily past James' head and he ducked down behind the wall in time to see Shepard vault over the rocks she had been behind and hurl a singularity at the group of troopers firing on him; all three of them were lifted from the ground as they flailed helplessly. James didn't waste the opportunity and fired on all three of them before they could fall to the ground and retreat. Kaidan took out the last man, an engineer who had been attempting to set up a turret system, and then they all regrouped near the bodies of the Alliance scientists and soldiers.

"Shepard, what are Cerberus doing here?" The suspicion in Kaidan's voice was obvious and James winced to hear it, knowing how much Shepard loathed the organisation she had worked for, but surprisingly she kept her cool.

"Not a clue, but it doesn't look like they're here in force." The Commander sounded calm, cool and collected as she pointed at the ground assault vehicles parked nearby; a token amount and not enough to make up a real assault force.

James almost applauded Rennah's response to Kaidan. She had deftly sidestepped his passive-aggressive accusation and chosen instead to take the question innocently; an impressive move considering how angry she usually became when people accused her of working for Cerberus. Once she'd been brought back from a Defence Committee meeting because she'd apparently let fly with some colourful and choice language when one of the members had insinuated that Shepard might still be working for them The fact that she was making an effort not to snap at Alenko when he was making such pointed little remarks was nothing short of miraculous.

"We should head inside." Shepard pointed at the ramp ahead which led into the facility. "We might be able to get to the bottom of this."

James nodded and followed Kaidan and Shepard up the ramp, checking behind them in case any of the Cerberus troops had been hiding out and planning to shoot them in the back of the head. None did, and they made it safely inside, Rennah quickly closing the airlock doors and starting to cycle the air. She stowed her sniper rifle away again and drew her handgun, switching the ammo type to fire before loading it. James quickly checked his own clip and then readied his gun again, certain that they were probably going to find more trouble inside.

Before the airlock could cycle though, he saw Kaidan heading determinedly towards Shepard, and even with his helmet on James knew he was about to tackle the Cerberus issue again. There was something in the way he held himself and the way he was walking that seemed almost determinedly assertive. James wanted to stop the man and slap him on the back of the head to tell him that he was being stupid! The rest of the upper Alliance brass knew that Shepard was on their side and believed her, so why the hell didn't _he_?

But James stood back and let Kaidan go forward; he wasn't here to protect Rennah anymore and she could more than handle herself. Besides, if Kaidan wanted to keep pushing this issue than James wasn't going to stop him. It was pathetic, but part of him hated the idea that Shepard might still care for Alenko and _that_ was why she was reacting so emotionally to him. James knew he being was a stupid, jealous idiot, but even though he knew he didn't have a snowball's chance in hell of even registering on her radar, he still didn't want to see Rennah blissfully happy with another man.

_You're nothing but a jealous fool, Vega!_

"Shepard, I'm not letting this go." His voice, even over the coms, sounded painfully accusatory and James shook his head in disbelief.

"Kaidan…" Rennah's tone was placating, and for a moment James thought she might actually be able to avoid the oncoming argument, but the biotic stubbornly pushed on.

_He's like a blind and deaf man walking towards oncoming traffic; completely ignorant everyone shouting at him to get off the road,_ James thought to himself as he saw Shepard put a hand to her head in frustration.

"Don't Kaidan me!" The stress in Kaidan's voice rose and he began to pace, "This is serious and I want a straight answer! Do you know anything about this?"

"Oh for crying out loud, Kaidan! I left Cerberus months ago! I blew up the Collector base the Illusive Man wanted me to save and then stole the ship he'd given me. Why would I know _anything_ about why they're here?" Rennah was angry now and the emotion was threaded warningly in her words, but more than that, James could hear the frustration in her voice.

"You worked for them for months!" Alenko's voice was less sure than it had been a minute ago, and under all of his suspicion James heard pain. "They rebuilt you! They gave you a new Normandy and funded you. What am I supposed to think?" He sighed and came to a stop in front of Shepard, his hands outstretched in appeal.

Rennah was quiet for a second and then she spoke again; quietly but with fury in her voice that was so strong it made James was grateful it wasn't being aimed at him, "I'm only going to say this once, so listen carefully: I used Cerberus to take down the Collectors and save lives. I haven't had any contact with Cerberus since I left them and I don't know why they're here."

Kaidan still didn't seem willing to give up, and he stepped even closer to Rennah, as though trying to see her face through the visor, "Yeah but…"

"I'm not going to do this anymore, _Major_."

James shivered at the icy tone in her voice and decided to weigh in, "Commander Shepard has been under constant watch since she handed herself in. There's no way she's been in contact with Cerberus."

Rennah looked at him and even though he couldn't see her face, her saw her nod slightly at him and he felt better about interrupting their private little fight. He tried not to think about the omni-tools she had had access too while she'd been in his custody. Realistically, he had no idea of her tech ability, so it was possible that she had actually been in contact with Cerberus, but he didn't believe for a second that she had. Shepard would never betray the Alliance to Cerberus, he would have staked his life on it.

Alenko sighed as the fight went out of him and he turned away from Shepard, "I'm sorry Shepard. It's just that…"

He was interrupted as the airlock finally cycled and the room pressurised, breathable air rushing in through the vents. James was quick to remove his helmet; even though wearing it had saved his life on a number of occasions, he found it to be claustrophobic and he hated how they impeded his peripheral vision. Shepard and Kaidan both removed their helmets a little more slowly, Rennah pausing to shake out her long dark hair as she turned back around to face Kaidan; her violet eyes unmistakably bitter.

"You of all people should know me better than that, Kaidan. You don't like Cerberus? Great. Neither do I, but I'm done explaining myself to you every time you decide to get all snide and suspicious." The bitterness in her eyes was matched in equal parts by the anger in her tone and she turned away from him again as the hangar doors above them opened and the platform began to rise up to the next floor.

Kaidan was silent and as Shepard walked away from him, and James saw his armoured shoulders fall in defeat as he raised a hand to his forehead in regret. Then, with an obvious effort he shook it off and hefted his gun as he glanced up at the doors opening above them. James tried not to look at Kaidan as he moved to Shepard's side in a silent show of support, still a little flabbergasted at how stupid Alenko was being; it was almost like the man wanted an excuse to be mad at her.

As the floor drew level with what looked like a hangar or garage they heard noise; loud clunking sounds followed by gunfire coming from the vents above them, and all three of them ran for cover behind a ground vehicle, Shepard sticking close to the front so she could see what was going on. As James crouched next to her, his shoulder just touching hers, he kept his gun at the ready, certain that any minute now they were going to get swarmed by Cerberus troops. He heard the loud bang of metal hitting the floor, following by the buzzing sound of someone using biotics and then more gun fire. When the last gunshot had died away, Shepard chuckled next to him and pushed out from cover, holstering her gun as she strode forward recklessly.

_Laughing? Why was she laughing?_

Confused, James swung out to follow her, almost but not quite missing the gutted look Kaidan was still wearing across his face as he followed after James. _Stay focused on the mission, Vega!_ He told himself as he brought his gun up and came around the corner just in time to see a beautiful Asari holstering a hand gun, two dead Cerberus troops lying on the ground next to her. He raised his gun to keep her in his sights and almost jumped when Shepard casually pushed his gun back down, glancing at him with a weary smile.

"Easy these, Vega. She's one of us."

James casually lowered his weapon, feeling embarrassed again and glancing back uneasily at Kaidan who had watched their exchange without saying a word. When he met Kaidan's eyes the other man gave him a smile and a nod as he lowered his own rifle, as if to reassure him that it was okay to put the gun down.

"Liara." Shepard called her name softly and moved forward without a backwards glance for either of the men, as the Asari woman looked up at them with surprise on her face.

"Shepard! Kaidan!" The relief in her tone was palpable and she came forwards to meet them, sweeping Shepard into a hug that was so out of character for Rennah to take that James half expected her to shove the Asari away; but she didn't. "Thank the Goddess you're both alive! I was so worried about you! I heard the Reapers hit Earth almost as hard as they did Khar'shan."

"Khar'shan? The Batarian home world?" Kaidan had stepped up next to them, leaving James to stand awkwardly behind him, and Liara released Shepard to shake Kaidan's hand. "They hit Earth pretty hard, but I wasn't sure how far they had advanced."

"Far enough. My reports showed that they obliterated the Batarian home world in almost no time at all before they moved on. Reaper forces seem to be everywhere at the moment, which makes what I was doing here so important." Liara waved for them to follow her as she strode quickly to a console and pulled up some files. "I discovered plans for a Prothean device that could wipe out the Reapers."

"Impressive." James kept pace with Kaidan as they walk, and the darker hair man nodded in agreement with him. "But why are we only finding out about this now? And why are Cerberus here?"

Liara turned to glance at him curiously as he joined them at the console, "We found the files mostly through luck and desperation. Hackett had been doing all he could to prepare for an invasion while your Alliance had Shepard under investigation on Earth, and I wasn't willing to sit by and wait while either. Hackett asked me to use my resources as the Shadow Broker to help him…"

"Wait! You're the Shadow Broker?" The words burst from Kaidan in surprise as he stared open-mouthed at Liara. "When did this happen? Why didn't I know about this?"

Liara looked at him in mild reproach, "It happened quite some time ago; Shepard helped me take down the old broker, but I wasn't going to announce my new position to the world, Major."

"So you knew about this?" Kaidan had turned his surprise on Rennah now; a mistake.

"Well, I would have invited you along, Kaidan, but you were busy being an _Alliance soldier_ on Horizon." The acid in Shepard's tone was unmistakable and James saw Liara shift uncomfortably as Kaidan looked down, his eyes shadowed.

"Yes well," She cleared her throat to get their attention, "my position as the Shadow Broker aside, we need to get to the archives and retrieve the blueprints for the device. The archives are just beyond that tramway you can see through the window; assuming Cerberus hasn't locked it down." Her voice was evenly toned and she showed no other signs that she noticed the uncomfortable exchange between Kaidan and Rennah.

"What the hell are Cerberus doing here anyway? They seemed pretty desperate to get _you_." James moved so he was facing Liara, glancing at her curiously; she seemed so unassuming and totally not the kind of person he would have pegged to be the Shadow Broker.

She met his stare evenly, not flinching at all. "They're after the same thing I am; the blue prints for the device."

"That sounds like Cerberus, all right." Kaidan nodded and looked squarely at Liara, "They'd want to control anything that powerful…" He trailed off and glanced at Shepard, as though wondering if that was why the Illusive Man had rebuilt her.

The look wasn't accusatory, just thoughtful.

"Anything powerful enough to destroy the Reapers would definitely be something that the Illusive Man would want to control." Rennah agreed with Kaidan, looking at him and managing to nod as she began to draw her gun, glancing at the doors behind them that led into the base as they heard shouts and clunks from behind them. "Looks like we have company."

"Bring it on." James checked his rifle and brought it up; this was what he was good at! Shooting the bad guys and holding his ground!

"Not this time, Vega. I want you out in the shuttle." Shepard interrupted him abruptly, moving to stand in front of him and pointing at the lift platform that had brought them up.

He couldn't believe she was doing this! He'd come this far with her and Kaidan with no problem at all; she'd seen him in action so she had to know he was good in combat. So why send him back to the shuttle like a worthless grunt? Like a child that had to be punished?

"But…"

"Don't argue, Lieutenant." Rennah stepped closer and her eyes held a silent appeal as she held a hand up to interrupt him, "I need someone out there that I can trust, James. If Cerberus gets the data and tries to run I need you to be waiting to stop them. "

James nodded and kept his voice low as he replied, "Of course Shepard, just be careful. Things won't be so easy in a fire fight without me watching your back." He grinned cheekily as she laughed softly and then activated the lift.

"Smart ass." Her indigo eyes watched him until he vanished, the look in them enough to make James wish he could stay by her side. "And thanks for not mentioning the…" She tapped her omni-tool and winked at him as he disappeared from view.

James fitted his helmet, feeling irrationally pleased at her faith in him. He just hoped that Kaidan could stay focused on the mission and keep his head in the game while he fought at her side. Still, Shepard trusted him to back her up in fight, and she would know what Alenko was capable of far better than he did.

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**A/N – Gosh, I meant to get this out a lot sooner but my husband kept insisting I do stuff outside the house on my holidays! Outside! In the sun! With other people! Oh well, hopefully I'll manage two chapters next week! I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter ^_^ **

**More to come soon…and as always let me know what you thought in a review!**


	8. Empty Men

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect _

**A/N – Thank you for the reviews! My hubby must have listened as he left me alone for the day to be all reclusive and anti-social! Now, I'm afraid this is a rather Kaidan-heavy chapter, but he was a big part of Shepard's life and it's only fair to show what she'd really thinking about him. Especially as we all know what happens to him on Mars! **

**Thank you to Jules Hawk, TLCinbflo, Candle in the Night, Sita, Samolfran, Simone TRH, Shaun, Wendi and Gongora's Girl for reviewing ^_^  
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Rennah found dealing with the Cerberus troops almost _too_ easy as she, Liara and Kaidan fought their way through the base. With their combined biotic ability and Kaidan's tech, they were able to make mincemeat out of the troops they came across and were making good time towards the tram station. The discovery that Doctor Eva was the Cerberus mole who had brought about the deaths of the research team and soldiers had given Shepard a target to focus her rage on, and she was now determined to bring the woman to justice.

As they pushed forward, she was aware of Liara and Kaidan beside her; the three of them working as a team for the first time in years. The irony of having the two people who had refused to help her in her fight against the Collectors, now helping her in the fight against the Reapers was not lost on Rennah, but she didn't dwell on it. After all, Liara had had her own problems with the Shadow Broker and they'd prevented her from helping Shepard, and in retrospect it was probably better that Kaidan hadn't joined her; his issues with her being back from the dead would have been too much to deal with at the time.

Fighting alongside of Kaidan again was bringing back all sorts of memories; memories of knocking him out of the way of the beacon on Eden Prime, memories of their first kiss and their first night together, and memories of the things he'd said on Horizon. She'd thought that time and distance would have lessened the feelings of betrayal and hurt that she felt whenever she thought of Kaidan, but it hadn't. If anything, seeing him again had brought all of her pain and rage more sharply into focus. No matter how sensible she tried to be and how much she tried to keep her mind on the task at hand, a tiny little voice inside of her was constantly screaming that it wasn't fair; she'd done _everything_ right by Kaidan and he'd still turned his back on her!

Rennah felt just as emotional and conflicted as she had when she'd joined the Alliance Military as a desperate and frightened eighteen year old. Back then she'd been running so fast from her past that she'd had no choice but to forget about the terrible things that she'd done and the horrible things that had been done to her. To move on with her life and get through her training, she'd had no choice. God, she hadn't thought about her training in years! Those first few awkward years off the streets and away from her gang had been some of the most difficult of her life.

She'd had tried so hard to act like the other recruits and to fit in, but it had been impossible for her. She'd been great at pushing herself beyond her limits and following orders, but making friends and trusting the people she worked with had been another matter entirely. Rennah refrained from fraternising with the men that asked her out or made passes at her and she had never made close any friends. She tried, but the other recruits had found her to be cold and aloof, and Shepard had found it hard to talk to them.

None of them had known what it was like to be scared of yourself and what you were capable of, and none of them had known how isolating and frightening it was to walk away from your life completely. The more she tried to fit in, the more she realised that she wasn't like _them_.

The simple truth was that Rennah had never found it easy to talk to people and make friends. Oh she could make small talk with the best of them, and she could smile and feign interest in almost any topic under the sun, but she rarely felt any kind of connection to people. Anderson had told her she had trust issues and Hackett had attributed it to a superiority complex, but Shepard knew it was neither of those things; she just didn't understand people. If you couldn't understand people you couldn't connect to them, so she'd kept an emotional distance between herself and everyone around her.

Except with Kaidan.

He'd been the first person, other than David Anderson, who she'd let down her walls enough to talk to and to trust. Rennah had felt a connection with Kaidan; he'd been through something terrible and had come out the other side stronger for it, just like she had. He knew what it was like to have a shadow in your past that you couldn't run from; a shadow you could only learn to live with or go mad. He'd supported her when she'd felt like giving up and had held her in the times when she'd felt alone. He'd been the one person who she had finally trusted enough to actually let herself love…but in the end he'd let her down too.

Her childhood with the Tenth Street Reds had taught her that the only person you could rely upon was yourself, and trusting other people with your life and heart was just asking for trouble. If she'd been a stronger person she would never had forgotten that and let him close, but she'd been a fool. It had been crushing to have Kaidan turn his back on her, and dealing with the pain by getting angry was the only way Shepard knew to keep herself strong. She'd refused to break down and cry, so she'd stayed mad.

If Kaidan wanted to pick fights with her and turn his back on everything they'd meant to each other, than let him. She'd been the idiot that had let her guard down and let him into her heart, so she deserved everything she got. Besides, each time he questioned her loyalty just confirmed that trusting Kaidan Alenko had been the biggest mistake of her life.

_They were nothing alike._

"Commander?"

Rennah blinked quickly and chased the unpleasant thoughts out of her mind as she realised Liara had been speaking to her, "Sorry Liara, what were you saying?"

"Cerberus _has_ locked down the tram controls and that's the only way over." Liara lifted her hands in frustration at the terminal, "I can't bypass their lockout. I'm sorry, Shepard."

"Wait a minute, what about a short range communicator?" Kaidan stepped up to the terminal next to them and Rennah moved slightly to avoid brushing against him, her skin prickling as his biotics tingled against hers. "We can check their helmets for a transceiver and then convince them that we're on their side. Tell them that we've wiped out the Alliance soldiers and need a tram sent back for us."

Liara nodded and her eyes looked hopeful, "Yes, that could work."

"Okay," Shepard nodded at Kaidan and acknowledged that, that personal issues aside, he was a hell of a solider and it was a great idea. "Let's see what we can find."

The three of them backtracked to the tram station where the bodies of several Cerberus troopers lay sprawled on the floor; Kaidan and Shepard having gunned them down only minutes before. Checking the helmets for a transceiver was a good idea; an idea which she should have thought of herself. But she'd been so caught up with Kaidan and his accusations that she had let herself get distracted.

Kaidan knelt by one of the dead troopers and fiddled with his helmet carefully, "We're in luck. He has a transmitter in his helmet…" As he pulled the visor off, he reeled backwards and his voice tightened in revulsion at what lay underneath, "What the hell? He looks like a husk!"

Shepard crouched in the spot that Kaidan had recently vacated, taking the dead man's head in her hands as she turned the helmet this way and that to get a better look at the man inside. The face that stared back at her did indeed resemble that of a husk; the man's skin was a blotchy grey colour with black veins and capillaries spread over his skin. His eyes were gone completely and had been replaced with glowing blue orbs that gave Shepard the chills when she looked into them.

"They've done something to him, alright." Shepard commented more to herself than to Kaidan or Liara as she reached inside the helmet and carefully pulled the transmitter out from inside of it, trying to ignore the putrefying stench that came from the man.

"Shepard, this is monstrous." Kaidan was still watching the Cerberus trooper with horror on his face, and his turned his gaze on Rennah as she stood up with the transmitter in her hand. "How could they do this to their own men? Is this what they did to you?"

"Oh Kaidan…" Liara's soft voice sounded pained and Kaidan glanced at her quickly in confusion before looking back at Shepard, his face genuinely conflicted.

"How can you compare me to _this_?" Shepard felt the rage boil up inside of her again, red hot and so painful she wanted to scream as it built inside of her. "Do I look like this? Is this what you see what you look at me?"

After everything they'd been through today; escaping Earth, fighting Cerberus and looking down the barrel of a full scale Reaper attack, nothing had changed. Kaidan was still doubting her loyalty and still questioning who she really was, and she _hated_ him for it. She was so tired of having to defend herself at every twist and turn; and she shouldn't have to. Yes she had died, and yes Cerberus had brought her back, but no one other than Kaidan seemed to doubt that she was the genuine article.

"No, I just…"

"I'm still _me_, Kaidan. Why are you the only one who can't see that?" She saw him balk as she stepped forward angrily, her eyes full of everything she wanted to scream at him but kept bottled up inside. "I'm not a puppet, I'm not a clone and I'm not some kind of _husk_."

Why couldn't he see that? Why did he have to keep seeing her as a monster in league with Cerberus instead of the woman he claimed he had once been deeply in love with? From the moment she'd stepped back on board the Normandy with Kaidan, she had felt like he was constantly double guessing her and looking for a reason to mistrust her.

"I'm sorry, Rennah." He looked away and she saw him swallow guiltily, "I'm with you, I always have been…"

"No." She interrupted him quietly with a shake of her head, sick to the stomach with all of his cynicism. "No, you haven't been with me, Kaidan. If you'd been with me then you would have helped me stop the Collectors. If you'd been with me then you wouldn't keep doubting who I am."

Shepard turned away from him and walked to the railing that overlooked the tram line, Liara moving close and standing quietly alongside her as Shepard struggled to get emotions under control. She felt so sick and tired of having to argue and fight with Kaidan every time he got suspicious. It was draining to constantly battle such stubborn resistance every step of the way, especially when the resistance was coming from someone who should have been one hundred percent on her side and supporting her.

Suddenly, Shepard wished she'd sent Kaidan back to the shuttle instead of James.

She felt a ridiculous longing for the Vega's reassuring and capable presence; a longing that he would probably laugh long and hard at if he ever found out about it. James, for all of his ridiculous flirting and his inability to see her as anyone other than '_Commander Shepard_', had never once doubted her. He made her feel secure; even when she'd been at her bitchiest with him on Earth he'd done nothing but keep her safe and support her. God, the man had even been willing to get himself killed for her when those Batarian mercenaries had stormed the compound.

When she'd been lying against the wall injured, bleeding and struggling to stay awake so she could fight, Shepard had barely been able to believe it when James had stepped out to draw the Batarian's attention away from her. It had been brave and stupid and in that instant she realised she'd been totally wrong about him. Even though she was no longer Commander Shepard and was just a prisoner under house arrest, he'd been willing to die for her.

Rennah would never forget that determined look in his brown eyes when he'd realised he was going to get shot but had stayed there anyway to try and protect her. It was the first nice thing anyone had done for her since she had returned to Earth, and she hadn't been willing to sit idly by and let James get himself killed because of her. It had taken the last of her strength and all of her remaining biotic energy, but she'd charged him and knocked him out of the way to save his life. A man as good as James Vega didn't deserve to die for the likes of her, so she'd made sure he hadn't.

She _did_ trust Kaidan to do the right thing and back her up in a fight, but right now she needed more than just a gun at her back; she needed a friend.

* * *

James sighed and wondered what Shepard was up to in the facility below him as he did wide circles around the base, constantly scanning and watching for any signs of movement. So far he'd seen nothing, and after fifteen minutes or so of looking at the red sky, red ground and silver buildings, he was starting to let his mind wander as he circled the shuttle around. At least without Shepard in the cockpit lurking over him he wasn't quite as bad at flying and he didn't feel like he was about to send the shuttle hurtling into the ground.

A distant glimmer coming from the ravine that stretched kilometres deep into the ground next to the facility caught his eye and James instantly snapped out of the daydream he was in as he saw a shuttle coming in low over the Mars facility. From this distance he couldn't tell who is belonged to, but it definitely wasn't an Alliance shuttle, and he was willing to bed his entire poker winnings on the shuttle belonging to Cerberus. He began to bring the shuttle down in a fast descent, silently applauding Shepard on her foresight to send him out here.

As if summoned by his thoughts he heard Shepard's voice over the coms, her voice breathless as though she was running, "Dammit! She's getting away! James? Normandy? Anybody? Someone stop her!"

James saw the shuttle touch down briefly and pick up a tiny fleeing speck before it began to rise again, three other tiny figures, who he assumed were Shepard, Kaidan and Liara, not far behind. The shuttle began to rise faster and he heard Shepard curse colourfully as she realised they were too late to prevent the target from getting away. There wasn't much he could do, James realised as he watched as the shuttle began to rise quicker, this shuttle wasn't equipped with weapons and there weren't many other ways to bring down another ship…

_Unless he forced it down with his own shuttle!_

James gritted his teeth as the insane idea formed and he quickly plotted in an intercept course, accelerating his shuttle to ramming speed as he jammed his helmet back on and hoped he didn't get himself killed. It was a stupidly crazy idea, but it was the only option available to him and the frantic way Shepard had cried out for help told him that this shuttle had to be brought down by any means necessary.

_He wouldn't let her down._

"Don't worry, Commander." James fastened his safety harness and tried not to imagine what she'd think of his little stunt as he hurtled towards the other ship, "I've got this one!"

His shuttle rammed into the front of Cerberus' with a grinding crash of metal and enough forward momentum to almost send James flying; only the flight harness stopped him actually leaving his seat and being hurled forward, although his helmeted head smashed into the control board. The board began to flash with warning lights as alarms sounded and, with his head spinning, he saw the Cerberus shuttle careen back down and hit the ground in a brief fiery crash. Clenching his jaw and ignoring the pain in his head, he managed to push himself more securely into his chair to get control of his own shuttle before carefully bringing it down in a less than graceful landing.

"Whoa! Vega! Did you just do what I think you did?" Joker's amused voice sounded on the coms, interrupting James as he was unbuckling his safety harness with hands that were shaking from adrenaline.

"I took down shuttle the only way I could." James defended himself as he lurched upright and slowly made it from the cockpit to the troop deck and opened the hatch, "I'm not sure I can fly this thing out of here though."

"No problem, I'm inbound now will pick you up in the Normandy." He heard Joker laughing, "You're a crazy son of a bitch, you know?"

"I might have been told that once or twice before." Vega managed to reply, blinking dizzily as the hatch opened and Mars' red light streamed in.

He jumped out, dusted himself off and saw the Cerberus ship smoking nearby with debris spread out in all directions. The inside of the shuttle was clearly aflame, although it couldn't burn properly in Mars' thin atmosphere and was quickly extinguishing, and James drew his weapon just in case any more troops were lurking about. He saw Kaidan helping Liara up, and glanced behind him to see Shepard jogging towards him, her armour marked with more bullet dents than the last time he'd seen her.

"That was a stupid move, Lieutenant." Shepard nudged him on the shoulder as she came to stop behind him, but she didn't sound angry at all; she sounded decidedly pleased, "Good job."

"The Normandy is on its way, Commander. They'll be here soon…"

A loud metallic clanging sound, audible even in Mars' thin atmosphere, drew their attention back to the Cerberus shuttle where the silhouette of a woman was climbing out of the troop deck. Glimmering silver and wreathed in flames the figure stepped out and surveyed them all through glowing eyes. Kaidan was the first to act, drawing his gun and firing at the gynoid as she strode forward and seized him quickly, the bullets he fired at her seeming to have no effect as she grasped him by the helmet and held him high in the air as he struggled.

"Kaidan!" Shepard called his name with such fear that James felt a shiver go down his spine, "No! Let him go!" She moved forward quickly and decisively, her gun held steady as she waited for a shot.

James knelt with his assault rifle up and ready, unsure what was going on or who the woman in silver was, but knowing that Kaidan was in terrible trouble. When the woman did finally move, everything happened so fast that it was impossible for him to do anything to stop what happened next. Even Shepard, who had the fastest reflexes of anyone James had ever met, wasn't able to move quickly enough to stop the gynoid from attempting to kill Kaidan.

She whirled him around in a blur, still holding him by the helmet, and smashed his head against the burning Cerberus shuttle; once, twice and a third time. On the third strike, Kaidan went still and his scream, which James could hear deafeningly loud on his receiver went quiet. He heard Shepard choke on her own breath as she finally found the shot she needed and fired twice at the woman, who let Kaidan drop as the bullets smacked into her and she turned around and began to run at Shepard.

James didn't doubt Shepard would stop the gynoid as she ran towards her in a blur; after all, she was Commander Shepard and it would take more than one measly cyborg to stop her. But it was still terrifying to watch as the machine bore down on her, so fast that every bullet James fired from his assault rifle missed her. But not Shepard's. It took three hits before the robot went down, but down she went; her mechanical body sparking as it thudding to the ground and rolled to a stop near Shepard's feet.

"Grab that thing and bring it with us." Rennah's voice was calm, and there wasn't a trace of the fear that had been there earlier as she ran forward to Kaidan.

James obeyed, bending down to scoop the heavy body into his arms and throw it over his shoulder, grunting as it took most of his strength to stand upright. He was strong and worked hard to keep himself in peak condition, but the mechanical body was heavier than it looked and it took him a moment to balance his weight. Whatever the woman was, she wasn't even slightly human and the alloy she was made of was damned weighty.

"Commander, we have Reapers inbound. We have to leave now!" Joker's voice, for once sounding serious, claimed James' attention as the Normandy came in fast to hover.

Vega started towards it, the weight of the body over his shoulders easier to carry one he got moving, and he glanced back to see Shepard carrying Kaidan in a fireman's hold. The strength it would taken to lift and carrying Kaidan and his armour was mind boggling, but Shepard did it without even looking like it was a struggle. Whether it was pure strength or sheer determination, James couldn't tell, but they were able to make it onto the Normandy as the shapes of Reapers materialised in the sky above them and Joker got them out of there.

Shepard led the way through the shuttle bay and into the elevator without speaking, Liara holding the doors and hitting the button for the crew deck where the infirmary was located. Once the doors where shut and the elevator was climbing, the Asari moved quickly to Kaidan and removed his helmet and Shepard's, checking Kaidan's vitals with hands that James could see were shaking. James pulled his own helmet off with difficulty as he kept the gynoid balanced on his shoulder, and moved to get a better look at Kaidan who didn't seem to be moving or breathing as far as he could tell.

"Liara, is he…" Rennah's voice trembled as she spoke and she couldn't seem to finish the sentence, her breath catching in her throat.

"He's alive." Liara was trying to sound brave, but James could hear the worry in her tone, as could Shepard. "But he's badly hurt."

The doors opened and Shepard sped through them, carrying Kaidan's limp body straight to the medical bay where she carefully lay him on a gurney, her arms shaking with the effort to let his prone body down carefully without jarring him. Once Kaidan was down on the table her hands fluttered helplessly over him as she looked down into his face, the look in her own eyes heartbreaking. Whatever had gone on between her and Kaidan, it was now painfully obvious that she still cared about him a great deal and seeing him this close to death was ripping her apart.

James made himself look away, the scene was too intimate and too intense for him to keep watching. He let the metal body he was carrying fall heavily onto the table opposite, giving the cyborg a once over look before turning back to see Liara taking Shepard by the shoulders and turning her away from Kaidan.

"Rennah, he needs medical attention or he's going to die. We have to leave the Sol system now and we have to get to the Citadel." The Asari spoke commandingly and Shepard had no choice but to look away from Kaidan's broken body and focus on her instead.

"I know." She nodded jerkily, her violet eyes standing out starkly in her pale face as she glanced back at Alenko once more, unable to tear her gaze away, "Joker, get us to the Citadel, stat."

"Already on it, Shepard."

Shepard drew in a deep steadying breath, "Okay, Liara do what you can for Kaidan and EDI see what you can find out about that thing." She turned her gaze on the hateful machine briefly before moving back to Kaidan's side, her hand finding his and squeezing it. "Hold on, Kaidan."

James felt helpless and in the way as he stood to one side and watched as Liara gave Kaidan a shot of something and hooked him up to machines that would monitor his heart rate and breathing. That Kaidan was still breathing on his own was a good sign, but even James knew that a head injury was a tricky thing and the amount of force that Kaidan had been exposed to would have been deadly to anyone not wearing armour.

"Commander, I'm picking up a signal from Admiral Hackett." EDI's voice interrupted gently and Shepard reluctantly let go of Kaidan's hand.

"Thanks EDI, I'll take it in the Com room." She turned around and caught James' eyes briefly, the raw emotion in them catching at his heart as she moved past him without saying a word, her pace quacking to a jog as she raced from the room.

Liara finished hooking Kaidan up to the machines and then signalled for James to come over, her blue skin flushed with fatigue and her eyes exhausted as she gave the biotic one more gentle pat on the arm. "Watch the Major, lieutenant. I'm going to need to speak to Admiral Hackett with Shepard, but please call me if his condition changes."

"Sure thing." Vega nodded and moved out of the way as Liara hurried from the room.

He moved to stand closer to Kaidan, trying to ignore the machine lying on the table opposite that had done all this damage, and looked down into his face. Kaidan was deathly pale and far too still for his liking; not even his eyes moved behind his eyelids. Already James could see blue bruising forming around his eyes and temples where he'd been thrown against the inside of his helmet, and his skin was waxy looking and lifeless. The machine had been brutal with her attack and James could understand why Liara was so insistent that they get to the Citadel quickly; Kaidan was in bad shape.

James wasn't sure what to do, other than stand here and feel awkward so he leaned forward and clasped Kaidan's shoulder gently, unsure if the marine would even feel the contact through his amour. But he figured any kind of contact had to be reassuring in the state he was in; knowing that someone was standing beside him, even someone he barely knew, had to count for something.

"Hold on, Major." James told him quietly, giving his shoulder a gentle pat and then settling back against the wall to watch over him, hoping that they would make it to the Citadel in time to save his life.

He didn't especially like the man after the way he'd gone after Shepard today, but he was an excellent soldier and he didn't deserve to die when he'd been trying to save their lives. Besides, the way Shepard had looked at him when she'd lain him down and seen his injuries had shaken James; if anything happened to Kaidan he knew Rennah would blame herself. She'd been in charge of this mission and she'd hold herself responsible for any that happened to any of her people, and she definitely didn't need any more pain.

* * *

**A/N – James is such a nice guy. We-ell, you can count Kaidan out of the story for a bit – poor lad. But then again, this is probably going to be a chance for James and Shepard to get to know each other a little better! **

**I don't mind admitting that I found this chapter tough to write, so let me know what you thought of it! Hopefully it was okay!**


	9. I Believe in You

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect_

**A/N – Big thank you to the people who reviewed the last chapter: Wendi, Beausatchi, Samolfran, Jules Hawk, Shaun, Simeone TRH, TLCinbflo, Blausen, Sita, brandischoch & Candle in the Night. You guys got me to write faster! **

**I actually went for a walk with my dogs after I posted the last chapter, and a women's staffy attacked one of my dogs and bit it badly and by my fingers badly. Luckily my dog is okay after a trip to emergency vet and I just have some bitten up fingers that I can style type with! Yay!  
**

* * *

James had never been a big fan of the Citadel. Sure, it had some fun places, but it was mostly full of shallow people with more money than sense, or at least that was how it had always appeared to him. Today though, when they docked with Kaidan barely clinging to life, he realised he'd never been happier to see the space station, and the look on Shepard's face indicated that she hadn't either. She'd stayed by Kaidan's side through almost the entire journey; holding his hand and talking to him quietly while Liara made arrangements with the Citadel to set up a council meeting.

Joker called in the emergency as they approached the Citadel, and by the time they docked an EMS crew was waiting to take Kaidan to the Huerta Memorial Hospital for emergency treatment. He, Shepard and Liara had followed the paramedics into the main dock and then had watched while they took him away, the tone in the senior paramedic's voice as he called out Kaidan's vitals telling them how serious his condition was. James had hung back, expecting Rennah to go with Kaidan to the hospital, but she hadn't and when he'd stopped walking, so had she.

"Commander, aren't you going with them?" He asked in surprise and gestured towards the rapidly vanishing EMS crew and stretcher.

Rennah shook her head, watching intently as Kaidan and the paramedics disappeared from view, "No, I have to talk to the council before I do anything else."

Shepard rubbed the back of her neck as though the muscles were tight and she sighed, slowly walking over to the railing that overlooked the docking bay. She looked dead on her feet, James realised as he watched her take a moment to look out over the view. It wasn't surprising that she was finally starting to show signs of exhaustion; she hadn't slept since the Reaper attack on Earth, and with all that had happened, James didn't think she'd even taken the time to eat. He was about to wander over and check on her when an Alliance officer came around the corner and made a beeline for Shepard.

"_Por dios_, the woman never gets a break." James muttered to Liara as he watched the officer walk straight up to Shepard and clear his throat.

"No she doesn't, but she's been like this as long as I've known her." Liara didn't smile as she spoke to James in her soft voice and she watched him carefully as she spoke, "What about you, Lieutenant? With all of the excitement I never got more than your name. How is it that you've come to be on the Normandy?"

James shifted his weight as Liara watched him closely, trying to find the right words to explain how it was that he was on the Normandy. The honest truth was that in the rush to get to Normandy, neither he nor Alenko had stopped to consider anything other than Shepard and saving her life. The Major, although an impressive soldier, was just one man and bringing James along with him had probably been a tactical decision; by himself his chances of reaching the Normandy safely were greatly reduced, but with another gun at his side he had probably known he'd be able to make it safely.

"I was with Major Alenko when he was ordered to the Normandy to retrieve Shepard." He glanced over Liara's shoulder where Shepard was talking quietly with the officer, a smile on her face as she grinned at something he said. "I was her guard while she was in custody." James admitted, almost cringing as Liara's eyes widened and she grinned in surprise.

"Her _guard_? Shepard needed a _guard_?" The asari actually chuckled a little at this news, "I can't imagine Shepard liked that very much."

"She dealt with it okay." He shrugged and let his attention drift back to the Commander again, the relaxed expression on her face telling James that the officer was someone she knew and was comfortable with. "Hey, why does everyone keep laughing when I say I was her guard?"

Liara grinned a little wider, starting to relax around him as she put a hand on her hip and waved the other one expressively through the air, "Because it's _Shepard_! Believe me, if she didn't want to stay in custody, there's no way on Earth anyone could have stopped her from escaping."

James grinned at her words, "Yeah, I kind of suspected that, but I was more there to help protect her then to stop her leaving."

"Oh, so you were her _bodyguard_." Liara's tone implied there was something even more hilarious about that and the asari gave Vega a quick assessing glance from head to toe. "I suppose that explains why you watch her so often…"

"Vega! Liara!"

James had never been more glad of an interruption in his life as Shepard called to them, waving them to join her as the other officer saluted and left. She looked a little brighter than she had a few minutes ago, he decided, almost as though speaking to the officer had helped to energise her. He crossed the floor quickly to her side, avoiding looking at Liara in case the asari was still looking at him in that amused knowing way. He wasn't sure how, but somehow Liara seemed to know that he had more than a professional interest in Shepard.

"The Council are expecting us up in Udina's office." Rennah gestured towards the lifts and grinned as Liara groaned at the news.

"Udina." Liara said the name distastefully and looked skyward in annoyance, "I do not understand why you chose that man to be Earth's representative on the council."

"Well, like him or not, he's our best chance of rallying support from the other councillors." Rennah turned her gaze on James and crossed her arms over her chest, "Are you coming up with us, Lieutenant?"

"Nah, I think I'll give this one a miss, Commander. Council meetings aren't really my thing." He stepped back and glanced around the docking bay, "I'm gonna go check out the Citadel and act like the tourist I am."

It may have been wishful thinking but he thought Shepard looked the tiniest bit disappointment that he wasn't coming with them, and James felt a surge of pride that she wanted him by her side. Unfortunately, he couldn't think of anything worse than being stuck in a room with a bunch of stuffed shirts while Shepard begged them for help; he knew from her complaints on Earth that Shepard wasn't a fan of them either. Besides, this was the first time on the Citadel that he had clearance to go somewhere other than the lower levels and his natural curiosity about the exclusive upper levels had to be satisfied.

"Have fun, oh, and stay out of trouble, Lieutenant." Rennah opened her omni-tool and sent James a security clearance for the upper levels, looking slightly envious at his freedom while she would be stuck in meeting with the council.

"Who? Me?" He feigned innocence and grinned at her, the warm glow inside of him increasing as she smiled back at him and shook her head as though she didn't doubt for a second that he'd find trouble somehow. He opened his own omni-tool and received her codes, then closed his again and glanced up at her. "If you need to find me later I'll probably be down at Purgatory."

Rennah closed her omni-tool and raised an eyebrow at him, "Now, why doesn't that surprise me?"

"Hey, I'll be good." James held his hands up innocently and managed to tear his eyes off Shepard to glance over at Liara, who was watching his interactions with Shepard with interest; missing nothing that went on between them. He turned his attention back to Rennah and cleared his throat as he quickly added, "If you come down I'll even buy you a beer for taking that bullet for me." He tapped the side of his head where she'd been hit.

Rennah's violet eyes met his chocolate eyes and for a moment he felt something pass between them. He couldn't have said what it was; only that it felt good. Then the moment passed and she nodded to him, "Sure, that'd be nice."

He looked up to find Liara still watching him, and her piercing azure gaze met his for a moment before she looked away with another knowing smile, her attention turning to Shepard. Rennah left James with a parting laugh and a promise to catch up with him later and made her way back to Liara, both of them walking quickly as they left to meet with the councillors. He couldn't tell what Liara thought of him, or even whether she liked him or not. But she and Shepard had clearly known each other a long time and were very close, so he supposed she was probably used to seeing men fall all over themselves around Shepard.

He just hoped that Liara was seeing something good in him.

* * *

Purgatory was a welcome distraction after the frustrating tour of the upper levels that James had taken himself on. The embassy levels had been disgustingly opulent and the people up there completely deluded about what was happening elsewhere in the galaxy. Oh, they knew about the Reaper attacks, but they were so far removed from it that they acted as though they were untouchable; as though somehow they were safe from the Reapers on the Citadel.

It had been infuriating and James had left as quickly as he could, unable to stand being around those sorts of people any longer than he had to. He understood now why Anderson had ordered them to come here and get help; without someone directly appealing to the council, they wouldn't have sent shit to help them defend Earth. They just didn't care. The people up there were in their own little world and were interested in helping only themselves.

At least the people in Purgatory were living their lives in the real world; soldiers, merchants and people trying to make a living any way they could. He could respect that. The people down here knew they were in trouble and you could smell the desperation in the air. They weren't drinking to have a good time, they were drinking to forget about the things they'd seen and the things they knew were coming.

"Hey there solider, want to join us?" A female marine with long brown hair and sultry eyes leaned against the bar next to him and flashed him a smile, her eyes moving over his body in a way that reminded James that he _was_ a good looking guy that most women found attractive.

She inclined her head towards a booth in the corner of the room were another two female marines sat laughing with drinks in their hands, watching their friend chat to James and giving him decidedly come hither looks. It was tempting, he thought to himself as he watched them, but now wasn't the time or place for indulging in that sort of dalliance, especially when there was only one woman on his mind. James sat up straight and opened his mouth to answer when a hand slid over his shoulder and he felt a warm body brush gently against his, a faint tingle of biotics on his skin as the female marine abruptly stepped back.

"Sorry, but he's taken." Rennah Shepard pointedly kept her hand on James' shoulder until the woman had backed off, and then she slid into the empty seat next to him and gestured for the bartender to get her a drink. "Wow, Vega. I can't leave you alone for a second can I?"

"I can't help it if the ladies dig me." James swung around and faced Shepard, trying to ignore the flutter of excitement he'd felt as soon as he realised it was her.

Even though she looked exhausted, she was still ridiculously beautiful as she sat there and thanked the bartender for the beer, taking a long drink before she sighed and turned to face him, "What?" She asked when he kept staring at her with the stupid grin on his face.

"Nothing, it's just my wildest dream come true! You fighting off other women for me!"

"Ha! That'll be the day." Shepard rolled her eyes at him and took another drink, although James was sure that she was blushing. "I just didn't come all the way down here to watch you fall victim to space strumpets."

"Space strumpets?" He laughed and glanced back at the women who were laughing drunkenly amongst themselves, the women with brown hair giving Shepard a nasty glare. "Nah, I'm with you Shepard." James expected her to laugh or smile, but instead Rennah went still at his words and the smile slid from her face; her eyes troubled. "What? What did I say, Commander?" James touched her arm gently.

"Kaidan said the exact same thing to me earlier, and...I bit his head off." She put the heel of her hand to her head and closed her eyes for a second. "I just keeping thinking about everything I said to him today, that if he'd died and they'd been the last words I ever spoke to him…" She drifted off and looked morosely down into her drink and swirled it around in the glass slowly.

He could almost see her thoughts moving across her face as she imagined Kaidan being dead and the words she'd spoken in hurt and anger being the last thing she ever said to him. There was a look of such regret on her face that he almost cursed himself for asking what he'd said to upset her in the first place, especially since he'd known it would have something to do with Kaidan. But it was clear that Rennah needed to get this off her chest, and that there weren't many people she could talk to about it. He could see in the way she held herself that she was keeping too much bottled up, and people who kept things bottled up had a habit of exploding emotionally when they least wanted to.

"Commander, feel free to tell me if I'm out of line, but what happened between you and Alenko?" James hoped he sounded casual as he asked her, taking a mouthful of beer to hide his nervousness; fully expecting her to tell him to mind his own business.

But she didn't, and Rennah didn't seem to notice his nervousness as she shrugged, "We used to be together and now we're not. Simple as that."

James didn't think it was quite as simple as that, not with the way Alenko had been acting as though she were an untrustworthy Cerberus spy. He couldn't decide if Kaidan's problem was with Shepard, with Cerberus or if something had happened while Shepard was working with Cerberus to sour him on her. James wasn't brave enough to ask that yet, and he didn't think Shepard would answer if he did ask. More importantly though, at least in his mind, was how she _felt_ about Alenko. She'd been frantic with worry when he'd been injured, but the bitterness she had displayed towards him before that had hinted that he'd hurt her badly.

"Do you still love him?" James asked the question quietly, and was surprised when Shepard looked away and cleared her throat awkwardly. "Things between you two seem more than a little bit strained." He added.

"I…I'm not sure." The answer came hesitantly and her mouth tightened, "I thought I hated him, but when I saw him injured today, I don't know anymore. I don't love him like I used to, but I don't hate him either."

"So," He shifted on his chair, "if there was a chance for the two of you to get back together would you?"

_Please say no._

"God, I don't know. If you'd asked me yesterday I would have said never, but now…" Rennah put her drink down and sighed, tugging on her hair and finally shrugging. "I don't think I would, but it's hard to know for sure."

It wasn't a no, but it wasn't a yes; he'd take that.

"Well, can I be presumptuous and give you come advice?" James learned on the bar and put his drink down near hers, the side of his hand brushing against hers in a move that was so casual it could have been by accident.

She glanced at his hand, but didn't move hers away and there was something deep in her eyes when she looked back up at him and forced a smile on her face, "Sure James, _dazzle_ me with your wisdom."

"Hey, don't knock it until you hear it." He gave her a mock-serious glare, "Someone once told me that if you keep looking backwards you're going to miss what's right in front of you."

Rennah stared at him for a moment, her violet eyes looking into his so intently it was like she was looking into his soul. He could see her thinking the words over as she held his gaze, never wavering or flinching as the music pulsed around them and other patrons, mostly Alliance soldiers and asari dancing girls, moved around them in a haze of sound and light. Slowly, she leaned forward until her face was only inches away from his, and then her eyes dropped to his mouth and back up again, the hint of a smile on her own lips as she watched him.

"_You're_ right in front of me James."

James stared back at her in shock for a second, unable to make himself speak or move as her eyes held his, then she smiled and laughed again as she pulled back from him and drained the rest of her glass. _She was making a joke,_ he realised with a start and made himself smile too as the moment passed. For a second there he'd thought she was being serious and he'd almost fallen out of his seat. He wanted her to see him that way; as a man instead of just her guard or another solider.

_He'd give anything for her to see him that way._

"I'm serious Shepard." He put a hand on her forearm and gently curled his hand around it, waiting until she met his eyes and could see that he meant every word. "The way he spoke to you wasn't right. Someone like you deserves better than what Alenko dished out."

Rennah's widened at his words and she looked away quickly, glancing down at where his hand had held her arm as he let her go. To his surprise, as soon as he let her go she reached out and took his hand, her grasp firm as she laced her fingers with his and looked down. For several moments she looked at their hands and didn't say a thing or meet his eyes, and James could feel her silent internal battle as she dealt with demons he would never really understand.

"Thanks James." Her voice was so soft when she finally spoke, and he could barely hear it over the noise of the bar, "But I'm not anything special at all." She still didn't raise her eyes to look at him, but her grip on his hand tightened.

James narrowed his eyes and looked closely at Shepard, wondering what the hell had happened to her in the past to make her say something like that. The woman was probably the best soldier in the galaxy! She was intensely clever, blisteringly attractive and had a legion of dedicated fans. There was no way on Earth that she didn't know that she was amazing; unless someone at some point had convinced her otherwise. It hurt James to even think about someone being so cruel to Rennah, but there were a lot of assholes in the world that did things like that.

"Bullshit, you're smoking hot and you know it." He put all of his passion in his voice as he spoke and shook his head in amazement at her ability to be so self-depreciating. This time he was rewarded when she glanced up at him with the ghost of a smile on her lips that slowly brightened as she realised that he meant what he said.

Rennah shook her head slowly and then began to chuckle, "You're such a flirt, Vega."

"You love it, Shepard." He winked at her and finished off his own beer, squeezing her hand back and trying hard to memorise the feeling of her long fingers entwined with his.

"You know how to cheer a girl up, I'll give you that." She tossed her hair and smiled as the look her eyes lightened, "You also make a good point about leaving the past in the past."

"I'm a wise guy." James nodded sagely, enjoying being the person to make Shepard smile. "Trust me when I say you should leave Alenko in your past where he belongs and move on. A woman like you is wasted on a guy like him."

Rennah gave him an appraising look, her eyes slightly narrowed and she let go of his hand and brushed her long dark hair behind her ears, her purple gaze focused intently on him. "And you have _no_ ulterior motives by dishing out this advice?"

James grinned a little wider and got the bartenders attention to signal for another drink, aware that Shepard was still watching him as he shrugged casually, "I'm not going to lie to you Shepard."

She waited for him to continue and when he didn't she leaned closer to him and tapped his arm impatiently. "That's not an answer James."

"No, it's not." He glanced at her sideways as he waited for the drink, feeling the twisting excited feeling in his stomach increase as she blinked in surprise and then looked down at her new drink, a small smile playing around the edges of her lips.

Being so obvious with his flirting was probably a really bad idea when Rennah was such a volatile woman, but he'd had a crush on her for half his adult life and as the world was going to hell around him he way as well give it a shot. Besides which, she seemed to genuinely like him and she wasn't shooting him down as he'd expected.

In fact, she looked downright_ pleased_ with his flirting.

* * *

**A/N – See? I told you Vega would start to make his move soon, but there's a bit of a stretch between gentle flirting and an actual relationship…especially when Shepard was burned so badly by Kaidan.**


	10. The Valley Of Dying Stars

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect _

**A/N – Another massive thank you to the people who reviewed my last chapter: Brandischoch, tianacarin, Sita, TLCinbflo, Samolfran, SimoneTRH, McCartneySwines, xxDarknessEternalxx, Candle in the Night, Jules Hawk, Shaun and BahaBatarianBoy!**

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"He wants us to _what_?" James almost spat his coffee out as he stared at Shepard with an open mouth, unable to comprehend that after refusing to help them, the turian councillor would have the audacity to ask them for a favour.

"It's not that surprising, really." Rennah was clearly trying not to laugh as she watched him cough and splutter, "It's a case of we scratch their back and they might, maybe, if we're lucky, think about scratching ours."

He, Shepard and Liara were all sitting around the mess table on the Normandy and discussing the day's events; Shepard looking especially amused at his outburst as she sipped on a cup of mint tea. Six months on Earth as her guard and he knew that much about her – mint tea was her favourite non-alcoholic drink. Liara had looked amused when he'd made himself a coffee and a tea for Shepard without being asked, and had looked even more amused when he hadn't made anything for her. But hell, he didn't know all that much about asari and he wasn't sure if they could drink coffee or tea without getting sick! In the end Liara had said nothing, and had demurely made herself some kind of spiced asari drink.

"But that's…" He floundered as words eluded him, far too angry at the entitled way the council was behaving to articulate his rage properly.

"That's normal, James." Liara smiled calmly at him as she sipped her drink, her eyes still looking far too entertained at his indignation for him to really settle down.

Shepard nodded too and her sparkling violet eyes sought his, "It's also better than nothing. At least the turians are willing to discuss the possibility of helping us; that's more than the asari or the salarians were willing to do."

Liara's look sobered and she looked guilty as she reached out a slender fingered blue hand to touch Rennah's briefly, "I'm sorry Shepard, I know you hoped for more from my people."

"It's not your people that are the problem, Liara. It's the council." Rennah swirled her tea around in her cup before inhaling the steam and taking another sip, her gaze flicking up to Liara's reassuringly. "Anyway, you can't blame them for wanting to protect their own interests, it's just that if we don't band together against the Reapers we're not going to have a chance against them."

James had known something was up when Shepard had abruptly recalled her crew and had ordered Joker to the Turian home world, but he hadn't guessed it was because the ambassador had actually had the audacity to ask a favour of them after refusing to help Earth. He was grateful that they'd managed to have at least a little free time on the Citadel since it was doubtful they'd be getting much more, and he had no regrets about anything he'd said or done in the bar with Shepard on that first night. Not that anything had happened, not like he wanted, but there was definitely an awareness between them that hadn't been there earlier and he was certain now that Rennah was starting to see him as James Vega the man, instead of Lieutenant Vega the guard.

"Is there any word on Kaidan?" Liara leaned forward as she asked, her eyes concerned as Shepard shrugged and glanced down into her tea again.

"I went to see him in the hospital but he was still unconscious. The doctors are happy with his progress though and think he's through the worst of it." She put her cup down and cleared her throat, looking uncomfortable as she looked up at Liara, "They don't think he'll have any permanent damage, but they won't know for sure until he wakes up."

"He'll be fine, Shepard. He's a fighter."

"I know, but I still feel like this is my fault." Rennah shrugged and took a longer drink of her tea, her eyes betraying how guilty and worried she really was.

While James was glad to hear that Major Alenko was out of immediate danger, he couldn't help but feel just the tiniest bit jealous of the way Shepard went all quiet and introspective whenever she spoke about him. Even though he'd hurt her and had accused her of being a Cerberus puppet, she still cared about him in a way that James found completely baffling. Rennah was such a hot-blooded and tempestuous personality that the thought of her still feeling emotionally attached to someone who could talk to her the way Alenko did was beyond ridiculous.

"It wasn't your fault, Commander." James decided to chime in; the last thing he wanted was for Rennah to spend the next few days worrying that she was to blame for Kaidan's injuries. "Alenko happened to be closest to her when she came out of the shuttle and was the first to draw his gun. It could have been any of us though; he just got unlucky."

"Yes, but I was in charge, Lieutenant. That makes everything that happens my responsibility." Shepard finished her tea and stood up, collecting Liara and James' empty cups and taking them to the mess as she continued speaking, "Anyway, I need to contact Admiral Hackett and report in. We should be reaching Palaven within the hour."

James pushed away from the table and stood up, "Well, in that case I'm going to head down to the shuttle bay and get our weapons and gear ready, and there are a few modifications I want to do on my new armour before I wear it into a firefight."

The armour he'd bought on the Citadel had taken most of his savings, but he'd had no choice given that he'd left his Alliance armour back on Earth and the suit he'd borrowed for the Mars mission wasn't quite a perfect fit. Besides, if things went bad with the Reapers then none of them were going to have much use for money in the near future. It was a great suit though; top of the line and it had come with several modifications which had made his marine heart drool when he thought of trying them out. He'd shown it to Shepard when he'd brought it back to the ship and she'd seemed impressed, although she'd commented that she preferred her good old N7 armour to anything currently available for sale.

"I'm going to check in with Glyph and see if there is any extra information on the Turian Primarch which may be of use to us during the war summit." Liara shrugged and stood up too, activating her omni-tool and glancing up at Shepard, "You never know what information might come in handy."

James lifted a hand in farewell and walked over to the elevator with Shepard, very aware of Liara's eyes burning into his back as she watched them every step of the way. So far she hadn't said anything to him about his painfully obvious crush on Shepard, but he could tell that it was only a matter of time before she did. He also had a sneaking suspicion that Liara had been using her power as the Shadow Broker to check out his history and find out what she could about him, as she'd made several casual comments about things from his past that he hadn't told anyone about; like that bar fight on Omega.

"After you, Commander." James gestured for Shepard to walk into the elevator first, trying not to focus too much on how lovingly the BDU fit her curves. He followed her in and pressed the button for the CIC for her, aware that her destination was far more important than his.

She leaned against the side of the elevator and watched him with a small smile on her lips, "So, how'd you pull up after our night at the bar?"

"Not too bad. You?" He'd actually drank far too much that night and had been sick as a dog the next morning, but he'd be damned if he was going to let his macho image slide and admit that to Shepard.

She'd had no problem holding her alcohol, in fact he had a sneaking suspicion that even though she'd matched him drink for drink, she'd still been in perfect control of her faculties about the time he was ready to pass out. It had been a good night though; they'd talked more than they had in the entire six months they'd been together and he'd seen a side to Rennah which he'd never seen before. They'd swapped stories and jokes, had compared war wounds and he'd flirted outrageously with her the entire night, pleased that he could make her blush and laugh with a word or look.

He'd woken up the following morning with a horrible hangover and no regrets.

"Oh, I was fine." She grinned and rubbed the back of her neck sheepishly, "Jack used to say that our amped up biotics help us avoid hangovers. Not sure if it's true, but since Cerberus rebuilt me I definitely don't feel as bad after a big night out."

"Jack again." James said it before he could stop himself, and he almost slapped himself in the forehead as Shepard's eyes gleamed and her grin widened.

"You're not jealous are you, Vega?" She raised an eyebrow and leaned forward, clearly fighting a desire not to laugh.

James toyed with the idea of telling her that he was a little jealous, just to see if that would shock a reaction from her, but the elevator reached her level and the doors opened before he could. He had time to grin as Rennah winked at him mischievously as she left, Traynor instantly claiming her attention as she bombarded with her with important messages that had come in overnight. As the doors closed James pressed the button for the shuttle bay, and then folded his arms across his chest and leaned back against the cold steel elevator wall, his brown eyes thoughtful.

Attempting to woo Rennah Shepard was an awful lot like playing poker; you had to know when to bluff and when to fold, and you had to have a really good poker face. He had a sneaking feeling that this early on in the game there was probably more at stake than he realised; one false move and Rennah would cut him off and he'd be done for. So, as much as he wanted to come right out and make his feelings known, it was safer to just take things slow and work on building their relationship outside of the parameters of guard-prisoner and Commander-Lieutenant.

He just had to be patient and hope he was having an impact on her.

* * *

"Fuck!" Shepard landed badly as she was flung from the barricade and hit the ground hard, her knee popping painfully before her suit could administer localised medigel to heal the wound.

_Oh shit._

For a moment she lay stunned on the ground and stared up at Palaven as it burned in the sky above her. The sparkling midnight blue of the night sky framed the reds, orange and yellows of the burning cities on Palaven's surface as the Reapers laid waste to the cities. It was a heartbreakingly haunting sight as it hung in the sky, and a constant reminder for the turians on Menae of what it was they were fighting for.

"_Shepard!"_

The sound of someone screaming her name and an earthshattering roar knocked her out of her daze and she rolled quickly to her feet, seeing red and whimpering in agony as her knee almost gave out under her. Desperately, she gritted her teeth through the excruciating pain and ran as the monstrously huge creature that had knocked her from the turret charged at her, narrowly missing her as it rushed through the place she had fallen.

Rennah didn't have time to think or hesitate, she just ran for the large boulder in the middle of the crater and took cover, her hands fumbling at her hip for her pistol as she willed the medigel to kick in soon. She fired on some husks that were running towards her, putting them down easily as she felt the vibrations in the ground as the huge hulking thing thundered towards her. God, how could she stop something that big when she was injured with just a pistol and her biotics as weapons?

The whole mission had gone to shit as soon as the Normandy had entered the system and they'd realised how dire things were for the turians; Palaven had been burning and even from a distance you could tell that the Reapers were there in force, possibly in even greater numbers than they had been on Earth. Then they'd landed on the moon only to find out that the Primarch had been killed and they were trying to locate his successor, a process complicated by a communications array that had gone down. She'd gone out with James and Liara to repair it, only to have EDI go haywire on the Normandy; and as the icing on the cake she'd had to send Liara back to deal with it and had been a person down.

The only silver lining was that Garrus had been on Palaven's moon acting as a Reaper specialist, and he seemed keen to join up with her again; something she wasn't about to turn her nose up at. She'd known he would be alive; Garrus Vakarian was even harder to kill than she was, and that was saying something. He was also one of her oldest friends and, unlike Kaidan and Liara, he'd never turned her away or refused to help her. When she'd turned up with Cerberus after being killed, he hadn't even battered an eyelid. He _was_ tough and ruthless, but Garrus put a lot of stock in friendship and she knew he'd support her no matter what she did in the fight against the Reapers.

Shepard was snapped back to reality by the sound of heavy fire coming from an assault rifle and the screaming of the huge hulking beast as someone fired on it. Was it James? She'd heard him yell her name when she'd been flung from the barricade but hadn't had time to look back and see what had happened to him. She tested her knee and though it still hurt, she managed to get to her feet again as the medigel started to work, keeping her back against the boulder as she looked around the rock in time to see the beast rushing in her direction.

She quickly used warp on the hideous thing and heard it roar in anger as more assault rifle fire hit it and then a concussive shot to the head put it down for good. Once it collapsed to the ground she could see that both James and Garrus had come down over the barricade after her; James was standing quite close to the creature with his assault rifle still up and Garrus was little further back with his sniper rifle by his side, both of them breathing hard. Shepard gave in to the temptation to lean against the rock to take some of the weight off her knee; she knew that where there was one of these things there was likely to be more, but both Garrus and James were jogging towards her and she trusted them to keep an eye out for the enemy while she recovered.

"What the hell was that thing?" Shepard pointed at the huge carcass and tried to ignore the worried expressions on both of their faces as they came closer, James looking at her knee with concern. She wasn't surprised he was worried, normally medigel would have started working by now; she just hoped she hadn't done anything to the cybernetic joint to cause her discomfort.

Garrus put his sniper rifle away and drew his assault rifle as he scanned their surroundings for more hostiles, "We call them brutes. You didn't have those on Earth?"

"Not that I saw." She tested her knee again and this time was able to stand without any pain at all, and she breathed a sigh of relief. "Thanks for coming after me." She nodded at both of them, trying not to let her eyes linger too long on James who looked amazing in his new armour.

_Down girl! Focus on the mission and not the eye candy!_

"Don't mention it." Garrus pointed at one of the rocky paths leading away from the barricade, "They still can't get hold of the new Primarch, so I'll take you to him on foot. Assuming he's still there."

"Let's go." Shepard checked her thermal clip and then carefully followed Garrus as he led the way forward, James running at her side with his weapon up and ready for action.

She couldn't help but compare James to Kaidan as they jogged along, her eyes still watching for hostiles as her mind wandered. Physically James was far bigger than Kaidan, and from what she'd seen on Mars he was far more assertive in battle; charging in and trusting in his combat ability rather than taking cover and safely waiting for opportunities as Kaidan did. Shepard had seen a lot of marines perform outstandingly in battle, but James really was something else. His athleticism, speed and strength gave him and edge which other marines just didn't have.

Personality wise, James was very sociable and outgoing, while Kaidan was a little quieter and more introspective, although both of the men could be very intense when they felt passionately about something. James was also an outrageous flirt, so much so that Rennah couldn't tell if he was joking with her half the time, or if he was being serious and he actually did find her attractive. Kaidan had never been as hard to read, mostly because he'd come right and just said he was attracted to her and they'd gone on from there.

There were other big differences too, for instance Kaidan would have asked her about her knee and made a big deal about it, but Vega seemed to trust her judgement and had said nothing. Oddly enough, although she'd only known James for a few months, he'd proved himself to be unswervingly loyal and dependable while Kaidan had most certainly _not_. Even now, almost a year since Cerberus had brought her back, he was still hung up on who she was and where her loyalties lay; she just hoped when he finally woke up in Huerta he might have had some sense knocked into him.

More and more she was appreciating why it was that Anderson had chosen James to keep an eye on her while she'd been under house arrest on Earth. There weren't all that many people that Shepard actually trusted not only to watch her back, but to actually have the ability to keep her safe, but James was one of those people. Anderson had told her that James was on the list of potential N7 candidates, and if their world wasn't destroyed by the Reapers, he'd make one hell of an N7 recruit and a brilliant officer one day.

As they rounded a corner James jogged a little bit ahead of her and Shepard finally had a chance to admire how ridiculously good he looked in his armour. She'd always had a thing for marines in heavy battle armour, and Vega looked unbelievably attractive in his; broad shouldered, narrow waisted and incredibly masculine. Dammit. He had no right to be so distractingly good looking when they were in the middle of a war!

"Up ahead, Commander." Garrus' voice reached back to her and Shepard quickened her pace to catch up with him. "General Victus should be up there, but we've got trouble."

Ahead of them were the sounds of battle; bursts of gunfire, loud explosions as grenades detonated and the yells of turians as they repelled waves of Reapers. Shepard began to power up as they saw the edge of the fight ahead of them, swarms of husks and marauders attempting to break the ranks of turians soldiers who were fighting them with everything they had. Rennah didn't hesitate as she hurled a powerful biotic blast at the reaper creatures, the force of it scattering them like bowling pins as she began rapidly firing at husks.

As she threw herself into the battle, Shepard forgot everything except the fight and her world narrowed down to the next target to be destroyed, the next clip to be loaded into her gun and the next biotic power to use on the hostiles around her. It was a dance she knew the rhythm to, and she moved amongst the turians with speed and grace, occasionally catching a glimpse of James or Garrus as they followed her into the fray.

She couldn't have said how long she fought for, if it was hours or minutes, but slowly the waves of enemies began to lessen and eventually they retreated and Shepard came back to herself, breathing hard with her biotics still flared brightly around her. She holstered her gun and glanced around; the turians were moving amongst the battlefield finishing off injured husks and helping injured comrades. Sadly, Shepard realised there were almost as many dead turians lying on the ground as there were reaper creatures.

"I see you're as handy with those biotics as ever." Garrus strode towards her quickly, holstering his assault rifle and looking out over the field with her. He nudged her with his arm and gestured at James who was helping another turian lift a wounded brother and carry him back to the nearest tent. "Your friend isn't bad in a fight either, not as good as me, mind you, but not bad."

"Lieutenant Vega is handy to have around, that's for sure." Rennah glanced at Garrus from the corner of her eye and chuckled, "Good to see that you're as modest as ever."

Garrus laughed his deep rumbling turian laugh and nodded towards the main tent, "C'mon, if General Victus is still here, he's going to be down there with his men."

They walked down towards the tent in a companionable silence and Shepard watched as James went back and helped another injured turian with a broken leg. He nodded and his warm brown eyes caught hers briefly as he went by and Rennah smiled as she felt that strange tingle along her skin that his presence always gave her. It was good to see James so willing to help the turians; a lot of human marines still harboured ill feelings towards them because of the first contact war, so it raised James even further in her estimation that he didn't have those same prejudices.

"Ah, there he is." Garrus touched her arm and Shepard jerked her attention away from James, a flush of embarrassment creeping along her skin when she realised he'd distracted her far more than she'd realised. "General Victus, this is Commander Shepard."

"Commander, I know you by reputation of course." General Victus held out a battle scarred hand which Shepard shook, his grip firm and hard in hers.

"It's good to finally meet you, General." Shepard released his hand and cast her eyes upwards to Palaven, "I'm sorry to see what the Reapers have done to your world."

"As am I, but I'm sure you didn't come all the way here to tell me that." He waved her pleasantries aside, his voice gruff and impatient. "So what has brought a Council Spectre all the way here to see me?"

"Not good news, I'm afraid sir." Garrus spoke up before she could, and Rennah relaxed as he began to chat informally with the General, breaking the news of Fedorian's death and Victus' new role as Primarch.

As Rennah had expected, Victus wasn't especially impressed or enthusiastic with his new role in the Turian government, and like all soldiers he wanted to serve his people on the battlefield, fighting the good fight against the Reapers, not as a politician far removed from the battle. However, much as she sympathised with him, the war summit was of the utmost importance and his hesitation was not only putting the fate of Palaven in jeopardy but also the galaxy. The longer he argued with Garrus the more frustrated she became, until eventually she couldn't take it anymore.

"General, we need you up there." Shepard finally lost patience and stepped forward, pointing up at the sky as she tried to keep the tone of impatience out of her voice. "You _must_ represent your people at this war summit. In a time like this we need leaders who are strong and who know what real war is like. I respect that you want to fight alongside your people, but this is bigger than just Menae or Palaven. Every moment you hesitate means more lives will be lost to the Reapers."

For a moment she thought Victus would ignore her outburst but in the end he sighed and looked up at Palaven alight in the sky above them, inwardly fighting with his desire to stay in the fight versus his new responsibility. "You're right, Commander. Give me a moment to say goodbye to my men and I'll come with you."

Shepard breathed a sigh of relief as Victus moved off wearily to say his goodbyes. For a moment there she'd thought he was going to refuse them, but thankfully his love for his people had outweighed his hatred of political manoeuvring. It was a relief; now she just had to deliver him to the summit, and if everything went well, there was a chance for the citadel races to unite against the Reapers and for Earth to get some help.

Somehow though, Rennah knew it wasn't going to be that easy.

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**A/N – Huzzah! It's been a big week for me! I finally got my Mass Effect paragade tattoo finished on my wrist aaaand I got another chapter done despite being sick with the flu!**

**As always, please review and let me know what you think!**


	11. I'll Follow You

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect_

**A/N – Thank you to those who reviewed the last chapter. I got a little inspired with this chapter and wrote it even faster than I anticipated…and had fun! You'll like this chapter! **

**I do go back to work tomorrow though, so it will probably be a week or so before I get my next chapter out.**

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James sat at the mess-table and listened with amusement as Garrus and Rennah discussed the latest round of ridiculous arguments that had come out of the war summit, both of them mercilessly mocking the Salarian Dalatrass for her most recent outburst. Personally, he was glad that only the Commander was really having to take part in the summit to represent Earth's interests, but it made for fun listening in the evening when Rennah reported back to them, usually giving spirited impersonations of the other alien leaders. He'd never have guessed it, but she had a flair for the dramatic and was able to imitate the voices and mannerisms of the other leaders with uncanny similarity.

"So let me get this straight," Garrus flicked one of his clawed hands at Shepard and leaned back in his seat at the table in the mess-hall, "The humans want help from the turians, but the turians will only help them if they get help from the krogans, who can't help unless the salarians can cure the genophage, which they don't want to do. Have I got it right this time?"

Shepard arched an eyebrow and smirked at her old friend, "Well, you forgot the part about the Dalatrass having a tantrum at the mention of curing the genophage, and then passive-aggressively threatening me when I told her that we were going to cure it with or without her help, but yeah, that about sums it up."

Garrus laughed softy in his two-toned voice, "Not that I'm questioning you, Shepard, but exactly how are we going to cure the Genophage without, you know, _a cure_." The turian leaned forward again in his seat and spread his hands wide, "Because I sure as heck don't have one lying around."

James had been wondering about this himself and he sat up with interest to hear Shepard's answer, because the way she grinned at Garrus' sarcasm suggested that she did have an answer. She chuckled, and it was that same velvety laugh that he'd heard a million times before when she knew something that no one else did; the same laugh that made things in his stomach pull tight. Next to him, he saw Liara glance in his direction as he shifted in his seat. _Could she tell how affected he was by Shepard?_

"Remember Maelon's experiments that we shut down? It turns out that a few female krogans survived, _and_ they're fertile and free of the genophage." Shepard's grin widened and she snapped off a piece of ration chocolate that was sitting on the mess-table in front of them and popped it in her mouth as she continued, "Only somehow the Salarians found them before anyone else did and have kept them on Sur'Kesh. The Dalatrass isn't happy, but she'd agreed to hand the females over to Wrex; they're our first step in finding a cure."

"So, we're on our way to Sur'Kesh." Liara's eyes narrowed as Rennah went to break off another piece of chocolate and hesitated. "Shepard?" She prompted when it was clear that the Commander had something else to add.

"Well, we're stopping off quickly at the Citadel to refuel and restock food and water, but we won't be there long." Shepard cleared her throat and glanced around slightly awkwardly before she opened her omni-tool which was beeping softly, "Also Kaidan's awake and wants to see me." She said the last past quickly and quietly and pointedly kept her head down.

_Kaidan!_ James inwardly cringed at the mention of Kaidan's name and fought to keep any hint of his feelings off his face, but to his surprise he wasn't the only one displeased to hear that particular name.

"Kaidan!" Garrus' mandibles and jaw opened in an expression that even James could tell was shock, and the turian frowned at Shepard who was avoiding his eyes as she opened a message to read on her tool, "You're not…"

"No, I'm _not_." She told him firmly as she glanced up at her old friend and closed the message she had been reading, "Kaidan helped me escape off Earth and was almost killed on Mars. He's been at Huerta recovering. I just want to make sure he's okay."

"I see." There was a tone in Garrus' voice that implied he could more than see what was going on, but he didn't say anything else and Shepard, who had looked like she was gearing up for an argument subsided.

Her omni-tool beeped again and she looked down at the message that flashed across it in irritation and stood up, "Just drop it Garrus, okay? I have to go and talk to our honoured guests, since both Victus and Wrex want to talk to me in private." She reached down and took another chunk of chocolate before walking away without looking any of them. Her pace suggesting that the conversation at the table she was glad to find an excuse to get away from.

Garrus waited until the elevator doors closed behind her before he turned on Liara with a serious look, "Shepard's actually _talking_ to Kaidan again? After what happened on Horizon I thought she would kill him the next time she saw him."

James, who was feeling uncomfortable about the way Shepard had fled from the conversation, sat up straighter at Garrus' comments and got the turians attention, "What did happen on Horizon? Shepard mentioned that she and Kaidan broke up, but I got the feeling it was more than just _that_."

"I'm not surprised she didn't say more." Vakarian ignored the look Liara gave him and focused on James, "I think part of the problem is that she and Kaidan never technically broke up, so to speak."

"What do you mean?" Vega felt himself frown in confusion. What did Garrus mean when he said they had technically never broken up? Shepard had said herself that she and Kaidan were no longer together, and the way they behaved around each other indicated that they'd not only broken up, but that it had been a _bad_ breakup.

"Well, let me put it to you this way; imagine you're sweet on your commanding officer and after months of flirting with each other you finally get together and everything seems perfect. You're in love with her, she's in love with you and despite the fact that you're breaking regulations you're managing to make things work." The turian paused and James nodded before he went on. "Then one day your ship is attacked by the Collectors and your girlfriend, being the commanding officer, orders you to evacuate even though you want to stay behind and help her."

Suddenly, James knew where the conversation was going and he felt his stomach drop to the floor as a feeling of deep dread filled him. In all the time he'd imagined what could have caused the rift between Kaidan and Shepard, he'd never stopped to think that they'd been together when she'd died. It was too horrible to think about, and even more gut wrenching was the knowledge that in the two years she'd been gone, Kaidan would inevitably have moved on with his life, while Shepard would have woken up stuck in the past.

Garrus continued, "You get to watch the ship destroyed and see your girlfriend die in space while you're helpless in an escape pod and unable to do anything to save her. You're inconsolable with grief, you become depressed and you spend the next two years of your life living with survivor's guilt and burying yourself in your work. Then, out of the blue, she reappears one day; exactly the same as she was two years earlier, except now she is working for Cerberus; something that the woman you knew would never have done."

"So Kaidan and Shepard never broke up because she died?" James swallowed hard and tried not to remember how upset he'd been when he'd heard that Commander Shepard was KIA. He'd just been a stranger who'd had a crush on her, but he could remember feeling as though he'd had his heart pulled out when he'd heard she was dead. He could only imagine how heartbreaking it had been for Kaidan, not only to lose her but to have to watch helplessly as she died. "So what happened?"

"Well, we knew Shepard was lonely and that she was struggling to get her mind around having been dead for two years, but it wasn't until she saw Kaidan that she actually let any of it show. She was so happy to see him, and for a moment, I think he was just as glad to see her, but then he started to question where she'd been for two years. In his eyes, she'd either deliberately faked her death or she wasn't the real Shepard and she was a Cerberus puppet. Either way he was angry, bitter and suspicious of who she was and what she was doing on Horizon."

"He didn't actually say that, did he?" Vega pulled back from Garrus a little bit and glanced at Liara, who was listening with a look of intense sadness on her face.

"Yeah, he did." Garrus paused and looked down at his hands on the table, "She was so happy to see him and he just shot her down; he was _cruel_. The Kaidan that I'd known on the first Normandy would never have treated her the way he did that day, but I guess he'd changed. He was furious with her and he ignored everything she tried to tell him. He even implied that Cerberus was behind the collector attacks and because she was working for them she was the enemy now." The turian looked back up at James and shrugged, "The way he treated her was cold and callous, and I think he broke her heart."

James felt sick as he looked from Liara to Garrus, unsure of what to say or think. He knew it would have been a shock for Kaidan to have Shepard appear in front of him, back from the dead so to speak, but to be so horrible to someone you loved was unthinkable. He'd been overjoyed when Anderson had casually told him that Shepard was alive, confused admittedly, but he hadn't stopped to think about the how and why. He'd just been happy that she was back. So why hadn't Kaidan felt the same way?

"After Horizon, I think something in her died all over again, and she changed. Rennah stopped laughing and joking and became angry and withdrawn. She cut herself off from the people who were her friends and she started spending all of her time in the lower engineering deck with Kasumi and Jack. I'm not sure if I should say this, but when we went through the Omega Relay, I think Shepard was expecting to die. Maybe even hoping she'd die. I don't know." Garrus gave a small sad shake of his head and stood up, "I just know that Kaidan Alenko isn't the man I thought he was and he's not someone who I'd want to see Shepard getting involved with again."

"That's not fair, Garrus." Liara finally spoke up with a small frown on her face, "He was probably hurting just as much as she was…"

"Maybe, but that doesn't excuse what he did to her." Garrus stepped back, suddenly angry at Liara for reasons James didn't fully understand, "You weren't there, Liara. You were off chasing Shadow Brokers instead of supporting your friend."

Liara's eyes dropped back down and James saw her shoulders sag, "I know. It's just that on Mars he was obviously still hurting and so was she…"

Garrus shook his head and made an alien sound of frustration, "That's exactly the reason why she should keep away from him. The way she's acting now is more like how she used to be, and I don't want to see her go back to the way she was before we took down the Collectors. I know you like to see happy endings Liara, but don't encourage her to try and patch things up with Alenko. He's no good for her."

With that, the turian stalked angrily from the room and James was left awkwardly sitting at the table with Liara. He could barely believe what Garrus had said about Kaidan's behaviour, but it explained so much; Shepard's reaction when she saw him on Earth had been one of fear. He realised that now. The guy had been so cruel to her that when she'd seem him again on Earth she'd actually been scared to go and talk to him.

"James, I know you are attracted to Shepard." Liara finally broke the silence James inwardly cringed as he realised they were finally going to have _that_ conversation, "I don't know enough about you to know what your intentions are, but I just wanted to say that you should be very careful with Rennah. No matter what Garrus says she is still very much in love with Kaidan…"

"Liara, it's not your business…"

"Shepard will always be my business." She cut him off before he could say anything else, her tone sharp and unexpected. "I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just asking you to be careful with her. Shepard likes you too, but she's more vulnerable than people realise and this situation with Kaidan has her very confused."

James clenched his hands into fists under the table and took a deep breath, "I'm not going to hurt her, Liara. I spent six months watching her back and taking care of her on Earth, so I'm sure as hell not going to cause her pain now."

Liara nodded and left him to his thoughts, her heels clicking on the floor as she retreated back to her room. For a moment James sat unhappily at the table, and then he slowly got up and began to clean up the mess that everyone had left on the table, mulling over everything that he had learned today. Knowing the truth of what had happened between Kaidan and Shepard had made him feel worse, rather than better, especially since he'd seen the way Kaidan had looked at Shepard when he'd first seen her.

As angry and suspicious as Alenko was, anyone could see that he was still in love with her, and Liara was right when she said Shepard was still vulnerable to Kaidan. Hell, Shepard had admitted as much to him in the bar the other night; she was angry at him but part of her still loved him. God, how could he even begin to compete with a relationship with as much history and emotion as theirs? He'd thought that playing it safe and treading softly with Shepard was the way to her heart, but if Kaidan was still in love with her, then it was only a matter of time before he made _his_ move.

Maybe it was time he stopped playing so safe…

* * *

"Stupid idiots and their stupid requests." Rennah paced in the confines of the elevator, replaying the asinine conversations she'd just had with both Wrex and Victus. Sure, both of their requests were important and she could see why they each didn't want the other to know about it, but the fact that their races had both made such stupid mistakes in the past that had led to these situations was frustrating. And now they wanted _her_ to help them fix it.

Typical.

The elevator doors opened to the shuttle bay and she walked out slowly, suddenly feeling a little bit hesitant since she didn't actually have a reason to be down here, other than the fact that she wanted to be around James. It was strange; she normally loved her solitude, but when she'd gone back to her empty cabin earlier she'd just felt isolated and lonely. She'd wanted to be with someone rather than sitting alone in her room reading rosters and data pads, and while James could be a pain in the ass, he was also funny and she never felt any pressure to be someone she wasn't when she was with him.

The shuttle bay seemed oddly empty as she came out of the elevator, but she could hear someone moving about in the little alcove where James spent most of his time, so she headed in that direction. Sure enough, James was there doing a work out, only unlike the other times she'd run into him down here, this time he was working out shirtless. _Shirtless_. Rennah felt her mouth go dry as she watched his back and arm muscles rippling, unable to take her eyes off all that awesomely toned muscle.

_And I thought he looked good in his armour…_

"Hey there." She crossed the floor and leaned against a stack of weights, trying to look casual as he continued working out, seemingly oblivious to her presence, "You have a minute?"

"Always, Commander." James dropped back to the floor easily and grabbed an old towel which used to wipe the sweat off his neck and chest. Shepard tried not to follow the path of the towel with her eyes, but it was impossible to drag her gaze away as she desperately tried to think of something to chat about.

_Jesus, but he was big. Big and impressive._

"I was, uh…" Rennah lost her train of thought as she watched as the towel dipped lower and he ran it over his toned abs and then back up over the wide expanse of his chest and down one scarred arm. Why hadn't she ever noticed how incredibly _hot_ James was? Six months with him in close proximity and the most she'd done was wonder how often he worked out when she could have been looking at…

"Shepard?" Vega prompted her when she stopped talking, his tone decidedly amused at how distracted she was by him.

Shepard went red, she could feel her face burning as she hurriedly looked away and desperately tried to formulate a coherent sentence, "I was going to ask if you wanted to…spar."

_Spar? Oh Rennah, you idiot…_

"Spar…with you, Commander? I didn't think you got down and dirty with us grunts?" James' tone made it sound as though he was referring to something else equally as physical as sparring but a lot more horizontal, but she ignored his innuendo and crossed her arms over her chest.

"What? Are you too frightened to hit a girl, Vega?" Rennah felt the heat in her cheeks finally begin to recede and she looked up again, finally meeting his eyes unabashed, even though she could see he was deliberately trying to make her blush again.

_He was enjoying this!_

"Not at all, Lola. So long as you keep those biotics of yours offline." James smirked at her and gestured for her to precede him out of his little alcove and into the main floor of the shuttle bay.

Rennah felt herself begin to smile again as she walked ahead of him, "Lola?"

"Yeah, about time I gave you a nickname. You look like a Lola." James began to stretch as he watched her unzip her BDU jacket and slide it down her arms, revealing a black N7 tank top underneath. "One of my friends had an older sister called Lola; she was tough and hot…like you."

Shepard rolled her eyes at him as she stretched and did some quick warm ups, aware of his eyes on her body as she moved but not bothered by it, "I'm not going to blush again that easily, Jimmy."

"Can't blame a man for trying."

She brought her arms up defensively and stepped out into a fighting stance, wondering what style of fighting James favoured. She didn't have to wait long; true to his word he wasn't frightened to hit a girl and he came at her in a flurry of quick punches which she blocked easily enough, and then tried to kick out her legs in a move that was so fast she almost missed it. However, she hadn't reached the rank of N7 for nothing, and she let herself flow around him like water, dodging his moves easily. His fighting was a mixture of Alliance training and pure brawling, and he was just as good as she'd thought; landing two glancing blows with his fists over the next few minutes.

Shepard realised he wasn't trying to hit her as hard as he could have, but he wasn't holding back as much as she'd expected. After a few minutes of testing him out, she came at him and he blocked most of her blows successfully, although she managed to hit him one on the cheek and twice in the ribs before she danced back out of range. When he came at her again, she was ready and moved as quickly as she could; taking his arm and using his weight and momentum to sweep his feet out and bring him to the floor, where he lay stunned while she hovered over him, momentarily gloating.

Which was a mistake.

He was on his back one second, and unexpectedly rolled to his feet and tackled her to the floor, landing on her hard enough to knock the air out of her as he pinned her to the floor. _What the hell?!_ It had been a long time since anyone had got the better of her while sparring and she stared up at him in surprise as he looked down her, seemingly surprised himself that he'd managed to bring her down. She sucked in a breath of air and realised that although he'd brought her down hard, he was being very careful not to hurt her as he pinned her, which she appreciated given his size.

Rennah locked eyes with him and abruptly the air seemed to buzz around her, and for a moment she thought she'd unintentionally flared her biotics, before she realised it was actually James' proximity that was making her skin tingle and buzz. _Could he feel this too? _His face was only inches from hers and as she looked up into his eyes, the electric buzz in the atmosphere intensified and she became acutely aware of his body on hers and his hands on her arms. The tip of her tongue stole out to nervously moisten her lower lip and his gaze jerked down to her mouth, his eyes darkening as he shifted his weight on her.

"James..?" She swallowed as the moment stretched on and he continued to gaze down at her, seemingly just as much a prisoner of this moment as she was.

His hands loosened on her arms and Shepard felt his hands slowly move up to grasp hers and she willing laced her fingers with his, loving how warm his hands felt against hers. Her skin was still tingling with awareness and she felt heat begin to pool in her belly as he shifted his weight on her again as she realised how big and male he was. It had been so long since she'd felt like this. She wanted him to close the distance between them and press his lips against hers; she wanted him to kiss until she was senseless and all she could think about was him.

He began to lower his face to hers, his breath smelling of peppermint and chocolate as she let her eyes drift closed and her lips part as she felt his lips brush softly against hers…

The deafening ringing sound of metal tools hitting the shuttle bay floor reverberated through the room and Shepard and James sprang apart, both of them coming to their feet as they saw an intensely embarrassed Cortez standing across the room, having just come out of the elevator carrying a tray of tools which he'd dropped; apparently because he'd seen them. Rennah swallowed hard and felt every inch of her body go scarlet with embarrassment as Cortez stuttered an apology, his eyes looking anywhere except at them.

_God! What the hell had gotten into her?_

"Esteban?" James sounded strained, shocked and surprised all at once, and Rennah distantly realised that she probably would have found the look on his face hilarious if she hadn't been so hideously embarrassed herself.

Abruptly, Rennah stumbled away from James and moved quickly to the elevator before he could try to stop her, "I…I have to go."

"Rennah!" She heard him say her name but she kept walking, unwilling to look back at him in case she wasn't strong enough to walk away once he had her pinned with those eyes again.

She moved around Cortez and avoided meeting his eyes too as she slid into the open elevator and pushed the button for her cabin, looking up just as the doors closed to catch a glimpse of James looking utterly bewildered as he stood on the floor where they'd just been lying, his face worried as she fled from him. For a moment their eyes locked and she felt that strange magnetic pull towards him, then the doors slid shut completely and she let herself fall against the wall as she buried her face in her hands and groaned in embarrassment.

What had gotten into her?

* * *

**A/N – That was fun! Let me know what you thought!**


	12. Holding On

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect_

**A/N – Spoiler warnings if you haven't watched Mass Effect: Paragon Lost – there will be some bits in this chapter that refer his failed attempts to romance Treeya. **

**Also, a big thank you to the people who have reviewed - Jules Hawke, Samolfran, Sita, Simone TRH, Candle in the Night, Blausen, TLCinbflo, Shad0wDancer, CrazyMadButterfly, Shaun, xbLoOmZx, brandischoch, brooklynrhino, spacecats & the guests! You guys gave me so much love for the last chapter that I'm still glowing…so Imma give you a little more James goodness! **

* * *

James felt like the floor had just fallen out from under him; one minute he'd had Shepard melting in his arms and the next she'd become spooked and had bolted from the room as though he'd grown horns. The moment had been absolute magic until Esteban had bumbled into the room and scared the hell out of both of them! He wasn't ever going to have a chance like that again, hell, he hadn't even planned it! He'd just been intending to let Shepard up once he'd pinned her, and mock her for letting her guard down! But then he'd looked down into her eyes and it was like the air had electrified around him.

It had been amazing. _Incredible_. He'd been completely helpless once he'd looked into her eyes, and he hadn't been able to stop himself from taking her hands and then leaning in to kiss her. She'd wanted him to! He knew she did! He'd seen it in her eyes as clear as day. For the first time ever he'd seen her with all of her walls down, and he'd seen the passionate woman who was inside of her; and she'd wanted him.

_Him_ _of all people._

He could still feel the way her body her reacted to his; the subtle shift of her hips under his and the light pressure of her fingers against his hands. The memory was strong enough that he knew he couldn't let Shepard run away from him and Vega tried to put all thoughts of Rennah's lips and body out of his mind. Right now he had to forget the way she had smelled spicy and warm, and how inviting her eyes had been as she'd looked up at him. Thanks to Cortez's interruption that moment was gone and Shepard had run away from him as though he'd scared her, so he had to focus!

It was a hell of a shock to have gone from feeling on top of the world to feeling like a complete heel - that was for sure. The gentlemanly thing to do, not that James had ever really thought of himself as a gentleman, was to go after her and make sure she was okay. Not just because he was worried about her, but also because he wanted her to know that this wasn't a game he was playing. He needed Rennah to know that he was seriously interested in her and wasn't just jerking her around or flirting with her. His eyes latched onto her BDU jacket which sat abandoned on the floor and he quickly picked it up, almost running into Cortez as he hurried to the elevator.

"Vega, I am so sorry!" Cortez looked at James as though he wanted to vanish into the ground, his eyes wide and apologetic, "I didn't mean to…"

"Forget about it." James waved his apology aside, trying not to let any of the lingering annoyance show in his voice as he pressed the call button for the elevator.

Esteban bent to pick up his tools, still looking absolutely mortified as James stabbed the button with his finger again and impatiently waited for it to come back down. Vega knew without a doubt that Shepard would have gone back to her room to try and sort out what had happened, which was why the elevator was taking so long to respond. Had she been as blown away as he had been by how quickly things had gotten out of control between them? He'd never experienced anything like it before and was willing to bet that she hadn't either.

The doors finally opened and James held them open for a moment while he looked down at Esteban, "You're not going to mention this to anyone, are you Esteban?"

"Like I would!" Cortez shook his head and stood up with his tray of tools, "I'm not stupid enough to go spreading gossip about the Commander."

"Thanks man."

James stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the Commander's Cabin, adrenaline and excitement rushing through his body at the thought of seeing her again. He knew that the chance of recapturing that insane moment on the shuttle bay floor was next to none, but he couldn't seem to stop himself from thinking about what might have happened if Cortez hadn't startled them. He hadn't been with a woman since he'd started the job guarding Shepard, and it had been even longer since he'd wanted any kind of serious relationship with someone.

The last person he'd felt something for had been Treeya on Fehl Prime, and he'd spent two years working up the courage to speak to her properly. Unfortunately, by the time he had it had been way too late for anything to happen between them, which was one of the reasons why he wasn't going to ever make the mistake of letting himself get tongue tied with a woman he liked again. At the time he'd thought that his problem was how self-conscious he became when he was around women he liked. Sure, he could flirt, but when it actually came down to talking one on one with someone he was seriously attracted to, he had always managed to stuff it up. Treeya had been a fine example of bad he was at romancing women he liked.

After the incident on Fehl Prime she'd softened considerably towards him and he'd realised that she had started to fall for him, but it had been too late for them by then. He was too riddled with guilt at his decision to save her and the data she carried over the colonists to want to pursue a relationship with her. Treeya had become a constant burning reminder of the thousands of people that had died because of the decision he'd made, and starting a relationship with the asari anthropologist has lost its lustre.

Shepard was different though; he could talk to her easily without fumbling for words or struggling to say something entertaining. Even though his feelings for her had started out as a crush born of hero worship, they had developed considerably while he'd been guarding her on Earth. As antagonistic as she'd been to him and as professional as he'd acted around her, he'd still found her both beautiful and clever and hadn't been able to stop himself thinking about her when he wasn't with her. The day she'd been released from hospital and he'd seen her without her shirt on had been the day he'd realised he was in serious trouble with Shepard.

He still had the image of her in that black lace bra burnt into his mind, and the mural of colourful tattoos on her back still haunted him far too often. He wanted a chance to hold her body against his, to touch her skin, kiss her lips and see that same burning look in her violet eyes that he'd seen earlier. Rennah didn't make him feel tongue tied and nervous, she made him feel strong and capable; when he was with her he felt like he was the best version of himself he could possibly be.

The elevator doors slid open silently and James came out, nodding to himself as he saw the red light on the door to her cabin that signified it was locked. _No surprise._ He crossed the hallway quickly and pressed the alert button at her door, wondering if she would even bother opening the door or if coming up here had been a waste of his time. She would know it was him out here; who else would have come up to see her so quickly?

Despite his concerns, he didn't have to wait long and he perked up as he heard the sound of someone moving at the door moments before the door lock flashed green. The door slid open and Shepard waved him in, her eyes still looking incredibly embarrassed as she glanced behind him as though worried Cortez was going to spring out of the elevator and surprise them again. James walked in past her and looked around her cabin with interest as she closed the door behind him and locked it again.

"Wow." He couldn't help but sound amazed as he glanced around her bedroom.

He knew that this Normandy had been built by Cerberus and not by the Alliance Military, but its size and opulence was still impressive and slightly off-putting. Her cabin consisted of a massive bedroom with a lounge suite and a bed, a raised section that contained an office and a door which led off to a private bathroom. A fish tank with several exotic looking specimens in it spanned most of one wall, several silver ship models hung in her office and she also had…_a_ _hamster_? James had to stifle an amused snort as the little creature squeaked and scurried around its cage, and he glanced back at Shepard in surprise; he wouldn't have pegged Shepard as the kind to keep pets!

"James, I should explain." Shepard had quietly watched him look around her cabin, and once he was done she stepped forward and launched into what sounded suspiciously like a rehearsed speech. "What happened in the shuttle bay shouldn't have happened. I'm not sure how it did and I just wanted you to know that I don't make a habit of rolling around on the floor with my junior officers, and I'm sorry if I put you in an awkward position…"

"Commander, if anyone put anyone in an awkward position, I think it was me when I tackled you to the floor." He tried hard to keep his voice light and he smiled casually as he came towards her, "Although I'm not sure that I can agree that what happened between us shouldn't have happened."

Her eyes went round with surprise at his comment, "But it was madness…"

"Oh, come on Rennah! It's been coming for a while." James raised an eyebrow and grinned a little wider, "You can't deny there was always _something _between us."

She flushed a little and bit her lip, "Flirting is one thing, James. What happened down there was another."

"I agree completely and I'm saying that there's been something between us for a while now." He moved a little closer to her and reached out to take her hand, pleased when she didn't pull away from him. "I know it's a bad time for me to come out and admit that I'm attracted to you, but I think it's pretty obvious now. I know I'm a flirt, but need you to know that I don't do this kind of thing lightly. So when I say I like you and want to get to know you better, I mean it."

"James." Shepard murmured his name quietly but didn't seem to know what else to say, so she just stared at his hand holding hers for a moment before she nodded and sighed, "You're right, there has been a certain kind of…_tension_…between us. But I don't want to muddy the water."

"Forget muddying the waters, Lola! We have Reapers threatening to destroy the entire galaxy, so why not give us a go?" He closed the gap between them and lightly put his hand under her chin and tilted her face up so she was forced to meet his eyes, "I just want to know if you feel the same way? Does your skin tingle when I'm around? Do you think about touching me? Kissing me?"

James lowered his voice as he spoke, never in his life having spoken to a woman in such a daring way, but he felt like being daring. He couldn't have said what brought it on, only that he had Rennah back in his arms again and he could feel her trembling slightly as she looked up at him. Her violet eyes darkened at his words and he saw her draw in a breath as he spoke, her hand tightening in his briefly as she swallowed convulsively and she bit her lip again.

"Of course I do." Rennah's voice was strained and she let go of his hand and stepped out of his embrace, her face flushing again as his hand dropped away from her chin. "I haven't felt like this in a long time, it's just that I don't know if I want to get involved with anyone again."

"Because of Alenko?" He hated even saying the name and reminding her about the major, but it was inevitable since they were stopping at the Citadel just so Shepard could visit him in the hospital.

"I can't deny that the situation with him has made me a little hesitant to get involved with anyone again." She shrugged and wrapped her arms around herself as though she was cold, "But it's more than that. Every time something good happens to me, something goes horribly wrong and I fuck things up, and I don't want to screw things up between _us_."

James felt disappointment cut through the triumph he'd felt when she said she felt the same way as he did. It didn't matter after all that she wanted him too; she was too scared about being hurt again and too worried about messing things up to even take that chance. _No_. He couldn't accept that she was too scared to take a chance on him, not after the passion that he'd felt between them earlier and the way she'd just responded to his touch.

"Rennah, I've never felt this way before and I want to explore what this is between us." He held up her jacket and stepped back into her personal space again, hoping again hope that Shepard wouldn't step away again as she took the jacket from him. She didn't. "This could be something very special for both of us."

"I know." Her voice was soft, softer than he'd ever heard, but her eyes were sharp and knowing as she took the jacket and stayed standing few inches from him, "I know you think I'm being a coward…"

"You're not a coward." He very carefully put a hand out to cup her cheek, watching for any sign that he was pushing too hard or crossing a line, but she watched him evenly and didn't pull away, "You're beautiful, intelligent and brave, and I know that Alenko hurt you. But I'm not him, and I've always believed in you and stood by you."

"I know." She repeated as she let her eyes close and leaned into his touch, "I'm not shy or frightened by what this is between us; I'm just not used to losing my head or feeling this way. I need some time to figure out what I want."

"Then take some time." James felt himself smile as some of the weight lifted from his shoulder; _this_ was much better than a straight out rejection. "I'm not going anywhere, and I'm going to be by your side no matter what you decide."

"Thank you." Rennah looked like she meant it, and he saw some of the tension leave her. "You are special to me, Jimmy, and I don't want to lose you because I screw things up."

"You couldn't lose me if you tried, Shepard."

Vega looked down into her beautiful indigo eyes and raised his other hand to her cheek, cradling her face in his hands as he decided that he'd push the advantage he had. Slowly and without breaking eye contact, he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers, finally getting the kiss that had been stolen earlier. Rennah seemed to melt into his arms and he felt her wind both arms around his neck as she went up on tiptoe and kissed him back; her mouth opening against his as she groaned hungrily and pressed herself against him. He slid his hands down her body to her waist, pulling her tighter against him as she made another soft sound.

It was a kiss that was every bit as mind-bendingly passionate as the one they'd almost shared earlier, but there was also something warm and inviting in the kiss that made him wonder if his feelings for Shepard was more than just lust and physical attraction. Her lips were soft against his and her body firm, and as the kiss went on he felt her tongue slide sweetly against his like velvet and he couldn't stifle his moan of appreciation. He wanted more than just one kiss, so much more, but this kiss was such a perfect start that he knew he could wait for Rennah to make her decision.

Slowly he broke the kiss and pulled away, tightening his hands on her waist to hold her steady as she lowered her heels back to the floor, her eyes dazed as though the passion of the kiss had stunned her. She sucked in a breath and stared up at him in surprise, the look in her amethyst eyes one that James would remember for the rest of his life. As she looked up at him, Rennah started to smile and her cheeks flushed with a different kind of heat then when he'd come in a few minutes ago.

_The flush of desire_, James decided, _suited her much more than that flush of embarrassment._

"Just some food for thought." He told her as he dropped a kiss to her forehead and left her cabin, glancing back at her with a stupid grin on his face as the door closed behind him and he almost floated back into the elevator.

* * *

Shepard hesitated for a moment outside Kaidan's hospital room as she heard Udina's voice coming from inside, wondering if she could give them some space in case they were discussing the Spectre position, however Udina walked out a moment later and Shepard gave him a frosty nod as he went past. No chance to back out now, she registered as she made herself step through the doorway and saw Kaidan lying in the bed and looking out the window, his handsome face still marred with bruises.

He'd seen some action since the last time she'd seen him on Horizon; his chest was far more muscled and built up than she remembered, and he had a few more scars on his body. He was starting to go grey at the temples, but his hair was as thick and beautiful as ever and Kaidan himself was as good looking as she remembered. She'd always liked the way Kaidan was so beautifully put together, but so completely unaware of it; he'd always been genuinely oblivious about how attractive women found him.

He turned to face her as she came in and his eyes immediately brightened as he smiled and tried sit up, wincing and then sinking back down with pain, "Ouch, hey Shepard." He smiled at her and held a hand up and gestured at the empty seat next to the bed, "Thanks for coming by to see me."

"No problem, I'm just glad to see you're okay." She leaned back in the chair and smiled at him, unable to feel the usual rage at him when he was in such a sorry state. "It was pretty scary seeing you like that. You almost died on my watch."

Kaidan's eyes warmed a little at that comment and he reached out and took her hand, his biotics tingling and pulsing against her skin, "It wasn't your fault, Shepard."

She felt something twist painfully in her chest at the feel of her hand in his and she met his eyes, remembering all of those times when they'd sat together so casually and chatted like this. As hard as she tried to forget about Kaidan and how he'd made her feel, he'd been a big part of her life for a long time and she had missed him. But he'd _hurt her_. He'd hurt her badly several times over, and his lack of faith in her had wounded her more deeply than she'd let on. As much as she wanted to believe that Kaidan was the man she'd always thought he was, she didn't want to risk him hurting her again.

_She couldn't._

There was an awkward pause while Rennah casually pulled her hand away from his and folded her hands in her lap, trying unsuccessfully to ignore the hurt look on his face as she did so, "So how are you? When I spoke to the doctors outside they seemed quite positive." She steered the conversation back to a more comfortable path.

"The doctors say I'm fine, but they're keeping me here for a bit longer to run some more tests on my L2 implant. It got a little shook up and they want to make sure it's functioning okay before they let me go." Kaidan shrugged and winced as he talked, "They tell me I'm lucky to have survived."

"You were." Shepard let out a breath and leaned forward, "I'll never forget seeing you lying there and wondering if you'd been killed." She closed her eyes and shook her head slowly as she chased the memories from her mind, "Especially not after the way we left things on Mars."

"Yeah," Kaidan looked sad and he glanced back down at the sheet that was covering him from the waist down, picking at the cotton as he seemed to choose his words carefully, "I owe you an apology Shepard. Not just for Mars but for everything that came before. For the message I sent you and especially for Horizon. I wasn't wrong about Cerberus, but I was wrong about you and I'm sorry."

"Better late than never, I guess." Shepard said it before she could stop herself and she met his gaze with difficulty as she tried to stop the familiar anger from boiling up. "Is that why you wanted to see me? To apologise?" She knew her violet eyes would be showing how uncomfortable she was with this topic, and was grateful when he briefly changed it.

"Well, that and to say thank you for saving my ass. I heard from Joker that you picked up me up and carried me, armour and all, back to the ship." He gave her a mock-assessing look, "I always forget that you're stronger than you look."

Rennah snorted, "I couldn't just leave you for the Reapers."

"Thanks, Ren. I would have died if you hadn't saved me." Kaidan shifted again and the teasing light faded from his eyes as he saw how uncomfortable she was and he sighed, his toffee coloured eyes full of regret, "Look, I know you don't want to talk about it, but I need to know if we're going to be able to get past Horizon? I know I was a jerk, but I do want to make it up to you."

"Kaidan, we've been friends a long time." Shepard struggled not to cross her arms defensively. "I'd like for us to at least be able to work together again."

"That's not what I meant and I think you know that." He struggled into a sitting position, gritting his teeth with the effort. Once he'd settled himself he reached out and took her hand again, rubbing his thumb gently over his fingers as his gaze found hers. "I miss you, Ren. I miss having you in my life. When I almost died on Mars, my life flashed in front of my eyes and it put everything into perspective for me. I want to fix things between us. I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I can't help how I feel." He squeezed her hand tighter and gave her a hopeful smile, "I still love you."

Shepard felt her heart lurch at that admission and she struggled not to let anything show on her face. She'd known he still loved her despite his comments on Mars; she wasn't an idiot and she had seen the way he looked at her. But she hadn't expected him to actually come out and tell her so bluntly, or to try for a reconciliation.

"Kaidan..." She pulled her hand out of his and fought not to get overwhelmed by the situation, "Back on Horizon, all I wanted was to have you in my life, but I'm not so sure it would work anymore. You've moved on with your life and I've started moving on with mine…"

"You've found someone else, haven't you?" He sounded so jealous that Shepard looked up and met his eyes again despite herself, "Joker said there was no one, but I could tell…"

"No." Shepard tried not to think about James and the way his mouth had felt on hers or the way his body had felt against hers, and she squirmed in her seat under Kaidan's scrutiny, "I'm not seeing anyone, that's not the problem. It's just…" She took a deep breath and slowly let it out as she made herself toughen up. "You broke my heart."

Kaidan's eyes filled with anguished appeal and he reached for her hand again, "Ren, I'm so sorry. I made a huge mistake on Horizon and then I made another mistake when I questioned you on Mars…"

"Yeah, you did." Shepard pulled her hand away frowned at him, already tired of the emotional strain he inevitably caused her.

_This_ was why she'd thought twice about coming to see him when he'd asked her to; because she'd known how things were going to go and what he was going to say. She'd seen the way his eyes had softened when he'd met her again on Earth and the way he'd watched her on Mars when he thought she wasn't looking. He missed her. He wanted her. Kaidan was still as in love with her as he'd ever been, only now he had finally realised that she _wasn't_ being controlled by Cerberus.

"Don't you feel anything for me anymore?" He let himself sink down onto the bed again, visibly steeling himself against the pain that moving caused him.

"Of course I do, but love isn't the problem Kaidan." She stood up and ran her hands through her hair in frustration as she looked down at him, hating how conflicted he made her feel.

Kaidan watched her with a small frown, as though trying to work out what was making her so determined to reject him, "You don't trust me?"

She glanced down at him a little sadly and shrugged, "I trust you Kaidan, just not with my heart."

He jerked like she'd slapped him and swallowed hard as his eyes focused on hers intently, "Okay, so you don't hate me and but you don't trust me. That's fine, I can work on that." He swallowed hard and smiled determinedly. "I'm not giving up on us, Shepard. I'm going to prove to you that you can rely on me and that I'm still the man you fell in love with."

His amber eyes burned into hers with all the intensity and passion he felt and Rennah felt herself wavering a little as she looked down at him, finally letting him take her hand again. Even though he'd hurt her and a huge part of her was burning with anger at the way he'd refused to believe in her, she still felt something for him and she missed him badly. The problem was that she suspected that if she let Kaidan back in her life she would spend every day waiting for him to hurt her again.

"I have to go." Shepard squeezed his hand and let it drop back to the bed, "I'm glad you're okay Kaidan, and for the record I think you'll make a good Spectre."

He brightened a little at that and smiled, "You do?"

"Yeah, I do. I'll visit again when I'm next on the station." She returned his smile and quickly left the room, waving briefly as he lay back and smiled after her.

Her smile faded as soon as she left the room and reality came crushing back down. She'd had a hell of a day and Kaidan's little apology and confession that he wanted to patch things up had complicated a situation that was already complicated enough; her love life. This morning with James had taken her completely by surprise, although he'd been right when he said that things had been building between them for a while. She'd been attracted to James, physically at least, from the very first moment she'd met him, but it had only been after the Batarian attack on the compound that she'd realised that the man behind the Lieutenant was just as amazing as he was attractive.

She hadn't known that James had been just as attracted to her, especially as he'd never shown any obvious sign other than what she'd thought was some harmless flirting. But, boy oh boy, the way James had talked to her in her cabin this morning had given her goose bumps; she'd had no idea that under his flirty exterior he was so serious and so passionate. She _was_ interested in him too, especially after that toe-curling kiss. That kiss had melted her to her very core and if he'd been less of a gentleman he could have pushed his advantage and she would have gone to bed with him happily…but he hadn't and that made her respect him even more.

Shepard made herself put both of the men out of her mind as she reached the elevator and pressed the call button, wondering if James and Garrus would still be down in the bar if she went straight there. After everything that had happened today, she needed a drink, and taking some time out to relax and chill before they headed out to Sur'Kesh was high on her list of priorities. Plus, hanging out with James as a friend might help her to put things back on a normal footing after this morning and maybe help her get her hormones back under control.

_Of course_, Shepard thought in amusement as she waited for the elevator, _the fact that my first thought after visiting Kaidan is to find James, probably isn't a sign that our relationship was going to be returning to normal any time soon._

But maybe that wasn't such a bad thing.

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**A/N – I'm home sick (damned flu has become bronchitis and my cough sounds like a dog bark) so I spent today writing a chapter for you guys! I hope you like it – let me know!**


	13. Trembling With Tenderness

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect_

**A/N – Thank you to everyone who has reviewed or messaged me about this fic. I'm relieved everyone enjoyed the last chapter since I was worried I was making James move a little quickly…but I think it came across nicely. I hope you enjoy this chapter too!**

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James was still buzzing with excitement from the kiss he'd shared with Shepard in her cabin. It didn't seem to matter that it was hours later or that Shepard was currently meeting up with her ex; every time he thought back to that moment in her cabin he felt a rush of exhilaration as he relived the way she'd melted into his arms. It had felt so right to have her body against his as he kissed her! He'd honestly never experienced anything like it with anyone else before, and this had _only_ been a kiss. He couldn't imagine how much more intense it would be if they did move their relationship to the next level, and he was certain that they would.

Of course, it was troubling that Rennah had taken their entire crew to the Citadel just so she could visit Kaidan in the hospital. Yes, the guy had almost been killed on a mission that she was in charge of, but he hadn't exactly been Mr. Happy for the entire trip and it's wasn't like he'd been hurt trying to protect Shepard or anything noble like that. But obviously it wasn't quite as clear cut as that to Shepard, and her history with Kaidan wasn't something that was going to go away easily, so it was probably always going to affect how she behaved around him. They'd meant a lot to each other once upon a time and as much as James hated to admit it, they clearly still meant a lot to each other now.

Jealousy wasn't an emotion that he was used to feeling and he didn't like it one little bit, so distracting himself at the bar had seemed a great idea. It had also given him a chance to spend more time with Garrus, who had proven to be a surprisingly fun guy to spend time with despite the reputation that turians had of being boring and military minded. The turian was easy to talk to and was open and friendly with James as they swapped stories about battles they'd fought and some of the crazier situations they'd found themselves in over the years. He could see why Shepard relied on Garrus so heavily; the turian was definitely someone who James would have wanted on his side during a fight, although he suspected that some of his stories were _slightly_ exaggerated.

For the first time since joining the Normandy, James felt like he was actually part of the crew as he hung out with Garrus. He didn't feel like so much of an outsider as they traded stories about Shepard and compared notes about Cerberus; an organisation which they both agreed was up to something after the attack on Mars. He and Garrus had just touched on the more sobering subject of Shepard's death when the woman in question walked into Purgatory, her face impassive and unreadable as she glanced around. James knew without having to talk to her that she needed cheering up and he guessed that her little visit with Kaidan in the hospital hadn't been entirely pleasant.

He started to raise his arm and wave to her when something else caught her attention in the VIP section of Purgatory and she quickly crossed the room to the private lounge area where an asari was sprawled elegantly on a plush leather couch; an asari who James recognised from his time on Omega. _Aria_. He felt a shiver run down his spine as Shepard approached her as though they were old friends, shaking hands and then sitting beside her. Despite feeling like he was spying, James leaned forward and watched them as they began to discuss something in earnest, wondering what the asari had to say that Shepard could possibly want to listen to.

Aria was probably one of the scariest people that James had ever met, and he'd met some _very_ scary people in his time. During his stay on Omega he'd had a reasonable amount to do with the seedier side of life on the station, although given that the entire station was seedy that wasn't saying much, but he'd spent enough time in the bars and gambling dens to have seen Aria several times and to wonder what the hell Shepard was doing talking to her. It was curious enough that Aria was off Omega and had come to the Citadel, but judging from the angry way she was gesturing as she spoke to Shepard, it wasn't for anything good.

James leaned back in his seat and tried to focus on what Garrus was saying, but his mind refused to focus and before long he found himself wondering how Shepard could possibly know someone like Aria, and why she would be talking to her. Granted, they were both very powerful women in their own way, but it was curious to see them talking so closely, especially as they weren't people who James would have thought had a lot in common. Even more curious was that Rennah didn't seem to be uncomfortable about talking to Aria so openly, which was odd considering that the asari had her fingers in so many unpleasant pies. Aria stood for crime and corruption and Shepard had always fought against both, or she had as far as James was aware.

So why they talking like old friends?

"Is that Aria talking to Shepard?" Garrus almost spat his drink out as he leaned forward next to him and watched Shepard talk to the asari, his eyes focused intently on the two women.

"Looks like it." James glanced quickly at Garrus with a frown, equally surprised that the turian would know who Aria was. "Do they know each other?"

"Well, sure. Shepard dealt with Aria a few times on Omega. After that mess I got into with all those merc groups after me, Shepard came into get me out and Aria was nice enough to help point her in the right direction. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure she found out the mercs were planning on going after Aria when they were done with me, so I suppose Aria owes her one, so to speak."

"Wait..._you_ were on Omega?" James put his drink down in surprise and looked at the turian in shock. Sure, Garrus was tough, but he didn't seem like the type to be hanging out on Omega!

"It's a long story." Garrus gave him what passed for a turian smile, "But that was where Shepard found me when she was putting together her team to take down the Collectors."

James couldn't think of anything to say to that, so he nodded and looked back over in time to see Rennah shake Aria's hand as she stood up and began to walk towards the bar. As always he couldn't stop himself from watching her as she moved, completely helpless to look away even though he knew he should. Her dark hair was loose around her shoulders and was slightly more curled than usual, probably because she'd had it plaited and pinned up all day. She was wearing black jeans with low heeled boots and an N7 hoodie, and even in such casual clothing she looked incredible and drew looks from the people she passed.

She glanced up thoughtfully and raised a hand in greeting when she saw them watching her, a slow smile creeping across her face when she realised that both James and Garrus had been watching her talk to Aria and were looking at her somewhat suspiciously. Shepard snagged a stool from one of the tables nearby and pulled it up to the bar, squishing in between the men as Purgatory was busy and there wasn't space anywhere else. Garrus muttered something about pushy women spilling his drinks and she laughed as she settled herself on the seat, one long leg pressing briefly against James'.

"Okay Shepard, spill it! What were you doing talking to Aria?" Garrus barely waited until she was sitting down before he began interrogating her, "I was under the impression that she didn't especially care for you?"

Rennah got the bartenders attention far faster than James had been able to, and ordered a drink for herself while she answered casually, "Oh, Aria wants me to do some favours for her and in return she's going to help me."

"That was nicely vague." The turian looked at her from the corner of his eyes and sighed when Shepard stirred her drink and ignored his hint for more information, "So in other words, you're not going to tell me what she wants?"

"Well, a girl's got to have her secrets."

"It's nothing illegal is it?" James quickly held his hands up innocently when Rennah gave him a dirty look. "Hey, don't look at me like that. This is _Aria_ we're talking about and she rarely does anything without breaking one law or another."

"No _mother_, it's nothing illegal." Rennah muttered sarcastically as she rolled her eyes. "But thanks for keeping me on the straight and narrow."

She turned away to face Garrus and Vega felt himself flush, and he quickly took a drink of beer to hide his embarrassment. Even though her tone had been joking, he could tell that she hadn't liked his question one little bit and he felt awkward for having upset her. He should have just kept quiet and not voiced his idiotic question, after all this was Commander Shepard – not some petty criminal. Of course she wasn't going to be running over the citadel committing crimes just to help out Aria.

_Nicely done, Vega! Shepard sits down and the first thing you say to her is basically an insult. Bravo._

"So Commander, how did the little visit with Alenko go? Is he feeling better?" Garrus leaned back in his seat, his eyes sparkling as he waited for Shepard's reply, clearly anticipating that the visit hadn't been sunshine and rainbows.

"He's lucky to be alive, but he's going to be fine." Rennah gave the turian a look that meant nothing to James, but which made Garrus grin and try to hide a laugh as she continued, "He thanked me for saving him, apologised for being an asshole and promised not to do it again."

"And…?" Garrus' grin widened as Shepard looked uncomfortable and shifted uneasily on her seat, "Out with it!"

She sighed and glanced momentarily at James, "And he wants to patch things up and get back together."

"I knew it!" Garrus picked up his dextro drink and slammed the rest of it down, gesturing at Shepard, "I told you back when we were with Cerberus that he was going to realise what an idiot he's been and come crawling back one day. I hope you sent him packing."

Vega could feel his heart thundering in his chest as adrenaline rushed through him at mere thought of Shepard being with another man. He'd known this would happen sooner or later, as soon as he'd seen Kaidan and Shepard together he'd known that Kaidan was still in love and it would only be a matter of time before he tried to fix things between them. James squeezed his hand tighter round his glass and tried not to let anything show on his face as he felt a million things all at once, chief amongst them was guilt and fear.

He'd always been a nice guy who tried to avoid hurting other people and the awareness that he was deliberately trying to romance Shepard away from Kaidan, especially when they both clearly still had feelings for each other, made him feel exceptionally guilty. He knew there was every chance that Rennah might actually love Kaidan enough to want to go back with him, since her feelings for Kaidan were probably stronger than her feelings for him. If she decided that she wanted to be with Kaidan again, should he fight for her? Did he even have a right to try?

"Not that it's any of your business, Vakarian, but I told him that I wasn't interested." Shepard finished her drink and raised her eyebrows at the turian, clearly wanting him to butt out of something that had nothing to do with him.

But Garrus was either oblivious or deliberately didn't take the hint, "I bet that went down well."

"He didn't take it as badly as I thought, but I think that's because he's so stubborn that he isn't going to give up on me." Shepard stood up and pushed her stool back in, clearly done for the day. "You know Garrus, you take an inordinate amount of interest in my love life."

"I have to live vicariously through someone, Shepard." Garrus followed suit and stood up, moving to the side aa a group of loud alliance soldiers pushed through to the bar, "And your love life is far more exciting than mine. At last count you'd broken the hearts of more crew mates than I have fingers to count on."

"Shut up." Rennah actually looked embarrassed and glanced quickly at James, as though she couldn't help herself.

James grinned at the turian; he was sure that comment had nothing to do with him, and if it did he didn't especially care. Shepard was so beautiful with such a vibrant personality that he wouldn't be surprised if half of her crew ended up with broken hearts by the time they finished serving with her. A woman like Rennah Shepard didn't come along very often, so she was bound to stir the interest and the hearts of the people around her. He did wonder, briefly, who else had fallen for Shepard and what had happened to them, but made himself move on since it was better to leave the past in the past.

On the way back to the Normandy, they all crammed into what James thought was the Citadel's smallest sky car; Garrus sitting in the front since there was no way both he and James could sit comfortably in the back together. James was too broad in the shoulders and Garrus' armour was far too bulky, and they would have wound up crammed together like sardines. Instead James found himself sitting quietly in the back with Shepard while Garrus, clearly more than a little drunk, talked happily with the sky car driver about the unfair regulations that C-Sec had recently passed about sky car flight restrictions.

"So Lola, should I be worried about Alenko?" James asked casually as he stretched out his legs, glancing forward to make sure that Garrus was distracted before he stretched an arm along the seat behind Rennah, his wrist lightly touching the back of her neck.

He saw Shepard shiver at the slight contact and felt pleased when she dropped her head back slightly and turned to face him, her head resting more on his arm than the seat. Her purple eyes seemed to glow different colours as they reflected the lights from the city and the neon from all the signs, and he wished fervently that it was just the two of them in the sky car so he could slide over next to her and take her in his arms. He didn't like the thought of her feeling _anything_ for Kaidan and it was unsettling to know that her ex wasn't going to back off so easily. Not that James could blame Alenko in the least, after all Shepard had said no to him earlier in the day and he'd persisted until she'd given in and admitted how she really felt.

Somehow though, it _wasn't_ the same thing.

"I don't want to be with someone who hurt me." Her voice was soft and she glanced forward to be sure that Garrus wasn't watching before she slid an inch closer to James, her head now resting on his forearm as she looked at him closely, "But I'm not sure if I want to be with _anyone_."

"Lucky I'm not just anyone then, aren't I?" James smirked and was rewarded with a smile, "I'm glad you turned him down. I mean, I know you did it for your own reasons and not for me, but I'm glad all the same."

"Me too," Shepard looked up into his eyes, still smiling slightly as she watched him, "although that doesn't mean I'm going to say yes to you."

James reflected that what Shepard was saying and what she was doing were two very different things. On one hand she was essentially telling him not to get his hopes up because she wasn't sure if she wanted to see him romantically, but on the other hand she was giving out all the right signals; casually touching him and flirting with him almost as much as he was with her. Was it deliberate or was she oblivious to how she was acting? He had no idea how Shepard behaved in a relationship, so he wasn't sure if this casual flirting was a good sign or not.

"I'm a patient man." James casually reached out with his other hand and brushed her hair out of her face, holding his breath as Shepard's eyes drifted closed at his touch and then flicked open again as though surprised at herself.

Their eyes met again and the world seemed to narrow down to just them in the back of the sky car; the two of them sitting wrapped in moving shadows and reflections of neon lights, a constant flickering world of light and dark. Everything else seemed to fade away; the noise of the city, Garrus' voice and even the low hum of the sky car engine. It was as though it were just he and Shepard alone in the universe. It was in moments like this that James could feel the connection between them and he knew that if Shepard would just give them a chance then everything would fall into place and it would be perfect between them.

Reality returned as the sky car pulled into the docking bay and settled in the parking zone, and the harsh light of the docks flooded the back of the car, banishing the cosy atmosphere. Shepard grinned self-consciously at him as she sat forward and straightened her hoodie, both of them knowing that at any minute Garrus could have looked back and seen them chatting so cosily. It might have been a little awkward, but James didn't especially care who knew that he liked Shepard, although he wasn't the officer in charge of the ship, so he wasn't under as much scrutiny as Rennah.

Garrus paid the driver as James opened the hatch, climbing out and waiting while Shepard followed him gracefully. As much as James had enjoyed getting some downtime on the Citadel, he was looking forward to getting back into space and on with the mission, especially as the news coming out of Earth was only getting worse as time went on. Plus, he was looking forward to seeing Shepard in action again, although hopefully he wasn't going to have to watch her get knocked on her ass again. He'd almost had a heart attack on Menae when she'd gone over the barricade and had lain stunned on the ground while that giant brute loped towards her.

James had had visions of her being torn apart and he'd jumped down and gone after her without thinking twice about his own safety, and Garrus hadn't been far behind; another reason why he liked and respected the turian. Shepard had been fine of course, and during the final fight on Menae when they'd found the new Primarch he'd found it hard to stay focused as he watched her fight. He'd seen biotics fight before, but Shepard took it to a whole new level and she'd been unstoppable as she'd torn husks and marauders apart.

Rennah Shepard may not have been the person he'd always imagined her to be, but she was like no one else he'd ever met and the more time he spent with her the deeper he could feel himself falling. There wasn't anything he could do about it though, he couldn't change who he was or how he felt about the people in his life. All he could do was hope that Shepard felt the same way about him and wait for her to figure out where she wanted to take them from here.

It was all in her hands now.

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**A/N – Sorry about how long it took to get this chapter out. I've been playing Mass Effect through again and I keep getting distracting with wanting to play 'just another mission'. It's my first time playing it on the PC and while it's definitely easier on the PC versus the Xbox, it's just as addicting! (I've just run into Kaidan on Horizon, so I'm feeling _especially_ unforgiving of him right now!)  
**

**I'm also slowly getting over my flu, so thank you to the people who wished me well.**


	14. A Heartbeat Away

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect_

**A/N – Hello! Took me longer than I wanted to get this chapter written, so apologies as I was hoping to get it up yesterday! Thank you to all the people who are following, reviewing or have favourited this story – I hope you're all enjoying it.**

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Shepard sighed and mentally scrambled for an excuse that would allow her to get away from Lieutenant Tolan, who was clearly planning on lecturing her _again_ on the dangers of curing the genophage. He'd already ranted about her plans to free the krogan female _twice_ in the past two minutes, and it seemed he was going for the hat trick. He was without a doubt, the most disagreeable and frustrating salarian that Rennah had ever met and that was saying something since she found him to be even more unpleasant than the Dalatrass. As he spoke, his wide almond eyes flicked disapprovingly over her and he crossed his arms defensively as he continued to criticise her decision to back Wrex instead of the Dalatrass.

Rennah had only started talking to Tolan because he'd introduced himself to her and told her that he'd known Captain Kirrahe, and she'd stayed talking to him because she honestly had nothing better to do while she waited for the female krogan. But, boy oh boy, she was fast regretting her decision to converse with him; Tolan had such a high opinion of himself that it made her want to punch him and it was taking everything she had not to do so. He'd seemed nice enough at first, but then the criticisms had begun and then the complaints, and the tirade about why the salarians were superior to humans.

_How much longer can he possibly talk for?_ Shepard glanced over her shoulder at Garrus and James, who were both looking just as bored as she was. _Well, at least I'm not the only being bored to death by him._

"…personally, I would have executed the female rather than bring her back here." Tolan narrowed his eyes at Rennah and she glared childishly back at him as he twirled a hand through the hair in what he probably thought was an elegant gesture. "I always thought it was a mistake to keep her alive and now I've been proved right. Curing the genophage is folly and it will be the ruin of us all…"

_Is he ever going to shut up?_

Rennah sighed again as he continued to drone incessantly about everything she was doing wrong and about his misgivings about a war against the Reapers. Shepard had known a lot of salarians and in her experience the salarian people seemed to be split down the middle as a group and were either hard working with a lot of common sense, or were high minded and arrogant. Tolan was definitely one of the latter and talking to him was about as pleasant as nails on a blackboard, possibly even _less_ pleasant.

She let her gaze roam around the facility again and saw Padok, the base commander, speaking into his omni-tool quickly as his eyes darted all over the room as though alert for danger. Something was clearly going on and the salarians were noticeably on edge. She wasn't sure if it was the presence of Wrex that had them acting so frenetic or the thought of someone curing the genophage, or something else entirely. Whatever it was, they clearly weren't happy and Padok closed his omni-tool quickly and looked up at her, almost as though he could sense her watching him.

"Commander, they're ready for you downstairs." Padok called to her and Shepard gratefully walked away from Tolan, who spluttered in indignation as she left him midway through a list of reasons why engaging in a war with the Reapers was a mistake. "Someone will meet you below and take you to the female."

She nodded her thanks at the commander as she walked with him to the elevator, James and Garrus a step behind her. "Is Tolan always that unpleasant?" She asked, "Or am I just lucky?"

"_Just_ unpleasant?" Padok grinned as gestured for her to enter the elevator, his face stretched into a grin. "Tolan is normally much worse but he _is_ very good at his job. Talks too much. Thinks too little."

Shepard nodded in amusement as the elevator door swished closed and Padok vanished from view, then she leaned back against the cool metal wall; already exhausted from talking with the salarians. It was like dealing with speed addicts back on the streets on Earth! They talked far too fast, were always hyper and had a tendency to assume that you wanted to hear their thoughts on _everything_. Their scientific know-how was impressive, she'd never try to deny it, but at times they could be a little too clinical. Personally, she preferred to roll the dice and see where they fell rather than spend her life analysing the odds and never taking the roll.

"I thought we were going to be stuck listening to that boring salarian for ever." Garrus complained as he leaned against the wall next to her, his sniper rifle slung casually over his shoulder.

James nodded as he crossed his arms over his chest and stood facing them, his eyes unusually reserved and lacking the usual teasing spark as he watched her, "Yeah, I'm surprised you didn't deck him, Commander."

"It was tempting." Rennah admitted with a slight grin that James returned only briefly before glancing away again, as though he found it hard to look at her.

James' change in behaviour was her fault, Rennah acknowledged guiltily as she fiddled with her omni-tool, but she had no idea of what to do to fix the problem. She felt awkward as hell that she'd hurt his feelings when she'd tried to put their friendship back on a more normal level, but after that moment in the car, she hadn't felt like she had a choice. It had been _too_ intimate and it had made the journey to Sur'Kesh awkward to say the least. She'd been glad when they had arrived for many reasons.

For one thing, Garrus seemed to know that something was up between her and James and he'd attempted to corner her in the mess several times with pointed conversations about Vega. So, she'd taken to avoiding her usual late night cup of tea since that was when Garrus invariably tried to talk to her one on one. It was uncomfortable. _She_ didn't even know how she felt about James and she didn't want to try and explain it to Garrus.

Plus she _really_ missed her cups of mint tea.

The awkwardness with James was the other reason she'd been glad to arrive. She'd gone out of her way to avoid being alone with him and apparently she'd been a little too obvious about it and he'd taken it to heart. She hadn't meant to hurt his feelings, but the moment they'd shared coming back from Purgatory had been a little too intense for her to handle and she'd been shaken by it. She wasn't used to feeling this way about men and since the last person who'd made her feel this way had crushed her heart, she was wasn't sure if she could trust her own feelings.

When they'd locked eyes in the back of the car, it had almost been like James had seen straight into her heart and she'd felt an intense rush of desire that was stronger than anything she'd ever felt. Only the bump as the sky car landed had stopped her from closing the distance between them; she'd wanted James to hold her and kiss her again and it was terrifying to know that he had that kind of power over her. So, she'd done the only thing she could think of and had started putting some distance between them again.

_I'm such a fool._

Rennah knew that James had picked up on her fear; although he was clearly at a loss as to what he'd done to make her back off from him. Maybe it was cowardly not to talk to him about how she felt, but it had been beaten into her as a child that emotions and feelings were weak and even as an adult she had a hard time expressing herself without feeling exposed. To give James credit though, once he realised that she needed some breathing room, he'd backed off and had given her the space she needed.

But she could tell that he was hurting and she knew that it was her fault.

Despite how much time she'd spent avoiding both Garrus and James, they were still the most useful members of her crew because of their combat experience, so she'd included them in her landing team in spite of her personal feelings. James _was_ a professional soldier and though it was easy to forget that when they were joking around on the Normandy, as soon as his combat armour was on he became a completely different person. His experience fighting the Collectors had already proven to be invaluable when they had encountered Reaper troops, and Vega had proven himself capable of handling any situation he was in.

Rennah trusted both of them to watch her back when they were in the middle of a fire fight, as James's physical prowess coupled with Garrus' sniping abilities made them an excellent team. She wasn't expecting any trouble today, but after the way the salarians had _greeted_ them with weapons raised she was glad she'd brought along two such physically imposing people. Despite her frightening reputation there were _always_ people who saw her as just another pretty face and didn't take her threats of violence seriously.

Rennah made herself look away from James as the elevator opened and she strode out, surprised when she heard a familiar salarian voice that she hadn't expected to ever hear again; Mordin Solus. She felt herself grin despite the serious situation, Mordin and his dry deadpan sense of humour had been a never ending source of amusement when she'd been taking on the Collectors. He was the kind of person who was far more than he appeared as physically he seemed to be nothing more than a harmless scientist, but he was absolutely devastating in a fight.

"Ah, Shepard! Good to see you!" He came towards her quickly, grasped her arm as though pulling her in for a hug and quickly whispered to her, "Glad it was you they sent. Was worried that the krogan might try to come in force. Glad my information reached Wrex." He winked at her as he let her go and straightened.

"You were Wrex's insider?" Rennah chuckled quietly and clapped Mordin on the shoulder, "I always knew you regretted the genophage."

Mordin narrowed his eyes at her and shook his head, "No, not regret. Right decision at time. Times have changed. Choices changed." He drew in a deep breath and nodded as he spoke more slowly, "Genophage is the _only_ hope for the krogan race. Eve is the only hope."

"Eve?" Garrus rumbled from behind her and Mordin glanced up at him.

"Ah Garrus, good to see you." The salarian offered him a hand which Garrus shook, "Eve is the female krogan. Name seemed appropriate."

"Wait, I thought the salarians recovered more than one female?" This time James spoke, and Mordin looked at him curiously before nodding.

He led them over to a containment cell and sighed sadly, "Yes, more than one female found, but all now dead except Eve. She was strongest but is still sick. Best chance we have though. Lucky we kept Maelon's data."

He nodded at the cell and Shepard saw a female krogan inside who was covered head to toe in beautiful flowing robes, except for her eyes which glittered furiously as they glared out at her. They were the eyes of someone who had suffered too much, the eyes of someone who wanted freedom but wasn't expecting to get it. She could remember the same look in her own eyes as a teenager, and without thinking about it she walked up to the cell and began talking the female inside; Eve would get her freedom if it was the last thing Shepard did.

* * *

James half-listened as the salarian talked to Shepard; Mordin seemed even more on edge than a regular scientist, and it was clear that the security lockdown that the salarians had issued only moments ago had him worried. James could empathise as there was a feeling in the air that something big was about to happen, it the same feeling he always got before a battle. So when the lights flickered and went out and the emergency lighting came on, dim and red, James wasn't surprised and he didn't even flinch when the salarians began to issue alerts about incoming ships.

He unslung his assault rifle and readied a clip, trying not to focus too much on Shepard as she and Mordin spoke to the female quietly, their voices so soft that he couldn't hear what they were saying. The female was in a containment cell and was restrained, a security measure that seemed completely pointless to James given how ill she appeared. When she spoke, her voice was heavy with anticipation of death and pain and he felt a swell of pity that any sentient creature should have to go through such painful medical procedures. That she had watched her friends die, knowing that she would suffer the same fate, was even more heart wrenching.

Rennah seemed similarly moved by the female krogan's fate and when she turned to answer a bleep on her omni-tool, James saw a look of deep sympathy and regret on her face. The vids could say what they liked about Shepard being a hard cold bitch; he knew she had strong emotions that ran deep, and she was just as touched as anyone would be to see a living creature treated so cruelly. Seeing her so moved by Eve made James even more aware that somehow he'd somehow stuffed things up between himself and Shepard and a rush of dejection sweep through him.

He didn't know what he'd done wrong exactly, but for some reason what had been an amazing moment for him in the back of the sky car had made Shepard retreat from him emotionally. It had horrified James to see her look _frightened_ of him whenever they were alone together and he hadn't known what to do except than let her work through her problems by herself. At some point he knew he'd have to talk to her again and find out what he'd done wrong, but for now he couldn't bring himself to confront her when he was sure that pushing this issue would push her further away.

"Shepard?" James jerked his attention back to Rennah as Wrex's rough voice boomed over her omni-tool and he moved a little closer so he could see the Krogan's face on the screen. "Cerberus is landing troops up here and attacking the base, you've got to get the females out of here _now_."

"Only one female survived." Shepard spoke in a no-nonsense tone as she glanced back at Eve. "I'll get her moving but do what you can about those troops." She closed her tool down and whirled to face Mordin, "We need to get out of here fast."

"Agreed." Mordin quickly walked up to the security panel that controlled the containment cell and typed in a code which opened the front. "I'll need to monitor her condition as the cell passes through quarantine. Meet us at the next checkpoint, Shepard. The cell has limited shielding so delays are not advised."

The cell door closed and both the salarian and the krogan female looked down at Shepard silently as they began to slowly pass through quarantine and vanished from view. There was a moment of silence as they disappeared and then a loud explosion rocked the base as the elevator they'd used only moments ago exploded in a billowing cloud of fire and smoke. Shepard whirled around and sighed angrily, and James almost chuckled at the frustrated expression on her face as she pulled her heavy pistol from its holster and began to glow with that rippling blue biotic light.

"Nothing's ever simple, is it?" James asked her lightly as he raised and readied his assault rifle and glanced at Garrus who was fixing the scope on his sniper rifle.

Rennah shook her head and looked at him with eyes that sparkled with blue light, meeting his gaze unflinchingly for the first time in days, "Not when Cerberus is involved."

Shepard signalled for them to move out and they began to advance towards the far end of the facility, where an emergency exit was visible. James and Garrus followed closely behind Shepard, both of them ready to provide covering fire should she need it; _and she did_. Cerberus converged on them like a swarm of angry insects and the air became alive with the fire of turrets and rifle fire as Cerberus troopers did their best to stop them from freeing Eve.

The next few minutes became a mad rush of climbing ladders, storming across balconies and fighting off wave after wave of Cerberus troops, and soon James felt himself falling into the familiar rhythm of battle as he pushed forward. He knew how to fight and was starting to recognise Cerberus tactics, so ensured that he was always covering Shepard so she could clear Mordin and Eve through the checkpoints. He hadn't arrived on Sur'Kesh expecting such a ferocious fight, especially not a fight from an enemy as well organised and well-resourced as Cerberus, but he sure as hell wasn't going to let them win.

It wasn't the waves of troops that were posing the biggest problem; it was the engineers who were constantly setting up and repairing turrets that kept them pinned down for more time than they could spare. Even worse was that as many troops and engineers as James and Garrus put down, it seemed there was always another drop ship that would let off even more soldiers. It was insane, and it made the fight against Cerberus on Mars seem like child's play.

James leaped over a low wall and took cover behind a column as Garrus took out yet another engineer who was setting up a turret. Shepard was a few metres to the left of him and Vega glanced around the corner to see where the nearest troops where, counting three of them before he ducked back behind cover and signalled for her to wait for his sign to move. He ejected the spent thermal clip and then quickly leaned out from cover and fired a burst of rounds at the troops who were trying to take cover in one of the labs; they went down screaming and James nodded at Shepard that it was safe to move.

He moved forward and ducked behind a low wall as he watched her vault a console and clear the cell through the final checks, her body still glowing blue as she kept her barrier active while she was exposed. The landing pad was on the other side of this level and although Cerberus opposition had been strong, the corridor that led to it was clear for now. He just hoped it stayed that was as he was running low on ammo and had only a couple of grenades left.

"Shepard! Wait! More troops!" Mordin frantically waved Rennah away from the controls as another drop ship hovered over the facility and this time dropped a hulking Atlas along with the regular troops.

The facility shook as the mech thudded to the ground and the other Cerberus troops landed around it and fanned out. Shepard's biotic energy spiked and she sent a singularity at them, the biotic attack immediately pulling three of them up in the air as they thrashed uselessly and fought to get free. James disposed of them with his assault rifle and then swore viciously as one of the remaining troopers fired at him; the bullets hitting the wall behind him as ducked back behind cover.

"Let's do this fast and get the hell out of here." Shepard yelled at him as she ducked down behind the control panel as the Atlas turned in her direction and began to stomp forward.

James could hear the Atlas as it began to approach and felt the slight trembling in the ground with each step it took. He risked a quick look up from cover and was surprised to see that the soldiers and engineers weren't even attempting to fire at any of them, instead they had taken up flanking positions alongside of the Alas and appeared to acting as a guard envoy to protect it.

_Well, I guess I know what I'm going to be firing at first!_

He took one of the two frag grenades he had left and lobbed it at the mech, ducking back behind the wall as he heard panicked cries as the grenade skittered across the ground and came to rest in the path of the mech amongst some troopers. There was a flash and a resounding boom as it went off, although he could still hear the Atlas moving, so he knew he'd only damaged it. He glanced up again and saw that several of the troops and one of the engineers was lying dead and still on the ground, some of them missing limbs from the force of the explosion.

He picked up his last grenade and threw it at the Atlas just as a Cerberus soldier hurled what looked like a flashbang grenade in his direction. James swore again and dodged back behind the wall as he saw the flashbang land on his side. He had a moment to wonder if he could lob it back, before it went off and the force of it sent him reeling to the ground and staggering backwards, temporarily blinded by aftershocks as his ears rang.

Frantically, James scrabbled blindly back against the wall and stayed low, holding his gun tightly to his chest as he tried to shake the aftershock images away unsuccessfully. Noise was retuning in a confusing blur of gunfire, yelling and the sound of Garrus' concussive shocks hitting the Atlas, but his vision was slower to recover from the damned grenade and he stayed down and blinked slowly as he waited for the shock to pass. Bright white spots danced in his vision, but slowly his eyesight returned to normal and after a few moments he could see well enough to look around and get his bearings.

The Atlas had stopped moving and James noticed something he hadn't seen earlier; a strange weapon mounted on its shoulder, a type of gun which he'd never seen before, but which was glowing blue in a way that reminded him of biotic energy. An engineer was up on the back of the mech and adjusting something on the gun as the Atlas aimed the weapon in the direction of the containment cell.

James looked across and felt a rush of dread as he saw that Shepard was still near the control panel and in front of the cell door, pinned down and unable to get to cover. The troopers weren't even trying to take her out; only to stop her from getting away. Each time she tried to break cover or use her biotics on them, the Cerberus troops that had survived his grenades would lay down suppressing fire and she would have to duck behind the console again in full view of the Atlas.

Although she was staying calm, he could tell that Rennah was terrified as she looked around frantically and he knew that she was stuck with no way out. The mech adjusted it's gun to aim in her direction and James felt adrenaline surge through him as he moved fast to bring his rifle up; none of them had realised he was up again and he sighted down his gun and began firing at the troops that had her pinned down. The familiar rattling growl of the gun loud in his ears as he took two of them out easily before his thermal clip emptied and his gun flashed red to show it was out of clips.

_No no no!_

He dropped his rifle and drew his handgun, fear crawling across his skin at the inadequacy of his weapon as the troopers ignored him completely and continued to keep Shepard pinned down. He managed to take another troop down but knew that there was no way he could get all of them in time to save her and he looked across at Rennah as she stayed low, her face pale as she glanced at him and their eyes met again. Time seemed to slow for a moment, just as it had in the back of the car, and with a horrifying jolt James realised as he stared into her eyes that Shepard thought she was going to die. He could see it in her gaze; the fear and resignation in her eyes as she looked at him helplessly, recognising that there was nothing either of them could do to save her.

_Where the fuck is Garrus?_

There was a whine as the weapon on the Atlas powered up and James tore his gaze away from Shepard and focused back on the mech, determined to do something to keep it from firing on her. There was no time left and he wasn't going to lose Shepard. Not again, not ever, especially after everything they'd been through together and how close they'd become. Without thinking, he did the only thing left and used Carnage on the gun mounted on the arm of the mech just as it fired, the gun jolting as the Carnage ripped it to shreds.

_Too late! I was too late!_

The gun managed to fire out one blast of peculiar glowing nodules as it broke apart, firing them in a scattering pattern much like shotgun pellets. They hit both Shepard and the containment cell behind her and embedded in her armour, flashing brightly and then emitting a pale blue pulse. Shepard screamed, a harsh sound of excruciating pain that hit James like a punch to the stomach, but he could only watch as the nodules in her armour pulsed and she dropped to the ground, clutching her head as though they were affecting the implants in her skull.

Without thinking he broke cover and tried to run to Shepard, but the Cerberus troops were finally taking notice of him and they fired en masse, forcing him to roll back into cover again with Rennah's shrieks still echoing in his ears. He felt pain rip through his shoulder and knew he'd been hit, but he ignored it, guessing he'd been hit by a stray shredder round that had got him in between his armour plates. He refused to focus on the warm feeling of wet blood tricking down his arm and chest under his armour; medigel would kick in soon, he just needed to stay focused and find a way to Shepard.

He heard the sound of a concussive shot and glanced up to see Garrus taking cover behind a garden bed about twenty metres away, his sniper rifle up and aimed. Around him were the bodies of several Cerberus troops, and James realised they'd tried to sneak up from behind and had run into Garrus instead. The turian fired again and the Atlas exploded loudly, showering huge twisted chunks of smoking metal all around the room.

From the corner of his eye James saw movement and he looked back and saw the remaining Cerberus engineer had made it to Shepard while the troops covered him. He had his omni-tool out and was scanning Shepard who had finally stopped screaming, but was still covered in the glowing blue light that the nodules were emitting. The man ignored the containment cell completely, his attention fully on Shepard as she clutched her head and writhed on the ground.

_They weren't after Eve,_ James realised with dawning horror, _they were after Shepard!_

The engineer closed his omni-tool and spoke into his transponder as he signalled to several of the troops to come help him, pulling Shepard up into a sitting position and getting her ready to be moved. James saw red and forgot everything except a burning need to keep Shepard out of the hands of Cerberus. He charged forward again and this time the troops were too slow to try and pin him down with fire. He could hear Garrus distracting them and saw that the Atlas explosion had injured a few of the Cerberus troopers as well.

He smashed into the engineer with as much strength as he could and rammed him against the containment cell door, rage pumping through him at the thought of this man trying to hurt Shepard. The engineer tried to pull free and James growled as he grabbed his head and slammed it against the cell door as hard as he could, the helmet shattering as the cell door cracked from the force. He activated his omni-blade and rammed it into the engineer's chest while he was dazed, twisting and ripping it upwards and spilling his insides as the man screamed and then went silent.

A chunk of the engineer's helmet fell away and James saw the blackened and husk-like face of the man beneath, but before he could look at it properly he saw movement again and whirled around with his omni-blade raised, ready to kill anyone who came near Shepard. Relief flooded him when he saw that it was Wrex and Garrus, both of them holding shotguns and splattered with blood, but then his gaze fell on Shepard and the relief vanished under cold hard fear. Up close Rennah was a mess and was clearly in agony; her face deathly pale as the blue light crawled over her skin, her arms and hands twitching spasmodically.

"Take care of Shepard, we'll get Mordin and Eve out." Garrus leaned his rifle against the panel and began to clear them as Wrex acted as a lookout, clearly expecting more troops to attack them.

James carefully grasped Shepard's shoulders and lay her down softly, almost gasping as the blue light tingled up his arms like electricity and numbed his skin where he touched her armour. Unsure what to do to help her, he leaned over her and tried to see if any of the nodules had hit her neck or face, but she seemed clear and he cupped her cheek gently as she continued to twitch, a soft whimpering sound just audible through her tightly pinched lips.

"Shepard?" He moved his hand from her cheek to grasp her hand and held it, trying not to let the wave of terror he felt at seeing her like this overwhelm him.

_Please let her be okay. Please._

He felt worse than helpless as Garrus released Mordin and Eve, and the salarian sprang forward with his omni-tool out and quickly scanned Shepard, the nodules and even the dead engineers omni-tool, nodding as though whatever he saw was expected, "Need to leave now; more Cerberus ships incoming." The salarian drew in a quick breath, "Shepard needs immediate medical attention."

James nodded and with Garrus' help he lifted Shepard, supporting her weight between them as they jogged down the corridor towards the shuttle. Wrex and Eve waddled ahead of them as Mordin covered them from behind. Despite the salarian's fears they made it to the shuttle without further incidents, although they could see more Cerberus drop ships approaching and Cortez wasted no time in lifting off. James and Garrus put Shepard down on the floor and made room as Mordin approached again, his omni-tool out as he scanned the nodes embedded in her armour for a second time and frowned slightly.

"Recommend removing armour. The nodes are designed to emit a signal that disrupts and overloads biotic implants and amps. Unsure of how much damage may be done to Shepard." The salarian looked concerned and he gently brushed some of Rennah's dark hair off her face, the ashen colour and clammy appearance clearly not reassuring him.

James nodded and he and Garrus set around unclipping and removing her armour segments. He knew there was an emergency release for her armour that would automatically unlock every part of it, but he wasn't sure where the release was for the N7 armour and he didn't want to go searching for it when Shepard was still twitching in agony. He and Garrus worked quickly and within a minute they'd removed the armour and Shepard was left in her underclothes; a black tank top and skimpy black shorts.

The blue light was still crawling over the armour, but as soon as they removed it from Shepard and tossed it in a corner, the light faded from her skin and she stopped trembling and lay still on the floor. Her skin was covered in goose bumps and the only movement she made was to clumsily raise her hand to her head where her implant sat closest to the surface. James didn't know what to do; he didn't know if touching her again would hurt her or reassure her, but he wanted to stop her from clawing at her head in case she harmed herself more.

"What would the weapon have done to her?" He caught Rennah's hand in his and pulled it down and away from her head, holding it in his own as she lay still, the only sign of life was the rise and fall of her chest and flickering of her eyes behind her eyelids.

"Scanned Cerberus orders from engineer's omni-tool. Priorities were to kill Eve in order to prevent genophage cure and to capture Shepard alive using their new prototype weapon." Mordin stood up and paced and Garrus moved to crouch on the other side of Shepard, his eyes worried as they moved over her. "Unlikely Cerberus would have wanted permanent neural damage, but if implant is shorted there is the possibility of a brain haemorrhage. Not sure; Shepard has been extensively altered with cybernetics, so impossible to know exactly what damage had been done."

James squeezed her hand tightly and gently smoothed her hair back with his other hand, fighting hard to keep his fear in check at the thought of Shepard being hurt so badly. That Cerberus could do this to her and risk giving her a stroke or permanent brain damage chilled his blood beyond belief. He could feel Garrus watching him as he stayed kneeling next to Shepard, but he didn't care; if the turian hadn't realised that James had feelings for her before today, he would have to be a blind idiot not to know that he cared about her now.

But it didn't matter; nothing mattered except Shepard.

"She'll be okay, Vega." Garrus reached out and patted the hand that held Shepard's "Death couldn't stop her, so she'll bounce back from this."

"Yeah, of course she will." James nodded and looked up gratefully at his friend, the knot of fear inside of him loosening slightly at the certainty in the turian's voice.

He and Shepard had spent the last few nights dancing around each other awkwardly because of a moment of closeness that should have been something special for both of them. He didn't know why it had terrified her, or why she'd backed off, but he shouldn't have let her pull away from him after they'd had that moment of connection in the car. He should have asked her what he'd done to scare her and done everything he could to reassure her that he wasn't going to hurt her…because now it might be too late.

James hoped Garrus was right, he really did, but as he looked down into Rennah's deathly pale face he couldn't help but worry that this might be something that she wouldn't be able to come back from, and that Cerberus might have taken Shepard away from him forever.

* * *

**A/N – Poor Shepard! Poor James! I had to write this chapter in chunks because it was action packed and had so much in it, which is why it took me so long. (Okay, 4 days isn't 'long' but I started writing this chapter as soon as I finished the last, and 4 days of snatched writing time is 'long' for me.)  
**

**I hope you enjoyed it! Poor James and Shepard – it's one step forward and two steps back for them at the moment.**


	15. Hopes, Dreams and Desire

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect!_

**A/N – Thank you to everyone who reviewed and again, I apologise for the typos in the last chapter; late night quickie editing and I do not go well together! Now, this chapter was supposed to be light hearted and cute…but it got Kaidan'd and became quite angsty. I'll save the humour for the next chapter!**

* * *

For the second time in his life, James sat next to Shepard as she lay pale and still on a hospital bed, hoping and waiting for her to wake up. She was going to be fine, he knew that, but it didn't make waiting for her to wake up any easier. She looked deceptively delicate when she was asleep, especially when she was curled up under a sheet like she was now. He wanted to curl up next to her and hold her body to his, to try and shelter her from the storm that was her life, but he doubted that Shepard would appreciate waking up to find him wrapped around her like a boa constrictor.

In many ways Rennah had been very lucky; the Cerberus weapon _had_ shorted out her biotic implant and her amp, but there had been no damage to the surrounding brain tissue. She did have nasty head injury from hitting her head on the control panel as she'd fallen to the ground and the concussion had been bad enough that Rennah had been in and out of consciousness for almost two days. She'd woken up confused and disorientated several times in the medbay and they'd eventually had to restrain her. Chakwas hadn't been overly worried; disorientation and temporary short term memory problems were common with head injuries, she'd told him.

James had sat with Rennah while she'd been out and had learned the hard way that when someone came to after being knocked out, that it wasn't like in the vids where they woke up as if they'd just been asleep. The first time Shepard had woken up, she'd stared at him in confusion before throwing up on him and passing out again and his horrified reaction had made Chakwas howl with laughter. Another time she'd woken up she hadn't known who he was or where she was, she'd just asked for Anderson and Kaidan and had mumbled something about a beacon and Eden Prime before groggily closing her eyes again.

The most upsetting thing that had happened, even worse than Rennah throwing up on him, was when she had started yelling and crying in her sleep. It was the first time that James and Chakwas had been forced to restrain her as she'd thrashed around so much that she'd almost fallen out of bed. The nightmare hadn't been the confusing part; James knew that someone who'd been through what Sheppard had been through would invariably have nightmares. The really strange thing was that neither he nor Chakwas had been able to understand the language Shepard was yelling in and they'd discussed it for almost fifteen minutes before EDI had stepped in.

"Shepard is speaking in Russian." EDI had told them helpfully through the COMs system when they'd tried to puzzle it out. "Most translators cater for the galactic community and not for regional Earth dialects. It is not surprising that your translators cannot translate it."

"But Shepard isn't Russian. She grew up in L.A." James hadn't meant to let slip that he knew where she'd grown up, but he doubted Chakwas or EDI would think anything of it.

"Be that as it may, Lieutenant Vega, it does not change the fact that Shepard _is_ speaking in Russian."

"Right, yeah." James felt like EDI was chastising him and he cleared his throat awkwardly, "So what's she saying?"

There was a pause before EDI very carefully replied, "Commander Shepard is saying something of a personal nature. It is not information that is in her public record, nor do I think it is something she would want known."

James and Chakwas had exchanged a look and pushed EDI for details, but no matter what they said, the AI steadfastly refused to share the information with them. Truthfully, James wasn't sure he wanted to know, given that Shepard had been sobbing hysterically when she'd been shouting. She didn't seem like the type of person who cried easily and he wasn't sure he wanted to know what had happened in her past to make her scream and cry like that. There was nothing in her public record about her knowing how to speak Russian or even having been to Russia, so whatever it was had been kept quiet deliberately and he wanted to respect that despite his curiosity.

Chakwas had monitored Shepard carefully for twenty four hours before she had made her medical decision and had talked to James, Liara and Garrus about their options. She admitted that she _did_ have several backup implants and the necessary equipment to perform the replacement surgery on the Normandy, but the implants she had weren't as powerful as what Shepard was currently using and she had no other medical personnel to assist her in what could be a potentially dangerous surgery. She'd asked them, politely but firmly, to return to the Citadel so Shepard could get the surgery at Huerta where they would have more powerful implants and more medical professionals.

The Normandy's crew had been more than happy to return, but there had been a lot of arguing from Wrex who had wanted to return to Tuchanka straight away. It had only been when Mordin pointed out that he would need time to synthesise a genophage cure that Wrex had relented and Joker had returned to the Citadel with all haste. Chakwas had kept Shepard sedated for the journey back to the Citadel, preferring to keep her unconscious in case she became disorientated again and also to ensure she remained in bed resting her head injury.

Shepard, she had confided to James, hated hospitals.

They'd reached the Citadel two days ago and Shepard had been rushed to Huerta where they'd kept her under observation for a day before the specialists decided that her brain swelling had receded enough for them to perform the dangerous neurosurgery to replace her implant. The way Chakwas had described the surgery to replace the implant on the Normandy, had made it seem like the surgery was routine and simple, but James had since learned that the surgery was not only extremely dangerous, but also came with a risk of brain damage. Chakwas, who was a neuro-specialist, had reassured James that Shepard would be fine and not to worry.

But he had.

He hadn't been alone in his worry and he'd had company as he sat waiting and fretting in the hospital waiting room; Liara, Garrus and Kaidan had all stayed there for the lengthy five hour surgery. Alenko had only been released the previous day himself and had been horrified when he realised the Normandy was back so quickly because Shepard had been injured. It was Kaidan who had shared with James the risks involved with replacing a biotic implant and it was Kaidan who had kept him the most on edge. Alenko had been genuinely frightened for Shepard's safety during the surgery, knowing better than the rest of them exactly how badly things could go wrong.

Thankfully, Shepard had come through the surgery fine and liberal doses of medigel and other advanced healing agents were assisting in fast tracking her recovery. She'd woken up briefly in recovery and had spoken to Chakwas about her surgery before falling asleep again and they'd moved her to a private room where she could get round the clock monitoring while she recovered. James had stayed with her while she slept and though he knew he should get some rest himself, he didn't want to leave Shepard's side in case she woke up when wasn't there.

Rennah shifted restlessly in the bed and rolled over, sighing and stretching out under the hospital blanket they'd tucked around her; her long body briefly outlined through the covers. James kept his eyes pinned to her face as she drew in a deep breath and slowly opened her eyes, blinking dazedly at the bright hospital lights above her before focusing on his face.

"Hey Jimmy." She smiled at him sleepily and rolled over to face him, the movement so intimate and sweet that James couldn't help but imagine waking up to her looking like this every day.

"Hey yourself." James returned her smile and some of the tension in him eased as she reached out a hand and clasped his, her grip firm despite the trauma she'd been through. "How are you feeling, Lola?"

"Sore." She squeezed his hand and raised her other hand to her head, gingerly touching the bandages that had been wrapped around it. "What happened? I remember talking to Chakwas earlier and she said something about replacing my implant?"

He nodded and absently ran his thumb over his fingers as he recounted what had happened to her over the past few days. He skipped over some bits, like Wrex wanting to return to Tuchanka even though she was injured and didn't linger too long on her disorientated episodes on the Normandy. Shepard was very interested in Cerberus' new weapon and in the Illusive Man's sudden interest and need to capture her, although she admitted that she had no idea why he would be so desperate to get her back.

"Thanks for saving me…again. Chakwas said that if you hadn't destroyed the gun when you did that more of the nodules would have hit me and it probably would have done more damage." She met his gaze properly and her lips twisted in a wry expression of guilt. "I guess I should apologise for my behaviour on the way to Sur'Kesh…"

"Oh, no, that's fine." James swallowed hard, suddenly nervous and unsure of himself since he hadn't expected Shepard to broach this subject. "You don't have to apologise…"

"Yeah I do." She quietly cut him off and looked away, picking absently at the blanket covering her, "I'm not very good at this, at talking to people I mean, but I know I upset you and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, I just got…scared."

"Scared of me?" James felt that knot of tension start to build again. He'd been hoping that maybe they could work through things together, but if she was scared of _him_ there wasn't a lot he could do short of trying to work out what he'd done to scare her and rectify it. "What did I do to make you scared of me…"

"No, I'm not scared of you. I'm scared of _me_." She met his eyes again and shrugged, their violet colour looking bruised and tired as she tried to explain, clearly uncomfortable and embarrassed. "I like you James, I _really_ like you, and the way you make me feel scares me. I'm not used to feeling like this about people, and I guess I just got worried about how…attracted to you I was."

James felt himself smile and shook his head slowly, unable to believe that Shepard had retreated from him because she was nervous about _liking_ him. "So you started avoiding me because you're attracted to me?"

"Yes." She looked uncomfortable, but smiled hesitantly when she saw that he wasn't angry. "I know I'm an idiot and a coward..."

"Why do you keep saying that? You're not a coward." James grinned and leaned forward to gently cup her face, "You can be an idiot sometimes, but you're not a coward."

"Thanks." She glared at him playfully and rolled her eyes when he raised his eyebrows at her.

"Well, you have been a bit of an idiot. I mean, I dedicated six months on Earth to keeping you safe and I'd take a bullet for you in a heartbeat. Do you really think I'd do anything to hurt you?"

Shepard began to smile at his words and she bit her lip, "I know, but it doesn't change the fact that you make me feel…"

"Wild? Out of control?" James suggested with a smile, he knew that talking about this with him was a big step for Shepard and he wanted to keep things light. "I can throw a few words out there to describe how you make me feel if it will help?"

"Oh, I have a good idea of how you feel about me." Rennah grinned sleepily, his flirting seeming to settle her nerves. "Thank you, James."

James pulled her hand up to his lips and dropped a quick kiss on the back of her hand, his heart hammering in his chest at the way she was watching him. It had hurt him when he'd realised that Rennah was avoiding him and didn't want to be alone with him; it had made him feel like he'd done something wrong. After almost losing her, it was just a relief to know that the only reason she'd pulled away was because she was scared of how strongly she was attracted to him, in fact it was the best news he'd had in days.

"I thought you were going to die back on Sur'Kesh, Shepard." James traced a finger down her cheek and along her chin. "No matter what happens, I just want you to know that I'm going to be here for you…"

The door to the room opened and James and Shepard both pulled apart quickly; James pulling his hand back from her face and Rennah letting go of his hand guiltily as Kaidan walked into the room, his amber coloured eyes narrowing as he picked up on the tension between them. Of all the people who could have walked in, Kaidan was the one person who James had least wanted it to be. It was like the guy had some kind of alarm in his head that went off whenever he and Shepard got too close and he'd interrupt them with impeccable timing.

Today, it seemed, was no exception.

* * *

"Sorry, did I interrupt something?" Kaidan tried to look casual as he hesitated in the doorway, not in the least bit sorry that he'd walked in when he did.

The moment he'd seen Shepard embrace the young lieutenant on the Normandy as they'd left Earth, he'd known that there was something between them that was a little beyond the guard-prisoner relationship. He hadn't known what it was and had told himself that it was probably just friendship, but he'd let his thoughts linger on it and he'd become jealous despite his best intentions. It was ridiculous for him to feel this way since he was the one who'd chased Shepard away in the first place, but he hadn't been able to help it.

Living with Shepard's death for three years had been hard. The first few months had been especially nightmarish and every morning he'd woken up wishing that he'd disobeyed her orders and stayed alongside her. Maybe he could have saved her, or maybe he would have died with her. Either would have been preferable to him then the empty life he could see stretching ahead of him.

When Rennah had died he'd felt like his heart had been ripped out. He hadn't wanted to live. He'd wallowed in despair for months until Anderson had snapped him out of it and had started assigning him missions to take his mind off things. He'd resented the missions at first and had hated Anderson for forcing him back into the world, but in reality Anderson had probably saved his life.

When the rumours that Shepard was still alive had reached him, he hadn't known what to think. He had desperately wanted to believe she was alive, but deep down he'd known that if she was then that would mean that she'd left _him_; she couldn't have been back from the dead, because people didn't just come back from the dead. So, when she had shown up working for Cerberus he'd been crushed and convinced himself that it wasn't really her. It couldn't have been Shepard; it was a clone, a doppelganger, a body that only looked like Shepard, but was controlled by Cerberus, but it wasn't her.

Rennah Shepard was dead.

The woman he'd met on Horizon had looked like Rennah Shepard, but it hadn't been her. It couldn't have been. The woman he loved would never have worked for the same people who had killed her entire unit on Akuze; the same people who had tried to kill them on more than one occasion. He'd been angry to have something that looked like Shepard dangled in front of him, so he'd been cold and distant to her and he'd walked away without a backwards glance.

He'd waited for news that it _wasn't_ Commander Shepard that Cerberus had brought back, he'd waited to hear that she had betrayed the Alliance or that she'd been discovered to be a clone or an android. But the news had never come. As the months had gone on and Shepard destroyed the Collector Base, betrayed the Illusive Man and had run from Cerberus, he'd started to doubt himself; what if it had been Shepard? What if he'd been cold and cruel to the only woman he'd ever loved?

The doubts had almost been enough to drive him mad, so he'd buried himself in his work and had tried to put the idea of Shepard out of his head, but he couldn't stop thinking about her. Seeing her on Earth had made him realise how badly he'd missed her and had driven home how angry she was at him for the way he'd treated her. He couldn't blame her either. He'd been a fool and since waking up in Huerta he'd been in damage control; desperately trying to find a way to fix what he'd done to his relationship with Shepard.

He still loved her; he'd never stopped…

"No, it's fine." Lieutenant Vega's voice pulled him from his thoughts and he looked up to see the younger man grin at him affably before glancing back down at Shepard with a look that Kaidan couldn't quite catch, "I'll let you two chat."

"You're leaving?" Shepard sat up slightly in her bed and frowned at Vega as he made to leave.

"You're only allowed one visitor at a time and I've been in here for a few hours." He shrugged and stretched, "Besides I haven't slept in a while. I'll come by again tomorrow morning and see how you're doing."

"Thanks Jimmy." Rennah caught his hand and squeezed it. "I owe you my life."

_Jimmy?_

Kaidan squashed his jealousy down at the sight of that casual touch and forced a smile to his face as Vega walked towards him, nodding to him pleasantly as he left. He waited until James had closed the door before he crossed the room, running his concerned gaze over Shepard and trying not to think about what could have happened to her if the surgery had gone wrong. Did she even know how close she'd come to being seriously injured?

"How are you feeling?" He sat down in the chair that Vega had vacated, hating the way that Shepard watched him with eyes that were wary and distant. He missed the teasing light that used to shine in them when she looked at him and the way she used to do that silly half-smile whenever she caught him watching her.

She shrugged and touched a hand to her head, "About as good as can be expected considering that someone has been fiddling around in my head."

"Yeah, that's never pleasant." Kaidan reached for her hand and held it lightly in his, wondering if he'd imagined her slight inhalation as he did so, as though she was taken aback. "You look good though."

"Ha! I'm sure I'm the height of fashion with my fancy head wear." She let her other hand fall away from her head and smiled, one of the first smiles she'd given him since they'd met up again on Earth.

God, he'd missed that smile.

"So Cerberus did this to you, huh?" He regretted the words as soon as they were out of his mouth and he saw Shepard's gaze focus sharply on him, her eyes narrowing as though she anticipated more of his Cerberus accusations.

"_Kaidan_…"

He squeezed her hand and tried to sound reassuring, "I'm worried about why they might be after you, Ren. I'm not accusing you of anything, I swear."

She sighed and pulled her hand from his, straightening the blankets around her absently, "Yes, they tried to capture me, and no, I don't know why they did. Probably not for any good reason since I stole the Illusive Man's ship and betrayed him."

"I don't think Cerberus does anything for good reasons these days, not if the reports I've been seeing are accurate." Kaidan loosely clasped his hands in his lap and ignored the way Shepard kept glancing at the door to her room, as though hoping someone would come in and interrupt them.

"They've always been assholes, but at least they brought me back and helped me stop the Collectors before they became complete_ fucking_ assholes." She glanced at the door again and Kaidan felt a small frisson of annoyance slide through him.

He wanted things to go back to the way they had been before she'd died, but he didn't have a clue about how to make it happen when she was still so angry at him. He was getting nothing less than what he deserved after the way he'd questioned her loyalty when he should have trusted her, but he really hadn't been able to help himself. It had destroyed him to lose her and if he'd gone with Shepard when she'd approached him on Horizon and she had turned out to be a Cerberus puppet…well…he wasn't sure if he'd have been able to recover from losing her again.

He didn't know how to explain his behaviour to Shepard though, especially when she was so bitterly angry with him. In his head, Shepard had always been his; even when she'd been dead and even when she'd been with Cerberus, he'd still thought of her as being his girlfriend. It had been a nasty shock to be back with her on the Normandy and realise how much she disliked him now. All because he'd been too scared to risk trusting her again.

"So, I was thinking that when you got out of here maybe we could crack open that whiskey you got me?" Kaidan gave Shepard a charming smile that froze slightly around the edges as she stared at him for several long moments before slowly shaking her head and answering.

"I'm not sure if that's a good idea..."

He sighed at the reluctance in her tone, "Why not? We used to have a great time together."

_Why couldn't she just trust that he wasn't going to let her down again?_

"That was a long time ago," She focused her intense amethyst coloured eyes on him and the look in them so heartbreakingly sad that Kaidan wanted to do whatever he could to take that sadness away. "Neither one of us is the same person anymore."

He shook his head in denial and tried again, "Shepard, I want to fix this…"

Her eyes flashed and the sadness was instantly replaced by something hard and unforgiving, "Kaidan, you left me!" She jabbed a finger at him, her tone bitter and harsh. "You can't just act like Horizon never happened!"

"I'm not trying to pretend it didn't happen. I know I stuffed up! I know I hurt you and I'm sorry! But I made a mistake!" He caught the hand that she had pointed at him with and held it tightly, his expressive brown eyes holding her gaze. "Why are you being like this? Is it because of Lieutenant Vega?"

Her eyes widened and she tugged her hand free again, her face going a shade paler. "That's none of your business!"

_Shit! _

He shouldn't have brought up her pet lieutenant, but at least now his suspicions had been confirmed; Shepard's reaction when he'd mentioned Vega's name had given more away than she'd probably wanted. Even if nothing was going on between them yet, it was clear to Kaidan that Rennah liked the younger man a great deal, and he'd had seen the way James watched her. They were enamoured with each other and if he wasn't careful he was going to lose Shepard all over again.

"Rennah, I love you, and I'm sorry that I hurt you." Kaidan wanted to take her hand again, or to pull her into a hug, but he knew she wouldn't stand for it. "Can't you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

"No." She ran a hand over her face and shook her head, "I can't do it."

"Why not? I'm not going to doubt you again…" He could feel frustration simmering inside of him, irrationally irritated that Shepard was shutting him down so coldly, and without hearing him out.

"I said no!" Rennah gritted her teeth and then looked at him again with eyes that were angry and sad and hurt, "Don't you understand?" Her breath hitched and she continued in a voice so quiet he almost didn't catch it. "I needed you and you let me down."

"Ren, I'm so sorry." Kaidan reached for her hands, but she pulled away again and shook her head.

Her eyes filled with tears and they glittered under the harsh hospital lights as she looked away, embarrassed, suddenly looking so much like the old Rennah that his heart ached, "You killed more of me than the Collectors ever did…"

The words fell heavily into the room like a stone into a pond; filled with so much emotional weight that Kaidan could almost see them sinking to the floor. "Rennah please, I'm so sorry."

"Just go." She continued look away from him and her voice was a strained whisper as she held back her tears.

_He'd never seen her cry before…_

"Okay." Kaidan spoke softly and he stood up carefully, gently patting her shoulder and ignoring the way she stiffened under his touch, "I'll leave but I'm going to make up for what I did." He crossed the room, and tried not to let himself sink into the depression that was lingering at the edges of his mind. "I love you, Shepard."

Silence was the only reply he got.

* * *

**A/N – Oh Kaidan…I feel so bad for him right now. Oh well, this is the Jimmy Vega show after all! Let me know what you thought! **


	16. Perfect Timing

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect_

**A/N – A big thank you to the people who reviewed – I really do appreciate the time you take to write a review and give me feedback! **

**This chapter was supposed to have Jack in it, but the chapter got too long, so I cut Jack out and will leave that for the next chapter. This is going to have a little Kasumi and Thane in it - Thane does call Shepard 'Siha' in it even though they never had a relationship, because he does in the game I thought he always seemed a bit fond of her. This chapter is also going to have a bit of heat between James and Shepard. Enjoy!**

* * *

"Sorry, but we're in lockdown and no one's getting in." The turian C-Sec guard looked James and Garrus up and down with a decidedly antagonistic glint in his eye, as though hoping they would argue with him. "If you have an emergency you can go to the clinic on Zakera Ward, otherwise please stand aside." The officer waved a hand at them dismissively and turned away, far more interested in watching a female turian nurse who was being questioned nearby.

Huerta Memorial Hospital was in lockdown, which was worrying because C-Sec didn't lock down buildings unless something serious had happened, especially something as important as a hospital. It also made the seemingly harmless omni-tool message from Shepard asking them to come down and sign her out so she could leave, seem a little more ominous. Shepard hadn't sounded unwell in the message, in fact her voice had been downright amused, but James had noticed a lot of shouting and background noise.

"Look, we were called down here by _Commander Shepard_, the human Spectre, and I don't think she'd like to be kept waiting." Garrus spoke before James could, which was probably good since the turian was ex C-Sec and at least knew how to talk to the officer. "If _you_ don't have the authority to clear us and let us in, perhaps speak to Commander Bailey and get clearance?"

The guard narrowed his eyes at Garrus' bored drawling tone, but he stood a little straighter and looked at them with more interest when they mentioned Shepard's name. Whether it was because she was a Spectre, or because they knew she was in hospital was unclear, but at least they had his attention. The officer opened his omni-tool and turned around to speak quietly into it, nodding quickly and turning around smartly as he closed the line.

"Commander Bailey says you're authorised to come in, but we need to do an ID check first and you need to speak to him before you try to see Commander Shepard." The guard motioned for them to step forward, his behaviour slightly less disrespectful now that his CO had authorised their entrance.

After subjecting both of them to a thorough identity scan and verifying that they were part of the Normandy crew, he let them in, officious to the last second. Garrus led the way towards Shepard's room where even more C-Sec officers were gathered and the twinge of worry began to blossom into alarm when he saw that the door to Shepard's room was locked. The officers seemed to be standing guard outside of her room and keeping an eye on a doctor was lying restrained and unconscious on the floor.

_Had something happened to Shepard? _

The air was alive with conversation as C-Sec officers questioned the staff and patients in the waiting room, and James saw Commander Bailey with two people who had been segregated from the others. From this distance they were hard to make out, but it looked like a drell and a human woman who had a dark hood obscuring her features. Bailey was currently questioning the drell, who was looking remarkably calm and answering his questions easily, while the woman, who James thought might be Japanese, had a fake and decidedly shifty smile on her face.

There was something incredibly familiar about the woman and James was struck by the feeling that he had seen her somewhere before, although for the life of him he couldn't think where. She glanced at him without warning and her face broke into a brief amused grin before she winked at him and looked back at Bailey, who had directed a question to her. She answered briefly and grinned wider as she pointed at James and Garrus as though she knew Bailey wanted to speak with them.

"Garrus! Lieutenant Vega!" Commander Bailey saw them and waved for them to approach, a data pad in his hand as he took down notes, "Shepard told me I could expect to see you."

"What happened?" James glanced around, "Is she okay?"

"See?" He heard the Japanese woman whisper to the drell, loudly enough that he was certain she meant for him to hear her, "I told you he was very protective."

"Shepard's fine." Bailey ignored the whisper and gestured at the drell and the woman as he continued, "A Cerberus agent was posing as a doctor and tried to get in to see Shepard. He was trying to inject her with this." He held up a syringe with a pale orange liquid inside and then stashed it back in an evidence bag. "Thankfully one of the patients at the hospital and a visitor happened to be nearby and apprehended the doctor, although I'm still a little fuzzy on how they _knew_ he wasn't a doctor." Bailey looked back at the duo suspiciously.

The Japanese woman and the drell exchanged a look and the drell spoke up, "I've already told you that I'm a patient here, Commander Bailey, and I know every member of staff. This man," He gestured at the unconscious Cerberus agent, "is not a staff member."

"Uh huh." The C-Sec Commander shook his head slowly and his eyes narrowed, "And I'm supposed to believe that you can remember _every single person_ who works in the hospital?"

"Of course, I'm a drell. We have a perfect memory." The darkly dressed drell turned his black eyes on James, and he felt certain that he was studying him.

Garrus shifted beside him, and James saw him try unsuccessfully to his turian smile, "He's telling the truth, Commander. I worked with a drell once and they _do_ remember each memory perfectly."

_They know each other,_ James realised with surprise. Whoever the drell and the Japanese woman were, Garrus knew them and he was playing along with their story. Neither of them _looked_ like they belonged in the hospital, although the drell was coughing occasionally and didn't seem well. The woman though, whoever she was, looked like she was dressed for some kind of ninja party and James could understand why Bailey was having a hard time buying her story.

"I saw the doctor hiding the needle in his sleeve and realised he was up to no good." The Japanese woman spoke up with a mock-serious voice, as though this was all a big joke to her, and again James was struck by the feeling that he knew her. "Really, you're lucky that we were here to stop him. It was irresponsible of C-Sec not to post guards here when they knew Cerberus was after Shepard." Her tone was slightly berating and the Commander glared at her.

Bailey sighed and shook his head, "I'm still not buying it, but Commander Shepard has vouched for both of you. In fact she wants to thank you personally for saving her life." He ushered them towards Shepard's room where they were allowed inside, before he returned to James and Garrus. "Now, given the circumstances surrounding this attack, the hospital is willing to discharge Shepard into Chakwas care. You're free to sign her out and take her back to the Normandy as soon as you can. I'm sure she'll be pleased to get the hell out of here and I'll be glad to get this headache off my hands."

Garrus nodded, "Of course, Commander. We'll speak to Shepard now and take care of everything."

"You do that." Bailey looked like he wanted to say more, but he closed his mouth with a snap and shook his head again as he walked away.

James followed Garrus' lead and waited politely as Bailey collected his men, the unconscious doctor and left the ICU area of the hospital, and then they made their way to Shepard's room. He still couldn't work out where he'd seen that Japanese woman before. He thought maybe it might have been on Earth, but he couldn't place her face or put a name to it, so it was possible she was someone who he had only seen in passing.

They reached her room and went in, but James came to a stop so abruptly that Garrus almost walked into him. The casual and cosy scene inside the room was so unexpected that he felt like he'd wandered into another dimension; Shepard was sitting cross legged on the bed with the Japanese woman sitting alongside of her and both of them chatting and laughing. The drell was leaning again the window with an indulgent smile on his face as though seeing Shepard smile and laugh was pleasing to him.

Garrus strode in behind him and walked straight up to the drell, shaking his hand and clapping him on the shoulder, "Thane! I should have known you'd have Shepard's back while she was in here."

"Of course, Garrus." The drell smiled and then politely coughed to one side, his breathing slightly irregular as he spoke, "I made it my priority to ensure Shepard's safety while she was in here. I thought it likely that Cerberus would try again."

James felt a hand tap his shoulder and he turned back to see Shepard grinning at him as she kneeled on the bed so she could reach him. The Japanese woman smiled almost as broadly as Shepard when he dropped into a chair to avoid towering over them. Shepard looked much better today, he mused, and she clearly knew she was leaving as she was dressed in her BDUs and already had her boots on, although they were only half laced up. Her eyes were a bright and vibrant shade of purple as gleamed up at him and her skin had lost that sickly sallow colour that it had been for the past few days.

"James Vega, I'd like you to meet Kasumi Goto." Shepard grinned and flopped back onto the bed, her grin letting him know that _something_ was amusing her about this. "Kasumi helped me take down the Collectors, and she's one of my best friends."

_One of Shepard's friends?_

"It's nice to finally meet you properly, James." Kasumi held up a rather petite hand, which he shook, surprised at the strength in her grip; there was clearly more to her than met the eye.

He knew that Shepard counted her squad as he friends and family, but this was the first person that he'd actually heard her refer to someone as a friend. The way that Rennah was sitting on the bed with Kasumi, with her legs curled under her comfortably, was so girly and unlike her that James was having a hard time tearing his eyes away. He'd never seen Shepard relax like this around anyone else; it was nice to see that under all her tough armour and fear of relationships that she had people who she counted as real friends.

It gave him hope.

"And this is Thane Krios, who also came along on our little suicide mission through the Omega Relay." Rennah gestured at the Drell, who extended a long fingered hand to James.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Vega. Kasumi has spoken at length about the skill and bravery you demonstrated as you kept Shepard safe on Earth…" The drell's voice petered out as both Shepard and Kasumi gestured frantically for him to stop.

"Wait…you were on Earth?" James turned back to look at Shepard and Kasumi through narrowed eyes, "You do seem familiar..."

And uncomfortable silence stretched until Rennah finally broke it, "Oh, tell him Kasumi!" She ignored James' suspicious narrow eyed stare and elbowed her friend in the ribs, "It's not like he's my guard anymore."

James looked from Shepard to Kasumi, "Tell me what?"

"I _may_ have come to see Shep once or twice while she was under house arrest." Kasumi smiled at him innocently, but the sparkle in her eyes hinted that there was a little more to her story than she was letting on.

"Shepard wasn't allowed visitors." James crossed his arms over his chest and felt a small pull of amusement that Shepard watched the muscle bunch across his chest and shoulders with a helpless look on her face.

"I _may_ have snuck in." Kasumi added, drawing his attention back to her as she tapped out a code on her omni-tool, instantly cloaking and vanishing from view. A moment later she reappeared and was standing beside him with a smirk on her face. "I'm really not big on following _rules_, although I was always very careful to maintain your security protocols."

James blinked as Kasumi leaned back against the bed, abruptly wondering how often she'd wandered around the compound where he'd been guarding Shepard…and what she'd _seen_. Sometimes when he'd been exercising or alone in his room he could have sworn he'd heard things and sometimes his skin had crawled as though someone had been watching him. It was nerve racking to think that she'd been lurking around the compound watching them all completely unseen.

"K.G." He sat up straighter as he realised what her initials were, the mystery of the flowers in Shepard's hospital room suddenly solved. "You left Shepard those flowers in the hospital!" He turned to glare at Shepard, "And you _knew_!"

"Well, I didn't want to get Kasumi in any trouble." Rennah had the grace to look a little embarrassed and she shrugged, "Sorry, but she was the only friend I had left."

James shook his head, annoyed that even though he knew he should be angry at Shepard for her deception, he was finding it impossible. She _had_ been lonely and bored on Earth and he'd seen for himself how miserable she'd been and the lengths she'd gone through to entertain herself. Besides, it was hard to stay mad at Rennah when she looked so adorable curled up on the bed, watching him with those haunting eyes.

"Fine." He muttered gruffly, tearing his eyes away from Shepard and standing up, "The hospital is releasing you into Chakwas care on the Normandy…"

"You mean they're throwing me out." Shepard slid to the edge of the bed and slowly got to her feet, taking the hand that James held out to steady her, her fingers warm and pleasant as they briefly curled around his.

He picked up the bag that he'd brought in for her only a few days early and shrugged, "Well, you do seem to attract Cerberus at the moment and at least the Normandy is secure."

"True." Shepard turned to face her friends, "I don't suppose I can convince either one of you to come with me? I could use the help."

Thane shook his head and held out a hand to Rennah, "No, my condition had progressed too far. I require constant medical attention and would only burden you. I wish you all the best though, Siha."

Shepard smiled at the nickname, "Are you ever going to tell me what that means?"

"One day, perhaps." Thane shook her hand warmly and then stood back, his eyes flicking between James and Shepard.

Kasumi was far less decorous and threw her arms around Shepard, "I wish I could come with you Shep, but…"

"But the last time I almost got you killed. Yeah, yeah, I know." Shepard hugged her friend tightly, her eyes closed as she wrapped her arms around the petite Japanese woman.

_She must have really missed her friends on Earth_, James thought as he watched them embrace, the hug so tight and going on for so long that he wondered if Kasumi would change her mind and come along. But eventually they pulled apart and Shepard took Kasumi by the shoulders, gently holding her in place as she spoke to her quietly.

"You make sure you stay out of trouble!" Her eyes were stern as she added, "And remember your promise to help out with the Crucible project."

Kasumi shook Shepard's hands off like a small child wriggling out of their mother's grasp, "Relax, Shep! I'll do my part. You just take care of yourself and enjoy hanging out with the _cutie pie_." Kasumi turned her decidedly luminous eyes on James, and he flushed slightly as he realised Kasumi was speaking about _him_.

Shepard laughed as they all left the room, the lingering C-Sec officers watching them suspiciously as they came through the door. James was curious as to how it was that someone as angry and guarded as Shepard had managed to become friends with someone as free-spirited as Kasumi. They seemed a very strange mix, but it was clear to him that Kasumi was good for Shepard; he'd never seen her relax and let down her walls like this before.

Besides, Kasumi had saved Shepard from another Cerberus attack, so she was okay in James' book; even if she had been sneaking around and spying on him back on Earth.

* * *

"James?" Shepard's voice sounded over Vega's omni-tool as he exercised and he carefully lowered the weights he'd been using back to the ground, his muscles protesting. "You shave your head yourself, right? I mean, you have your own set of electric clippers? For hair?"

"Uh, yeah." James sat up on the weight bench and opened up the visual, surprised to see a flustered looking Shepard staring back at him, "Why, Lola? You think of shaving your hair off?"

He hoped not.

Her hair was so long and lovely that it would have been criminal to cut it off; not that he'd have a problem if she did, it was just that he _liked_ her long hair. He grabbed a towel from the ground next to him and wiped some sweat off as Shepard grumpily lifted her hair and turned her head this way and that, letting him see that half of her head from the ear down was shaved in an undercut where they'd done the implant surgery, and the other side was normal.

"I look like a freak." She slumped forward dejectedly and sighed, "If it's not asking too much could you come up with your clippers and help me even out this mess? You have more experience with this than I do."

"I've never done someone else before, Commander. You might end up bald." James joked as he tossed the towel aside and picked up his shirt as he talked. "But if you don't mind me being all sweaty I can come up now and help you out."

"I don't mind you being sweaty." Shepard unsuccessfully tried to hide her smirk, "Yeah, come up and we'll try to fix this up together."

She ended the connection and James pulled his shirt on, absurdly pleased at the way she'd lumped them both in with the word 'together'. He was slightly hesitant to try and help her fix up the undercut on her hair, especially as he'd never used his clippers on someone with long hair before, but the idea of getting to be close to Rennah again was too tempting to resist. It would be nice to spend some one on one time with her out of the hospital.

He pulled his clipper case out from under his work bench and caught the elevator up to her cabin, trying to ignore the roll of eagerness that swept over him in a prickling rush at the thought of being alone with her again. The elevator doors slid open and he saw that the door light was green and without giving himself time to hesitate he went in. The cabin hadn't changed much from the last time he'd been up here, although her desk was covered in data pads and her bed was rumpled as though she'd been lying on it.

"Shepard?" He glanced around and almost jumped when she stood up from the lounge where she'd been sitting, hidden from view by her desk.

"Hey Jimmy." She padded towards him, barefoot with only a pair of exercise sweatpants and an N7 exercise top that clung to her breasts and left her mid-drift bare.

James felt his stomach contract at the sight of that toned midsection, and he was thankful for his loose workout gear as he felt other parts of his body react. There was something about seeing her dressed so casually that always drove him wild. Sure, he liked seeing her all geared up in her armour like a warrior woman, but _this_ was the Shepard he'd grown to appreciate on Earth.

As she came towards him, James wondered if she had any idea of the effect she had on him.

He cleared his throat and tried to focus himself on the reason why he was here, "So, where'd did you want me to do you?"

Shepard paused and raised her eyebrows, amusement flicking over her face, "Do me?"

"Oh shit, I meant your hair, Lola." James stumbled over his words and blushed as Shepard laughed and pointed him towards the bathroom.

"In there, Romeo." She brushed past him with the smile still on her face and led the way in, "Should I bring a chair or something? Or is it easier for you to do me while I'm standing?"

James grinned at her flirty reference to his earlier gaffe, and considered how tall Shepard was before he grabbed the chair from her desk and dragged it in, "Take a seat, this is going to get messy unless you want to put a towel around your shoulders or something."

"I don't mind getting messy." She quipped playfully as she moved around in front of the seat, her eyes twinkling at him.

Despite her comment, Rennah took a towel from the towel rack and slid into the seat as she wrapped it around he shoulders. She glanced up at him in the mirror and watched as he took the clippers out and looked down at her hair. She'd tied half of her hair up in a tight pony tail bun, and James guessed that the hair that she'd left out was the hair that she wanted shaved off.

Even though she was the one who had called him up here she seemed nervous and her eyes followed his movements as he tested the clippers and then added a few drops of oil to the blades so they'd cut a little more smoothly; he didn't want to cut her by mistake.

"You got scissors, Lola?" He held a few locks of her hair in his hands and trailed his fingers through the silky strands, the feel of her soft hair in his calloused hands was almost enough to make him back out of doing this. "Your hair's pretty long. It might be easier if I trim it down short first, and then shave it."

"Yeah sure." She reached across and opened a drawer in the bathroom cabinet she was sitting in front of. James caught a glimpse of her slim hands riffling through shower gels, soaps and lotions before Rennah found her scissors and she pulled them out, handing them to him handle first.

He held the scissors loosely and glanced down at her head, the doctors had shaved a large patch on the left and back of her head, from about ear level across. It was a neat job, but it did look an awful lot like she'd gone to get an undercut and had left before the hairdresser had finished. The scar from her surgery had knitted nicely, but was still fresh and pink, and the newly replaced amp port gleamed silver at him.

He hesitated with the scissors in his hand and looked down at her one last time, "Now, are you absolutely sure about this?"

"I'm sure." Shepard drew in a shaky breath, "Besides, if I hate it, my hair will grow back eventually."

"You're the boss."

He trimmed her long dark hair down until it sat about an inch from her scalp and then he handed the scissors back to Rennah and used his clippers to shave the rest of the hair off. The patch the doctors had shaved for the operation was much larger than what he needed to shave, so it didn't take him long to do the right side and even everything out. When he was done he set the clippers down on the edge of the bench and began brushing the hair off the back of Shepard's head and neck. As he did, his hand lightly brushed lightly against her amp port and Shepard jumped, drawing in a sharp breath as though in pain.

"You okay?" He set his hands on her shoulders and was surprised to see that goose bumps had spread over her skin, he glanced at her face in the mirror and saw her blink quickly and take a deep breath as though to settle herself.

"My port is…sensitive." She bit her lower lip and glanced away, shifting in her seat and avoiding his eyes. "I'm not used to other people touching it."

Guilt wriggled through him and he tightened his grip on her shoulders, "Sorry, Commander. I didn't mean to hurt you."

Shepard paused before she finally looked at him in the mirror, her eyes dark and not pained in the least. "It didn't hurt, James. It's just _sensitive_."

The look she gave him was weighted and meaningful and James loosened his grip on her shoulders as he finally understood what she was saying, feeling like he'd encroached on something personal. All biotics had amp ports that were plugged into their implants and their nervous system, so it shouldn't have surprised him that even brushing against the port would have had an effect. He just hadn't expected that it would be a pleasurable sensation, and especially not one that had such an immediate effect.

"Do all biotics react like this?" He asked softly, his curiosity getting the better of him.

Shepard shook her head slowly and stood up, moving the chair from between them and unwrapping the towel from around her shoulders. She hesitated as she faced the mirror again and their reflected eyes met, a strange buzzing sensation filling the air as Rennah stepped back a little and James became aware of how little space there was between them. Barely an inch between his chest from her back, and James could feel the heat radiating from her body; her skin was always hot to the touch. As they stared deeply into each other's eyes James saw her swallow as she slowly leaned back, until her back was resting lightly against his chest.

He could see the invitation in her eyes as she stared at him and the energy that pulsed between their bodies was electric. This was what he'd been wanting for so long but had never dared to dream would happen; Shepard making a move on _him_ and not the other way around. It was so unexpected and exciting that he almost didn't want to move and ruin the moment.

"Most human biotics find it very…invasive to have their ports touched." She turned her head slightly and let the back of her head rest against his shoulder, and James slowly slid an arm around her waist so he could pull her more firmly against his chest. "For some people it's intensely painful, for others it's deeply unpleasant," Her voice dropped to a low purr and Rennah slid one of her hands along the arm he had around her waist, trailing her nails against his skin, "and for people like me it's _stimulating_…"

James couldn't take it anymore; the feel of her body pressed against his, the sultry tone in her voice and the sexy scratch of her nails along his skin broke his control. He tightened his arm around her waist and pulled her into a much more intimate contact with his body, her soft curves grinding against his hard muscles. Shepard whimpered in approval, a sexy feminine sound, as he pressed his mouth against the side of her neck, kissing the soft skin and dragging his stubbled chin along her neck as his free hand found one of her toned thighs and began to slide upwards.

They stumbled backwards and James felt his back hit the wall of the shower behind them. He was momentarily concerned that they would slip and he braced his legs securely on the floor and kept his arm tightly around her waist, but they stayed upright. Shepard pushed urgently against him and he kissed the side of her neck again and gently bit her, the pressure of his teeth seeming to drive her wild as she moaned and panted. Her legs gave way and she sagged against him, relying on his strength to hold her upright as she twisted her head sideways and pressed her lips to his, kissing him wildly and violently. It was madly exciting and James could feel adrenaline surging through him as he held Shepard in his arms as she writhed in pleasure.

Both of them were slaves to the passion between them and they were swept away in a wave of feeling, touching, wanting, biting and kissing. At some point Shepard had twisted around in his arms to face him and James lifted her up, groaning as she wrapped her legs around his waist; arching her back in pleasure as he rained kisses down her neck and chest. He caught her hands in his and pressed them against the wall, driving his tongue deep in his mouth as he kissed her. He wanted to pin her against the wall and take her here; to hear those little cries of ecstasy echoing around the bathroom as he…

"Commander?" EDI's voice sounded over the coms and Shepard froze in his arms, her heart hammering so hard against her chest that James could feel it. "Commander Shepard? Special Traynor needs to speak to you urgently at the CIC."

There was silence for a few moments while Shepard found her voice and caught her breath, "Tell her to give me a few minutes, EDI."

Shepard's voice was surprisingly normal sounding as she set her feet back on the floor and pulled out of his embrace, James tactfully let his arm slide from around her waist without comment. He tried to calm his own racing heart and focus his thoughts, but it was hard when his body was still aching with unfulfilled desire. Rennah turned to face him; her skin was flushed and he could see the same tell-tale ache of frustration in her features.

She drew in a deep breath and took a step back from him, wrapping her arms around her as though she was suddenly cold. "I have to go."

"I know." James nodded and followed Shepard out of the bathroom, pausing near her desk and catching her gaze as his body screamed at him to take her in his arms again. "I guess I should go…"

"Yeah." She nodded quickly and turned away from him, quickly crossing the room to a storage compartment and pulling out a set of BDUs which she tossed onto her bed.

Silence fell between them, an ugly awkward silence that reminded James all too much of the silence he'd got from Shepard on the journey to Sur'Kesh, and he quickly stepped forward; wanting to justify the passion that had almost consumed them both before she retreated from him again. "For the record, Lola, I didn't come here planning to seduce you."

Rennah looked up at him in surprise, her eyes amused as she let out a small chuckle, "God, I know that that, James. I mean, what happened just then was because of me! I was the one who made the first move, so don't worry about me trying to pin it on you…I'm just finding it a little hard to think." She let her hair out of the pony tail, and it fell to her shoulders in a wave as she ran her hands through it and shrugged at him as she shivered. "I'm not normally the kind of girl that does one night stands." Her gaze darkened and she looked away, "At least not these days. I guess that's why I got scared before Sur'Kesh."

Scaring her away was the last thing James wanted to do, so there was only one thing for it, "Well, we can take a step back and maybe slow it down a little. I don't normally do things like that either."

Shepard smiled hesitantly, and nodded her head in agreement as though she'd been thinking the same thing, "I think that would be best." She took a deep breath and came towards him, going up on tiptoe and kissing him lightly on the check, "How about dinner when we're next on the Citadel?"

"It's a date." James nodded, trying to ignore the ridiculous hammer in his chest as though he'd just won a fight. He started towards the door and then paused, "Oh, and your hair looks great."

He saw Shepard raise a hand halfway to her hair before she grinned and went back to the bed, picking up her BDU. He turned back, but felt her eyes on him all the way out the door, somehow resisting the urge to glance back at her. As wonderful as it had been to have her in his arms and as painful as it had been to have EDI interrupt them, he still felt like things had ended up in a pretty good place tonight.

Although he _was_ in desperate need of a very cold shower…

* * *

**A/N – That was fun! :D**


	17. Friends Against All Odds

_Disclaimer: I still don't own Mass Effect…maybe tomorrow…_

**A/N – Thank you to the lovely readers who left me reviews for the last chapter! Spacecats, Jules Hawke, TLCinbflo, Simone TRH, Blausen, Candle in the Night, Sita, Dreamingofsiha & Neopilotoo. You guys are lovely for giving me feedback and bringing a smile to my face!**

* * *

"Why wasn't I told about this sooner, Traynor?" Shepard leaned against the side of the galaxy map and frowned at the display screen that was showing the location of Grissom Academy, "Cerberus attacking a biotic school is fairly ominous given what happened to me on Sur'Kesh."

"Oh, I agree completely, Commander." Traynor flushed pink and gestured at her terminal with a petite hand, "The thing is, I wasn't entirely sure what I had until EDI and I looked a little more closely at the turian ship signal and realised it was fake."

Rennah nodded and shifted her weight as she rubbed the back her neck; her amp port was still tingling and she was finding it hard to concentrate because of the lingering ache in her body. She really wasn't the kind of person who had one night stands or fell into bed at the drop of a hat, but it had been a while since she'd been intimate with someone and after she and James' little tryst in the bathroom she was feeling frustrated. James was a temptation that she was finding harder and harder to resist, and her usual self-control seemed to be letting her down.

"Right, good job Traynor." Shepard made herself focus and pushed away from galaxy map, clapping Traynor on the shoulder. "This was excellent work, and if this is Cerberus then we'll stop the bastards."

Traynor flushed even pinker and straightened proudly as she turned back to her console, "Thank you, ma'am."

Rennah nodded and strode towards the bridge, her boots thudding solidly against the gangway as she wove around soldiers working at the CIC. A chance to beat Cerberus at their own game and to maybe find out what they were up to and why they were interested in biotics was too good to pass up. Besides, fighting was what she was good at and her pride had taken a serious hit when Cerberus had pinned her down and sabotaged her implant, and she was itching for a little payback.

"Did you catch that, Joker?" She asked as opened the door to the bridge and went in, trying not to stare too much at EDI since the AI undoubtedly knew precisely what she'd been interrupting earlier.

"Sure did, Commander, I'm plotting a course for Grissom Academy now." Joker's hands flew across the controls, his movements fast, graceful and completely in control. "ETA approximately two hours."

"Thanks." She nodded at the pilot even though he was focused on the console and wouldn't see her.

"Shepard?" EDI stood up, her head tilted quizzically to the side and she stared at Shepard innocently, "I have a question about the human behaviour which I monitored in your room earlier…"

"Whoa, EDI!" Joker put his hands up and interjected before Shepard could react, as though he'd had to stop her from inappropriate conversations on other occasions. He twisted carefully in his seat to give the gynoid a stern look, "I don't think Shepard wants me to hear about what she's doing up there in her room."

Shepard nodded quickly, aware that Joker had helped her dodge a hideously embarrassing bullet, "Yeah, _not_ a conversation for public, EDI. Let's talk in private."

"Of course, Shepard." EDI followed Shepard as she led the way out of the bridge and closed the door behind her, her footsteps echoing Shepard's metallically as they stepped into the long corridor.

The corridor was thankfully deserted and although Shepard could see almost a dozen people working at the CIC, the noise of the ship and the officer's chatter as they worked was loud enough that she knew they wouldn't be heard. She should have guessed that EDI would hit her with a question like this; the AI was relentless in her quest to learn more about 'being human' and her drive for knowledge had only increased since she'd acquired her new body.

EDI tilted her head again and watched Shepard with interest, "I apologise if I caused offense; that was _not_ my intention."

Shepard _almost_ believed her, but EDI had proven herself to be far more astute and aware of human emotions than anyone, even Jeff, had given her credit for. Yes, she was an unshackled AI and was still learning and developing day by day, but she learned damned fast! Her acquisition of her new feminine body, her constant questions about human emotions and her curious attraction to Joker were all signs that EDI knew precisely what she wanted and was going after it with a vengeance.

Rennah rubbed at her temples and sighed, "Look EDI, I know you're the Normandy and you see and hear everything that goes on, but you can't bring this sort of stuff up like this. It's _private_." She kept her gaze trained on the gynoid levelly as she spoke, painfully aware that there was nothing she could do to stop EDI from talking about whatever she wanted with whoever she liked. The only thing that seemed to stop her was that she considered Shepard to be her friend, and this friendship seemed to mean a lot to the AI.

"Many other crew members already speculate on your love life, Shepard." EDI smiled slightly as spoke and for a moment Shepard was sure that she saw a gleam of amusement in her eyes. "One of the officers who guards the war room is convinced you are having an affair with Admiral Anderson, while Jeff has been speculating that you are going to be reuniting with Major Alenko…"

"Enough, EDI!" Shepard turned away in exasperation and let her eyes skim over the room as she looked for something of interest to focus on other than the painfully uncomfortable conversation EDI seemed to want to press on her. "Gossip is normal, but you know my rules about privacy! You can't talk about this sort of stuff with anyone! Not even with Joker!"

"Nor would I. My question was simply about the best way to encourage physical intimacy."

Rennah glanced back at EDI and blinked in shock; she'd assumed that she was going to ask her about her relationship with Vega, since that was how she had brought the conversation up, but instead it seemed the AI wanted a sex education lesson.

Shepard wasn't sure what which was more awkward.

"Oh, I'm not really sure." She answered hesitantly, thrown by the question and momentarily struggling to think of something practical to say. "Spending time alone together is a good way and I guess showing interest in the other person." Shepard shrugged awkwardly as she tried to think of what she'd done with the people that she'd been with. Granted, over the past few years she had really only been with Kaidan and now with James, but when she'd been younger she'd had no trouble picking up when she'd wanted company. "I suppose," She reluctantly added, "You just need to make sure that they know that you're interested in them and that you want to be physically intimate with them. Playing coy and flirting only gets you so far, sooner or later you have to take that step and let the other person know that you want them."

"I see." EDI nodded slowly, her metallic skin glinting prettily under the corridor lighting, "Thank you, Shepard. You've been most helpful."

Shepard watched EDI walk back to the cockpit with her decided sexy hip-swinging stride, wondering if she'd just made things harder or easier on Joker. She'd talked with EDI about the AI's attraction for the pilot on a few occasions now, but Joker had never said anything about it. She hoped she wasn't encouraging EDI to do something that would make Jeff uncomfortable, but it was hard to tell with those two.

It was ridiculous, Rennah thought as she messaged Garrus and James to suit up and meet her in the shuttle bay, for her to be giving anyone relationship advice. Not only had she spent months in a relationship with Kaidan that had ultimately failed and come to nothing, but now she was dancing around like a cat on a hot tin roof while she worked out what to do about her feelings for Vega. EDI had to be mad to ask her for any kind of relationship advice!

Shepard sighed as the elevator opened and she stepped out into the shuttle bay. It appeared deserted with the exception of Cortez running a system check on the shuttle, but she let him work and made her way to the armoury, pulling out her armour and tracing light fingers over the dents and divots where the biotic-nodes had impacted the armour. Despite her gung-ho attitude after she'd woken up in the hospital, the incident with the mech had rattled her. More than rattled her if she was honest with herself. Even thinking about that moment when the Atlas had fired and she'd been knocked cold sent her heart rate skyrocketing and brought a light sweat to her skin.

Rennah sighed and closed her eyes briefly as she swallowed down the rising fear that she'd been working so hard to hide from the crew since she'd woken up. She was no stranger to pain and she'd been shot, stabbed and beaten bloody on the battlefield more than once, but she'd never felt the kind of pain that those nodes had inflicted on her. Whatever they were, they'd affected not just her implant, but all of the ezo nodes all over her nervous system. Worse still was that she'd been completely helpless to do anything about it.

The pain had ripped through her body like acid and she'd been unable to think, feel or do anything except resonate with the agony of her biotics turning against her. She'd never felt anything like it and she never wanted to again. Each night in the hospital she'd relived the pain again and again in her nightmares and had woken up trembling like a child. Her only option, at least in her mind, was to do what she'd always done and compartmentalise her life; shut away everything that she couldn't deal with right now and face it later.

_But I'm scared…_

Shepard traced the divots in the armour again, trying to ignore the slight tremble in her hands as she began forcefully suiting up. No. She would not let herself be afraid. Not of the Reapers. Not of Cerberus. Not of anyone. So maybe Cerberus had got the better of her and had almost fried her brain; she'd come through okay. There really wasn't any reason for her to be anxious about going out there and fighting them again, especially not when she had Garrus and James backing her up.

She was Commander Shepard and she didn't get scared.

* * *

Something was bothering Shepard; James knew her body language and mannerisms well enough now to know that she was upset, but try as he might he couldn't put his finger on what it was that was troubling her. He knew it wasn't anything to do with him because Rennah had checked over his armour's seals before they'd boarded the shuttle and she'd let her hands linger on him just a little bit too long. Once they were on board though, she'd started drumming her fingers; something that Shepard had done endlessly on Earth whenever she was agitated or upset.

During the flight down she'd chatted quite happily with him and had even made a joke about finding him hot in his new armour, so James had almost convinced himself that he was imagining it. But when Kaylee Sanders had contacted them to help guide them into a secondary maintenance bay, Rennah had become quieter again. She'd confidently assured Sanders that they would evacuate her and the students from the Academy easily enough, but there had been a tension in her body when she spoken about fighting Cerberus that had again made James wonder if she was really okay.

Once they were on the station and amongst the fighting, he had become _certain_ that something was bothering her; Shepard had always been an assertive solider on the battlefield, but her actions when they came across their first Cerberus soldiers had been downright reckless. She'd charged furiously into the platoon of soldiers, storming amongst them like a glowing vengeful spirit as she'd ripped through shields, knocked troopers off their feet and destroyed most of them before James and Garrus had even had time to react.

The first fight had set the tone for their descent into the station and James had pushed himself hard to keep up with Shepard, several times taking out engineers and troopers hiding being tower shields that probably would have easily injured Rennah if he hadn't got to them first. Garrus was slightly more helpful, and stayed a distance behind them to snipe from cover, but even he was having to work hard to keep up with Shepard as she relentlessly pushed forward. When they'd finally reached Sanders, Shepard had paused only briefly to get the location of the missing students and teacher before she'd taken off again.

He could understand why; the thought of Cerberus getting their hands on kids was enough to give him chills too.

James snapped out of his thoughts as Shepard sent another biotic wave flying at the Cerberus troops, knocking most of them off their feet and sending at least two of them smashing against a wall. She ducked back down beside him again and ejected the spent thermal clip, her face flushed and her eyes bright from her flaring biotics. Truthfully, he'd had his doubts about Chakwas allowing Shepard to come along with them to Grissom Academy, especially given that she had only just been released from hospital after having major surgery, but the doctor had said that physically Shepard should be fine as long as she took it easy on her body and biotics.

Shepard was doing neither.

"Commander, you need to watch your biotics." James yelled as a turret began firing on them, the thundering sound almost drowning out his words as bullets pelted loudly against the bollard they were behind and whizzed past like angry hornets. "You're going to put yourself back in hospital if you damage your implant…"

"I'm fine, _Lieutenant_." She shouted back over the noise of the turret, her face dismissive and her eyes irritated as she turned away from him and waited for the hail of bullets to stop. "I know my limits."

"Yeah, but Chakwas said..."

The gunfire ceased and Shepard rolled out from cover before James could finish his sentence, her barrier glowing blue as she gracefully found her feet and biotically charged forward; hitting the turret with another crushing wave of energy. She fired on it quickly and then dashed behind one of Cerberus' shield pylons as the turret sparked and overloaded in a blinding flash. The engineer who'd been repairing the turret was caught in the blast and screamed loudly as his uniform burned, thrashing wildly as he tried to extinguish the flames.

The flames turned out to be the least of his worries though, as Rennah was on him quickly and used her omni-blade to silence him before she recklessly sprinted forward; James a few paces behind her as he hurdled broken shield pylons and smoking generators.

It was almost as though Shepard was trying to prove to herself that she wasn't scared of Cerberus, he thought as he raced after her; she was taking more risks, using her biotics more forcefully and pushing herself so hard that he was genuinely struggling to keep up. The fighting had been vicious, bloody and violent, and Vega was starting to appreciate why it was that Shepard had a reputation for being cold hearted on the battlefield. She didn't hesitate to shoot fleeing troops in the back, nor did she think twice about flinging Cerberus troops off balconies or using her biotics to snap bones.

He'd seen the footage of Shepard fighting like this during the Skyllian Blitz, every Alliance officer probably had, and he'd never forgotten how much the footage had affected him at the time; the sight of her in full battle armour with her shotgun blazing almost as brightly as her biotics was burnt into his mind. He'd been newly enrolled in the Alliance and undergoing basic training at the time, and Shepard had been the solider he'd looked at as a benchmark of excellence for himself. But the Blitz had been a genuine life or death situation when Rennah been fighting to save the lives of colonists, so her fury and determination had been warranted, whereas her fighting today seemed more like an act of desperation designed to prove that Cerberus hadn't beaten her.

Rennah pulled up short at a door and took cover while she waited for him, and James breathed a sigh of relief as he was able to catch up with her. His armour grating against the wall as he took cover on the opposite side of the door and waited for Garrus to position himself with his sniper rifle before he hit the door release. The door slid open and James was instantly bombarded with noise; heavy mech fire, soldiers yelling orders and the sound of strong biotic blasts. Sanders had told them that the students Cerberus had targeted were biotics and he rightly assumed that they'd finally found them.

Shepard nodded at him, her expression grim as she signalled that she would go in first and he was to cover her and then follow, and James nodded back to show that he'd understood. He hefted his gun as the sound of an Atlas seemed to get louder and Shepard's barrier flared bright around her as she dodged inside the doorway and emptied her clip into two troopers who'd been taking cover nearby. She took another few steps towards the centre of the room and James followed her, surprised when Shepard faltered and came to a stop.

"_Jack_?"

Shepard sounded so completely astonished that James almost missed the name she'd uttered, and it took him several moments to process that she'd spoken and what she'd said. _Jack_. Jack was here? He followed her stunned gaze and did a double take at the person who was standing toe to toe with an Atlas, for several moments unable to believe that the person standing in front of him was the same Jack that he'd been so jealous of.

A woman?

Jack was a _woman_?

"_Shepard_?" The tattooed woman sounded almost as shocked as Rennah had when she glanced over and saw her there, and she gaped at Shepard for a split second before she turned her attention back to the mech and blocked its machine gun fire with a biotic barrier.

The woman in front of him was definitely _not_ who James had pictured when Shepard had spoken about the person who had tattooed her, drank with her and helped her move on from Kaidan. Jack was covered almost covered head to toe in tattoos that closely resembled some of the tattoos on Shepard's back, and she stood aggressively in the centre of the room with the bodies of Cerberus troopers and engineers scattered around her. The barrier she had created was one of such strength and magnitude that none of the Cerberus attacks were close to breaking through.

It was impressive; she was impressive.

A small group of Grissom Academy students stood behind her, apparently shoring up her barrier as the mech recovered and started towards them again; an Atlas that carried the same biotic-weapon as the one that had laid Shepard low on Sur'Kesh. James felt a wave of fury sweep through him at the thought of Cerberus using this weapon on kids and he fired at it without thinking. The mech hesitating before turning towards him, sparks flying from its damaged legs and the metal screeching and grating as it changed direction.

"Get those kids to safety!" Shepard roared as she followed James' example and began firing at the Atlas; the biotic gun's blue light flickering and then shorting out in a shower of sparks as Rennah aimed for it. "We'll take care of the Atlas."

"Gotcha."

James saw Jack nod aggressively and then, moving as one, she and the students backed towards a flight of stairs, their barrier holding steady as they retreated quickly from the fight. There was no time to wonder why Shepard's apparently insane friend was at Grissom Academy or why she was protecting students. Instead James' focus narrowed to the hulking Atlas as it lumbered unsteadily in front of him, and the woman who stood at his side with her handgun raised and her barrier glowing.

The Atlas began powering up its canon and he and Shepard rolled for cover as it fired at them, a rocket exploding where they had just been standing and sending a shower of broken tiles and dust through the air. James found his feet with ease and lobbed a grenade at the Atlas, taking cover and firing relentlessly as the mech began to approach again. Near him he could sense Shepard using her biotics, and he saw a warp form in the Atlas's cockpit; twisting and shifting the mech and the pilot at the molecular level.

Garrus' concussive shots unexpectedly hammered the mech in quick succession and the Atlas' hatch sprung open as the engineer tried to scramble free too late; the machine eruptive in a fiery explosion around him. James kept low as the usual rain of hot metal and mech parts pelted down around him, grinning at Shepard as she ducked low next him with her chest heaving and her eyes bright with triumph. He could tell that she was buzzing with adrenaline and James was seized by a mad urge to take her in his arms and kiss her, and he only just managed to keep the ridiculous urge in check as she grinned back at him.

"Well, well, well." A drawling female voice rang out as the explosion died away and Shepard tore her eyes from his as she shot to her feet, turning and staring as Jack appeared on an overhanging balcony, "Sanders told me that help was on its way but I never thought it would be _you_."

The tattooed woman leaped over the edge without a moment's hesitation and James caught his breath as her biotics flared and she gently floated to the ground. He'd never seen someone with that level of biotic power and control before. Shepard was the strongest biotic he'd ever known, but if seeing was believing, than this wild looking woman was even stronger than Rennah was. It was impressive and scary all at once, and James could see almost immediately why Jack had had such a big impact on Shepard.

She stalked up to her friend and without a moment's hesitation, wrenched her arm back and hit Rennah full in the face; the blow hard enough to send Shepard staggering back a step as Jack growled angrily at her, "What the fuck did I tell you about trusting Cerberus?"

James' gun had come up automatically when Jack had hit Shepard, but he lowered it again when he heard Shepard laugh loudly as though the punch had been hilarious. She straightened and James frowned when he saw that Shepard's lip had split open in the corner of her mouth from the force of Jack's punch, but it didn't seem to bother her, and Rennah simply wiped up the thin trickle of blood and stepped forward again.

Her purple eyes sparkled as she flicked the blood on the ground and glanced at her friend, "You're not telling me anything I don't know, Jack."

For a moment Jack stared at her, her expression alternating between angry and _really_ angry before the anger dissolved completely and she let out her breath in a rush. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Shepard in a bear hug, her voice rough and muffled as she spoke, "When I saw what the Reapers did to Alliance HQ in Vancouver I was worried you'd been killed, but I should have known you'd find a way out."

"Idiot." Shepard sounded amused, "I'm tougher than that." She raised a gauntleted arm and hugged Jack awkwardly around the waist, dropping the arm and stepping back as soon as Jack released her, the nostalgic expression on her face so raw that James felt like he was watching something private.

There was something about these two powerful women, both so headstrong and independent, that made James realise that their relationship was something that neither woman probably had with anyone else. Once glance was enough for him to know that Jack was cut from the same cloth as Shepard; if they both hadn't been armed to the teeth, covered in tattoos and bristling with raw biotic power, he would have thought it was cute that the two of them were friends.

Instead he just felt a vague sense of relief that Jack wasn't a sexy tattooed man who was waiting to sweep Shepard off her feet.

* * *

**A/N – In the next chapter Shepard gets scary! :)**


	18. Her Shadow

_Disclaimer: I still don't own Mass Effect…_

**A/N – This chapter is a mixture of dark and light. As always, thank you very much to the people who reviewed.**

* * *

James grinned in amusement as the Grissom Academy students trailed after Shepard and Jack as they made their way across the room; the kids were clearly star struck to have had Commander Shepard come riding to their rescue, and they were even more impressed that their teacher was her friend. He was expecting Rennah to play up to their hero worship or at least acknowledge them as they followed her but, aside from giving them the occasional annoyed look, she was ignoring them completely. Eventually Jack ordered them all to get some juice and get ready to move out and they retreated, still casting impressed looks in Shepard's direction.

"Sorry about that, Shepard." Jack laughed throatily as she pulled out a chair and sat down, her brown eyes sparkling with amusement as Shepard frowned at her in irritation, "I forgot how much the _Hero of the Citadel_ hates kids."

James blinked in surprise and only just managed keep his mouth shut at that little bit of news; he knew Shepard wasn't exactly a warm and maternal person, but he'd never imagined her _hating_ kids. He was the type of person who children and animals always seemed to naturally gravitate towards; hell, given half the chance most kids seemed to think he was some sort of jungle gym made for climbing! He liked the way he could make kids laugh and mess around with them; kids were cute.

Shepard glanced at him and something must have shown on his face because she squirmed uncomfortably, "I don't _hate_ kids." She muttered defensively, "They're just a big liability; they're defenceless and they make you weak."

"Well, these guys are pretty good for teenagers." Jack sounded proud, but the look on her face quickly darkened and she thumped a fist on the table, "I'm not sure why Cerberus is after biotic students, but these are my kids and they'll be getting them over my dead body."

Shepard and Jack launched into a discussion of the reasons that Cerberus might be after biotics, and the students slowly began to drift back into the room. Several of them made a beeline towards James, their eyes bright as they saw his arsenal of weapons and their curiosity got the better of them. As always seemed to happen when James was around teenagers, some of the girls started to become giggly and flirted with him, but he did he best to ignore it as he answered their questions about fighting the Reapers with Shepard. He liked teenagers almost as much as he liked kids; these guys seemed like good students and he was happy to chat about battles and fighting while he waited for Shepard to give the order to move out.

The students excitedly explained that they were being trained as a biotic combat group that would be dropped into war zones to work as a squad to wreck heavy biotic damage on the enemy. One of the older boys called Prangley, who seemed a little quieter than the rest, admitted to James that they'd only been training for a few months and probably weren't ready for combat just yet. The boy was continuously sneaking looks at Shepard as he spoke, clearly smitten, and James had to bite back a smile when Shepard glanced over and saw them both watching her, rolling her eyes at him and turning back to her friend as though she thought James was just as bad as the kids.

He actually felt a little bit sorry for Shepard as he realised just how uncomfortable she was with the students; there was something really sad that she saw kids as a weakness and a liability. Her past was still a mystery to him, but whatever had happened to her when she was a child had made her grow up quickly. Did she resent children who had happy and carefree lives? Or did she just find children to be loud and annoying? She'd been worried enough about what Cerberus would do to the students to rush in and save them, but her interest in them as people was almost nil.

"Okay, listen up!" Jack stood up, her voice ringing loudly through the room as all the students straightened and turned to face her; their respect and attention absolute, "Shepard's team has a shuttle waiting to get us off this station and we're going to get there no matter what these assholes throw at us, got me?"

"Yes ma'am!" The students all shouted and some saluted; there was no sign of the fear that James had sensed in them earlier.

They obviously idolised and looked up to their unconventional teacher; that was for sure! Whether it was because she was the perfect image of teenage rebellion and they thought she was cool, or because they knew how powerful she was and respected that, the kids all followed her orders without question. James again saw the similarities between Jack and Rennah; the way they gave orders was in the same unflinching and determined way, and the way they both had the ability to inspire the people around them. They were also both unquestionably hot too, although he couldn't help but think that Rennah's black hair and violet eyes were a little more exotic than Jack's plain brown hair and eyes.

Still, they were both sexy as hell.

Shepard walked over to where he and Garrus were waiting, and watched as Jack organised her students, "God, I never thought I'd see the day where Jack was put in charge of anything...let alone _kids_."

"Maybe you rubbed off on her?" Garrus grinned as he spoke, "The being put in charge part I mean, not the kids thing."

Shepard shrugged but her expression was thoughtful as she watched her friend, "You could be right; I _was_ a mess when Jack met me, but I suppose I was still good at ordering people around." Her comments seem to hang in the air for a moment as all three of them regarded Jack as she loudly insulted a student and prodded him back into line as she barked orders. Shepard grinned at the sight, "I'll say this though; those kids are going to be a handful on the battlefield with her as their teacher."

"So, what's the plan for getting them safely to the shuttle? I don't imagine Cerberus is going to let us waltz out of here with them." James brought her back to the task at hand, because as tough as these kids thought they were, they were still kids and biotic barriers would only hold out against guns for so long.

"Jack knows a few shortcuts to get us through the building, since she's pretty sure they're going to have the main routes blocked." Rennah turned away from Jack and looked at Garrus and James earnestly, "She also thinks it's worthwhile trying to capture a Cerberus operative if we come across one, so we can try to get some information out of them about why they're trying to catch biotics."

"Makes sense." Garrus ran a taloned hand down his sniper rifle and nodded, "Even Cerberus soldiers feel pain; catch one and apply the pressure until they squeal."

James rolled his shoulders to ease the sudden tension that had gone through him as Garrus and Shepard talked so casually about capturing and torturing someone. He knew that Shepard wanted to know why Cerberus was after her, and he could understand why Jack wanted to find out why they were after her students, but torturing someone was _extreme_. Not to mention it was illegal in the Alliance Navy and there were severe punishments for soldiers found guilty of torture. He wanted to say something, but before he could speak up and say what was on his mind, Shepard pushed away from the railing she was leaning against and announced that they needed to move out.

It took a few minutes for them to get organised and then they set out and began moving slowly and carefully through the facility; Shepard scouting ahead while he and Garrus hung back with Jack and her students. James couldn't shake the awful tight feeling that the talk of torture had brought up. He knew without anything being said aloud, that half the reason why Shepard was scouting ahead by herself was because she was looking for a Cerberus operative to catch. She could move faster and more quietly by herself, and James knew from Shepard's file back on Earth she had been commended on her exceptional infiltration abilities during her N7 training.

Without warning, the sound of gunfire broke the silence as they walked and up ahead James saw the bright blue flash of someone using their biotics. Jack and the students reacted almost as quickly as he and Garrus did, and they ran quickly to cover the distance between them and the sounds of battle. He was faster than the others and reached the fight seconds before they did, just in time to see Shepard executing an impressive flip through the air as she avoided a trooper's gunfire. As she landed she charged forward faster than he could follow, smashed into the trooper and fired point black into his face before she charged again and smashed into a Cerberus operative who had been trying to sneak away from the fight.

The operative was flung into a wall from the force of her charge, and he slumped to the ground holding his head as Shepard quickly disarmed him. James checked the room in case any of the Cerberus soldiers were still alive, but aside from the injured operative, the others were well and truly dead. It was impressive that Shepard had been able to dispatch this many men as quietly as she had; they obviously hadn't known she was there until it was too late to stop her.

"You got one." Jack reached the doorway and stopped, keeping her students outside as she watched Shepard toss the operative's gun to the far corner of the room. "The maintenance bay with your shuttle is down the end of this corridor. Do you want to bring your new friend with us or…"

"No." Shepard glanced back at them and James watched as her eyes hardened, as though she was mentally preparing herself for what she had to do, "If I'm going to do this, I need to do it now. You and Garrus go on with the students and we'll be with you as soon as we can."

The biotic teacher hesitated for a moment, clearly reluctant to move on without Shepard, but she nodded once and then left with her students, Garrus signalling to Rennah that he'd keep them safe. James awkwardly stood in the room for a moment as Shepard looked at him with those steely eyes, than she pointed at a laptop and several data pads which were sitting on a row of bench chairs to one side of the room. "Gather up all the info you can. I'm going to have a _chat_ with our friend here."

The Cerberus operative seemed to becoming around now and looked up at Shepard with horror on his face as he scrambled across the floor, crab crawling away from her until his back hit another wall and he watched her with panicked eyes. Shepard seemed almost empty as she looked at the man and approached him, the blue light of her biotics licking over her skin like flames as she lifted the operative in mid-air and held him against the wall.

"Now, I'm going to ask you some questions and you're going to answer them, or I'm going to hurt you." Shepard stepped even closer and James tried to make himself busy collecting the data pads and laptops, "Are we clear?"

"I'm not going to tell you anything." The operative sounded brave but when James glanced up at him, the man didn't look so sure; he looked terrified.

Cursing himself for leaving it so late, James realised that he couldn't bite his tongue any longer about what she was about to do, and he strode up to Shepard and leaned in close, "Commander, you can't do this! The Alliance banned torture…"

She cut him off fast, "I'm a council Spectre, Lieutenant. I have the authority to use any means necessary." Shepard's eyes were still and empty, and James could see that she'd already retreated into herself; it was like staring at a stranger. "If you can't stomach this then guard the door and _don't watch_." She gave him a dismissive look as she turned back to the operative, her voice business like and to the point. "Now, first question; why is Cerberus after me?"

"I don't know." The Cerberus operative glared at Shepard with angry eyes, clearly doubting that she would do anything to hurt him.

It was a mistake.

"Wrong answer." Shepard clenched her fist, brought it forward and sent a concentrated biotic blast at his knee. The man screamed as his knee cap audibly shattered and cracked and James looked away, unable to watch as he convulsed and screamed in the air. When he'd stopped screaming, Shepard spoke up and James made himself turn back. "Let's try again; why is Cerberus after me?"

"I don't…"

"Wrong answer."

This time James made himself watch, although he kept his eyes on Shepard and not on the man she was torturing. She didn't look like she was enjoying this one little bit, she looked pale and grim. It was like watching an empty shell of a woman; like she was running on autopilot. Shepard sent another biotic blast at the man's other knee, and again the man screamed horribly and writhed in the air as he knee cap was shattered.

Shepard seemed perfectly calm, almost bored, as she continued to hold him in the air, "I can do this all day, so you might want to start speaking up. Now, why is Cerberus after _me_? Why are they after biotics?"

"Please, I…"

Shepard sighed, "That's not an answer…"

This time she sent a biotic warp field at the man's hand, and despite all the horrible things he'd seen in his time as a solider, James had to look away again as he saw the man's hand twist and warp out of shape; the bones twisting and popping as his fingers almost turned backwards. The man's screams were high and piteous and he vomited over himself as he panted and mewled in pain.

"I'm only to ask one more time, and then I'm going to warp something that's _really_ going to hurt." Shepard let the threat hang on the air and then stepped closer to the man, and James finally turned away and walked outside.

He couldn't believe that the woman doing these horrible things was the same Shepard who he had fallen for. She was like a stranger; a cold emotionless stranger. He knew that she'd done worse things than this during the fight with the Collectors; hell, he'd read her file and although the information was limited it had hinted that she'd done some pretty questionable things to secure the loyalty of her crew. But seeing her do horrible things was a very different thing to reading about them.

Shepard walked out the door about thirty seconds later, her eyes still cold and empty, although as she gestured at him to follow her and drew her gun, James could see that she was trembling. It loosened the knot of tension in him to see that shaking; it meant that as much as she was pretending that what she'd done didn't bother her, it did. She'd done something monstrous but she was still human.

"I got what he knew, now let's go." Shepard avoided his eyes as she turned and led the way back to the shuttle without saying anything else; the uncomfortable silence that fell between them speaking louder than words.

* * *

"You need to learn to take a step back from these situations, Vega." Cortez brandished a bottle of tequila like a weapon and passed it and two shot glasses to James, deliberately ignoring Vega's reluctance to join him for a drink. He leaned down and rifled through his locker and then came out with two packets of corn chips and a jar of spicy salsa. "So your Commander did something you didn't like…"

James shook his head and paced back and forth as he clutched the tequila tightly, "She _tortured_ a man, Esteban…"

"Yeah, she tortured a Cerberus operative about why they were trying to kidnap her and kidnap some kids, and from what I hear it was lucky that she did." Cortez put the chips down and put a hand on James' shoulder, his blue eyes kind as he forced Vega to stop pacing and listen. "I read her report, Vega, and I read those data files you brought back. They don't paint a pretty picture; Cerberus is hunting powerful biotics to indoctrinate them and use them in their creepy sounding _Phantom initiative_." He let go of his shoulder and passed Vega the packets of chips. "I don't know about you, but I don't like the thought of Cerberus getting their hands on Shepard and indoctrinating her."

James juggled the chips and tequila and reluctantly nodded, "Yeah, I know. It's just that I never thought she was capable of doing something like that."

"You love her," Cortez shrugged, and gave him a half smile as he went back to fossicking in his locker for more snacks, "and you're unsettled to have seen her doing something you didn't think she was capable of doing, it's understandable."

"Love her? I don't…I mean…I just…" James felt himself go red and he fumbled about desperately for something to say. "I just never thought she could…"

Cortex shook his head, "Look, just relax and let it go. You said yourself that Shepard seemed shaken after what she did, so let it go or you'll end up pushing her away." He poked his head out of the locker and pointed at the lift, his expression amused as he saw how flustered his friend was. "Go upstairs to the lounge with what you've got and I'll be up soon with some more snacks and some vids. We're going to relax and have fun tonight."

"Yeah, I'll just…take the tequila and meet you up there." James still felt spun out as he caught the lift up the starboard observation lounge, which was his usual hangout spot with Cortez.

Was Cortez right? Was he in love with Shepard? He'd been attracted to her from the first moment he'd seen a photo of her and had spent years idolising her, and yes, he'd dreamed about being with her for longer than he cared to admit, but that had just been physical attraction. And yet, he had to admit that since he'd met her in the flesh and had got to know the woman behind the legend he'd been drawn to her on more than just the physical level. He would give up his life to save hers in an instant. No question. She was everything he wanted in a woman and he wanted to be with her….

Oh god.

He _did_ love her.

James left the elevator in a daze, unable to believe that he'd felt this way about Shepard and hadn't even realised it. Did she know? Was that why she was being so careful about getting involved with him? He wandered down the hall to the Starboard Observation lounge and paused outside the door when he heard voices coming from inside, instantly recognising one of the voices as Shepard's. He started to turn away when he heard his name, and he stayed to listen despite himself.

"So you're telling me that your lieutenant Vega has already made a move on you and haven't shagged him? Shepard, you're more of an idiot than I thought."

James blinked and almost stepped away again, but curiosity the better of him and he stayed frozen to the spot as he strained to hear Shepard's reply. He knew that staying to eavesdrop on such a personal conversation was the lowest of the low things to do, but he couldn't seem to make himself walk away.

"Jack, you saw how he looked at me on the shuttle today. He's probably wishing he'd never said anything." Shepard sounded frustrated and upset and James tightened his grip on the bottle of tequila, suddenly wishing that he hadn't made his distaste for her actions so obvious.

_Yeah, I was freaked out,_ James admitted to himself, _but I still want her!_

"Oh I _saw_ how he looked at you, all right." Jack sounded amused and he heard the clink of glasses, "Just sleep with him and get it out of your system." James almost pressed his ear to the door to hear Shepard's response, but whatever she said was too low for him to hear and all he heard was the sound of more glasses clinking. When Jack spoke up again, her voice furred with alcohol, "Why do you make things so complicated for yourself? You don't need to be in a relationship with someone to have sex with them."

"I know that, but…"

"But nothing! Gees, girl! That guy is amazing! He's a mountain of a man! Just strap on some mountaineering gear and climb aboard!"

"Oh god, Jack…" He heard Shepard laugh, and smiled at the tone in her voice; she sounded better, less stressed. "Believe me, I want to, but I want more than just one great night."

"You're pathetic."

"I know."

There was the sound of movement in the room and James froze as he heard the sound of them coming towards the door. _Quick!_ His brain hissed at him. _Hide before they see you!_ But it was too late and the door whooshed open, Jack and Shepard almost walking into him as they started through the door. For a moment he stared into Shepard's face, a red wave of heat engulfing him as he hoped she didn't realise he'd been listening to their conversation.

He tried to think of something clever to say, or something funny, but all he could think of was that Shepard wanted more than just sex with him. It was exactly what he wanted to hear from her, because he wanted more than just one night with her too, but if he said anything she'd know he'd been listening. The silenced stretched on and James became aware that both Jack and Shepard were watching him suspiciously.

_Say something!_

_Anything!_

James held out the bottle of tequila and snacks and tried to smile charmingly, "Uh…anyone up for some drinks and snacks?"

* * *

**A/N – I think this is my favourite chapter I've written so far!**


	19. Snacks and Tequila

_Disclaimer: Nope, I still don't own Mass Effect!_

**A/N – I'm pretty busy with work and life at the moment, so it may be a whole week until I get more writing done, boo! Enjoy this chapter in the meantime - it was completely unplanned but James and Shepard made me write it. I couldn't get anything out of them until I wrote it, I swear! **

******Enjoy!**  


* * *

James was drunk. Really, really drunk. He _knew_ he was drunk and he _knew_ that he shouldn't have let Jack goad him into a drinking contest, but he'd spent the night bragging about his ability to drink anyone under the table, so he hadn't been able to back out when she challenged him. Or at least, he hadn't been able to back out in a way that would let him keep his dignity intact, especially when Shepard had been watching.

They'd run out of tequila a while ago, so they'd since moved on to some foul tasting liquor that he suspected was ryncol. He wasn't sure how long they'd been drinking for, but every time Jack passed him another shot and gave him her '_I dare you_' look, he took it and swallowed it down. He suspected he was losing the drinking contest spectacularly since he was already finding it hard to get the glass to his mouth without spilling it, while Jack was still pouring the shots perfectly.

Cortez and Shepard were almost as hammered as he was, but had had the sense to quit a while ago and were at the window playing some sort ridiculous drinking game that seemed to consist of them trying to come up with new names for constellations; the more ridiculous the better. Both of them were currently laughing like idiots at a name that Cortez had just come up with, and James wished that it was him next to her playing the stupid name game.

"Keeping an eye on the prize, are you _Muscles_?" Jack poured him another shot and glanced meaningfully at Shepard, and James felt himself go red; was he really that obvious?

He took the glass in an unsteady hand and gestured at Jack, some of the liquid tipping over the edge as he tried unsuccessfully to keep his glass level, "You know," James was aware he was slurring his words slightly as he changed the subject to something that _wasn't_ about him watching Rennah, and he tried to speak more clearly. "I was a little bit jealous when Shepard first told me about you. I thought you were a _guy_."

"I get that a lot." Jack smiled to herself as she poured another shot and downed it without missing a beat, her brown eyes teasing as she focused on him again. "So she didn't even _hint_ that I was a woman?"

"Nah. She never said a thing." James stared at the shot in his hand unhappily and screwed his face up as he swallowed it, the liquid burning like fire in his throat as he struggled to keep it down.

_I'm going to be sick…_

_Or I'm going to die…_

_Or both..._

Jack laughed at his expression and took the shot glass from his hand, "She was probably trying to make you jealous."

"Why would she want to make me jealous? She didn't even like me back then…" James swayed unsteadily and held his hand up to forestall Jack pouring anything else, "No more, okay? You win."

The biotic shrugged and set the bottle down, "Why does any woman want to make a man jealous? She likes you, dumbass." She abruptly frowned at him and gave him a look as though she thought he was dense, "You do know she likes you, don't you?"

"'Course she likes me." He put a hand out to steady himself as the room swayed dangerously around him, once it had steadied he flexed one arm and pointed at himself. "Have you _seen_ me? Check out these guns…"

"Yeah, I've seen you." She regarded him with amusement for a moment as he flexed, and then sidled closer to him on the couch, her eyes narrowing ominously. "You're not playing games with Shepard are you? This isn't some sort of 'bed the commander' kind of challenge, is it?"

James shook his head and leaned closer to Jack, whispering covertly in case Shepard overheard, "No, I really, _really_ like her."

"Cute." Jack pulled a face as she moved away and poured herself another shot, which she slammed down quickly. "You've got it just as bad as she does."

"I think I've got it worse than she does, actually." James quit his flexing and rolled his shoulders as he glanced over at Shepard. She was pointing at the stars and laughing as she clung to Cortez, both of them muttering the word _weasel_ as though it was the most hilarious thing they'd ever heard.

Jack snorted, "She's not as tough as she seems, you know." She leaned back against the couch and watched Shepard with him, "She always drinks like this after she does something she regrets. I think it's her way of coping with guilt."

"Why does she do those things if she feels so bad about it?" James felt a wave of his own guilt wash over him for thinking the worst of her today, but torture wasn't something he was ever going to be okay with and he couldn't change that.

"She does them because nobody else can." Jack stared at him for a moment and then clapped him on the shoulder as she grinned like the cat that got the cream as she slid to the edge of the couch, "This is a little too serious for me, so I'm going to give you a break, big guy."

"Wait, what?" James blinked as Jack abruptly stood up and strolled lazily over to Cortez and Shepard.

_Give him a break? What the hell did she mean by that?  
_

Jack tagged Cortez on the shoulder and pulled him away from Shepard, "Hey flyboy, do you still want to give me that tour of the Shuttle Bay and show me all those impressive weapons you procured?"

James held his breath as he finally realised what Jack was doing and he waited to see if Shepard had picked up on what her buddy was up to. Luckily Rennah seemed oblivious, and Cortez looked at James in amusement as he nodded, "Sure thing." He took Shepard by the shoulders and gave her a gentle push in James' direction, "Commander, you go have a drink with Mr. Vega over there. I hear he thinks he can drink you under the table!"

Shepard craned her neck and looked over at James indignantly, "He said _what_?"

Cortez winked at James as he and Jack retreated from the room, both of them looking smug and clever as they shut the door behind them. Shepard made her way unsteadily over to him and dropped heavily on the couch, picking up the bottle and glaring at him as though he had suddenly become the enemy.

"You're going to rue the day, Vega!" She tried to pour two shots, but got more of the liquid over the table than she did in the glasses, "Shit!" She glared at the bottle as though it was its fault that she couldn't pour it and James plucked the bottle from her hands and put it down on the table, wondering exactly how much she'd had to drink.

"That's okay, Shepard. You'd probably beat me anyway."

"What do you mean _probably_? I could outdrink a krogan!" She pouted as she relaxed against the lounge and watched him with eyes that were alive again; full of the emotion that she'd buried at Grissom Academy.

"Yeah, sure." James laughed ducked out of the way as Shepard flung a cushion at him, her lips twisted in mock irritation. As she settled herself comfortably and watched him, he was suddenly very aware that they were alone together in the room and he racked his brains for something to talk about, "Are you okay after today? You were quiet on the shuttle ride back."

Her eyes met his and she shrugged as the silence stretched for a little bit, "I did what I had to do, and I can live with that. It's not like I have a choice."

James reached out and caught her hand, unwilling to let her sidestep the question. "But are you _okay_?"

For a moment Shepard didn't answer, then she took a deep breath and nodded, "I'm not happy, but I'm okay."

"Good."

She curled up on the lounge with her legs tucked under her and stretched one arm along the back of the couch, glancing back at the stars as she stared quietly out of the observation window; the velvety black sky reflecting in her eyes. Shepard looked back at him carefully and then leaned closer to him and traced a gentle finger across the scar on his face that stretched from his nose to cheek, "I've always wondered how you got this scar."

"Piece of shrapnel from a grenade on my first mission." James was almost too scared to breathe; this was the first time that Shepard had touched him like this.

For all of the time they'd spent together on earth, they'd rarely ever been alone and they'd almost never touched each other; not even those casual touches that were normal between friends. They'd fought, they'd kissed and they'd been wrapped in each other arms, but they'd never just touched each other each other like this. It sent goose bumps prickling along James' skin and, even in his drunken state, it made him want her even more.

"And this one?" She moved closer to him and crawled to her knees as she touched the deep scar next to his eye. Her fingers were hot to the touch and James shivered at the light tingling sensation as she traced the scar carefully.

"A Krogan warlord was trying to kill me." James flexed his muscles from habit as he saw Shepard's gaze rake his body, "He was aiming for my head and got a glancing blow."

"And this one?" She dragged her gaze back to his face and ran her fingers, feathery light, over his lower lip and down the scars on his chin, "It looks deep."

"Ah, yeah, that one came from the Collector ship." James' stomach clenched at her touch and he felt his body react down south; he was starting to burn for her.

It was only with a staggering force of will that he didn't sweep Shepard into his arms then and there, but even with a brain that was fuzzed with alcohol he knew that this was one of those rare moments that he wouldn't get back if he fucked it up. Shepard was more than just a sexy woman that he wanted to tumble into bed; she was special and he wanted to do everything he could to show her how much she meant to him. He wanted to take things slow and get things right.

James lifted his own hand to her face and traced the shiny new scar above her eyebrow, "Tell me how you got your scars."

"I got that one on Earth, on the day we left. A Reaper did it." Her eyes closed automatically at his touch but she quickly opened them again, watching him with a look that burned with something other than fire.

"What about this one?" He traced a long thin scar along her jaw and neck, then let his hand cup her face gently as he pulled her closer to him, unable to resist placing a gentle kiss on the edge of the scar; he was completely enchanted with this gentle side of Shepard.

She shivered and leaned into his touch as she let her eyes close again, "Collector rifle beam."

"And this one?" He carefully let his hand slide down her neck to her collar bone where a knot of white scar tissue stood out, his other hand slipping around her firm waist as he pulled her onto his lap.

She opened her eyes, and they were the most brilliant shade of indigo that James had ever seen. She leaned forward until she was barely an inch from him and her lips hovered over his, "Collector Praetorian on Horizon. It almost killed me…"

James closed the gap between them slowly and pressed his mouth against hers in a slow warm kiss that made his blood fizz in his veins, his lips teasing at hers until she opened her mouth to his. Shepard groaned quietly as his tongue slid against hers and he felt her arms wind around his neck as she repositioned herself on his lap, straddling him as her body melted against his and she kissed him back. He slid his arms down her waist and over her ass, squeezing gently as she arched against him and made a tight sound of pleasure that sent shivers down his spine.

She broke the kiss and let her lips move down his face, planting smaller kisses along his jaw and down his neck as her nails raked through his hair, down his neck and along his shoulders. Shepard's hands slowly traced the muscles of his chest and James groaned as she bunched his shirt in her hands and pulled it off him. She bit her lower lip as her eyes ran hungrily over his naked chest and she let her hands run down his muscles again; her nails lightly scratching his skin.

"Mmm, not bad." She rested her hands on his shoulders and grinned as his hands found the front zip of her BDU jacket and he slowly pulled it down, groaning as he saw that the only thing she was wearing underneath was a lacy black brassiere. "Like what you see, Jimmy?"

"Yes." He could barely think clearly, let alone speak; _she was perfect._

Shepard shrugged out of the jacket and dropped it on the floor as she leaned forward and kissed him again, her lips warm as she wriggled on his lap and pressed herself against him. James ran his hands up her taunt sides and cupped her breasts through her bra, dragging his thumbs over her nipples as he lowered his head and took one of the tightened lace-covered buds in his mouth and then the other, grazing his teeth gently against it and then circling it with his tongue as he sucked. Shepard gasped and hissed in ecstasy as she pulled his head up and kissed him hungrily; whimpering with the strength of her need.

James could feel his heart hammering hard in his chest as he slid his hands around her back and down the long smooth expanse of skin to her hips. He wanted to be closer to Shepard; to be inside of Shepard. He wanted it more than he'd wanted anything in his life. He carefully and slowly lay Rennah down on the couch, keeping his hands either side of her as he kissed her again and again. His head was spinning from arousal and alcohol as he felt her wrap her legs around his waist, and his hands fumbled at the front fastening of her pants.

Distantly, he became aware of a voice in the back of his head screeching for him to stop, and James paused as Shepard continued to kiss his face and neck, breathing hard as he tried to clear his head and think for a second. _Stop! You need to stop!_ James pulled back from Shepard and sat up, shaking his head again as he tried to think clearly. She muttered something disappointed sounding and reached for him again, and James almost gave in and went back down, but he paused; why did he need to stop? Shepard wanted him and he wanted her, so what was wrong with that?

_You're drunk! She's drunk! If you do this she might think you're taking advantage and you'll lose her!_

"Jimmy, please…" Shepard grabbed his shoulders and tried to pull him closer to her but James resisted and shook his head, hating the voice for stopping him but heeding it nonetheless; losing Shepard was a sobering thought.

"We can't, Rennah. We're both off our faces." He cleared his throat and wished he wasn't quite so drunk as he continued to resist her attempts to pull his body back against hers.

Shepard groaned let go of him as she ran her hands down her face, her legs tightening around his waist as used her core strength to half sit up, "So _what_? We're both adults and I know you want me..."

"Yeah, but I don't want our first time to be some drunken scramble in the observation lounge." James gestured around and Shepard watched him, clearly frustrated, but he could see that he was getting through to her. His own body wasn't exactly happy with him, and the unsatisfied ache in his loins was hard to ignore. It would have been so easy to keep going and bed Shepard, but it wasn't what he really wanted, and he was pretty sure it wasn't what she wanted either.

Rennah sighed and flopped back onto the couch, "I guess." She sounded disappointed and the look she gave him wasn't entirely friendly, "But it's not nice to get a girl so worked up and leave her hanging, you know."

"Yeah, well, this isn't one of my finer moments, I'll admit." James shifted his weight as she unwound her legs form around his waist and sat up, curling up next to him and resting her head against his bare chest. The room swayed around him and he put a hand to his head as he tried to think through the haze of alcohol that was blinding him. Maybe stopping wasn't such a bad idea after all; he was feeling worse by the second.

Shepard nestled closer against him and he automatically wrapped his arms around her, "Just hold me then."

James nodded and stretched out along the couch, his long frame barely fitting as he lay back and let Shepard curl up on top of him, her legs tangling with his and her head resting on his chest. He wrapped an arm around her and cursed quietly to himself as she brushed against his nether regions and his body reminded him again of just how far he'd let things get between them. He let his head fall back against the arm rest and he closed his eyes, aware that the room was still spinning around him.

It was probably for the best that he'd stopped himself before they got too far; he was so drunk that he probably wouldn't have been all that great anyway…

* * *

Shepard yawned and cuddled against the warm body she was sprawled on as she stirred and slowly woke up; her joints popping as she stretched out to her full length and let her cramped leg muscles get some blood moving through them again. Strong arms wrapped around her, and Shepard let herself relax into the embrace as she felt lips brush against her forehead in a gentle kiss. For a few heartbeats she didn't try to think or reason, she just enjoyed the warmth and comfort of waking up with another body against hers; it had been too long since she'd let herself enjoy being with someone.

She opened her eyes and glanced around, slowly sitting up and blinking sleepily as she looked down at the huge muscular chest she'd been sprawled on, some part of her dimly remembering the embarrassingly drunken sexual escapade she'd almost had last night. She glanced up and saw that James was awake and watching her, his chocolate coloured eyes wary as they waited for her reaction, although he had no reason to be worried. He'd done something that even she hadn't been able to do last night; he'd stopped.

"Hey, there." Shepard sat up and winced; her head was aching and her mouth tasted like sawdust.

_She was never drinking again. _

_Ever_.

"Hey." James' voice was rough and his eyes were bloodshot as he sat up carefully, his eyes raking over her body as she sat in front of him, "You, uh, might want to cover up in case someone comes in."

She glanced down and grinned as she saw that her top half was only covered by her lace bra and, chuckling at his concern for her modesty, she reached down and pulled her BDU jacket off the floor. She zipped her jacket up and yawned again, covering her mouth with the back of her hand, "What time is it?"

James pulled his shirt back on and glanced at his omni-tool through his blurry eyes as he blinked to focus, "We still have a few hours of night cycle left."

Shepard nodded and leaned against the couch, resting her head against the cool material and closing her eyes for just a second. She felt awful; completely wrecked. Damn Jack and her bottle of ryncol and damn James and his bottle of tequila. Still, she supposed that no one had actually made her drink anything; the choice had been hers and at the time it had seemed like the right choice. It was lucky that James had a will of iron or god knows what she would have been waking up to.

Not that she objected to the thought of sleeping with him; she'd practically begged him to keep going last night, and heaven knew that she'd spent more than a few hours thinking about sex with him over the past few weeks. But James had been spot on last night when he'd said they were both too drunk for him to go through with it, and she appreciated his sweet comment about wanting their first time to be more than just a fumbling drunken experience that both of them would probably regret. For a guy who seemed like such a playboy, James Vega was an incredibly caring guy and she was enjoying these hidden depths to his personality.

"Thanks, James." She opened her eyes and caught his hand as he made to stand up, "I don't think many people could have stepped back when you did last night, I know I didn't want to."

He shrugged like it was no big deal, but she could see that he was proud, "Nah, it was nothing, Shepard."

She leaned over and pressed her lips to his, the stale taste of tequila and liquor still on his breath as she kissed him thoroughly, one hand cupping his rough stubbly cheek and the other squeezing his hand tightly. She liked a lot of things about Vega; his strength, his combat ability and his sweetness, but she especially like the way he kissed. It made her feel like the most desirable woman in the world.

"How did I get so lucky?" He spoke quietly, almost as though he wasn't aware that he was speaking out loud, and Rennah smiled at his soft words.

"I like you a lot, James Vega." She whispered the words against his mouth as she held him close, her eyes burning into his, "And after we get back to the Citadel and have that dinner, it's going to be fireworks between us. I can _promise_ you that."

He stared at her with disbelieving eyes, as though she'd taken him by surprise with her statement, "Lola…!"

She stood up, smirking at the thought that she had managed to leave a flirt like Jimmy Vega speechless with such a simple comment. It had been too long since she'd let go of the rigid control she always had over her emotions and over her body, and it felt good to let herself care about someone. Letting go of all of her usual fears and doubts about men and relationships was so easy when she was with James; he made her feel good.

And he looked damned fine with his shirt off.

* * *

**A/N – See? Fluff! But important relationship building fluff! Please drop me a review and let me know what you thought.  
**


	20. Never Let You Down

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect_

**A/N – A really busy week for me and I had almost no time to write. I managed to cobble together this chapter though and I hope everyone enjoys it! Apologies for any typos – I have done a quick edit but I'm exhausted!**

* * *

The earth shook beneath James' feet as another three fiery meteors smacked into the ground and fresh waves of cannibals, marauders and husks emerged from the flames. Shrieking and screeching, they joined the rachni and brutes already besieging the krogan soldiers, and James and Garrus ejected thermal clips almost in unison as they prepared for the onslaught. When the first of the fast-moving husks swarmed forward, their eerie blue eyes visible through the dust and smoke, James was ready for them and he put down a swathe of them with his shot gun, only dimly aware of other krogan firing alongside him.

There was no time to think or breathe in between the waves of troops, the only thing to do was to keep firing, and hope to distract the Reapers long enough for Shepard to follow Eve's plan and summon Kalros. Without warning another ear-splitting sizzling sound cut through the air as the Reaper fired its beam again, and James winced as he dove for cover and kept low until the deafening sound had stopped. The Reaper had been indiscriminately destroying anything its path, friend or foe, as it attempted to take down the turian fighters that were harrying it, and James has already seen several unwary krogan fall victim to it.

They'd been on Tuchanka for three long bloody days, and the in those days James had seen and done things which he'd never expected to ever find himself doing on the Krogan home world; retaking an ancient Krogan cannon that Cerberus had tried to seize, saving a stranded turian platoon and disarming the biggest goddamned bomb that he'd ever seen. Now, as though curing the genophage wasn't challenge enough, they'd come face to face with a Reaper and James had relearned what terror felt like.

He didn't usually feel fear or anxiety in the middle of a fight, he was usually too busy staying alive, but this fight with the Reaper was _different_; he was alternatively awed and terrified by the huge synthetic creature as it sat huddled in their path like a giant bloated tick, firing off its beam and wrecking destructing upon anything it hit. If he was honest though, the real reason he was so frightened wasn't the Reaper itself, but that he'd lost sight of Shepard some time ago, and his world had narrowed down to the few feet in front of him that he could see as he tried to focus on staying alive and killing as many of the reaper troops as he could.

It was easier said than done, as the Reapers were landing troops here in force and every time he took down one creature another two would emerge screaming from the Tuchanka haze. He was running low on grenades, low on ammo and low on medigel, and the only reason he wasn't already dead was because his speed and agility had kept him one step ahead of the grasping hands of husks. When he'd last seen Shepard, she'd taken one look at the hordes of brutes that stood between her and the maw hammers that she needed to activate to summon Kalros, and had muttered something about making a run for it before she had surged forward and vanished into the seething mass of reapers.

He knew she could handle herself, she _was_ Commander Shepard, but seeing her charge forward into the path of a Reaper had filled him with dread, and once the Reaper had started firing its laser and stabbing its front legs towards the battle, his fear had magnified. For all of her confidence and for all of the legends that had sprouted up around her, Rennah was still just a solider and a regular person, and James knew better than most that she was fallible. She bled red blood, her bones broke and she could be killed the same as he or Garrus; running headlong towards a Reaper on a field streaming with brutes was madness, and if it had been anyone other than Shepard he would have thought they were running to their death.

It was odd, but despite the almost constant battles he had been fighting against both Cerberus and the Reapers over the past three days, he could honestly say that they had been some of the best days of his life. It was all because of Shepard, of course. When he'd woken up on the couch to find Shepard in his arms, he'd wanted to freeze the moment and stay like that forever. He'd stayed as still as he could as he held her in his arms; greedily memorising the feel of her warm skin tingling against his and inhaling the intoxicating biotic scent that clung to her skin and reminded him of rain. When she stretched and woke up he'd been sure it would all be over and she'd retreat from him again, so he'd kissed the top of her head and cuddled her against him before he lost his nerve.

Then he'd waited as she'd stretched on his body,_ god how he'd wanted her,_ all soft curves and firm muscles, and had sat up to sleepily look down at him. He'd waited for her to pull away or to accuse him of taking advantage of her, to look at him with disgust in her eyes; but she hadn't. She just sleepily looked at him with a kind of softness that had made him melt inside, the look in her eyes so open and honest that he'd almost fallen in love with her all over again.

Tough as it had been to stop himself from making love to her the night before, he'd known it had been the right decision that morning when she'd thanked him with that look in her eyes and kissed him. _Madre de Dios!_ _That kiss! _It hadn't been like their other kisses when they'd both been riding high on passion and lust, this kiss had been simple and honest with real emotion behind it. He'd never forget waking up with Shepard snuggled against him or that slow kiss for as long as he lived.

James realised the Reaper had ceased firing and he carefully came out of cover, looking for both Garrus and the Reaper troops as he peered through the billowing dust. A bright blaze of blue caught his attention and he squinted through the murky air as he loaded up his final thermal clip; was that Shepard's biotics? Was she down there? He couldn't hear anything because of the noise of fight around him, but the dust briefly parted and he did indeed see Shepard charging through the Reapers.

He'd seen her fight many times before, but he'd never watched her afar; she was amazing. Her charge was so fast that he could barely follow her movement as she zigzagged across the field and charged into a brute that got in her way. Shepard hit the ground with a nova and the brute and husks that were in her path were hurled sideways by the force of the biotic blast, and then she was gone again, hidden behind another billowing cloud of dust as she determinedly charged forward. He wanted to hold his breath until he saw her again, but the dust was too thick and the Reaper troops too numerous for him to let himself get distracted.

He took out a marauder that rolled into view as it tried to escape a krogan, and then paused as he heard the unmistakable sound of the second maw hammer. For a heartbeat there was silence as even the Reaper troops stilled and listened as the ground began to rumble ominously; _something was coming_. James was sure he could feel the ancient stone blocks shifting under him as he heard the shrill cry of a thresher maw echo through the air. The sound died away and there was silence again…and then Kalros burst up out of the sand and smashed through the ancient ruin they were standing on as it launched itself at the Reaper.

James watched in awe as the two giants began to wrestle, and would have stood there watching until the battle was decided, but the ground heaved beneath him and he realised the ruin he was standing on was shifting under him and he cursed as the stone began to crumble and collapse onto the desert below. The block he was on abruptly fell from beneath him and he cursed again as he was forced to leap and dodge from block to block as the structure gave way chunk by chunk, only stopping once he reached a point where the stone felt more secure and he could stand safely.

_And to think my father thought I was an idiot for taking gym in highschool…_

"Vega? Garrus? Do you read me?" Shepard's voice, exhausted and exhilarated, buzzed through his transponder.

"Loud and clear, Commander." James watched as the giant thresher maw curled itself around the Reaper and began to drag in down under the ground, the synthetic fighting and struggling the entire way down.

"I'm heading to the shroud with Mordin." She paused and he could tell she was watching the Reaper get pulled underground too, "You and Garrus get back to the shuttle. We'll meet you there when we're done."

"Understood." James disconnected and watched as the Reaper's lights flickered out and it was finally pulled under the sand, Kalros coiled around it tightly as it vanished from view.

_Good riddance._

* * *

Shepard was stretched out on the lounge in her room, her head resting on one of the armrests and her booted feet on the other. The tears that had threatened to fall when Mordin had decided to let himself die were still burning at the back of her eyes and her throat still felt tight. But she wouldn't cry; crying was weak. Mordin had made his decision and she respected that, but it didn't make his loss any easier to take. That damned Salarian had understood her better than anyone else had when she'd been working for Cerberus.

_Fuck tears!_ Rennah curled her hands into fists and felt her nails bite into her palms, the pain helping to chase back the tears and remind her that Mordin had known the score. He'd gone up into the shroud to fix the sabotage knowing full well that he wasn't coming back; so she wouldn't shed any tears for him. She'd miss him, she knew that; she'd miss his bad singing and his dry sarcastic sense of humour, but mostly she'd miss the way Mordin had known where she was coming from.

He'd understood that sometimes that line in the sand had to be crossed; not because you wanted but because sometimes there was no other way to get the job done. He'd known that sometimes good people did terrible things for the right reasons, and that rationalising your way through pain and regret was all part of the job when you made decisions that the lives of billions depended on. Mordin, more than even her closest friends, had understood the cold and ruthless calculus of war that was a part of her life.

Sighing, Rennah rolled onto her side and winced as the armour she was still wearing bit into her hip. It was true, she reflected to herself, that she'd never been _especially_ close to Mordin, but he'd understood her, respected her decisions, and had saved her life on several occasions so respecting _his_ final decision was the least she could do. She would grieve for him quietly, but she wasn't going to spend another moment of her life crying for other people and the decisions they'd made.

"Commander? James is requesting to see you, shall I send him up?" Traynor's lilting voice came over the loudspeaker and Shepard jumped at the unexpected sound, almost groaning as she exhaustedly dragged a hand over her aching eyes.

Being around other members of her crew right now was the last thing she wanted to do, but James was the exception to the rule. The thought of seeing him, even in her tired state, sent a rush of _something_ through her body; it was like the rush she got before battle. It made her heart beat a little harder, made her skin tingle and brush a flush of heat between her legs. It didn't help that she could still remember what his mouth had felt like on her breasts, or how huge and hard he'd been as she'd ground her hips against him.

_Down girl! Save it for the Citadel…_

"Yep, that's fine." She managed to squish the memories back down and her voice, when she replied, was pretty normal sounding.

Shepard ignored the protests of her aching muscles as she forced herself up into a sitting position, suddenly wishing she had cleaned herself up instead of returning to her room and falling onto the couch like a lump. She'd never really felt the need to go out of her way to look good for anyone before, but James always managed to look well groomed and adorable, and Rennah was pretty sure she just looked like a bloodstained mess most of the time.

_Aaaw, you want to look pretty for your new boyfriend?_

Shepard determinedly ignored the sarcastic little voice; she'd had to do that a lot since the other night when she and James had almost slept together on the lounge. Giving into James' advances and actually dating him had never been part of her plan, and in the back of her head lurked the fear that she was making a terrible mistake by doing so. After all, there were regulations against this kind of thing for very good reasons, not to mention that the last time she'd gotten involved with an Alliance officer it had been the worst mistake of her life.

_But_ she wasn't going to let doubts ruin everything for her. Over the past few nights she'd given a lot of thought to the situation between herself and James, and the more time she spent thinking about her life and her feelings for him, the more she wanted to throw caution to the wind. She was sick of being alone and although she still wasn't sure what she and James were to each other or where their relationship was going, she was content to just spend time with him and get to known the man behind the lieutenant.

She heard the door whoosh open and her heart began to beat a little faster as she craned her neck and saw James hovering in the doorway. He'd obviously showered and cleaned himself up while she'd been lying on the couch thinking about Mordin, and it made her even more aware of how much she probably stank of sweat and blood. Still, James had seen her looking and smelling much worse, and if he hadn't been turned off yet, he probably wasn't going to get turned off now.

"I'm on the couch." Shepard managed to raise one arm and wave him over, but even that movement made her muscles ache and sent a wave of exhaustion through her; she'd hadn't pushed herself and her biotics this hard in a long time.

He closed the door behind him and lightly came down the stairs, surprising graceful considering his impressive size, "I, uh, wasn't sure if you were wanting company but I thought I'd come by and see how you are." He came to a stop in front of her, his brown eyes concerned as they swept over her from head to toe, no doubt noting all the signs of fatigue she was showing, "It was a hell of thing Mordin did; sacrificing himself to help the krogan."

"Yeah, he was brave. Crazy, but brave." She let herself flop back against the couch and winced again as the armour pushed into muscles that were already bruised from charging into brutes.

James frowned, "Are you hurt?"

Rennah shook her head, "No, just sore. My new implant lets my biotics run hotter for longer, but my body wasn't quite up to taking all the punishment." She tried to roll her shoulder to ease some of the tension, but even that movement hurt and she winced again.

He came closer and confidently sat down beside her, smelling faintly of soap and aftershave as he gave her a cheeky grin, "Do you want help taking your armour off?"

Shepard grinned back, "That sounds suspiciously like a proposition, Mr. Vega."

"Me? Proposition you? _Never_!" James gave her an innocent look, but the sparkle in his eyes betrayed him and Shepard shook her head at his flirting.

"You're incorrigible, but as it happens you can help me take it off." She reached up to the inside of the neck of her armour where the quick release catch was and pressed it hard, "No funny business though, I don't think I can take it after the beating I gave myself."

"No funny business." James promised, "I'll be good."

Shepard took him at his word and held the catch down on her armour. There was a moment of silence and then she heard the sound of the armour plating unlocking, and she slowly and carefully started removing her gauntlets while James took off her shoulder plates and then her boots. They worked in relative silence and James stayed disappointingly true to his word and kept his hands business like as he helped her remove her armour, although she was certain he must have been temped when he helped her pull the top half of her armour over her head.

Once she was free and was left sitting in only a pair of skin tight shorts and a black tank stop Shepard stretched and winced, "I haven't been this sore since my first round of N7 training." She complained as her muscles ached with each movement.

"Well, you pushed yourself pretty hard." James' eyes roamed her body, but the look in them was concern more than lust, and he very carefully ran his hands over the bruises that were forming on her shoulders and upper arms, "What does it feel like when you charge into people like that?"

"I don't know, I guess it feels a lot like bull-rushing at a person normally, I mean, I hit people harder but I have a biotic field up which protects me from most of the impact." She shrugged and then sighed as James carefully manoeuvred her around so that she was sitting with her back to him and began a very careful massage on her shoulders, neck and back.

His hands were firm and strong as he kneaded her tight, abused muscles and Shepard let herself relax as he worked. The sensation of his hands on her back, even through the fabric of her top, felt almost as good as the pressure he was putting on her muscles; it was heaven. She sighed and let her head drop forward as he worked some of the knots out of her back, it was as though he instinctively knew where she wanted him to press harder and where she wanted him to ease off.

"Feel better?" He asked as he moved his hands up to her neck, carefully avoiding her amp port.

"Mmmhmm." Rennah couldn't form words properly, she was too blissed out from the massage and too tired from the fight today. James laughed softly and leaned forward to lay a gentle kiss on one of her shoulders, his lips warm against her skin. The sensation sent tingles through her body and she shivered, "You said no funny business." She reminded him distractedly.

"Shepard, there is nothing funny about a kiss." He playfully chided her as he slid his arms down her neck and then down her arms, carefully pulling her back against him so that her back rested against his chest and then slid his arms around her waist and rested his head against hers.

She let herself lie in silence against him, feeling the rise and fall of his chest and listening to the sounds of the ship around them. A week ago she never would have guessed that she would be lying here like this with James, but there was no sense in acting as though she didn't enjoy it. Her feelings for him had crept up on her, but she had a feeling that for James things may have been bubbling away for a lot longer; he'd kept in professional on Earth but his little admission about being a fan had made her curious.

"James?" She asked softly as the silence stretched on, "When did you first realise you liked me?"

"Uh," James shifted behind her, as though he wasn't sure how to answer, "Well, I always thought you were pretty hot, but it wasn't until that day the Batarians attacked us on Earth that I realised just how much you'd come to mean to me."

Shepard nestled into him as she remembered that day and he tightened his arms around her waist, "I'll never forget seeing you standing there ready to take that bullet for me that day."

"Yeah, I was pretty brave…"

"You were pretty _stupid_." She sat up and twisted around to look at him with a frown, "If I hadn't charged forward and knocked you out of the way you would have been killed…"

James scoffed and shook his head, "…and instead you almost got yourself killed. Do you have any idea of the hell that Anderson put me through when he heard that you'd been shot in the chest and head? And that you took the head shot trying to save _me_?

"Don't worry, he gave me an earful too." She reassured James as she turned back and rested her back against his chest again, closing her eyes and relaxing into his warmth, "I couldn't let you die though; not for me."

"There's no one else I'd rather die for." He said quietly, "You mean more to me than anyone else in the galaxy."

Shepard wasn't sure what to say to that, or even if a reply was expected, so she just took his hands and squeezed them gently. The quiet emotion in his voice was more than she had expected, but the tone soothed the voice in the back of her head that lived in constant fear of being hurt again. Trusting people had never come easy, and allowing herself to care intimately for someone was even harder. People had a tendency to promise the world when it suited them and then let you down when you became inconvenient, but there something in the way James spoke about his feelings for her that reassured her in a way that his words never could.

James, she knew now, would never let her down.

* * *

**A/N – A nice cosy scene at the end there as they closer to each other and Shepard lets her guard down. The next chapter is there return to the citadel – which means some conflict with Kaidan, saving the councillors and an unorthodox dinner date!**

**Hope you liked this chapter – please review! **


	21. After All These Years

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect_

**A/N – This was a tough chapter to write and it took a lot longer than I thought it would so my sincerest apologies for that. There is a lot of character building that sets up things to come, unfortunately I didn't get up to the date on the Citadel...sorry! On the plus side it does mean that the next chapter is starting with the date and going _fun_ places from there.**

**A big thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter and a special thank you to Jules Hawk for your advice on editing this chapter down to a reasonable size!**

* * *

As soon as Shepard saw Joker's face she knew that something was wrong; he was on an emergency com channel and was speaking quickly with that tense look on his face that usually meant trouble. The Normandy had been holding her position in the Citadel docking bay for several minutes now while they waited for a response to their hails, and while the Citadel was frequently busy, waiting this long for a simple reply to a request to dock wasn't just unusual; it was suspicious.

Joker finished his call and turned to face her with a grim look on his face, "Bad news, Commander."

"Is there any other kind?" She tried not to look exasperated, but it was hard when it felt like lately everything that could go wrong, had gone wrong. All she wanted to do was drop Jack off for reassignment, see the Salarian Councillor about Udina and have dinner with James, but obviously none of those things were happening anytime soon. "I'm guessing the problem at the Citadel is something more than a downed transponder?"

"Yeah, much more. I managed to get in contact with Thane on an emergency band and our ol' pals at Cerberus have launched a full scale invasion on the Citadel. Thane's on the presidium level hiding out and he says that C-Sec has been completely overrun."

"Cerberus? _Great_." Rennah ran a hand through her dark hair and felt the all-too familiar surge of hate blossom in her chest. "Get us as close to C-Sec headquarters are you can. We'll land in the shuttle and try to help them."

Joker turned back to the controls, the grim look staying on his face as he manoeuvred the Normandy out of the docking bay and towards C-Sec, "Sure thing, Commander."

Rennah left Joker to it and quickly sent off messages to James and Garrus to gear up and meet her in the shuttle bay, and to Cortez to prep the shuttle for a combat drop. She had no idea why Cerberus would attack the Citadel or what they were after, but whatever the reason it wasn't going to be good. Cerberus had exactly never been an altruistic group, but the Illusive Man's recent obsession with indoctrination had pushed them into the 'evil organisation' category.

Their plans to capture her for their Phantom Initiative made her nervous, angry and anxious all at once. The information they'd pulled from the Cerberus data pads and laptops, although limited, hadn't filled her with love and joy for her former employers. Cerberus was using indoctrination to brainwash and control their soldiers, and were upgrading them with Reaper tech to make them deadlier on the battlefield. The Phantoms, whatever they were, appeared to be surgically altered biotics with implants that made them faster, stronger and more agile than the average soldier.

It had taken Shepard all of a microsecond to decide that if Cerberus did manage to get their hands on her, she'd kill herself before allowing them to indoctrinate and experiment on her; she wasn't going to be anyone's puppet ever again.

* * *

The Citadel was almost unrecognisable, and C-Sec had clearly taken the brunt of Cerberus' attack; fires were still smouldering, scorch marks from explosions blackened the walls and every few metres they found the bodies of more C-Sec officers. Most of them had been executed with a bullet to the back of the head, but a few of them had obviously been killed in the ensuring fight. James couldn't help but find the lack of Cerberus bodies disturbing; it was painfully clear that the C-Sec officers hadn't stood a chance against Cerberus' tactical strikes.

The initial push to clear out the C-Sec docking bay had been successful, and they'd left Commander Bailey back at the main desk after they'd helped drive Cerberus out of the immediate area. For the last quarter of an hour they'd been working their way through corridors and security offices as they tried to find the missing Salarian councillor. It was tough work and very slow going, but they were slowly making headway through the building.

Ahead of him, Shepard pulled up outside of the Executors office and took cover on one side of the door, listening carefully before she gestured silently for Garrus to take cover on the other side, and for James to open it. He moved forward lightly on the balls of his feet and hit the door control, pulling back and raising his assault rifle as the door opened and Garrus and Shepard swung around and entered with their weapons raised.

"Shit." Shepard swore quietly as she took in the scene behind the door; the Executor and some salarian bodyguards had been executed and their blood was splattered all over the walls and floor.

James frowned at the bodies strewn around the executor's office and then turned to watch Shepard as she walked towards the windows, "There's no sign of a struggle, Commander. I'd say the councillor can't be far away."

Shepard glanced back at him and nodded, but he could see the frustration in her face and her back was rigid as she turned to gaze out of the plate glass window. James tightened his hand on his gun and fought the urge to go to Rennah and soothe her, and to let her know that she didn't have to hold everything inside. He could understand why she was so upset; it was almost as if Cerberus was deliberately making things difficult for humanity in the war against the Reapers.

Shepard abruptly raised her gun as something black and vaguely human shaped dropped past the window, "Dammit! We have movement downstairs!"

He wasn't sure what she had seen, but before he could blink she'd shot the glass out of the window and leaped out, her biotics flaring as she vanished down the two story drop. James wheeled around and ran for the door, Garrus hot on his heels as they moved as fast as they could to catch up with Shepard. He could hear the high pitched voice of the salarian councillor, shrill with fear, and the Shepard's voice, filled with a calm anger that sent shivers down his spine, but it was the third voice, gruff and low that made him hurry. As he and Garrus rounded the corner with their guns raised, he saw what Shepard had seen; a Cerberus assassin.

He and Shepard were slowly circling around each other, the assassin carefully keeping the salarian councillor between them as a living shield. Like Shepard, the assassin had jet black hair, pale skin and moved with a cat-like grace that made James suspect that the man had a martial arts background. He was clearly a biotic, but it was the sword he was gripping in one hand that gave James the shivers; a sword was very brutal and personal way to kill.

"Shepard! Udina is trying to take over the Citadel!" The Salarian councillor was talking even faster than normal, his eyes darting nervously from the assassin and back to Shepard as they circled around him, "He's working with Cerberus and he's going to kill the other councillors."

"Then he's just earned himself a bullet in the head." Shepard's voice was perfectly calm, but there was a rage in her eyes that alarmed James.

Every now and again, although he loved her and wanted to be with her, she scared him. Her dark side was very dark indeed, and when she went to that shadowy place inside of her that let her kill and hurt people, he sometimes wondered how hard it was for her to come back. He knew she was a Spectre and an N7 and that meant she had to be willing to do whatever it took, but the anger and hate inside of her was unsettling.

The assassin laughed, a low chuckling sound that made James want to shoot him, "You'll have to get through me first."

"Not a problem, ninja boy." Shepard smiled and held her gun steady as they moved, matching him other step for step. "Why not come closer and try your luck with that blade?"

"Why not indeed?" He chuckled again, "But first I need to tidy up this loose end…"

The assassin made as if to move towards the salarian councillor, and that was when James saw Shepard's friend Thane jump over a low table right behind him with his gun out. How the drell had managed to get so close without any of them seeing him was a mystery, but for a sick man his movements were quick and controlled. He moved up close in a movement that was fluid and graceful, and brought the barrel of his gun within inches of the assassin's head.

"Not today." Thane's voice was low and dangerous, and as he squeezed the trigger all hell broke loose.

The assassin moved in a blur to knock the gun aside and slashed at Thane with his sword; the drell only just avoiding the blade as they moved around each other like liquid shadows. Shepard, dodging the lightning fast combatants, pulled the councillor out of the way and signalled for Garrus to guard him. The two men moved so quickly that James knew he didn't have a hope of getting a clear shot, but he followed the fight with his gun anyway, his adrenaline running high as they fought.

The fight was over as fast as it had begun; one moment it looked as though Thane had the upper hand and the next the assassin had moved under and up in a move that James wouldn't have thought possible. He thrust the blade of his sword through the drell's chest and for a moment Thane hung suspended, impaled on the sword. Then his gun dropped from his hand and he slid to the ground, collapsing onto the floor as the assassin pulled his blade free.

"Thane!" Shepard's gasp of disbelief was barely audible, but it was enough to pull the assassin's attention back to her, and whatever he saw on her face must have been _bad_ as the assassin abruptly turned and ran. She went after the Cerberus operative with an audible growl of fury, and James hesitated for a split second, torn between wanting to help her chase down the assassin and wanting to help Thane.

Garrus made the decision for him as he knelt and helped his friend up, his eyes flashing angrily at James, "Dammit Vega! Help her get that bastard!"

Shots echoed from down the hall where the Shepard had vanished, and James launched himself after them as he left Garrus to tend to Thane, his own fury at Cerberus starting to reach boiling point. Whoever this guy was, he was going to pay for what he'd done…

* * *

The elevator doors closed behind them and Shepard clenched her teeth as they began to move upwards, furious that the assassin had eluded her despite them chasing him all over the Citadel. Her head was aching fiercely where a goddamned Cerberus solider, who she suspected was a Phantom, had slammed it into the wall before attempting to run her through with a sword. Luckily, although the woman had been fast, _she_ had been faster and she'd managed to shatter the blade with a biotic blast before she'd taken the broken knife and shoved it into the woman's helmet, cracking the faceplate and revealing the pale, vein covered face beneath.

She'd only had a glimpse of that twisted face, but it had been enough to see that the woman under the armour had been extensively altered with implants and surgery. There hadn't been time for a close inspection, so Shepard had tossed her body to the floor as soon as she'd seen that the blade had gone straight through one eye and deep into her skull. If that was what Cerberus had in store for her, than she was going to fight even harder not to let herself end up like that _thing_; it had looked more Reaper than human.

"Shepard, are you alright?" James was beside her, his eyes scanning the elevator shaft as they hurtled upwards, "You're bleeding pretty badly."

She could feel the blood trickling down her face but there was no time for medigel so she ignored it, "It's nothing."

More than anything she was feeling physically and mentally tired, but she wasn't going to tell James that. Her new L5n implant was a lot more powerful than her old one had been, and the downside to being able to use such strong powers with such a short cooldown period was exhaustion. Jack had warned her about it and recommended that Shepard start carrying some sort of high energy snack, but she hadn't had to do something like that since she was a teenager, so she'd ignored what she though was condescending advice.

She was starting to wish that she hadn't.

"I've stopped the elevator that has the assassin in it, and I'm slowing the elevator down that has the council in it. You'll have to make a jump for it, Commander." Bailey's voice crackled out from Shepard's omni-tool and she nodded, momentarily forgetting that he couldn't see her.

"Understood." She moved to the edge of the elevator with Garrus and James, all three of them waiting for the council elevator to come level with theirs before they jumped across.

As she made the leap, Shepard felt a wave of dizziness wash over her, and her vision spun briefly as she landed, disorientating her enough that she stumbled and fell to her knees. There was the sound of voices from below her as the elevator slowed, and she found her feet quickly enough as someone below fired up at them; clearly under the impression that they were Cerberus soldiers. As the elevator stopped completely, Shepard heard the doors open and the people inside rush out, registering with surprise that she could hear Udina _and_ Kaidan's voice from below, along with the other councillors.

"Sounds like Kaidan's with the council." Garrus muttered as he bent down and wrenched an access panel off, checking inside the elevator before gesturing for Shepard and James to precede him down, "Do you think he's the one that almost shot you just then?"

"Probably." Shepard grumbled as she lowered herself through the panel. James followed her down and landed lightly and far more gracefully than she had, and he reached up and took Garrus' sniper rifle for him as the Turian awkwardly came down through the hole; his armour scraping the sides with metallic shrieks.

Shepard moved off without waiting for them; she knew that the two men would be behind her within moments. They were a good team and she was relieved that Vega had continued to follow her orders professionally, despite their relationship becoming more intimate than Alliance regulations allowed. They hadn't slept together yet, but they were seeing each other romantically and they both knew it was only a matter of time before they did.

James and Garrus fell in beside her as she left the building; the councillors and Kaidan standing only a few metres away with a smoking shuttle behind them. Instantly she aimed her gun at Udina and Garrus sealed and locked the door behind them to stall Cerberus. She and James came to a stop and kept their weapons raised, a small flicker of annoyance springing to life inside of her as Kaidan instantly raised his own gun at her, confusion and doubt on his face.

_So much for trusting me!_

"What's going on, Shepard?" Kaidan's voice was low and his eyes, normally so warm, were troubled as he watched her over the handgun.

She ignored the hurt that welled up as Kaidan continued to aim his gun at her, and instead concentrated on keeping her gun trained on Udina, "Udina's staging a coup." She briefly flicked her gaze at Kaidan and met his eyes as she tried to make him see sense, "He's trying to seize power from the council."

She heard Udina scoff and she moved her attention back to him, letting him see the fury and hate in her eyes; _he_ was the reason that so many innocent men and women had lost their lives today. Udina's thirst for power meant that helpless people were losing their homes, livelihoods and families, and for what? So he could have a little more power? Udina had never been a friend to her, but to do something like this lowered him even further in her estimation. He was the worst kind of scum! He was less like a politician and more like the deskmen who had run the Reds back on Earth - men who were too clever to get their hands dirty doing any of the grunt work, but who were still responsible for every single life that had been taken and ruined by the gang members and the drugs they'd trafficked.

She'd hated those men and she hated Udina.

Even though she kept her gaze focused on the corrupt Earth councillor, Shepard was perfectly aware that both Garrus and James were now aiming at Kaidan, and she could only imagine what would happen if he didn't put his gun down. Garrus had no love for Kaidan after witnessing the incident on Horizon, and James was more than a little protective of her, so he wouldn't be pleased to see someone from _their side_ pointing a gun at her. It was a bad situation, but she wasn't going to let Kaidan screw things up with his mistrust.

"Shepard's blocking our escape!" Udina gave her a sly smile and it was all she could do not to pull the trigger and shoot him straight in his smug little face, but she knew if she did there was a chance that Kaidan might fire on her too, "She _must_ be working with Cerberus again! Shoot her, Major!"

Kaidan flinched visibly at Udina's words and she turned her focus on him as he stepped forward with his gun still pointed at her. Without thinking, she moved her gun ever so slightly so that he was in her sights and tightened her finger on the trigger, ignoring the voice in her head that was screaming for her to lower her weapon. Despite her exhaustion, she was riding high on adrenaline and she couldn't risk backing down and letting Udina win. If Kaidan _didn't_ lower his gun she'd do what had to be done; it would kill part of her to put him down, but she'd do it if he gave her no choice.

_Don't make me do it..._

Kaidan eyes narrowed as she aimed at him and, even though she could see he was torn by the situation, he took another step forward and didn't back down, "Shepard, put your gun down! _Please_!"

_He won't shoot me,_ Shepard realised as he aimed at her, _he's trying to be the brave Alliance soldier but he doesn't have the ability to shoot someone he loves._

"Kaidan, you know me." She watched him struggle as he fought against whatever prejudices he was still carrying, but pressed her advantage when she saw him falter. "You said you'd _trust_ me."

"I want to trust you, but you're pointing a gun at a councillor and that doesn't inspire trust!"

She shook her head in denial and softened her expression just enough to show Kaidan that she wasn't enjoying this standoff any more than he was; "I just saved the salarian councillor's life! Udina tried to have him killed because he has evidence against him – I can't risk Udina hurting anyone else."

"She's lying! Shoot her, Major!" Udina had started moving behind Kaidan, using him as a shield as he slowly made his way over to the control panel for the door, "We have to get those doors open before Cerberus gets us!"

"You open those doors and your dead!" Garrus growled angrily and adjusted his aim so it was pointed at Udina. "There's a Cerberus assassin back there and you know it!"

The tension was so thick in the air that Shepard was sure that one of them was going to pull the trigger at any moment. She'd never thought it would come to this; even when Kaidan had hurt her on Horizon and she'd hated him with every fibre of her being, she'd never thought they'd ever actually draw on each other. _It hurt._ It hurt more than she'd thought it would to see him watching her over his pistol, his face tight as he struggled between trusting her and trusting Udina.

_This is why I can't be with you_, Shepard thought at Kaidan as she waited for him to make his move, _this is why I have to move on and be with someone who trusts me._

"Shepard," Kaidan's eyes were pleading, and she felt a wave of sadness move through her as she met his eyes over their guns and saw just how hard he found it to believe her, "put your gun up before someone gets hurt."

"I can't! Udina is the bad guy, not me! You know I've always stayed true to the Alliance and to the Council!" A thread of emotion crept into her voice against her will, but it was enough and she saw Kaidan hesitate, "_You know me_."

He swallowed and a moment later nodded and lowered his gun with a sigh as his eyes softened, "I'd better not regret this."

"You won't."

Shepard was almost dizzy with relief and the tension drained out of her as Kaidan turned to face Udina, all four of them now aiming at the Councillor. He glared at them with his narrow beady eyes, his weasel like face twisted into a hateful expression as he scowled at her and then at Kaidan. In that moment Shepard realised why Udina had made Kaidan a Spectre; it wasn't just because of his service record and because he was a brilliant soldier, it was because Udina had thought Kaidan hated her. He'd expected that his cries of _'Shepard is working for Cerberus'_ would provoke her ex-lover into defending the council and shooting her, and if she and Kaidan hadn't patched things up after Mars, it may well have.

"I always hated you, Shepard." He reached into a coat and pulled a gun, clumsily aiming it at her with that same hateful look on his face.

What Udina thought he was going to do against four trained assault specialists was anyone's guess, but before he could even steady his aim or squeeze the trigger, a shot rang out and Udina fell forward. His beady eyes widened with surprise as blood blossomed across his normally pristine clothing, then he slumped to the ground and was still. Shepard blinked in surprise and lowered her gun as Kaidan ejected his thermal clip and turned to look at her, his face pale as he swallowed hard and met her eyes.

When she'd heard the gun go off, she'd thought that Garrus or James had taken the shot, hell, she'd even half expected that maybe she'd pulled the trigger without knowing it; she _hadn't_ expected Kaidan to be the one to shoot Udina. After all the shit Udina had put her through over the years, she almost felt cheated.

"Someone's coming through the elevator door." James touched her shoulder lightly and she broke eye contact with Kaidan as he moved back to protect the other councillors. Shepard turned to face the door with James and Garrus flanking her, readying herself for yet another Cerberus onslaught.

The door opened and Shepard steeled herself to squeeze the trigger, her hands almost trembling with exhaustion as she waited for the inevitable. The fight at C-Sec and with the assassin had tired her out, and the shuttle crash and the charge along the presidium had taken the last of her strength. In retrospect, she should have held back a little or relied on her gun instead of on her biotics, but she was used to being able to push herself hard without any repercussions.

_Live and learn, Shepard._

"Get ready." She steadied her hand as best she could as the door opened, and gaped in surprise as Bailey and three C-Sec officers came through the doorway instead of the Cerberus assassin she'd expected.

"Bailey!" Garrus sounded almost as shocked as she felt, and Shepard lowered her gun and shook her head with a wry smile for the Commander's sneakiness.

"We got here as fast as we could, Commander." Bailey holstered his weapon and grinned at her, apparently pleased to have surprised them, "Lucky for you we chased away the Cerberus assassin and his friends; they high tailed it down the keeper tunnels." He gestured for two of his officers to escort the councillors down to the elevator and pointed for the third one to guard Udina's body.

"What about Thane?" Shepard caught Bailey's arm as he started to move past her, guilt welling up as she remembered that the Cerberus assassin had stabbed him through the chest.

Bailey's expression sobered, "He's in Huerta undergoing emergency surgery, but it doesn't look good. If you like I can message you when he's out of surgery."

"Thank you." Shepard nodded her thanks as Bailey moved past her with the councillors and C-Sec officers. She waited for them to take the first elevator down before she moved into the alcove with Kaidan, Garrus and James, and took a second elevator.

Shepard stumbled as she walked into the elevator and felt someone catch her arm when she almost fell, her vision blurring in front of her eyes. She straightened and leaned against the wall as she opened her eyes and saw that James was the one who'd caught her arm, although both Garrus and Kaidan were watching her with concern. James knew better than to ask her if she was okay when he'd already asked her earlier, but she could sense his concern for her.

"When was the last time you ate?" Kaidan moved closer to her, a slight frown on his face as he looked at her eyes and took in her pale skin. "You look like you're about to pass out."

"I may have pushed myself a little hard." She confessed, shifting uncomfortably when Kaidan gave her a '_you should know better_' look. "I'm still getting used to the new implant." She didn't mention that she'd forgotten to eat breakfast and hadn't eaten a big dinner the night before.

"Right, have two of these now." He opened a pocket on his BDU and took out three energy gels, passing the small packets over her, "Take the last one in half an hour or so and you should bounce back in time for the exciting debriefings we no doubt have waiting."

Shepard took the gels and felt an embarrassing red flush creep up her face, "I know how to take care of myself, Kaidan."

"Then _eat_ them."

There was an awkward silence and she realised that both Garrus and James were watching her now with matching looks of concern, and Kaidan raised his eyebrows and looked pointedly at the gels, waiting patiently until she'd eaten two of them and then plucking the empty packets from her hands and tucking them back into his pocket. Both were lime flavour; Kaidan's favourite. She didn't instantly feel better, but the high levels of sugar and carbohydrates in the gel would kick in soon enough and she knew she'd feel better until she could eat something more substantial.

It had been stupid of her not to eat something this morning, but the incident on the Citadel had taken her by surprise and she hadn't had time to stop and think about food as she'd organised the shuttle drop. Kaidan probably thought she was out of her mind; keeping up your energy levels was extremely important for biotics. Everyone knew that biotics ate more often and more in general than regular people did.

The elevator came to a stop at the embassy level and the doors opened to reveal the eerily empty reception room, Kaidan strode out and waited for her a few metres away, giving her some privacy while she spoke to Garrus and James. She felt James straighten beside her as he realised that he wasn't coming with her and she pressed her hand against his briefly before she pulled away and turned to face them.

"Head back to the Normandy and write up statements about what happened today – I'm sure C-Sec will want them. I'm going to go with Kaidan and see Bailey." She nodded at them both and tried not to see the look of disappointment on James face.

"Sure thing, Commander." James nodded at her without enthusiasm, and Shepard wished that Kaidan wasn't standing a few metres away so she could have reassured him that they'd still get their dinner date.

Because they _were_ going to have their date one way or another.

* * *

**A/N – I know there wasn't a lot of _obvious_ relationship stuff, but this chapter had a lot of important stuff in it! I hope you all enjoyed it! The next chapter will be out soon and it's kicking off with that date!**


	22. Blasto Bites

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect_

**A/N – The date chapter is finally done. Rated M for a reason – so hide your blushing eyes if you're easily scandalised. Also, I have the ability to lose myself in lame and cheesy dialogue sometimes, so forgive me for that small eccentricity; I'm pretty sure I only amuse myself but I have no regrets.**

* * *

James finished dressing in his BDU pants and his usual grey Alliance issue t-shirt and considered himself in the bathroom mirror as he ran a hand over his chin. He was tempted to shave but in the end he gave it up as a lost cause; give it half an hour and his chin would be covered in stubble again anyway. He shaved every few days or so, and he didn't see any point in going out of his way to tidy himself up when he and Shepard weren't to be going anywhere fancy for their dinner. Hell, he wasn't expecting _anything_ to be open, but she seemed to think they'd be able to get food somewhere and he wasn't about to argue with Shepard after the day she'd had.

Rennah had come back from the Citadel with two bits of bad news; Thane had died not long after coming out of surgery and Kaidan was joining the crew again.

As she told James about Thane's death in the hospital and his prayer for her, she was so calm and matter of fact that he wondered if she was bundling everything up inside of her instead of letting it out. He'd expected Shepard to cry or at least look upset, but her lovely face had been a like a mask as she'd spoken; pale and calm. The only emotion she showed had been when she'd spoken about Thane's prayer and she'd looked sad and a little bit wistful, as though she envied him the ability to pray away his guilt.

_Did Shepard want forgiveness for something she'd done?_

She told him about Kaidan joining the crew almost as though it was an afterthought; as though it wasn't a terribly important detail. James hadn't taken it quite so lightly but he'd managed to hide his initial reaction well, and he'd just made a noncommittal sound as though it didn't bother him. But it did. Of _course_ it did. Kaidan was still in love with her and their history together worried him more than he let on. Today, when Kaidan had drawn his gun on her, it had been painfully clear that he wouldn't have shot her in a million years, and the way he'd looked at her after Udina was dead had made James sick with worry.

Even worse was the way Shepard had looked at Alenko after he'd shot Udina, as though she was pleasantly surprised that he'd not only sided with her but had defended her. James had been glad to touch her shoulder and draw her attention back to the elevators, and break that connection that they had. It was stupid to get jealous when Shepard and Kaidan had broken up years ago, but he couldn't stop hearing Liara's voice in his head warning him that part of Rennah would always love Kaidan.

He'd felt even worse in the elevator when Shepard had been so exhausted she'd almost passed out, and Kaidan had ridden to the rescue again with insulting ease. All he'd been able to do was stand there like an idiot and support her while Kaidan pinpointed exactly what was wrong and helped her. Alenko was a biotic too, he'd reminded himself, and he understood Shepard in ways which James _couldn't_. That thought had made him feel inadequate, and he wasn't used to feeling that way. Even though he knew it was stupid to let it get to him, James was very quickly starting to dislike Kaidan; he hated how good looking he was, how good at his job he was, even how _nice_ he was.

So James had gone back to the ship alone and in a black mood, trying not to think about how easily Shepard had sent him back to the ship and gone off with Kaidan. Her visit had only made him feel worse…until she'd mentioned that she was still taking him out to dinner and she'd given him _that smile_ again. James had instantly felt his mood lift and he'd remembered that he didn't need to worry about Alenko. Lola was _his_ girl, and she wanted to be with him, not Kaidan. Shepard had told him to dress casually and to meet her in the Citadel docking bay. When he'd asked about where she thought they were going to get food, she'd been incredibly tight lipped and had only told him that it would be an adventure.

_An adventure..._

James ran a hand through his damp hair, decided he was looking about as good as he could under the circumstances and slapped some aftershave on. He tidied his belongings up into his locker and made his way to the elevator, his stomach fluttering nervously at the thought of being alone with Shepard again. This wasn't like getting drunk with her in the starboard observation lounge, or like sitting cuddled up with her in her room; this was an actual _date_. He wanted to impress her, to woo her and leave her feeling just as into him as he was with her.

He found Shepard lounging against a wall near the Citadel elevator, looking painfully cute in her BDU uniform with the jacket slung casually over one shoulder. Her hair was loose around her shoulders and as he came closer he could see that she was wearing just a little bit of makeup, but not too much. Like him, it seemed, she was happy to go with a casual look tonight. She smiled and pushed away from the wall as soon as he drew near and pushed the call button for the elevator, her eyes running up his body a little _too_ casually.

"Lola." He greeted her with a sexy grin and slid an arm around her waist as they waited for the elevator, pleased when she stepped into his embrace and raised her face for a kiss as though they were a normal couple.

It was a chaste pressing of the lips, but still enough to make his head spin because this was _Commander Shepard_ who he was kissing; the woman of his dreams. He could smell her perfume, the same warm spicy scent that had only a hint of floral in it, and he pulled her closer as they waited for the elevator so he could breathe it in a little deeper. They were always careful on the Normandy not to be too overly familiar with each other, after all it was an Alliance vessel and they _were_ breaking regulations, so it was a treat just to get to hold her like this.

"I like this." Shepard confessed as she stepped back, her eyes warm as they met his, "You know, just being with you like this. I hate having to watch what I say and do on the Normandy."

James felt his smile stretch a little wider, "Me too. It's nice to be able to touch you without worrying if people will guess how I feel."

The elevator opened and they stepped in, Shepard directing the elevator to the presidium level where they had fought so many of those Cerberus troops today. She noticed him watching her with a dubious expression on her face and the smile on her face took on an amused and almost sly edge as she shook her head, "Don't give me that look, Jimmy. I know exactly where to get us some dinner."

"I know better than to doubt you, Lola." He slid an arm back around her waist and pulled for close for another kiss, this time letting his hands wander down her back to slide over the curve of her backside.

The elevator slowed and they pulled away again, both of them smirking as they stepped off the elevator onto the ruin of the presidium. It was darker than normal for the night cycle, and seemed completely deserted, although James knew there would be C-Sec patrols around to stop looters. The fires were all out, though some embers were still smouldering and the air was scented with the smell of smoke. Everything was shut, just as James had known it would be, but it didn't deter Shepard who glanced around covertly and then grabbed his hand and led him out of the elevator.

"Everything's closed…"

"We're not going to a restaurant." Shepard interrupted him quietly, her voice still sounding incredibly amused, "Just try to be quiet and do what I say."

_Do what she says? Stay quiet? What the hell is she up to?_

She led him down the far end silently, keeping to the shadows and occasionally glancing back at him with eyes that sparkled in the dim lighting. She was clearly enjoying herself and James had to admit that despite having no idea what they were up to, it was a little bit exciting to be sneaking around with her in the dark. Eventually she came to a stop next to a long rectangular food dispenser that had been peppered with bullet holes and she opened her omni-tool as she dropped to one knee next to it.

"Keep a lookout for C-Sec." She told him as she turned to the broken vending machine and started to hack into it, her eyes narrowing in concentration.

He almost laughed, "A vending machine? Come on, Lola…"

"Shh!" She turned and gave him a mock-serious look, "I don't want C-Sec catching us, so keep an eye out."

"Yeah, but…" James glanced around and didn't see anyone, "This is _stealing_! You know that right?"

"Shh!" She shushed him again and turned back to the vending machine as her omni-tool bleeped warningly and she closed it with a frown, "Damn, I was never very good at this. Maybe if I…"

She abruptly kicked one of the panels hard enough that it came off and exposed the wiring underneath. She made a pleased sound and reached in, twisting some of the wires together and pulling others out. James had never been very good at tech, but Shepard looked more like she was wrecking wanton destruction on the poor vending machine than actually managing to break into it. She was making more noise now and he glanced around as he saw a C-Sec patrol approaching. They were still far away, but they'd hear the noise sooner or later.

"Someone's coming!" He hissed at her quietly, dropping lower as he glanced from her to the approaching officers. It was dark enough that they probably wouldn't see them…_probably_.

The vending machine made a loud sound and James heard the C-Sec officers shout in alarm, the sounds of their footsteps ringing out as they began to run in this direction. The machine spat out several items which Shepard grabbed, thrusting two packets of what felt like chips into his hands, and then she reached back in and grabbed more items. She shoved smaller packets into her pockets and then grabbed two bottles of drinks, she stood up just as the C-Sec officers shone a light in their direction.

"Hey! You there! Stop!" The officer's voice rang out, but Shepard only laughed and grabbed James's hand as she dragged him away.

The C-Sec officer called out for them to stop again as they bolted in the other direction, James cursing as Shepard hauled him along in the dark. They ran as fast as they could through the presidium, ducking and weaving around rubble and stalls as C-Sec tried catch them. Shepard kept hold of his hand and laughed the entire time she ran, as though this was her idea of fun, although James couldn't see what was so funny about it.

Eventually she pulled up short, let go of his hand and jumped over a railing into the gardens and James followed awkwardly, for once not the least bit graceful as they fled from the men chasing them. Shepard shushed him again as C-Sec ran past, and then led him deeper into the gardens and into a small and dark looking tunnel. He followed her in quickly, still clutching the packets of chips, and realised that this could only be a keeper tunnel.

Shepard lit the way with a small flashlight she must have had stashed in her pocket, and seemed to know precisely where she was going so James followed without question. They moved at a half-jog and he couldn't help but glance over his shoulder every few metres; he was sure that C-Sec was going to catch them at any moment, but they didn't. Eventually Shepard stopped next to a ladder and started to climb, leading him up and up and up until she swung to the side and led him out.

The keeper tunnel ended at a maintenance platform high up above the presidium, and the lights of the Citadel stretched out around them as they came stumbling out of the tunnel, Shepard still grinning maniacally. She put the drinks she was carrying down and chuckled louder, an infectious giggle that soon had James chuckling along with her. He had to admit that the idea of Commander Shepard, the first human Spectre, breaking into a vending machine and then fleeing from C-Sec was _hilarious_.

"So, do you do this often?" James asked as soon as he had his breath back, settling himself down on the ground as Shepard sank down next to him and began pulling pilfered snack food out of her pockets.

Rennah glanced at him with eyes that caught the lights of the Citadel and sparkled like diamonds, "Oh no, I only break into vending machines on _very_ special occasions. So are you ready for your feast of…" She took the chips from his hands and looked at them in amusement, "Blasto Bites?"

"Ah, Blasto Bites." James looked at gun-toting hanar on the packet and grinned wider, "The snack of Spectres!" He opened the packet and ate a few, a little voice at the back of his head wondering idly how many sit ups it would take to work off the calories, "Seriously though, how does an Alliance Commander know how to break into a vending machine?"

"The Reds." Shepard reminded him as she took a handful of chips and began to munch on them, wincing at the cheesy artificial flavour, "I learned how to run away from security from them too."

"Mmm, you're very good at it. The one time I had security after me I didn't make quite as stylish an exit."

Rennah laughed, "Jimmy Vega on the run from the law? There has to be a story behind that!"

"Not really, at least, not a very good one." James wished he hadn't said anything; he hated thinking about the episode in his life and how close he'd come to ruining his Alliance career before it had even started. Besides, he hated people knowing that he'd once carried drugs for his red sand addicted father; somehow he felt like he was tainted by association.

"Oh come on, I once had to elude the Alliance by crawling through sewers back in L.A. Your escape from security can't be any worse than that." Rennah seemed to sense there was something about the story that he was ashamed of and she moved closer to lean against him, resting her head on his shoulder, "We've all done things we regret. Hell, whatever you did, I can promise you that I probably did far worse when I was young and stupid."

_She was right,_ James thought, _she'd hung with a bad crowd and had a public record with huge amounts of censored and blacked out information and the Alliance had still let her in._

"I picked up a package for my father and didn't bother to ask what was inside…"

"Ah," Shepard glanced up at him with an understanding look on her face, "and I bet there were drugs inside and the Alliance chased you, right?"

James blinked in surprise, "How did you…"

"I used to carry for the Reds when I was young, at least I did until I hit puberty and they decided I was more useful doing other work and paid for my biotic implants." She shrugged as though it was no big deal, "The Alliance used to chase me all the time, but I was small and fast and they never got me."

"That's…" He struggled to find the words to express how awful he found the thought of Shepard carrying drugs as a child and then getting biotic implants because she was more _useful_ that way. He knew she had run with the gangs from a young age, but he'd always imagined that it had been her way of rebelling and that she'd been involved in petty crime and graffiti. He didn't even want to think about what use the Reds would have had for a young biotic teen.

"It's the past." She said softly, "Besides, I didn't exactly have a choice in the matter; I had no family, no friends, no home and I was too young to know any better."

James wrapped an arm around her and pulled her closer, easily able to imagine a tiny little child-like version of Rennah alone on the streets, "What about the foster system or the Alliance run children's homes…?"

Shepard laughed at that, and it was an ugly laugh that hinted at something nasty, "Look up '_The Good Shepard's Home for Children' _on the extranet and you'll see how good the Alliance run orphanage system was for children." She was quiet for a while as she ate more Blasto Bites and then she glanced up at him and smiled, "Anyway, all that stuff happened a long time ago, and I'd rather focus on the here and now."

"There here and now is good." James agreed, letting the topic slide since the last thing he wanted to do was bring up bad memories tonight, and instead he gestured to the Citadel around them, "It's beautiful up here. How did you find this place?"

She glanced around, the tension easing off her face as she looked at the glowing lights of the Citadel, "Years ago I helped a salarian scientist out when he was studying the keepers. I agreed to scan some for him and I got to know the keeper tunnels pretty well while I was hunting them down." She made a face as she glanced back at the tunnel behind them, "A little too well, truth be told."

"I thought people weren't supposed to interfere with the keepers?" He nuzzled her ear as he spoke, loving how she always smelled of ozone and rain no matter how much perfume she put on.

"I may," She paused distractedly as he nibbled on her neck and then began to kiss along her neck and collarbone, "I may have forgotten to let C-Sec know what I was up to, but the keepers seemed fine."

James glanced up at her as he kissed back up her throat and along her jaw, "And you just happened to think of bringing me here today?"

Rennah laughed softly, a girly sound that was so unlike her that it made James smile and he pulled away to glance at her face. She met his eyes and they were dancing with amusement, "I came up with the idea when we were fighting away through the presidium. I tossed a Cerberus trooper into the food dispenser and realised that they were the one place to get food tonight, and then realised that a date isn't a real date unless you do something exciting, and what's more exciting than breaking a tiny little rule like stealing and sneaking into a forbidden part of the Citadel?" She nestled against him and opened up a chocolate bar which she'd pulled from her pocket, taking a tiny bite and then passing it to him.

"Stealing is a tiny little rule, is it?" He took the chocolate bar from her hands and had a bite, it was some sort of chocolate and caramel affair; the kind of sickly sweet stuff that James generally avoided and he put it down when Shepard waved it away.

"Hey, they have insurance and can claim back all the Blasto Bites we took." She glanced up at him and James snorted in amusement as he saw a smear of chocolate across her lip. "What?"

"You have some chocolate on your lip." He reached up and rubbed it off with his thumb, but before he could pull it away Rennah moved and caught his thumb between her teeth. For a moment she stared at him, her eyes watching him playfully, and then she swirled her tongue around and sucked the chocolate off.

The feel of her tongue on his skin, so wet and warm, was more than James could stand and he groaned as he hauled her into his arms so he could kiss her, his body tightening with need. Shepard chuckled throatily against his lips as she kissed him back, tasting faintly of chocolate and Blasto Bites, her tongue sliding against his as she pliably moved onto his lap. One of his hands tangled in her long hair as he pressed her close and the other slid down her back to wrap around her waist as she straddled him.

There was something magical about being up here on the Citadel with Rennah, in the cool night air and in a place they shouldn't have been. It was exciting and thrilling, and being here with her meant more than he could put into words, not just because he'd spent so many years of his life dreaming about her, but because this was _real_. Shepard had not only gone out of her way to organise a date for them, but she'd taken him somewhere special and to a place where very few other people had been.

It was like a dream.

He let himself drop backwards until his back was on the ground and Rennah was above him, her hair either side of their faces as she kissed him; her mouth moving sensually against his as she settled her body on his. The kisses were hot and needy, and when she pulled away to look down at him, the vision of her above him, surrounded by the Citadel skyline, was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He'd never wanted her more than he did in that moment, and he was sure she felt the same as she gazed down at him with her magical violet eyes.

"I want you, James." Shepard spoke quietly and intensely and her hands framed either side of his face as she kissed him again and gently nibbled his lower lip, "Spend the night with me."

James desperately wanted to say something suave and impressive in that moment, but as he stared up at the woman of his dreams all he could do was nod dumbly.

* * *

They snuck back to the Normandy like two thieves in the night, keeping to the shadows and avoiding the C-Sec patrols, although both of them were aware it was all an act. Even if they'd been caught they both knew that Shepard could have pulled out her Spectre status and avoided any trouble, but it was fun to pretend otherwise.

As they approached the Normandy, the energy still crackling between them, Shepard knew in some faint part of her mind that she should be sensible and let go of James' hand and stop brushing against him every few steps, but she didn't _want_ to. It felt good to hold his hand and she didn't especially care who saw them anyway. She wasn't ashamed of what she felt for James, and she was certain that no one on the Normandy was going to give a damn when they found out.

Inside the ship, Traynor alone was at the CIC running some codes and she barely glanced up as they snuck past, although Shepard was sure that the specialist smirked a little bit when she saw them. Half the people on the ship probably suspected there was something going on between her and James by now, Shepard realised. Despite how discreet they'd been, it was hard to hide chemistry like theirs and there were always people who could see through the 'just good friends' act. Garrus, Cortez and Jack knew about them at the very least, and Garrus wasn't great at keeping his mouth shut, so it would only have been a matter of time before Liara and Traynor found out too.

_And Kaidan_, the little voice in the back of her head reminded her.

As soon as the elevator doors closed they were back in each other's arms again, Shepard plastering herself against James' huge frame as his hands moved all over her body. They'd been dancing around their attraction to each other for long that the desire had built up into a screaming need that was almost painful, and Shepard wanted everything that James could give her. His mouth against hers was fantastic, but she wanted to feel his mouth against other parts of her body, and as much as she loved the way his hands were making some devastatingly accurate explorations of her body, she wished that there weren't clothes to get in the way.

The elevator door slid open and they almost fell out, giggling and stumbling as they reeled towards her cabin and crashed into the door as James' mouth found hers again and she fumbled at the door to let them in. She managed to lock the door behind them and then she threw herself at James again like an animal as the burning pulse of desire continued to build to fever pitch inside of her. Both of them were burning with need, she knew, and she could feel his desire for her in every touch and look.

He caught her to him in his strong arms and she let him lift her onto her desk, ignoring the crash as data pads and keepsakes were sent tumbling to the floor as he settled her there with her legs either side of his body. As they kissed again she let her head tilt back, and she smiled wantonly as she felt his hands tugging at her jacket, pulling it off her arms and then catching her t-shirt in his hands and pulling that up and over her head. They had to pull their mouths apart briefly as her shirt was pulled off and, not to be outdone, Shepard pulled his shirt off and flung it over her head towards the bed.

She held him at a distance for a moment, drinking in the sight of his sculpted tattooed chest with his dog tags resting against it; he looked amazing. James seemed equally enthralled with the sight of her in her bra, and his eyes were burning with heat as he lowered his head and kissed his way down her neck, chest and stomach until he was kneeling in front of her. His hands moved to her hips as he slid her forward to the edge of the desk and started work on unbuttoning her pants, pressing kisses to each centimetre of skin that was revealed. Shepard wriggled slightly to let her pants slide over her hips and backside as James removed them, pulling off her boots and then tugging her pants down her long legs.

It had been months since she'd been with a man, years if you counted all the time that she had been dead, but being here with James made all that waiting worthwhile; it was as though he knew exactly what she wanted him to do. He dropped her pants to the side and then spread her legs wider as he moved between them, his chocolate brown eyes glancing up wickedly at hers as he pressed his lips against the material of her panties. He kissed her innermost part through the material and raised his face up to watch her reaction, the feel of his stubbly chin scraping along the cotton sending ridiculous shivers of pleasure racing through her very core.

"Oh, Jesus…" Shepard muttered as she fell back on her desk, crushing her personal console and catching her hair on one of her model ships.

James laughed against her and his hot breath sent her even wilder as he rolled his eyes up to look at her again, "You can call me Vega."

She laughed and sat up, determined not to let him completely control this little romp as she pushed him away from the desk, and slid off it to stand in front of him in her underwear and naught else, "Smart ass."

"Always." He murmured as he climbed to his feet and kissed her again.

His kisses were hungry, and there was an edge of determination to them as he unsteadily made his way down the stairs that led to her bed, not-so-subtly pulling her along with him and kissing her with each step. As they moved she brushed against him and she could feel how hard he was through his pants; and the feel of him so aroused because of her sent shivers of excitement through her body. Once they reached the bed he stepped away to look at her, his face dreamlike as he ran his heated gaze over her, looking as though he couldn't quite believe this was real.

When he reached forward and gently began to trace the outline of her bra, the feel of his hands on her body was enough to send her mind into meltdown again and it became hard for her to think about anything other than getting him _out_ of his clothes. She ran her hands down those wonderfully strong arm muscles and over his chest as she leaned into him and tugged the waistband of his pants, "These need to come _off_, Mr. Vega."

"Happy to oblige, ma'am." He kissed her again and she heard him unbuckling his belt and undoing his pants, but he was too slow for her and before he could work out what she had in mind she whirled around and knocked him onto the bed using her biotics.

He made a wordless sound as she stood in front of him with her blue biotic aura washing over her, then she let it die down as she raised an eyebrow and began to undress him. She pulled off his boots and socks and then leaned over him to help him off with his pants and his briefs, although his BDU bottoms fit so snugly against him that it was almost as if his briefs came off of their own volition. She bit her lip as she stood in front of him, drinking in the sight of a naked Vega sprawled on her bed, his eyes heavy lidded with lust as he watched her hungrily.

Rennah grinned as she removed her bra with an ostentatious flourish and sent it flying across the room, noting with amusement that it hit the Geth Dreadnaught model hanging over her desk and became tangled in it. She then slid her underwear over her hips and let them fall to the floor, stepping out of them as she lowered herself to the bed and slowly crawled towards him. She planted gentle kisses on his thighs as she moved up his body, and was rewarded by a tight whimper of pleasure and his hands which had been clenched into fists, moved to grasp fistfuls of the sheets on her bed, as though he didn't trust himself to keep still.

She moved higher and wrapped one hand gently around his erect member, her eyes dancing with devilment as she glanced up and met eyes his as he watched her, his expression somewhere between pleasure and pain as she hesitated for the briefest of moments.

"Lola…"

He sounded like he was about to die, Shepard decided and she grinned at him seductively as she lowered her mouth and ran her tongue up his shaft lightly, teasingly, and then swirled her tongue around his head and took as much of him in her mouth as she could. His hips moved as she slid her mouth over him and after a few minutes he muttered something in Spanish that she couldn't understand_,_ and he caught her arms and pulled her up to him, his eyes wild as though he couldn't take any more. He crushed his mouth to hers and rolled her onto her back as he pinned her beneath him, one hand moving behind her head to hold her still and the other hand positioning his tip at her entrance.

"You drive me wild, Lola." He confessed shakily as he gazed down at her with a look that was so intensely personal that Shepard felt certain that he loved her, _genuinely loved her_, then he slowly began to guide himself inside of her and she lost the ability think or reason at all.

The feeling of him sinking into her slick warmth, inch by inch, was the most amazing sensation she'd ever felt, and all she could do was wrap her legs around his waist and kiss any part of him she could reach. Once he was completely sheathed inside of her he began to move, slowly and carefully, and she whimpered and arched herself up towards him, raking her nails down his back. It felt amazing; better than she'd imagined, and she let herself move freely as their bodies entwined.

"James!" She could only gasp his name in encouragement as he began to move faster inside of her, driving himself in harder and deeper. The feeling of him pumping in and out, stretching and filling her, was one of the most exquisitely erotic sensations that she'd ever felt and she knew she was going to lose control of her biotics sooner rather than later.

One of James's hands slid down her body to cup her ass, and she whimpered desperately as he pulled her closer, his mouth catching hers and his tongue plunging into her mouth sensually as he continued to move over her. She could feel the first few frissons of excitement building low in her belly and she desperately tried to slow herself down and to prolong this experience, but each of his deep thrusts brought her that much closer to the edge and she could feel her control starting to slip.

She clung to his strong body as the pleasure built inside of her like a force of nature, reaching fever pitch and then shattering over her in wave after wave of ecstasy, and she cried out mindlessly with pleasure. She forgot everything except the feel of his body in hers, his mouth on her skin and the tingling of her biotics as she lost control; the blue light playing over both of their skin like an aura. Dimly she was aware of James holding onto her tightly, his grip almost crushing as his own body tightened with pleasure as he groaned her name.

How long they clung to each other in mutual bliss, Shepard wasn't sure, but when the earth finally stopped moving she realised that she'd never, ever had it this good and that James Vega had rocked her world in more ways than one; he was incredible and even better as a lover than she'd dreamed. He shifted them slightly so they were lying on their sides and she was spooned against him, and he gently kissed the back of her neck, his hands moving gently over her body as he cuddled her against him.

She smiled as she let herself sink into his embrace, and as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the back of her neck tenderly, she realised that she never wanted this night to end. She was almost asleep when a sudden thought occurred to her and she started chuckling, a mixture of endorphins and good humour making it impossible for her to stop giggling even when James tightened his arms around her.

"What is it?" He asked curiously as he nuzzled her neck.

She sleepily lay her head down and grinned against his arm, "I'm just wondering what the keepers are going to think when they find two packets of Blasto Bites up on their maintenance platform..."

* * *

**A/N – I hope you enjoyed it! I know I did! Reviews are welcome.  
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	23. A Good Morning

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect...if I did Vega would have been a romance option. Totes._

**A/N -** Thank you so much to the people who reviewed the last chapter :) in particular to Oratorio, Shaun, Dana, TLCinbflo, Candle in the Night, Spacecats, ela11, Simone the Reaper Hunter, Jules Hawk, brandischoch, NeonZangetsu & Sita. Your response to the last chapter made me so happy and I always appreciate your feedback. You guys rock my socks.**  
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* * *

Shepard woke up to hands moving slowly over her body; large strong hands that seemed to know instinctively where she wanted them to move next. She drifted in the place halfway between being asleep and being awake, stretching her body to its full length as she enjoyed the feeling of someone holding her as though she was precious. The hands gently slid along her curves and pulled her against a body that was all hard muscle; _James_, she thought sleepily as she remembered the night before, _it was James who was touching her so sensually._

She let her eyes open and then close again, realising with a blissful sigh that it was still dark in her room and that meant she didn't have to get up yet, so she could surrender to his morning ministrations. His hands slid down her back to her ass, and the feel of his hands running over her sensitive skin pulled a sound of pleasure from her throat which James answered with a sound of his own. He moved one hand up her side, his fingertips feathery light, and around to massage a breast while his other hand slid between her legs, rubbing against her softly through the material of her underwear. It was a delicious sensation and she whimpered and arched her body, letting her legs fall apart slightly as she nestled closer and her back came into contact with his hard muscled chest.

Without thinking, she snuggled against his warm body and heard him grunt in pleasure as he reacted to the sensation of her buttocks grinding against him, reflexively wrapping his arms around her and kissing her neck. It felt wonderful and Rennah sleepily sighed with pleasure as his mouth trailed kisses down her neck and shoulders, his chin slightly rough with stubble and pleasantly scratchy against her sensitive skin. The hand between her legs drifted down the front of her underwear, through the silky hair at the apex of her thighs and began a more intimate exploration of her most intimate of places. He slid two fingers slid inside of her and her breath hitched as she helplessly moaned in ecstasy; it felt so amazingly _good_.

She'd been alone for so long that his gentle touches were melting her to her very core, and greedily she arched up and gasped in pleasure as she felt him slide his fingers into her a little deeper. It was better than the night before, somehow slower and more intimate, and she wriggled against him pleasantly as her body began to grow moist from his attention. She was still half asleep and strung out with desire when the hand between her legs crept back up and James wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her into a more intimate contact with him.

James playfully nibbled the back of her neck and the pressure of his teeth pulled another sound from her as she moved against him; the firmness of his body feeling great against her softer curves. She half-turned her face towards him and reached up to pull him closer, their mouths meeting in a slow sleepy kiss. The desire she felt for him was coursing through her veins so thick and fast that Rennah knew she would have done anything he'd asked of her, just so long as he kept going.

"Lola…" James breathed her name and Shepard opened her eyes and blinked dazedly at the stars visible through the canopy above her bed, "I want you."

Her body was humming with desire as she felt him skim her underwear down her hips and legs, helping as best she could as she slipped her feet free and half sat up to gaze down at him. James was barely visible in the light from her fish tank, but she could see the outline of his face and his gloriously muscular chest, and it filled her with another surge of longing. She slowly crawled over him, leaning down to kiss her way up his rippling stomach muscles and over his chest as she settled herself over him; aching to take him inside of her again.

She guided his hardness into her tight welcoming body, biting her lip to stifle the moan of ecstasy that trembled on her lips as she slowly lowered herself onto him inch by inch, very aware of how much she wanted this too. James' hands held her waist gently, and as she began to move over him he slowly slid them up to cup her breasts, dragging his thumbs lightly across her nipples as he arched up towards her, his body meeting hers. She fought hard to keep control over her treacherous body as she moved over James with slow rocking thrusts of her hips; gentle movements that she knew were driving him wild as he enjoyed her slow lovemaking.

"God, you're amazing Rennah." James murmured as he watched her adoringly, his hands running down her waist and pulling her body against his so he could kiss her deeply. "And so beautiful."

She could only voice her pleasure with a soft cry as James abruptly rolled over and caught her beneath him, driving himself in deeper to her honeyed core; both of them moving slowly together as the intensity built between them. Every movement of his body in hers, every kiss and every touch made the delicious tension inside of her stretch and build until she could feel herself beginning to reach that dizzying height of pleasure. Her body felt as though it was possessed by an almost electric excitement, and she ached with an intolerable need as he moved inside of her with slow slick slides that brought her closer and closer to that ultimate satisfaction.

"James!" She gasped his name and wrapped her legs tightly around his waist, losing all sense of time and reason as her body seemed to ignite with pleasure and her orgasm broke over her in a mind shattering wave.

She heard him cry out and then she was engulfed in his arms again as he held her tightly, his body trembling as he lost himself in her. When her heart had stopped thundering in her chest she opened her eyes to find James watching her, his eyes reflecting the lights from the fish tank as he kissed her sweetly and held her to him. She'd never made love like this before, so slowly and sweetly, and it filled her with a peculiar sensation that she didn't want to identify, but which made her almost want to cry.

"That was a nice way to wake up." She murmured to him sleepily as she settled herself in his arms more comfortably, blinking away those confusing tears that had started to form.

"Mmm." James pressed his lips to her forehead and held her closer, "I don't want to get up and face reality." He confessed quietly.

"Me either." She agreed as she stretched against him languidly and rested her head on his chest, "I could lie here all day."

It was strange, but she couldn't remember ever feeling this contented after spending the night with anyone before, although maybe that was just because all her memories of Kaidan were tainted now. But there was something very beautiful about being here with James; she wanted to stretch out against the warmth of his body and bask there all day. She'd enjoyed being with James last night, not just the sex, although that had been mind-blowing, but all the fun they'd had together. It felt like an age had passed since she'd let herself relax and laugh with someone, and even longer since she'd let her guard down enough to enjoy herself.

After a few minutes of quietly enjoying being in each others arms, James pulled away slightly and glanced at her, "Shepard, what are we going to tell people about us?" He sounded so hesitant that Shepard almost smiled against his arm, "I mean, we're breaking regs so are we keeping this quiet? I don't want to have to hide how I feel about you, but I don't want us getting into trouble either."

Shepard glanced up at the stars above them as she considered her answer, "I'm not ashamed of being with you…"

"But?"

"But, we should probably keep everything on the low down. On duty we're Commander Shepard and Lieutenant Vega. Off duty we can be Lola and Jimmy." She rolled to face him and gently traced the scars on his face as she talked, hoping he wasn't going to think she was embarrassed about being with him. "I don't want to hide _us_, but we have to be careful on duty not to let things get…complicated."

"Yeah, that makes sense." He nodded and sat up, his eyes understanding as he glanced at her and grinned slightly, "Don't worry, I'm not stupid enough to go chasing you around when we're on duty." His smile frayed a little around the edges as he glanced down and swallowed, "And, uh, what about Kaidan?"

Shepard tried to ignore the sudden tension that surged through her at the mention of Kaidan's name, "Everyone's going to find out about us eventually, but I'll talk to him. I mean, I've made it clear that it's over between us, but he _might_ be a little hurt."

"Of course he will be." James stood up and began picking up his clothes, casting her a slightly amused glance when he realised she was watching him, "I'd be more than a little heartbroken if the woman I loved hooked up with someone when I was planning on wooing her back."

Shepard swallowed and made herself focus, ignoring the heat that was beginning to flood her body as she watched James' muscles bunch and coil as he dressed. He was right, she realised; Kaidan was going to be hurt when he found out that she had someone new in her life. _She_ would have been gutted if he'd told her on Horizon that he had someone else in his life…but this was different. Yes, it was true that she still cared about him, but the love she'd once felt had long since cooled and faded.

"You're right." She slid off the bed and pulled a new set of BDUs and underwear from her wardrobe as she tried hard not to watch James dress, "But Kaidan's a sensible guy and he'll deal with this. In the meantime I'm going to shower, grab coffee and head to Purgatory…"

"Isn't it a little early for drinking?" Vega grinned as he finished pulling his shirt on, his charming smile making Shepard almost melt into a puddle again.

_Why did he have to be so damned attractive?_

She slung her clothes over one shoulder and tried to control her treacherous thoughts, "Aria wants to meet."

"_Ah_."

"You don't like Aria?" She hated seeing the smile slide off his face and the humour fade from his eyes; it made her feel like she'd kicked a puppy.

He twitched one shoulder in a half-shrug, "I'm just surprised that you two seem to get on so well."

"Thanks to Aria we have the Blue Suns, the Blood Pack and Eclipse lending their support to the war effort against the Reapers, so she's not all bad."

James narrowed his eyes at her as she walked past him on her way to the bathroom, "That doesn't sound much like Aria."

"Well, we're not the only ones having trouble with Cerberus." She set her clothes down in the bathroom and came out, "Cerberus managed to take Omega from her and she's a little bit sore about it. That's what we're meeting about; taking Omega back from Cerberus."

James' eyes widened and he frowned at her, "Wait, you're not going to…"

She moved in front of him, her eyes dancing with amusement at his worry, and pressed a finger to his lips to shut him up, "I'm going to talk to Aria and see what she wants me to do; _that's all_."

It was amusing how much James seemed to dislike Aria, especially since Aria was one of the few people on Omega who Shepard trusted to keep her word. The asari respected strength and power, and Shepard had both in plenty, so they'd always got on fine. Besides, so long as you were straight up with Aria and didn't threaten her power base she would play nice, it was only when she thought you were going up against her that she showed her claws.

"I'm going to shower." She pulled her finger away from his lips and leaned in to kiss him goodbye, "You know, you should probably have one too." She met his eyes and smiled wickedly, "You're welcome to share with me…"

James laughed and pulled her close, kissing her again as though he couldn't get enough of her, "Lola, if I join you in that shower we're not going to make it back downstairs before most people get up, and then there'll be no hiding _us_."

"Fine, but the offer of a shower up here with me is always open." Shepard shoved him away gently before her wicked thoughts got her in any more trouble, and watched him walk to the door, admiring how good he looked from behind until the door shut behind him.

* * *

James left Shepard showering and took himself down to use the communal bathrooms on the crew deck; it was still early and well before the time that the day cycle began, so he had the bathroom to himself. He knew that there were going to be a few people who shared his sleep cycle and had bunks near his that would have noticed that he hadn't returned to his bed that night, but the only people that were likely to call him on it were Traynor and Cortez. He could understand Shepard wanting to keep their relationship quiet since they were technically breaking fraternisation regulations, but he knew that sooner or later it was going to get around the ship no matter what they did.

He showered and dressed for the day and then let his stomach lead him to the mess; he was ravenously hungry, which wasn't surprising at all given the sparse dinner that Shepard had fed him the previous evening, followed by their energetic night together. _Dios_, even thinking about last night made his body tighten and his blood quicken! He'd dreamed of being with her for so long that he'd been worried that the reality wouldn't quite meet his inflated expectations, but it had been quite the opposite. Never in his wildest dreams would be have guessed how fucking mind blowing and passionate their time together would be.

She was the most gorgeously responsive woman he'd ever been with, and he'd treasured every single moment he'd spent with her. The sex had been incredible, but even lying and holding her while she slept had filled him with the most incredible sense of peace. Shepard was a complex woman and the more he got to know her the more facets to her personality he was discovering. He was quite possibly in over his head with her, but if he was going to drown, he couldn't think of anyone else he'd rather go down for.

"Good morning, Mr Vega." James jumped as Cortez sauntered into the mess, his face brightening when he saw that Vega was alone and he had a chance for some gossip, "So how did things go last night, Hot Stuff?"

"Fine." Vega cleared his throat and finished cooking his breakfast, ignoring Cortez as he sidled around him and leaned against the bench to watch him dish it up. "Want some eggs, Esteban?"

"Come on, Vega! Don't try to sidestep the question." Steve waved away the offer of breakfast and smirked at James' attempts to ignore him. "We _all_ know that you and the Commander took off together last night, and _I_ know that you haven't been in your bunk all night. So you may as well fess up."

Cortez blocked his way as James tried to move around him with his food and with a sigh he put his plate down on the bench and gave his buddy a firm glare, "Look we went out, and that's all I'm saying."

"So you _did_ go out with her." Cortez grinned wider and his blue eyes shone with delight, "So, does this mean that you two are actually a thing? Or was this just a…"

James shushed him and hoped to hell that Cortez would back off from this particular topic as Kaidan walked into the mess, immaculately dressed in his BDUs and his black hair wet from the showers. He nodded at both of them as he began to fill the coffee machine, and James grabbed his plate of breakfast and dodged around Cortez as he gave him a 'shut the hell up' glare and sat down at the mess table. He'd spoken to his friend _a lot _about Shepard and how much he liked her, but he'd never brought up the subject of Kaidan and he didn't want Steve saying something _unfortunate_ in front of him.

Unfortunately, Cortez wasn't easily deterred and though he kept his voice down, he followed Vega to the table and sat down before continued, "C'mon, Vega! You've had a thing for Shepard ever since I first met you Fehl Prime, and she wasn't even alive back then, so don't go all coy and quiet on me now."

James saw Kaidan's head jerk up as he heard what Cortez said, but other than that the Major made no movements as he waited for his coffee, although James knew he was listening to them now. He could have killed Steve for opening his big mouth at precisely the wrong moment; strangled him or stabbed him with his fork! So what if James hadn't exactly hidden his flirting with Shepard, that didn't mean that it was okay for Cortez to go broadcasting over the ship that he'd had a slight crush on Shepard for _years._

_Besides, Cortez had just made him sound like some kind of creepy stalker!_

He frowned at Cortez and slid his eyes over to where Kaidan was standing, his expression making it clear that he didn't want to talk about this in front of him, and Steve rolled his eyes as though he thought Vega was being childish. It was easy for him though; _he _wasn't having a relationship with the commanding officer of the ship. Even though the galaxy was at war and it was unlikely that anyone would care what he or Shepard did, there was still a chance of Hackett taking an interest in them and either reassigning him or disciplining Shepard.

"Hey, I'm just trying to get a read on the situation." Steve muttered as he began to chow down on his own breakfast, "It's not like it's a big secret around the ship that you two are close."

James could feel the tension radiating from Kaidan and it was only with a huge effort that he didn't look over at him, "I don't want to talk about it, so just drop it okay."

"Whatever you say, big guy, but I want details later." Steve shrugged and let it go, but he grinned at him knowingly as he turned back to his breakfast, and James knew that Cortez was going to hound him until he got the information he wanted.

The coffee machine beeped behind them and James fought not to look surprised when Kaidan joined them at the table instead of going back to the starboard observation lounge. He'd been dreading having to interact with Kaidan like this, even though from the minute Shepard told him that she'd invited Kaidan back he'd known that this was inevitable. To make things worse, he actually felt a little bit sorry for Kaidan and he didn't want to go rubbing his relationship with Shepard in his face, especially when she hadn't had a chance to talk to him yet.

The major's face gave away nothing as he sat down and nodded at James, and then smiled pleasantly at Cortez, "I don't think I met you when I was last on board," He stretched out a hand as he introduced himself, "Major Kaidan Alenko."

Steve shook his hand and grinned, "I know who you are, Major. The second human Spectre was big news even on the Normandy."

Kaidan shrugged modestly and sipped his coffee, "It was an honour to be chosen for the job." He switched his attention from Cortez to James and his eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly, "Is Shepard up yet?"

Alenko spoke casually, but his question was so pointedly aimed at James that there was no mistaking the intention behind the question, and Vega felt himself freeze up as soon as his brown eyes clashed with Kaidan's tawny gaze. They stared at each other for less than a second as he struggled not to give anything away, after all it was possible that he was just being paranoid. _But_ it was also possible that Kaidan suspected that he'd spent the night with Shepard and was fishing for information; he had overheard Steve's comments after all.

"I, uh, haven't seen her down here yet." James managed to answer without lying but something in the way Alenko was watching him made him think that the biotic knew he was sidestepping the question, "She's normally up at this time though, so you could probably go up and see her if you need to…"

_Idiot! Don't encourage him to spend time alone with her!_

Kaidan stared at him hard for a moment and then stood up, "No, I'll catch her later. I'm sure she'll be down soon." He drained his cup of coffee and looked back down at James with a hard suspicious gaze that made his stomach turn guiltily before he took his cup back to the mess and left silently.

Cortez watched Kaidan leave and then turned back to James with a puzzled look, "What was that about?"

"Shepard's ex." James explained quietly as he glanced down at his eggs, suddenly not feeling hungry at all as the euphoric feeling that he'd carried with him since he'd left Shepard's cabin this morning faded away.

For a morning that had started out so well, he had an awful feeling that it was going to be a _really_ bad day.

* * *

**A/N** - And there goes Kaidan like a little black rain cloud... :D I hope you enjoyed it - reviews are welcome!


	24. A Bad Day

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect_

**A/N – Thank you to everyone following along and reviewing. It means a lot to hear how much you guys are enjoying it! This chapter is mostly from Kaidan's POV so we can see the Shepard/Vega relationship from his perspective.**

**On a side note, I think I'm cursed! Since I started writing in the Mass Effect community things keep biting me! Over the past week I've been bitten by another dog and twice in my sleep by a mystery spider that made my elbow blister. I think someone's jinxing me… **

* * *

Kaidan leaned against window in the starboard observation lounge and looked out into the starry void beyond, his thoughts circling around endlessly while he fought not to let the tightness in his chest overwhelm him. The sight of all those stars stretched out in the endless black sky usually filled him with hope, but right now the stars seemed small and cold and the darkness matched his mood. It felt like he had lost control of his life and he was sinking, as though the air was too thick and he was fighting not to drown. He felt sick, hollow and utterly destroyed.

He'd suspected that something was going on between Shepard and Vega for a while now; he'd seen them on the Normandy together and had interrupted that cosy little scene in the hospital, but it wasn't until this morning that he'd actually had to face the truth. There was an ache in his chest that was getting worse by the second, and it had started as soon as he'd realised that Rennah really had moved on and was with another man. It especially didn't help that that the man she'd chosen was so much younger than he was, and seemed to be his opposite in almost every way.

It was more than just _that_ that was bothering him though; there was something distasteful about Rennah and James being in a relationship with each other when he'd been her guard on Earth. The thought of the muscle bound-Vega using his position as her guard to take advantage of Shepard left a bad taste in Kaidan's mouth whenever he thought about it, and after hearing Cortez's comment about Vega having had a _thing_ Shepard for years, the bad taste had only gotten worse. He knew that a lot of Alliance men were dazzled by Shepard because of her good looks and war hero status, but he found the knowledge that Vega had had a crush on her throughout the years in which she had been MIA and presumed dead to be a little strange.

Was it possible that Shepard been so lonely and vulnerable on earth that she had allowed herself to be caught up in some jarhead's fanboy fantasy? The thought of that made the pain in his chest swell, and he cringed at the thought of her falling for someone as superficial and shallow as Vega. Okay, so it was unlikely that Rennah would let herself get seduced and used like that, but she _had_ been in a stressful position on Earth; alone, incarcerated and stripped of her rank.

_And whose fault was that? _

Kaidan sighed and looked out at a distant nebula as he thought about the role he'd played in driving the wedge between them. A lot of the distance seperating them was his own fault, he acknowledged sadly as he stared out the window and wallowed in his depression, if he hadn't hurt her so badly on Horizon she wouldn't have been quite so alone and vulnerable. He never should have let his fears get in the way of his feelings for her; he should have trusted her and believed in her like everyone else had.

_Instead you lashed out at her and tried to make her hurt like you were hurting; as though it was Ren's fault that she died and left you alone._

It had taken him a long time to realise how scared and confused she must have been when she woke up in a Cerberus facility, and how lonely she would have been while she was working for them. She'd been gone for two years and had lost everything she cared about; her friends, her career and even him. He knew his words on Horizon had shattered her, he'd seen the pain in her eyes as he spat his venom at her and walked away. Shepard had always been tempestuous, so was it any wonder that her love had turned to hate after what he'd done?

The depth of her emotions was one of the things that he'd loved most about her, and their relationship back on the first Normandy had been all the more passionate because of it. They'd both been swept away by their feelings and things had moved quickly between them; both of them admitting they were in love after only a few months together. He'd loved her with a passion that he'd never experienced before or since, and he'd imagined himself with Rennah for the rest of his days. He'd never thought that he'd lose her and he'd certainly never thought that he would be the one to push her away.

He heard the door open behind him and he turned around, his stomach turning over nervously as he watched Shepard come through the door, "Hey Shepard."

"Kaidan." She nodded as she came in and let the door close behind her, her gaze skimming the room and settling on him as she took in how little he had brought with him, "Are you settling in okay?"

"Yeah, I didn't have much to bring with me." He shrugged and watched her face carefully, wondering if she really was involved in the young lieutenant.

After breakfast this morning he'd seen Shepard briefly in the CIC when she'd stopped by to let himself and Traynor know she was meeting someone on the Citadel and that Kaidan was in command while she was gone. She'd returned after a few hours looking thoughtful and had mentioned to Kaidan that she wanted to drop by and to speak to him, but she hadn't elaborated on why and she'd quickly vanished up to her room. He'd hoped it wasn't about what he'd overheard this morning, but he dreaded that it was.

Shepard sighed and she focused her eyes on him, the look in them uncomfortable, "I'm not really sure how to say this, but I thought it was better that you heard it from me than someone else…"

_No. Please, no._

"You're seeing Lieutenant Vega." Kaidan finished for her, not surprised when Shepard's eyes widened and she looked surprised.

"How did you know?" She crossed her arms defensively over her chest and then uncrossed them again as soon as she realised what she'd done, "Did James tell you?"

Even though he'd suspected as much, his heart still sank as she confirmed his worst fears, "No, I just overheard some ship gossip and guessed." He smiled weakly when she looked horrified, "Look, I'm not going to pretend that I'm not disappointed, but I appreciate you being upfront with me."

He sounded like he felt; flat and lifeless.

It was impossible to fake enthusiasm, especially when they both knew that he still loved her and that he'd wanted to try and reconcile with her. So why should he pretend to be happy for Shepard when she appeared to have taken up with the first muscle-bound moron that she'd come across? He wasn't going to act pleased for her when it was entirely possible that she was just letting herself get used while Vega got off on having Commander Shepard in his bed!

"I'm sorry, Kaidan." Her eyes softened as she spoke, almost as though she knew how torn up he was and hated to hurt him like this.

"I know." He paused and drew in a steadying breath, watching as she looked away and absently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Did Shepard care that he was hurting? He wanted to say something to her about his concerns about Vega, but he knew he'd come across as being jealous and defensive.

_But what if Vega was just using her?_

He drew in another deep breath; if it turned out that Shepard was being taken for a ride and got hurt, he'd never be able to forgive himself for having stood by and done nothing to help her. It was true that he knew next to nothing about James Vega, but after hearing Cortez this morning he didn't want to risk leaving anything to chance. She deserved better than to wind up with some Shepard-groupie who had latched on to her.

Kaidan moved away from the window and came towards Shepard, "I don't know how to say this without sounding jealous, but how well do you know Vega?"

Her gaze had moved briefly to look out the spectacular window, but zipped back to his face as she frowned a little, "What do you mean?"

"How well do you know the guy? I've just heard some things about him that make me wonder..."

"I've known him longer than I knew you before we hooked up." She interrupted him warily, clearly gearing up for an argument. "Look, you don't have to be happy for me, but don't try to ruin this."

Kaidan shook his head in denial, "I'm not trying to ruin things, Ren. I'm just worried that he might not be everything you think he is."

"How would you know?" Her voice rose incredulously and she raised her arms in a disbelieving gesture, "You've spent about three days in my company in the last three years and probably less than that with James. How would you know anything about him? Or about me anymore for that matter? You chose to cut yourself out of my life, so you don't have the right to question who I choose to have a relationship with. James is a good guy and he's done nothing but support me and be there for me!"

He frowned and worked hard to keep his voice even and calm as they talked, "That's my point; he was your _guard_ Shepard. Do you how this is going to look to people? How it's going to look to Anderson and Hackett when they find out?"

"_Nothing_ happened between us when we were on Earth!" Rennah scowled and crossed her arms again, "It wasn't until after the Reapers attacked that we realised how we felt about each other."

"That's not what I've heard."

Shepard's eyes narrowed and when she spoke again it was with an icy voice. "And what is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"It means I've heard gossip that Vega's had a thing for you for a long time. As in _years_! Don't you find that a little bit strange?" Even as he spoke he could see Shepard getting angrier with him but he pressed on relentlessly. "I don't want you getting hurt because some fan of yours wants to brag to his friends that he's slept with Commander Shepard…"

"It's not like that between us! You don't even know James, and if you think I'd be so stupid as to let someone into my life who would treat me like that, then you don't know _me _either." Shepard almost spat the words at him and Kaidan felt some of his patience start to wear away as she threw him a withing look. "I get that you're jealous, but this is just petty and stupid."

He tried to control his feelings and stay calm, but the disappointment he'd been holding onto was too strong and he threw her a nasty look of his own, "Maybe I _don't_ know you anymore, Shepard." His eyes narrowed bitterly, "For all I know, maybe _you've_ just got a thing for LT's and James is your latest..."

"Stop." her voice was cold and she stepped up to him furiously, "Stop now before I can't even call you a friend, Kaidan."

Kaidan held his breath for a second as all the bitterness and resentment he felt at her for choosing another man almost exploded out of him, then he took a deep breath and let all of the anger go. He was better than this and Shepard hadn't done anything wrong, the only person who'd been an idiot had been him. He'd been an idiot on Horizon, on Mars and on the Citadel. He was lucky she had even let him back on the Normandy with her, let alone still counting him among her friends.

"You're right, I'm sorry. That was..." He swallowed hard and tried not to let the sadness he was drowning in overwhelm him. "That was horrible and uncalled for. I know you're not like that I'm just...I don't want to lose you again." He ran a hand through his hair and looked at the floor, very aware that he'd made things worse for himself and for Shepard. "I know you've been under a lot of pressure on Earth and even more since the Reapers attacked and…I just know what guys like James are like, so be careful."

Rennah sighed and Kaidan watched as she shook her head slowly, "I know you're upset, so I'll pretend you didn't say that about me." She rubbed her forehead and made her way back over to the door, "For the record, it was James who wanted me to come and talk to you. He knows how you feel about me and knew you would be upset. He said he would be if the situation was reversed."

Kaidan said nothing as Shepard left, he just waited until the door had closed behind her and then locked it so no one else could bother him. He didn't believe for a second that James Vega actually gave a damn about him, but it had seemed pointless arguing with Rennah when she clearly wasn't going to listen to him. That was fine, but he wasn't going to sit around and let her get hurt; if she didn't want to listen to reason than he was going to use his Spectre status to take a peek at James Vega's service record and personnel files.

If Vega turned out to be the nice guy that Shepard thought he was, than great, he'd back off and let her ride off into the sunset with her nice young lieutenant. But if he was right and Vega's _crush_ on Shepard was a little more ominous, then he'd make sure Rennah didn't get hurt by him.

* * *

"Poker?" Garrus sounded dubious as James enthusiastically explained the rules of the popular human game, "I don't know, Vega. It sounds a little tame. Now bottle shooting; that's a good game _and_ you get to shoot things _while_ you bet."

James was about to explain exactly why it was that poker was the greatest game ever when he saw Shepard heading towards the mess table where he and Garrus were eating their rations. He hadn't seen Rennah since this morning, and even seeing her from across the room made his breath catch in his throat; he could still barely believe that they'd spent the night together. Unfortunately his happy breathless feeling didn't last long; there was a tension around her eyes that made him think that either the chat with Aria or with Kaidan had gone badly.

He knew where he'd put his money.

The turian craned his neck to see what had captured his attention and he snorted, "Better go and see what's made you're _girlfriend_ look so cranky…"

"Shut up!" James tried to elbow Garrus in the side and winced as his arm connected with the turian's armour, "No one is supposed to know, Vakarian! If she thinks I told you…"

Garrus laughed softly, "But you didn't tell me! I guessed…just like _Cortez_ guessed and _Liara_ guessed and _Traynor_ guessed…" He grinned a little wider and his mandibles stretched to accommodate the smile, "You're not very good at hiding your feelings, Vega."

"Okay, okay, but just shut up for now." He pushed away from the table and stood up, but Shepard waved him back into his seat and joined them, dropping into the empty chair next to him with a sigh.

She glanced at Garrus and narrowed her eyes suspiciously at his wide smile, "What are you so pleased about?"

"Oh _nothing."_

James didn't think it was possible but Garrus' smile got broader and Shepard turned accusing eyes on him, "Did you tell him?"

"Nah, Vega's been very tight lipped about the whole affair. I just worked it out when you both vanished last night and he didn't come back to his bunk." Garrus leaned back in his chair and seemed pleased when Shepard rolled her eyes at him, "I told you; I live vicariously through you Shepard, and neither one of you was very good at hiding how you feel. Like that little moment you had in the back of the sky car a few weeks ago. Did you really think I didn't notice?"

Shepard flushed, "You _saw_ that?"

"The whole thing." The turian chuckled and stood up, "But don't worry. You're secret's safe with me, oh and with Liara, Traynor, EDI and Cortez…and maybe Jack. I think she knows too."

"Ass." She swatted him as he waved and left them alone at the table, then she looked back at James and the amusement faded from her face, "I talked to Kaidan."

He nodded, "I guessed as much. I take it didn't go very well?"

"No, it did not." She emphasized the word '_not_' and curled up on the chair, pulling her knees to her chest as she watched him, "I'd probably stay out of his way for the next few days if I were you."

James rolled his eyes and laughed, "Oh come on, Lola. He's a Spectre sure, but he's also a grown man! He's not going to start any trouble..."

"He thinks you're sleeping with me for some sort of ego-trip." Absently Shepard twisted her hair up into a ponytail, exposing the undercut she had as she tied it up, "And he thinks you're some sort of weirdo Shepard fan who's been lusting after me for years."

He swallowed hard at that and tried not to look nervous; he had been pretty fanatical with his crush on Shepard prior and during Fehl Prime, "Well, I was certainly a pretty big fan, but I don't think I feel into the weirdo category. I didn't go the whole hog and have Shepard shrine with candles or something."

"So no shrine, huh?" She smiled and some of the tension eased from her face, "Well, I guess I'll have to settle for you being just a regular fan instead of a weirdo." Rennah uncurled and put her feet back to the floor, abruptly all business, "My talk with Aria went a lot better."

"Really." James busied himself with tidying up his ration tray, trying not to let his feelings about Shepard associating herself with Aria show. "So what did she want?"

"My help."

He didn't like the sound of that and he frowned a little more, "And that means what exactly?"

"That means I'll be gone for a few days." She saw the look on his face and sighed, "Look, I have to help Aria out with this and there's no point trying to talk me out of it. Omega is too strategically important for us to let Cerberus hang on to it; I _have_ to help Aria get it back."

James subsided momentarily before a thought occurred to him, "You said _you_ were going for a few days. What about the Normandy? What about _us_?"

"The Normandy is staying at the Citadel to finish up some of the retrofitting that wasn't completed." She leaned against the table and took one of his hands in hers, glancing around to make sure no one else was around before she pulled him up and laced her fingers in with his, "I'm going in alone with Aria and we're leaving tomorrow."

"And there's no way I can talk you into letting me and Garrus come along as backup?" He squeezed her hand and let her pull him to his feet and lead him along to the elevator, his heart starting to beat a little faster as he realised where Shepard was undoubtedly taking him. "I take it it's Aria's bright idea that you go alone with her?"

Shepard pressed the button for the elevator and then pulled him close, trailing a hand up his chest and then pulling his head down for a kiss, "She wants me all to herself."

"I never thought I'd ever have anything in common with Aria." James murmured as he wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her to him, his body already stirring with need as he held her close.

The elevator doors opened and James walked Shepard in backwards, hitting the button for her cabin and then kissing her again as she wrapped her arms around his neck and plastered herself to him. He knew it wasn't any good arguing with her; Shepard was stubborn as a mule when she made her mind up about something, and it would be impossible to talk her out of it. He hated the thought of her running off with scum like Aria, and the thought of her going up against Cerberus without Alliance support, but most of all he hated that he wasn't going to be there to watch her back.

As the doors opened again and they made their way into her cabin, the kisses became hotter and their hands more adventurous; both of them so hungry for the others touch that it was as though they'd been separated for days rather than hours. They got as far as the desk in her cabin before they gave into temptation and made it no further, both of them so desperate to be close to the other that they wound up shedding their clothes and sinking to the floor in each other's arms. James had never felt so wildly out of control before, but the knowledge that Shepard was leaving tomorrow made him want to make every moment of the night count and he tried to kiss every square inch of her body before he made love to her.

They made love again in the shower afterwards, tracing warm soapy paths over each other's bodies with their hands and mouths and laughing as they discovered the perils of trying to get physically intimate in a steamy, slippery and decided tiny bathroom. Eventually James lifted her against the wall and she wrapped her legs around his waist, one of her hands holding his shoulder and the other gripping the showerhead as he moved inside of her, kissing her again and again. He almost told her how he felt in the shower as they came together, but he bit back the words and told himself it was too soon.

She'd think he _was_ a weirdo-fan if he told her he loved her, especially after the things Alenko had said to her today.

As they lay in bed later that night, her head resting on his chest and his arms loosely wrapped around her body, all James could do was hope that Aria would have Shepard's back while she was on Omega and that she'd stay safe. The past two days had been more perfect than anything he'd ever dreamed, and the thought of losing Rennah filled him with a cold dread that he'd never experienced before.

Love, he thought sleepily as he held her and slowly let himself drift off, really did make you vulnerable in a whole new way.

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**A/N – Poor cranky Kaidan and poor soon-to-be-lonely Vega. They can only have fun in the next chapter when they're left on the ship with no Shepard to referee them, right? **_**Right**_**?**


	25. What She Was

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect.  
_

**A/N – I wanted to get this chapter up earlier, but I had more trouble writing it than I thought I would. I rewrote the Kaidan/James conversation four times before I was happy with it. I hope everyone likes it…I'm actually quite nervous about this chapter.**

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Your comments and feedback are always really appreciated and loved!**

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With the Normandy docked at the Citadel to finish the last of the retrofitting, James had expected that the crew would be given shore leave and he'd been planning to spend most of it with Garrus; teaching him the finer points of poker. Instead he'd found himself completing what had to be the most boring job on board when Alenko, who was the commanding officer in Shepard's absence, issued orders for him to complete another inventory check of all of the Alliance armour, weapons and ammo on board.

Kaidan hadn't singled him out, although the thought had crossed James' mind when he read his new orders. Instead, it was just that Alenko had taken his acting command seriously and had ordered almost all of the Normandy's crew to remain on board while Shepard was away. Garrus was completing maintenance on the Normandy's main weapons, Joker was supervising the installation of some minor hardware in the AI core and even Liara was helping Traynor with some data analysis.

On the first day, James had diligently done his job and conducted the boring inventory check, bantering lightheartedly with Cortez while they worked. It was a good thing he had taken his job seriously, as Kaidan had come down several times throughout his shift, possibly to check up on him, although he had a genuine reason to be down there each time. Outwardly, Kaidan was perfectly polite to him and there wasn't a hint of antagonism, but the atmosphere whenever he was in the shuttle bay was icy and unfriendly.

Cortez found the situation funny at first, but on the second day when Kaidan came down several times again, even he mentioned that he was starting to find the Major's presence a little unsettling. When the shift was up and James was off duty, it was a relief to be able to escape upstairs to the mess where he found Joker and Garrus chatting quietly. The guys hesitated when he appeared and James inwardly cringed as he guessed they were chatting about him, Shepard and possibly even about Kaidan. Honestly, James couldn't fault Kaidan's behaviour, but there was something about the way he was acting that made him feel on edge.

It felt like he was waiting for the axe to fall.

"So, I hear Kaidan hasn't been treating you too harshly today for stealing the Commander's heart?" Joker's eyes twinkled maliciously as James looked pained and sighed.

"You know too?" He paused by the table and glared at Garrus, who he was sure was behind the gossip that had circulated the ship; the damned turian couldn't keep his mouth shut around his friends.

Joker grinned and gestured for James to join them at the table, "Oh come on, you should have known that I'd find out eventually...and I've probably known what was going on for longer than you think!"

The turian nodded at Joker as he made a humming sound of agreement, "I don't know why you two assumed you could keep it quiet." His mandibles twitched in amusement as James made a frustrated sound, "I mean, subtlety isn't one of yours or Shepard's best traits."

James grinned in spite of himself, "I think the problem might have been all of _you_ gossiping about us like little old ladies." He got himself some rations and sat down as he talked, "In fact, I think most of the ship knows because you guys can't keep your mouths shut."

"Vega, Vega, Vega." Joker said his name slowly and with amusement, shaking his head as though talking to a simple child, "The tension between you two was pretty obvious. Plus there was that little wresting match a few weeks ago that almost turned into a make out session."

James felt his mouth gape open, "You...you know about that? Dammit! Esteban said he'd keep it quiet!"

"Ha! Cortez didn't say a thing; he didn't have to…" Joker laughed and enjoyed James embarrassment, "Your little 'training session'," He emphasized the words _training sessions_ with air quotation marks, "was recorded on security footage. I almost died laughing when I saw it." He laughed again at the memory, "I admit I was completed surprised! I mean, all that tension aside, I always thought the Commander was going to wind up back with Alenko, no offense James."

"None taken." He wasn't about to admit that for a long time he'd been worried about that too.

Even now he felt guilty for having encouraged Shepard to move on from Kaidan after Mars. He probably shouldn't feel bad, especially given the way the guy had still been questioning her motives and involvement with Cerberus, but he'd never deliberately meddled in someone else's love life before. Still, suspicion didn't make a great basis for a relationship and things had worked out well for him and Shepard.

Garrus shook his head and threw a skeptical look at Joker, "Oh come on! You know what happened on Horizon! How can you possibly think she'd have gone back to Kaidan after what he said?"

"Because I know Kaidan loves her and didn't mean it." The pilot pushed his half eaten ration pack away and started counting off points on his fingers, "For one thing, he almost killed me at her memorial service when he had that meltdown, for another we know that both of them can be a little emotional when it comes to dealing with each other, and finally because of how upset Shepard was when EVA almost killed him on Mars." Joker shrugged and then glanced at James again, his eyes gleaming, "It didn't even occur to me until I saw that video that you and Shepard had something going on. I'm happy for both of you though, especially since you make _her_ so happy. You're good for her."

"I agree, Shepard needed someone like you to come along and wake her up again." Garrus nodded, the expression on his face fond as he thought about his friend, "I haven't seen her smile this much since…well…since before she died. I don't know how you did it, but you broke through her numbness and made her act like a human again."

James put his rations down and looked from Joker to Garrus, "Was she really that different when Cerberus brought her back?"

"She was still Shepard, but she was angry a lot and she got…meaner." The turian chose his words carefully, as though worried he'd say the wrong thing. "It wasn't like she changed completely, but I was worried about her for a while."

Joker was quiet for a moment as mulled over Garrus' words and then nodded, "Yeah, she still _isn't_ the same as she used to be, but this is the best I've seen her in a long time."

"What do you mean _'she still isn't the same'_?" James wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer, but he was curious about how deeply she'd been affected by what had happened to her.

Garrus looked at Joker and he shrugged, "Well, before the first Normandy went down Shepard was a bit more laid back. She was nicer to people and didn't tend to be quite so ruthless and trigger happy..."

"_You're _a fine one to accuse Shepard of becoming ruthless and trigger happy, _Archangel._" Joker interrupted and rolled his eyes, "Before she died, Shepard was generally pretty happy most of the time. I mean, she was still really scary when she wanted to be and would do whatever it took to get the job done, but she wasn't quite as ruthless as she is now. I saw her do things when she was working with Cerberus that she wouldn't have never had done when she was working for the Alliance."

"What kind of things?" James felt something unpleasant unfurl itself in his chest as he remembered the way Shepard had shut herself down when she'd tortured the Cerberus operative back at Grissom Academy.

Garrus shrugged and avoided his eyes, "There was the time she threatened to throw a mercenary to his death from the upper floor of a high rise building if he didn't give her information. None of us thought she'd do it, nor did he, but she _did_. She shoved this guy through a plate glass window, watched as he fell screaming to his death and then walked away as though nothing has happened. Then there was this time she couldn't get this guy called Fade to cough up some info, so she tortured it out of him. Not that I think badly of her for that since I would have done the same thing..."

"She just never did stuff like _that_ before she died." Joker interrupted Garrus with a frown, "I guess I kind of understand it, I mean, she woke up to find out that two years of her life were gone and all her friends had moved on without her. She had nothing left and was completely alone. That would be enough to break some people, and I guess Shepard dealt with it by shutting herself down so she wouldn't have to feel it."

James thought about that for a moment, Shepard was an exceptionally good actress; he'd seen on Earth how well she'd smiled and acted day after day as though nothing was bothering her. It hadn't been until she'd let her mask slip in the hospital that he'd seen how desperately frustrated and unhappy she was. Losing her friends, who were essentially her family, would have devastated her. He could see how she would have protected herself from that hurt by simply shutting the pain away and stubbornly pushing on; it was a very Shepard thing to do.

"She's a strong person and she would have wanted to keep going and save everyone from the Collectors." James agreed with Joker as he finished his rations and stood up, realising absently that he'd been so engrossed in the conversation that he hadn't tasted a thing, which was probably for the best considering that they tasted like cardboard.

_Even Blasto Bites tasted better…_

"Well, I'm going to head back down to the shuttle bay and get in a quick workout." James took his tray back over to the mess, and then left Garrus and Joker to return to their gossip.

As he caught the lift down, he replayed the conversation that they'd just had about Shepard's personality changing. Losing the people closest to you was a horrific experience, and while most of her friends hadn't died that day, they may as well have. She'd been abandoned by the Alliance, who were her makeshift family, and her friends had scattered to the winds. He'd felt the same way after Fehl Prime and his response had been to go on a drunker bender on Omega that had lasted weeks.

He hadn't wanted to remember the faces of the people he'd lost and he hadn't wanted to feel the pain of their loss anymore, so he'd buried himself in booze, women and poker. The thought of what he must have looked like when Anderson found him made him squirm, and he was glad that the Admiral hadn't mentioned any of it to Shepard. It was embarrassing enough that _he_ could remember some of the things he'd done on Omega, let alone the woman who he loved finding out about it.

"Lieutenant Vega, just who I wanted to see."

As soon as James stepped out of the elevator his stomach plummeted as he saw Kaidan standing with Cortez near one of the weapon benches. All he wanted to do right now was put himself through a punishing workout so he didn't have the energy to lie awake tonight thinking about Shepard and what might be happening to her. The last thing he wanted to do was have a conversation with Kaidan, especially when Shepard had warned him to keep his distance.

"What can I do for you, Major?" He walked up casually, and forced himself to keep calm as Kaidan dismissed Cortez and turned back to face him, waiting patiently for Cortez to catch the elevator back up before he spoke.

He watched James for a second, "The Blue Suns have sent us a weapons shipment and I was hoping I could get you to supervise it being loaded tomorrow." Kaidan shrugged, "I know it's not your usual duty, but I figured you would probably like something to take your mind off Shepard being away."

"Uh, thank you." James fidgeted and shuffled, completely taken aback by Kaidan's statement. He wasn't fooled though, there was something in the way that Alenko kept looking at him and then looking away that made him think that there was something else he wanted to say, "Is there anything else, sir?"

Kaidan's eyes locked on his and for a second he thought he would walk away, but he stayed and after a moment of obvious internal struggle he sighed, "I don't want to make things awkward when we work together, but I want to talk to you about Shepard."

James didn't like the sound of this. Sure, the major seemed friendly enough now, but he'd picked up on some definitely unfriendly vibes coming from him at other times during the day. The last thing he wanted to do was get into a fight with Shepard's ex and have her come back to a ship buzzing with gossip because they'd acted like a pair of alpha males and had an argument. But how could he say no when this was the perfect chance to clear the air?

"Yeah." James nodded and tried not to let his unease show, "I kind of expected you might want to."

Kaidan paced for a second as he tried to find the words to spit out what was on his mind, finally he paused by the weapons bench again and turned to face him, "I should start by saying that I got curious about you and I read through your Alliance files."

"What? Why?" Instantly James felt himself begin to bristle; Alenko wasn't technically his commanding officer and he had no right to go digging through his files.

"I'm trying to work out what kind of a person you." He shrugged and then narrowed his eyes, "Your records told me a few things about you, firstly that you're a brilliant solider and a great tactician. Secondly, that you're the kind of soldier that can make tough decisions, and thirdly," Kaidan drew in a breath, "that you've been obsessed with Shepard since the Skyllian Blitz."

James felt his stomach drop and he instantly wished he'd said no to this little chat, "Obsessed?" He tried not to sound too defensive, "I was _not_ obsessed with her. Shepard's an amazing solider and she was my role model..."

"I'm not so sure about that." Kaidan pushed away from the bench and came towards him, "You mention Shepard's name in almost every mission debrief and you became depressed when she died over Alchera, hell you even compared your actions on Fehl Prime with hers. If that's not bordering on obsession than I don't know what is. Even Hackett and Anderson could see that you were a little too interested in the great Commander Shepard." He took a breath and his eyes flashed, "I'm just trying to work out if your relationship with Shepard is just a _really_ pathetic way for you to get your kicks or if it's something more sinister."

James couldn't believe what he was hearing and for a second he was silent as he processed the nonsense that Kaidan had just spouted, the guy was clearly under the belief that he was some kind of deranged stalker type character. "Look, I've been a big fan of Commander Shepard's ever since I saw footage of her in the Skyllian Blitz and I'm not going to deny it." He saw Kaidan frown at that, and he continued, "And yeah, I thought she was fucking hot, but I wasn't obsessed with her. I followed her career because she's the best goddamned solider in the Alliance…"

"You're a _fanboy_, Vega." Kaidan interrupted him bluntly, a sneer finally sliding across his face as he cast him a disgusted look, "It's sick! I can only imagine how over the moon you must have been to get that posting as Shepard's body guard." He stalked towards him and the tension in the room instantly went up as James clenched his hands into fists and made himself stay still. "How long was it before you noticed how lonely she was and decided to start taking advantage of her? A few weeks? Or did you stretch it out to months so she'd be extra vulnerable." His voice was dripping with sarcasm and derision.

James fought hard to control himself; _he was better than this_! "I'm not going to dignify that with an answer, _pendejo_. I'm sorry that you're having trouble understanding why Rennah is with me…"

"Bullshit!" Kaidan exploded and his eyes glowed blue with biotic power as he stood in front of James almost vibrating with anger, "You're not sorry at all, Vega!"

"I _am_ sorry that you're hurting, I don't like you, but I'm still sorry. But you need to understand that this is on you! You're the one who ended things and you're the one who pushed her away on Mars…"

Kaidan interrupted him again, the biotic glow fading slightly as he visibly struggled to control himself, "I had my reasons for saying what I said! Not that you'd ever understand! _You_ have no idea what it's like to lose the person you love and then suddenly have them turn up out of the blue." He shook his head bitterly and then took a step back, clearly wanting to put some distance between himself and James, "I still loved her, even when I thought she was working for Cerberus I still loved her, and we could have worked things out if you haven't interfered…"

"Interfered?" James almost laughed at how ridiculous Kaidan sounded, but he managed to control himself somehow, "Shepard made it clear that things had ended between you two months ago on Horizon. So why are you acting like she's a piece of your property that I stole? Did you wrote '_Property of Kaidan Alenko_' on her somewhere to keep other men away?"

Kaidan scowled and shook his head as he crossed his arms over his chest, "I've never treated her like a piece of my property, and that's not what I'm doing now. I've read _your_ record, Vega; I know that Hackett and Anderson both had concerns about your _preoccupation_ with Shepard. They probably only chose you to guard her because they knew you'd disregard Alliance protocol to keep her safe."

James felt something cold spread through him at the other man's words; was he telling the truth? Anderson had said they had chosen him for the job because he was a good soldier who was loyal to Shepard, _and_ that he was someone who they trusted to keep her alive. Surely if they'd really believed he had some sort of sick obsession with Shepard they would have left him on Omega and chosen someone else for the job. Kaidan must have gotten it wrong, or at least he must made some pretty big inferences based on his own suspicions.

Kaidan seized the opportunity that his silence presented and he pushed on angrily, "Shepard was lonely on Earth and you flattered her and gave her attention. You played up to her ego and made her feel desirable and important, and then you somehow convinced her that you actually cared for her. I know your type though; you're with Shepard because you've got some sort of twisted little fantasy about her, and she's only with you because you worship her and make her feel powerful..."

"You're just _jealous_." James was trembling with rage, and the anger in his voice was unmistakable as he fought to keep himself in check. He'd never come this close to punching a superior officer in his life, and he was determined to control himself if it killed him. He understood that Kaidan was hurting and that he'd had his hopes for a future with Shepard trashed, but he was pushing all of the blame onto him, when the fault was his own. "This is your own fault, Alenko! No one stopped you from apologising to her about your behaviour on Horizon, no one stopped you from visiting her on Earth and no one made you pull a gun on her on the Citadel. You did it to yourself, so stop blaming me!"

Silence greeted his outburst and James saw Kaidan open and close his mouth wordlessly, then the biotic turned around and faced the shuttle bay, giving James his back. He was silent for almost thirty seconds before he spoke again in a quiet broken voice, "You're right; I did bring this on myself." He drew in a deep breath and turned around to face James again, his eyes raw and pained, "I lost Rennah once and had to live with her death for two years, and just when I started to get my life back together, she came back. I said some things I didn't mean, but..." Kaidan went quiet for a second, and even more of the fight seemed to go out of him and he looked down at the floor, "I always thought we would still get back together."

James felt a swell of pity for Alenko in that moment and he let his own anger go and tried to see it from his perspective. How would he handle it if Shepard never came back from Omega and she died? Would he have the strength to pull himself together and go on with his life like Alenko had? And what if she turned up working with a terrorist group that he hated? He couldn't imagine how confusing and hurtful that would be.

He sighed and tried to ignore the lingering anger he felt for the man, "I know you don't trust me, but I'm not using Shepard and I'm not going to hurt her. I care about her too much."

Kaidan was silent and he raised his head to look up at him slowly, the look in his tawny eyes haunting, "I hope so Vega, because I swear to god if you hurt her I'll make you pay for it."

James wasn't sure what he could or should say to that, so he just nodded, because he didn't doubt for a second that Kaidan was deadly serious. He knew he'd lost Shepard and it was tearing him apart, but he still cared about her enough to make sure that James didn't hurt her. Whether it was guilt for the damage he'd done to her in the past, or because he was genuinely still in love with her was a mystery to James, but he respected Kaidan for wanting to protect her.

Although he _didn't_ appreciate the way he'd gone about it.

"Is she happy with you?" Kaidan spoke again without any trace of anger, instead he just sounded exhausted, "I wanted to try and make up for all the damage I did but...I just want her to be happy."

Vega nodded, feeling another wave of pity for him, "Yeah, I think she is happy. You we're right when you said that Ren was lonely back in Vancouver, she was, but she was angry and hurt too and I wouldn't never have intruded on her pain." He shrugged and met Kaidan's eyes again, "Truthfully, I don't think I even registered on her radar until after the Reapers attacked and she was back on the Normandy. I think she needed someone to be there for her more than anything." He took a deep breath and slowly let it out, "I don't know if she feels the same way about me as I do her, but I can promise you that I'm not with her for any reason other than the fact that I...care about her."

Kaidan managed a weak smile at that, "I can see why she likes you; you _are_ a good guy. Probably too good, but she needs someone like that to balance her out. I'm not sure if we can ever be buddies Vega, but I'm sorry for...everything."

He watched silently as Alenko turned and left, still feeling sorry for him even though the guy had been a complete _pendejo_. His claims _had_ been ludicrous, but James could actually understand why he'd assumed the worst, after all he knew what he looked like; a typical brainless jock. But as always with Kaidan, it was his beliefs about Shepard that had steered him wrong. Had she had been lonely on Earth? Of course, but vulnerable? Definitely not.

James sighed and looked out over his work out area, dejectedly realising that he didn't want to work out anymore; he just wanted Shepard to come home safely so he could hold her again.

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**A/N – Poor lonely James. I hope you enjoyed this chapter – please let me know what you thought! I'm nervous!  
**

**In other news - I'm looking for someone to beta read a one shot Kaidan/Shepard fluffy drabble that I'm working on. I'm not sure when it will be finished, but if you'd like to help me out please feel free to give me a shout.**


	26. What She Is

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect _

**A/N – Thank you so much for the lovely feedback on my last chapter. I was so worried that people would go 'pah' at it, so it means a lot that I got such lovely comments. Oh, and thank you very much to the people who offered to beta for me :) I ended up going with the first person to message me.  
**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

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It was as though a flashbang grenade had gone off next to her; Rennah's head was ringing, her hands seemed slow and numb and she felt disconnected from reality. It was almost like she was watching everything that was happening around her on a screen, rather than actually being part of it. It had been like this for the entire shuttle flight back from Omega, so she had stayed silent and still, replying to Bray's comments with non-committal sounds or one word answers until he got the hint and stopped talking to her. She didn't want to _think_ about Omega. She didn't want to let her mind settle and actually start to remember about what had happened while she had been on the station. The things she'd done and the things she'd let happen were too horrible for her to think about, especially what had happened to all those innocent people...

_No. Don't remember!_

Shepard jerked her mind away from that train of thought and clenched her fists. She felt a little bit like she was in a waking nightmare, separated from reality and somehow distant from the world around her. The shuttle flight back to the Normandy seemed to pass in a matter of minutes or maybe days, Shepard couldn't tell as she sat in her armour and let herself drift. She knew she must have looked as bad as she felt; there was gummed up blood inside of her armour from her injuries and she knew her neck was badly burned from a rampart mech explosion, but it all felt unimportant.

"We're here."

The words seemed to come to her through a tunnel and Shepard stayed still for a second, content to linger in the numbness rather than face reality. Then Bray nudged her with a surprisingly gentle hand and she blinked and snapped back to what was going on around her. The shuttle had landed in the Citadel docking bay near to the Normandy, and she stared at it stupidly for a moment, wondering why it felt like she had been away for years rather than days. It was like she was returning to another life and another version of her.

Shepard swallowed hard and stood up, unprepared when a wave of exhaustion made the shuttle seem to rock around her. Bray tried to help steady her, but she stubbornly pushed the batarian away and managed to stay upright herself through grim determination. She made it to the shuttle door without any further incidents and she paused while Bray moved to the controls.

"It's been a pleasure." Bray murmured quietly to her as he opened the shuttle bay doors and watched her limp through.

She nodded at him as she passed, "Likewise."

It was a relief to get off the shuttle and away from the last vestiges of Omega, but as she limped towards the Normandy the relief was replaced by anxiety. She didn't want to see her friends faces when they found out what she'd done on Omega; they thought she was a good person and a hero, but she wasn't. She was just as bad as Aria was and possibly even worse. At least Aria had an excuse for everything she'd done on Omega; Shepard wasn't sure she could say the same for herself.

_What would James think when he found out?  
_

Shepard focused on the pain as she hobbled her way through the Normandy's airlock in a daze, unwilling to let herself stop and think about what had happened on Omega. As she passed through the CIC both EDI and Traynor tried to talk to her, but she hurried past them without responding. She just wanted to get up to her cabin and be alone before everything she was holding in check came out. The numbness she'd cocooned herself in was wearing thin and soon she was going to have to face what she'd done, and once that happened she'd be a mess.

She didn't allow herself to let go of her emotional control often, but she knew there would be no stopping whatever was inside of her once she let it out. She'd done something terrible and the weight of that knowledge was pressing on her even through the numbness. The instant she let herself start to feel again she was going to cry, and she hated herself for it; crying was weak. Tears did nothing to change what happened, so why did she have to waste her time crying them?

_Why couldn't she control this?_

The elevator doors opened at her cabin and Rennah came out slowly, absently thinking that she couldn't even remembering entering the elevator or pressing the button. Was she losing time? She knew she was in shock, but it was hard to really to care when all she wanted to do was get to her room and away from people. If she was going to cry like a helpless child then she would do it where people couldn't see how terribly weak she was.

She heard the hum of the elevator descending again and quickly went into her cabin and locked the door behind her; she needed this time to herself even though it wasn't going to last long. Sighing, she pulled off her helmet and let it fall to the floor where she kicked it away, suddenly hating the Alliance insignia on it. She felt trapped by the responsibility that went with that symbol; trapped by her actions and trapped by what people would think of her when they found out.

"Shepard?"

She ignored the muffled voice at her door and began pulling off bits of her armour as she stumbled to the bathroom, letting them fall to the floor carelessly as she struggled to separate herself from the armour and all the responsibility that went with it. Her gauntlets, her shoulder armour and her chest piece all fell to the floor behind her with hollow metallic thuds. She pulled the rest of her armour off too, her grieves and boots giving her so much trouble she almost sobbed in frustration as she dropped to the floor to tug at them, but they came off eventually and she hurled them away as she crawled into the shower still in her underclothes.

The water felt icy on her skin when it gushed down and she shivered as she switched it all the way over to hot, distantly aware that she wasn't really cold and the trembling in her limbs was from something other than the temperature. The hot water helped though, and as she huddled on the floor of the shower she was finally able to let go of everything she'd been holding onto since she'd left Omega. She thought about all of the innocent people that had died because she hadn't been able to reroute the power and cried silent tears that were hidden in all the water.

_...What would James think of her when he found out what she'd done?_

* * *

"Shepard?" James called softly as EDI opened the door to her cabin and he and Chakwas cautiously went in.

Thanks to EDI's sensors they knew that Rennah was conscious and that she had collapsed in the shower not long after returning to the Normandy. James was trying to keep his imagination from running away with him, but he was worried about what had happened to her, and why she hadn't gone to the medbay if she was injured. He let Chakwas take the lead as she headed towards the bathroom, following a trail of discarded armour parts that were covered in scorch marks and blood.

"Oh no! EDI shut this water off, now!"

James hurried into the bathroom where he found Chakwas crouching next to Shepard who was slumped against the shower wall, steam surrounding them. She was still wearing the usual black tank top and black shorts that she wore under her amour, but her exposed skin was bright pink and the heat in the room was intense. The water had obviously been scalding hot, although thankfully not hot enough to blister her skin. He moved into the small space as Chakwas checked Shepard over, noting for himself that she had a burn on her neck and shoulder, and blood was running with the water down the drain.

"I'm fine." Rennah was trying to push the doctor away, "Let me be!"

"Where are you hit, Shepard?" Chakwas gently lifted her head up and ignored Shepard when she tried to pull away, "Stop this silliness! Now where are you bleeding?"

"My leg," Rennah's voice was unusually docile when she finally responded, "near the top of the hip joint."

_She sounded exhausted_, James thought as he crouched down next to her and caught her eyes with his own, trying not to notice how red and puffy they were. She wasn't obviously crying now, but he guessed she must have been before they'd come in. Rennah glanced away almost as soon as he looked at her, as though she was ashamed of letting him see how upset she'd been.

Chakwas touched his shoulder, "Can you wait outside while I examine her, Lieutenant?"

"What? Why?" James blinked in surprise and then glanced back at Shepard who was shivering again, "Am I in the way?"

"No, but I'll have to remove her shorts…" Chakwas paused when Rennah let out a snort of laughter and she glanced from Shepard to James with a small frown, "Did I miss something?"

"He won't be seeing anything he hasn't already seen." Shepard told her dryly as she let her head rest against the shower wall and kept her eyes closed.

Chakwas frowned for a second longer and then her eyes widened and she blushed, "Oh! _Oh_!" She looked back at James as though seeing him for the first time and instantly became her usual professional self, "Well, in that case, make yourself useful and pass me that medigel and an adhesive patch."

"Yes, ma'am." James fought the urge to smirk at Chakwas surprise, instantly sobering though as Chakwas peeled Shepard's shorts down and revealed a nasty shrapnel injury at Shepard's hip joint. The wound was deep and although James was no doctor, he was pretty sure Shepard was lucky that whatever had hit her hadn't nicked an artery.

Chakwas poked around at the injury for a bit, checking there was no shrapnel left in it before she took the medigel from James and began to apply it, "You're lucky, Commander. A few inches lower and this would have been a lot worse."

"You know me." Shepard muttered weakly as Chakwas finished applying the medigel, applied the patch and then pulled her shorts back up, "I'm always Lucky."

Chakwas made a sound of disapproval at her flippancy and then began to apply medigel to the burn on the side of Shepard's neck, "I don't suppose you want to tell me what prompted you to come up here and sit in the shower instead of coming to see me?"

"I wanted to be alone." Shepard looked at them with a look in her eyes that was almost one of fear but she glanced away before James could understand why she was scared.

"Fair enough." Chakwas evidently knew when not to push and she stood up, gesturing for James to come closer, "Keep an eye on her tonight. She'll be fine but she's exhausted and needs to rest, if she doesn't get some sleep call me back up and I'll give her a sedative…"

"I can hear you..." Shepard grumbled from the floor.

The doctor rolled her eyes, "That's the point, Commander. Now get some sleep and see me in the morning so I can clear you for duty. Alenko can keep command for tonight."

James walked Chakwas to the door, "Is she really okay?"

"She's in shock, but I don't think it's anything physical. Something must have happened on Omega that scared the hell out of her, and knowing Shepard she'll talk about it when she's good and ready." Chakwas paused outside of the door and gave him a cheeky grin, "Well done, by the way. It's about time Shepard found a nice young man again."

The doctor vanished into the elevator before he could reply and James felt himself come close to blushing as he closed Shepard's cabin door, locking it carefully before he went back into the bathroom. Shepard was still sprawled on the bathroom floor looking sorry for herself, and he picked her up in his arms before she could protest, carrying her out and setting her down on the couch gently. He went to her wardrobe and pulled out a pair of N7 sweatpants, underwear and a tank top that would avoid pressing on the burn on her neck and then turned back to her with the clothes in his hands.

It wasn't the homecoming he'd had planned for her, but there was something oddly intimate about getting Shepard clothes to sleep in that warmed James heart. For tonight he was going to make sure that she was taken care of and that she got a good nights rest.

"I can do all this myself, you know." Rennah was still shivering occasionally and avoiding his eyes and James tossed the clothes at her, grinning to himself when the sweatpants smacked her in the head and she jerked her head up to look at him angrily, "Hey!"

"Do it yourself then, Lola." He crossed his arms and leaned against the wardrobe with a smirk, "I'll supervise."

Shepard opened her mouth to retort and then thought better of it, dressing herself determinedly despite still being clearly exhausted. He wanted to help, but he knew how much Shepard hated people doing things for her so he made himself stay back even as she struggled to get her pants on over her sore leg. She was doing her best to act normal, but James could see that there was something not quite right, and when she limped over and curled up under the blankets on her bed, his heart melted to see her looking so miserable.

"Lola, what happened?" He sat down next to her and began undressing, pulling off his boots, belt and shirt before he slid into bed next to her and pulled her into his arms, trying to ignore how stiff and unyielding she felt against him, "I'm worried about you."

She was silent for a few moments and then sighed, her body slowly relaxing against his, "Nothing happened, I'm just really tired."

"Okay." James wrapped his arms around her tighter and kissed the side of the neck, refusing to take it personally that she didn't want to share what had happened to her on Omega. He'd learned by now that she'd either talk to him when she was ready or she'd bottle it up inside of her, and there was nothing he could do to change her mind, "Sleep tight, Lola."

* * *

James woke up suddenly, instantly alert that something wasn't right and he pushed himself up on his forearms and glanced around the dimly lit room. Shepard had moved out of his arms at some stage and was curled up on the edge of the bed with both of her hands pressed to her head. There was another muffled sound and he sat up straighter as he realised that Shepard was awake and that she was speaking to herself in a frantic whisper.

"No! Stop thinking about it!" She hissed louder and with such desperation that James reached for her on instinct.

"Lola?" He touched her shoulder lightly and almost pulled away when she sat bolt upright and stared at him in surprise, her eyes gleaming in the dark as though she were crying. "What's wrong? You can tell me…"

"I thought you were sleeping." She sounded terrified and James froze at the tone in her voice as she continued, "I...I can't stop thinking about Omega."

"What happened?"

"I did something _really_ bad…" Shepard took a deep breath and switched on a dim bedside lamp, glancing at him through her unruly hair as she wrapped her arms around herself.

She wasn't crying like he'd thought she was, but her eyes were shining with unshed tears and he guessed that she'd been close to it when she'd woken him up with her whispers. He wanted to move closer to her and hold her, but he knew she'd only move further away if he tried. The look in her eyes said it all; _she was scared._

"I got innocent people killed." He held his breath as she pulled the bed covers around herself and leaned against the bedhead shivering, "I was trying to reroute power from some generators so I could free Aria from a trap that Petrovsky, the Cerberus General, had set up." She put her head in her hands, looking so unlike her usual self that James clenched his hands into fists to stop himself reaching out to touch her, "I tried to reroute the power and save their lives but I wasn't good enough to do it and I had to cut the power." She raised her head up and looked at him with eyes that were haunted, "That same power was running the life support system for thousands of civilians…families and children…and when I cut it..."

"Shepard, it's not your fault…" James reached out to try and comfort her but she pulled away, "You've made choices like this before, like the Alpha Relay. It's a bad decision but you had to do it for the greater good…"

She let out an ugly strangled laugh and put her head in her hands again, "This was _not_ for the greater good, James. I got all those people killed for _Aria_." There was an edge of hysteria to her voice, "Thousands of innocent people are dead because I had to save _her_." She drew a deep breath and he saw her flinch as another thought occurred to her, "And then to top it all off when Petrovsky surrendered to me, I let Aria…"

James knew what she was going to say; he knew what Aria was like and what she would have done to the man who'd taken her station from her, "You let Aria kill him?"

"Yes."

"Shepard, there probably wasn't anything you could have done…"

She raised her head and looked at him darkly, "Don't be naïve James. If I'd wanted to stop her I could have, but I _wanted_ her to kill him. The things he did on Omega and the people he killed..." Shepard drew in a deep breath and a shadow passed over her face, "I was glad when she killed him and that scares me. What kind of person have I become?"

"He was a bad guy, and _we_ kill bad guys."

"But all those people, James." Shepard brushed her hair back from her face and pressed a hand to her forehead, "All those innocent people who died because of Aria. I could justify the Alpha Relay, but I'm not sure I can justify this." She pulled her hand away from her head and looked at him through troubled eyes. "I keep seeing the look on Petrovsky's face as he died..."

James couldn't think of anything to say, but when he put his arms around her she let him hold her and he pulled her to his chest as her words sank in. Shepard had a darkness inside of her that went deep, and though it allowed her to do things that needed to be done, and things that no one else could do, he was worried for her. He loved Shepard and didn't want to watch her sink so far into that dark place that she couldn't come back from it.

What she'd done on Omega was haunting her far more than the destruction of the Alpha Relay ever would, because she felt like this sacrifice hadn't been worth the cost. Yes, it had allowed her to help Aria retake Omega, but in her eyes stopping one Cerberus faction wasn't worth the sacrifice of thousands of lives. He wasn't sure he disagreed with her, but it had been her call and he knew she had to find a way to live with it.

He didn't know what this General Petrovsky had done on Omega to push Shepard so far, but he knew that she wouldn't have reacted like that without a reason, "Lola, I know you. I know that you wouldn't have let her kill him if he hadn't done some terrible things."

"He did some horrible things and he did deserve to die." She agreed as she relaxed in his arms, "But I keep wondering if I did everything wrong on Omega. I don't want to go back to how I used to be…" Shepard pressed her cheek to his; a single tear escaping from her eye and landing his cheek, "I didn't want you to know what I'd done. I don't want you to ever look at me how you did after Grissom Academy."

"Oh Lola, I'm sorry…"

"No, don't be." She pulled back and shook her head at him urgently, "You keep me from crossing lines that I know I shouldn't cross." Her eyes stared into his intensely, the dim lighting in the room doing nothing to dull the power in her gaze, "You have to promise me that if I go too far you'll stop me, because I need to have you there pulling me back from doing those things or one day I'll go too far and…"

James leaned down and stopped her mid-sentence with a kiss, then he smoothed her hair back from her face and met her eyes again, "Shepard, you know right from wrong and I know you'll always do what you think is right. I may not always like your methods, but I know you have your reasons."

"Thank you, Jimmy."

Shepard kissed him again and sank back down under the covers, her hands tugging at him until he slid down next to her and she could spoon her body against his. She seemed drained after her emotional outburst and after a few minutes her breathing became slow and even, and James realised she'd fallen into an exhausted sleep. Sleep was a little harder to find for him, and he mulled over what she had said over and over again, especially her comment about not wanting to go back to how she _used_ to be.

Her past was a mystery to him, but starting tomorrow morning he was going to start looking into what had happened to make her the woman she was. Someone had gone through a lot of trouble to keep her past hidden, but he was going to start by finding out what had happened at the Good Shepard's Home for Children, which she'd mentioned in passing that night on the Citadel. The way she'd spoken about it had given him the impression that it had been an institution with which she'd had firsthand experience.

It wasn't going to be pretty, he knew that, but it was time he found out what had happened to her and why she was so scared of her past.

* * *

**A/N – We start the Leviathan DLC content in the next chapters, so, uh, spoiler alert if you haven't played it! Oh, and James gets a tinsy bit jealous of Kaidan.**


	27. Down The Rabbit Hole

Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect

**A/N – This chapter has details about Shepard's childhood, and explains how it was that she wound up with the Reds at such a young age. I'm not sure how you're all going to feel about it, but hopefully you like the chapter. **

**As always a big thank you to the people who review, follow, message and chat with me. You know how much your support means to me! **

* * *

James hesitated with his fingers over the controls of the terminal, suddenly feeling like he was about to commit an invasion of Shepard's privacy, w_hich_, he supposed, _he was_. He needed to know more about her though, because the further down this rabbit hole that he fell, the more he realised that Rennah wasn't the woman she appeared to be. Anyway, _she_ was the one who had dropped the name of that Children's home, so it wasn't as though he was really snooping.

Shepard had woken up this morning as though nothing had happened the night before. In fact, she'd been especially amorous and they'd enjoyed themselves in bed for at over an hour until she'd left for Doctor Bryson's lab on the Citadel, taking Kaidan and EDI with her. Once she was gone, he'd returned to the shuttle bay where he had decided to make the most of her absence, feeling a little guilty about looking into her past behind her back.

James sighed, and without giving himself any more time to second guess himself, he pressed send on the inquiry he'd typed and waited while the results filled the screen. He slowly began to scroll down the page and he ran his eyes over the headlines and articles that filled page after page of results. At first he just stared at the news reports in shock, all of which were at least twenty years old, then he felt anger start to spread inside of him at what he was seeing. He'd known that whatever had happened there must have been bad, but he hadn't expected _this_. He let his eyes scan over the first few results and tried to take it in.

**_Search Results:_**

**1. Independent Investigation of Good Shepard's Home for Children**

_The Good Shepard's Home for Children is to be the subject of an independent investigation after it was revealed that over three hundred children have allegedly vanished while in care..._

**2. Where Have All The Children Gone?**

_The Alliance sponsored Good Shepard's Home for Children is to be closed amidst reports of child trafficking..._

**3. Biotic Children Among Missing**

_New sources indicate that Good Shepard's may have been responsible for the disappearances of at least twenty orphaned biotic children..._

**4. 468 Children Confirmed Missing!**

_The independent commission into the Good Shepard's Home for Children has found that over 486 children 'vanished without a trace' while in care…_

**5. Local Authorities Linked To Missing Children**

_Local authorities failed to act on reports of abuse at the Good Shepard's Home for Children according to a report by Peter Longman..._

**6. Identities Erased: Shock Report by Suzanne Belgrave**

_Suzanne Belgrave has uncovered hidden allegations that staff members at Good Shepard's destroyed files and identity papers in order to hide evidence of missing children..._

**7. Innocence Lost!**

_Investigations into the Alliance run children's home known as Good Shepard's has revealed that First Contact war orphans are amongst the so called Lost Children who were sold to slavers, gangs and..._

James was automatically drawn to the article on the biotic children, but the article was vague and only mentioned that biotic children ranging from five years old to thirteen years old were suspected to have been sold to private buyers. It made him feel sick that something like this could have happened on Earth, and to children no less. The article did mention various organisations and gangs who were suspected of buying biotic children, and James wasn't surprised when he saw that the Tenth Street Reds were among them.

He backtracked out of the article and scanned down the list, realising that this wasn't going to be as easy as just clicking on an article and finding out about Rennah. He would have to go through the articles one by one and piece together what had happened, and maybe if he was lucky he might find something about Shepard. It was hard to imagine what it would have been like as a child who had not only lost their parents, but were suddenly being treated like treated as a commodity.

He opened the next article and started to read, putting the story together bit by bit as he read on. It was a sad tale: the Good Shepard's Home for Children had been opened by the Alliance during the First Contact War as a home for orphaned children, and had remained open for the next ten or so years. It wasn't clear when the institutionalised abuse had started, but over the course of ten years hundreds of children had vanished, many of them without a trace. In some cases there were government records of children entering the home, but no records at Good Shepard's of them ever being there.

Records had been erased, identity papers had been destroyed and children had essentially vanished off the face of the planet; and quite possibly they had. Most children had not been located. There were some records of some of them being sold to couples desperate for a child, but in other cases they had been sold to brothels, gangs and other organisations. The more James read, the angrier he became that something like this could have happened at an Alliance run facility. People had known it was happening and they had done nothing to stop it, some of them had even deliberately tried to hide the evidence.

It wasn't until he opened up a news article about some of the orphans being the children of deceased First Contact soldiers that James found something about Rennah. The article had been very well researched and included images of the deceased parents _and_ the missing orphans, and one photo caught his eyes straight away. The photo was of a little girl with a serious look on her face and familiar violet eyes that he would have known anywhere. It was Rennah, he was sure of it. In the photo she was standing next to an Alliance officer who shared her black hair but had slightly darker eyes.

He read through the caption under the photo and paused, wondering if he was wrong and the little girl wasn't Rennah after all. The photo listed the people in it as celebrated war hero General Nikolai Varlakov, who had been killed in the final year of the first contact war, and his daughter Raina Varlakov. There wasn't any info on her mother's name or how she had died, only that Raina Varlakov had been a biotic child who had been placed in the Children's Home when she was five years old. She was listed amongst the children who had not been found.

James closed the article down fast and swallowed hard as he tried to straighten things out in his head. Was Rennah Shepard the same person as Raina Varlakov? It didn't make any sense; why would she change her name? But there were some similarities between Raina and Rennah; the name Raina Varlakov sounded Russian, and Rennah had spoken Russian in her sleep, so there was that connection. Plus they were both biotics...but even with that connection, it still didn't make sense. If Rennah was Raina, why change her name? Especially if her father was a war hero?

"EDI, is the Commander back yet?" James asked as he forwarded the article to his omni-tool and closed the terminal down, glancing around the shuttle bay to see if anyone had noticed him or the articles he'd been pouring through.

"Yes. She returned almost an hour ago and is with Major Alenko in her quarters. Should I let her know that you wish to see her?"

James felt something heavy and unpleasant slide through him at the news that Rennah was alone with Kaidan in her cabin, and as much as he tried to dispel the feeling it wouldn't budge. It was stupid for him to feel uncomfortable since Rennah had made it perfectly clear that things were over between herself and Kaidan, but he still felt jealous. Kaidan had made it abundantly clear that he didn't like him being with Shepard, and James could only imagine what he might be saying to her about him.

He'd never seen his own Alliance file and he wasn't sure what Kaidan had read in there that had made him so sure that James was obsessed with Shepard, but he didn't want him confronting Shepard with his accusations. It was positive that Alenko had backed off in the shuttle bay after their little argument, but he didn't think for a moment that he given up on Shepard. The guy was far too stubborn to let something like this go.

"Uh, yeah. Just make sure I'm not interrupting anything." James pushed away from his workbench and headed towards the elevator, trying to dispel the ridiculous notion of going up there unannounced and walking in to see for himself what they were doing.

"The Commander says you may come up and see her."

It might have been James' imagination, but he thought that EDI sounded amused, as though she knew what he was worried about. He caught the elevator up, desperately trying to figure out a way to ask Rennah about her childhood without letting her know he'd been snooping, but there wasn't really any way around it. Would she be mad? He didn't think she was going to be pleased about it, but he hoped she wasn't going to be annoyed at him either. He'd done it with the best of intentions.

He heard Shepard's laughter when he walked into her cabin, and he instantly he felt himself tense when he saw her and Kaidan on the couch together. They were sitting with almost a metre of space between them, but his arm was stretched out along the back of the couch and was almost within touching distance of her. James recognised the not-so-subtle gesture for what it was, a way to invade her space without being too pushy or obvious about it.

"...I'd completely forgotten about that!" Shepard was still laughing as she glanced over and saw him, her violet eyes dancing with amusement about whatever they'd been saying.

James was seized by an irrational and strong feeling of jealousy, an emotion that was so ridiculous given the circumstances that he was actually surprised by it. Was he jealous that Kaidan had made her laugh? Or that they'd been spending time along together? Or was their shared history finally getting to him? He wasn't normally a jealous guy!

"Lieutenant Vega." Kaidan nodded and smiled politely at him, but his eyes were cold as he pulled his arm back from the back of the couch away from Shepard.

Was Kaidan annoyed that he'd interrupted his little catch up session with Rennah? He was still smiling, but the cold look he'd given him made James think that maybe he was. Shepard didn't seem upset at all, and the look on her face as she looked at him was enough to help some of James's jealousy ease up. She looked like she had had a bad day, that was for sure, but she seemed pleased to see him.

"Hey James." Rennah aimed at her grin at him and then turned to face Kaidan again, "Thanks for the debrief, Kaidan. I'll see you later."

"Of course." The major stood up from the couch and nodded again at James as he went past, although again his eyes were less than friendly when they met his own.

"Rough day?" He sat down on the couch next to Shepard as the door closed behind Kaidan.

"The worst." She groaned and reached up to let her hair out of its pony tail, "Bryson was shot by his assistant before he could give us any useful info, his assistant has no memory of his actions and appears to be indoctrinated by _something_, and the only person who can give us any info on this Leviathan is someone called Alex Garneau, who's all the way in the Calestone Rift…if he hasn't left yet."

"So a regular day for you, huh?"

Shepard looked at him sidelong and tried not to smile, "Shut up, Jimmy."

"Did you at least find out what a Leviathan is?" He leaned back and watched her as she spoke, his eyes travelling over her expressive face. "Hackett made it sound damned important."

She nodded, "Whatever this Leviathan is we need its help. It's big, powerful and capable of killing a Reaper."

That got James attention and he saw forward suddenly, "It _killed_ a Reaper?"

"Yep. Unfortunately Bryson got himself killed before he could tell me what he found." She looked disgruntled at that, "It took a little detective work but we worked out where Garneau was and we're going to be heading there as soon as Joker can get us cleared from the Citadel."

"You'll find this guy, Lola."

"Thanks." She smiled at him and leaned back against the couch, swinging her legs up and plonking them in his lap as she stretched, "So what did you want to see me about? Or was this just a clever way of chasing Kaidan away?"

"What? No!" James straightened, "I wanted to ask you about something personal. I didn't even know that major was up here."

"Mmm, well you looked a little unhappy when you walked in so I thought I'd ask. I only asked him for a quick report about what happened here while I was on Omega." She looked amused, and it was obvious that his jealousy must have shown on his face before he could hide it. Rennah smiled a little wider, "So what's your personal question?"

"Uh." He hesitated and sudden found himself wishing that he'd just left this alone. "I, uh…"

"What?" She swung her legs back off him and sat up, looking concerned as he hesitated, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I just…"

_Say it! Just say it! You look stupid!_

He took a deep breath and said the first thing he could think of, "I looked up the Good Shepard's Home for Children…"

"Oh." Shepard looked away and bit her bottom lip, almost immediately tapping her finger tips agitatedly on the couch beside her. "I was hoping you'd forgotten about that."

"No, I didn't." He shook his head and hoped he wasn't digging himself into a hole, "I'm sorry if I'm prying but what I read about that place was horrible. I have to know if you were one of the children they…"

She interrupted him with a slow nod, "Yeah, I was sent there when I was five and I was one of the kids who they sold." Rennah looked at him and shrugged, "It's not something I talk about a lot because I don't remember much, but I was one of the lucky ones really. What happened to me was no big deal."

"_No big deal?"_ James was flabbergasted and he struggled to put what he was feeling in words, "They sold you like you were a piece of meat!"

She shook her head and her violet eyes connected with his, the serious look in them enough to silence him, "No, they sold me like I was a _weapon_." Rennah stood up and paced a little bit in front of him, "I was only in care there for a few months before they sold a bunch of us to the Reds, I don't even know how many of us they took because I was so little." She abruptly rubbed at her forehead, "I didn't even speak English, James."

"You spoke Russian, right?" He was rewarded by a flash of genuine surprise on her face, and he explained himself, "You spoke Russian in your sleep when you were unconscious after Sur'Kesh."

"Yeah, my parents were Russian. After my father died, my mother moved to Los Angeles to take part in an outreach program for parents with young biotic children, or at least that's what they _think_ happened. I do know that my mother died when I was five, although I never found out how." She laughed bitterly, "I barely remember my mother, let alone my father."

"You had no other family?"

"Not that the Alliance could find, so lucky me got to go to Good Shepard's." The sarcasm in her voice was thick and she sat down next to him with a sigh, "At least the Reds took care of me, although I think they were a little miffed that the biotic they bought was a small girl who couldn't even speak English, let alone use her biotics properly." She laughed humorously again.

James reached out and wasn't surprised when she shrugged off his hands and his sympathy, "I'm sorry that happened to you..."

"It's _fine_." Rennah's violet eyes met his and James saw that she was fine, there wasn't even a hint of pain or hurt in her eyes, "It was a long time ago and it made me the person I am."

"Can I ask you something else?" She nodded without speaking and James continued, "There was a photo of a little girl in one of the article who looked like you, but her name was Raina Varlakov. Is that you?"

Shepard stared at him for a moment and slowly began to smile, "I _was_ Raina Varlakov." She laughed and this time there was real humour in it, "See, when they sold us to the Reds they made all of us change our last names to Shepard, you know, because we _came_ from Good Shepard. I guess they wanted to separate most of us from our old lives, make us forget about who we used to be. Anyway, most of the other kids all kept their first name, but because they couldn't understand me they didn't know what my first name was. I was so little that I was pronouncing 'Raina' closer to 'Rennah', so that's what they called me." She laughed again as James looked confused.

"That's not funny." He frowned, unable to believe that she found it so amusing, "Why didn't you change it back?"

Rennah shrugged, "I grew up being called Rennah Shepard and didn't find out my real name until I was seventeen. As far as I'm concerned, Raina Varlakov is a stranger's name." She grinned at the dubious expression on his face, "Think about it James; I don't _remember_ being called Raina Varlakov, I don't even really remember my real parents and I can't speak any Russian. Whoever that little girl was going to become, it wasn't me."

James was even more surprised now than he had been earlier. Rennah's acceptance of what had happened to her and the loss of her identity was unexpected and surprising. It had to have been traumatic for her, but she behaved as though it wasn't such a big deal.

"I just…" He started to speak again but she interrupted him.

"Let it go, James." She gave him a playful look that had a slightly serious edge to it, "And don't go digging any deeper into my history, okay? I did things with the Reds that I'm not proud of, and I'd rather not be reminded of them."

James nodded quickly, "Of course, I'm sorry I've stirred things up."

"It's fine." She shrugged again but there was a tone in her voice that left no room for argument, "But no more and I'd rather if you didn't mention this to anyone else."

"You have my word." James held her gaze and she nodded, apparently satisfied that he would keep his promise.

Shepard tilted her head towards him and that familiar teasing light sprang to life in her eyes as she watched him, moving closer to him on the couch and nestling softly against him, "Now, how about you fill me in on this conversation you had with Kaidan while I was gone, because Kaidan mentioned that you two spoke, but he was surprisingly tight lipped about the details..."

* * *

**A/N – I hope you enjoyed that; it's really only a basic look at her past but it sets up her life with the Reds. The next chapter should be out early next week and has a little more tension between the boys, and a nice steamy moment between James and Shepard ^_^ **

**Let me know what you thought of this chapter :) **


	28. The Sky Is Broken

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect. I only meddle with their world._

**A/N – Thank you to the people who reviewed my last chapter. Your feedback cheered me up over what was a really stressful weekend – so thank you! This chapter was fun to write, but it's much longer than I intended. Blame Shepard and James!**

* * *

"Shepard! We have more Reapers inbound." Garrus was only a few metres away from her, but his voice was almost drowned out by the sound of a harvester dropping off more troops.

"Shit!" Rennah hunkered down next to the repair drone and wished for the hundredth time in the last few minutes that she was better with tech so she could make it hurry up. "Do not let them get close to us!"

"Copy that."

She felt like a sitting duck out in the open with only pipes to hide behind, and she was guessing that Garrus and James weren't much happier about it than she was. The drone was ridiculously slow and waiting for it to repair the power supply to the door was painful. The first repair had gone well enough, but the second damaged line had been further out and the reapers troops had attacked them as soon as they left the cover.

She was really starting to hate this place and this mission; there was something really creepy about the pod-people vibe that everyone here had going on. It reminded her of the people on Feros who had been controlled by the Thorian. She'd _really_ hated the Thorian. That giant plant-thing had been repulsive and if it turned out that Leviathan was another Thorian, well, that would be a problem.

An ear-splitting shriek filled the air and Rennah cursed and dropped lower as anther of the messed up reaperfied asari climbed up from a lower level. Its spindly limbs and bulging pot belly were repulsive, but after fighting one of them on the way in she knew better than the underestimate the horrible creature. These things moved in biotic leaps that allowed them to close in fast without giving much time to take them out, and their biotic barrier was _tough_. She really didn't want to find out what they did to you if they got close enough.

"Shit!" She swore again and began to power up her biotics, "Stop that thing before it gets near us!"

"We have another one coming from behind." James slid over a metal duct and landed next to her, pointing back the way they'd come where a faint blue glow heralded the arrival of the second asari. A moment later she heard the tell-tale shriek of the creature as it climbed into view, the air around it vibrating with energy.

"Fuck! I can't leave this stupid fucking drone!" She glared at the machine, "Garrus focus your fire on the one that's ahead of us and James, you take down the one coming up from behind. I'll try and keep you both covered from here while I babysit this thing!"

"I'm on it, Commander."

"You got it, Lola."

Garrus and James spoke simultaneously and then moved off to tackle their targets. It was a risk to split them up to deal with the hideous asari, but she was running out of options and every moment they wasted up on top of this building was another moment she wasn't in the mines chasing Garneau.

Rennah raised her handgun and concentrated on firing at the husks that were still scattered over the building, occasionally managing to take a shot at one of the asari. Finally she heard the drone announce behind her that the repairs were completed and she leaped away, moving forward and taking cover behind a duct. She had a perfect vantage point from where she was, and it allowed her to see the creature that Garrus was taking on abruptly jump forward biotically and seize him, picking him up in one hand while he struggled to break free.

"Garrus!" She gathered up all of her biotic energy and hurled it at the creature in an attack that Aria had been kind enough to teach her on Omega.

The biotic energy slammed into it and the creature let out a howl, but it stayed standing and an instant later it pulled back one clawed hand and smashed it _through_ Garrus. The turian let out a scream of pain and Shepard launched herself forward, charging blindly at the asari and smashing into it with as much force as she could. It dropped Garrus and loomed over her, its hollow black eyes and skull-like face gazing down at her like some kind of horror movie monstrosity.

Rennah didn't care how horrifying it looked; she aimed her gun and began firing point black into its face, her barrier blazing around her as she dodged its clawed hands. She channelled her energy into another biotic blast and sent it at the asari as she leaped back out of its range, aware that her barrier would be down until her biotics cooled. The attack hit the asari dead on and black blood dribbled from its mouth as it stumbled backwards with a shriek and toppled off the building.

Shepard panted and stared after it for a second, then she turned her attention on Garrus, terrified of what she would find. She couldn't hear any more gunfire coming from James' direction and a cold terror swept through her as she wondered if this had happened to him too. If she'd gotten the most important men in her life killed she wasn't sure what the hell she'd do.

"I got it, Commander." James voice sent a wave of relief pouring through her and she turned back to Garrus.

"Vakarian! Can you hear me?" She dropped to her knees and gently rolled him over, gasping as she saw the huge meaty hole in his shoulder where the creature had punched through his armour and his body.

He was unconscious but still breathing and Shepard quickly radioed Cortez for a pickup from the roof, unable to do anything except squeeze medigel into the gaping hole and hope that that would help in the short term. Garrus was a tough son of a bitch and had survived a lot of wounds, but this was bad and he'd already lost a lot of blood. James arrived limping with a nasty wound down the side of his face, but Shepard kept her focus on Garrus.

_Don't die, Garrus! I need you!_

"I've called Cortez in for a roof pickup." She glanced up at James who was standing above her and scanning for more enemies, "I'm going after Garneau, but I need you to stay with Garrus and get him back to the Normandy…"

"I'm not leaving you here by yourself, Commander." He looked down at her stubbornly, "Not with those things running around."

Shepard stood up and turned to face James, "I'm not asking you, Lieutenant, It's an _order_."

"Shepard, Garneau is _loco_!" James frowned at her and gestured in the direction that he'd run. "There's not point chasing after him now, especially without anyone to back you up…"

"Enough!" Shepard snapped, feeling a felt a rush of annoyance pulse through her, "Garrus will die if you don't help him! I am _not_ giving you a choice in this. You _will_ follow my orders, is that clear?"

This was the last thing she needed; James trying to be the protective male when she was capable of keeping herself safe! He wanted to argue, she could see in his eyes that he didn't want to leave her alone, but as he looked down at Garrus the stubborn streak slid away and he nodded, "Yes, Commander."

She almost sighed with relief. If James didn't go back with Garrus there was a chance that the turian would die, hell, there was a chance he was going to die anyway, but his chances were vastly improved with James there to keep an eye on him and stem the blood. She didn't want to have to worry about Garrus or James; right now she had to focus on finding Garneau.

"Be careful, Lola." James touched her wrist gently and she hesitated as he held out some spare thermal clips. "I'll keep Scars alive, you do the same for yourself."

"I will." Shepard took the clips, stowed the ammo and drew her handgun as she took one final look at Garrus and prayed this this wasn't the last time she was going to see him. As she turned to go, she could feel James' eyes, dark and unhappy, following her as she jogged away.

There was a tight burning in her chest as she left Garrus behind in such a bad state, but she _had_ to go on with the mission. There was too much at stake for her to give up now, even if it cost the life of one of her best friends. The galaxy was bigger than one life; bigger than Garrus and bigger than her.

All she could do was push on and hope that Garrus Vakarian proved to be as indestructible this time as he had every other time.

* * *

Cortez radioed that they were coming in with Garrus badly injured and Chakwas, Liara and Kaidan met them in the shuttle bay. James had used blankets to staunch the bleeding, but it hadn't done much to help as far as he could tell. The only positives on the flight back was that Garrus hadn't died and Shepard had contacted Cortez for a pickup when they were almost to the Normandy.

The doctor took one look at Garrus, loaded him onto a stretcher and took him away with Liara running beside her, using her biotics to keep him stable. James expected Kaidan to go with them, as he had basic medical training, but Kaidan turned on him the instant the others had gone. He waited until Cortez had gone to retrieve Shepard before he gave James the kind of look that Anderson had given him that time he'd allowed Shepard to get shot on Earth.

"Are you really as stupid as you look?" Kaidan growled angrily as he stormed up to him, his biotics flaring angrily as he slammed a hand against the metal bulkhead next to James, "How could you leave Shepard down there by herself?"

_Whoa…!_

James straightened and fought hard not to flinch at the anger the other man was directing at him, "She ordered me to…"

"Screw that!" Alenko cut him off angrily, "She's more important that Garrus and you shouldn't have left without her." He pulled his hand away and from the corner of his eye James saw that the metal was slightly dented form the impact; clearly Kaidan packed a hell of a punch when he used his biotics. "She could be dead or injured right now…"

"But she's not! She's _fine_!" James clenched his teeth and pushed away from the wall, "I'm not happy about leaving her down there either, but she's my Commanding officer and I have to follow her orders." As he moved away from the wall Alenko fell back a step and James glared at the shorter man angrily, "Besides which, she can take care of herself, _Major_."

Kaidan shook his head and laughed bitterly, "I'm going to give you some advice when it comes to Shepard, and I'd listen very carefully if I were you." He moved closer again and the intense dislike in his eyes was almost enough to make James back up, "There are times when you need to speak up and say no to her. Regardless of whether or not she's your commanding officer, there are some orders which you _need_ to ignore."

The passion in his voice was unmistakable and James realised that Kaidan was referring to his last moments with her on the original Normandy, when she'd ordered him to leave. He could imagine how much Kaidan had lost by following that order, and how many times he'd probably relived that situation and wondered what would have happened if he'd said no. This wasn't the same thing though. He hadn't left Shepard in a life or death situation and even though he hadn't wanted to follow her order to leave, she hadn't been in any immediate danger.

"I appreciate your insight, sir, but maybe you need to have a little more faith in Shepard." James knew it was rude, but he walked away from Alenko and didn't look back.

There were more pressing things for him to worry about than what might have happened if Shepard had been hurt down there; she hadn't. Garrus was the person who was in real danger, and if Kaidan wanted to fuck around arguing with him about what might have happened, then he could do it upstairs where James could keep an eye on his friend. He caught the elevator back up, not surprised when Kaidan didn't join him in the small space and opted to catch the elevator up after him.

When Alenko arrived upstairs he ignored James completely and went straight to help Chakwas. The windows had been darkened in the medbay so James couldn't see in and he sat at the mess table by himself while he waited for news. He saw Shepard arrive, the Commander looking none the worse for wear after doing the last leg of the mission by herself. She was carrying a data pad which she put down on the table in front of her as she joined him.

"Any news?" She asked quietly, her face drawn and pale as she glanced at the darkened windows.

James shook his head, "No. Did you get Garneau?"

She looked at him with shadowed violet eyes and then let her gaze fall to the data pad in front of her, "No. The man we were chasing wasn't even him, but he did lead me to his body. Then the damned indoctrinated fool blew himself up before I could talk to him, and the only thing I found was this." She indicated the data pad in front of her, "It looks like Bryson's daughter was involved in this Leviathan mess too, so I'm going to try to track her down. God knows what it'll do though. Every time I think we've found someone who can help us, they _die_."

Shepard and James lapsed into a depressed silence as they waited for news of their friend, and after what seemed like a long time Liara came out, her blue skin speckled with Garrus blood. She looked exhausted as she sat down with them and James felt himself tense up at the look on her face. Garrus had become one of his best friends on the Normandy. If something had happened to him…

"Liara…?"

"I think he'll be okay." Liara responded to Shepard's unspoken request for information, "He's lost a lot of blood and the wound is terrible, but Chakwas has stabilised him and is doing what she can to repair the damage."

Shepard let out a breath and put her head in her hands, "Thank god."

"Thank Chakwas, actually."

James looked up and scowled as he saw Kaidan coming towards them; like Liara he was splattered in the turians blood and looked exhausted. He pulled out a chair and sat down next to Liara, his attention completely on Shepard as he reached out and patted her hand, a gesture that was completely innocent but which made James blood boil. He wished Kaidan would stop finding excuses to touch her.

"He won't be going on any missions for a few weeks, but so long as the tissue that Chakwas is culturing takes, he should be fine." Kaidan drew his hand back and gave Shepard a warm and reassuring smile that made James want to punch him.

"Thanks Kaidan." Shepard aimed a tired smile at him and glanced back at the medbay again. "Joker, get us back to the Citadel."

"You got it Commander."

Liara excused herself and James nodded to her as she left, wishing that it was Kaidan who was making himself scarce, but it was clear that he wasn't going anywhere. He hated that he felt like this whenever Kaidan was around Shepard, and he stood up and went to the kitchen, trying to stay busy and distract himself as they began to discuss Garrus' injuries and how long he'd be in the medbay. He made himself a cup of coffee and brought a cup of mint tea over to Shepard, not missing Kaidan's brief annoyed look when Shepard turned her attention back to James to thank him.

"Well, will you be up for joining the ground team?" Shepard took a sip of her tea and looked back over at Kaidan, appearing not to notice as James tensed next to her. "I'll need someone who knows their way around tech since James and I are completely useless at it."

James wanted to scream as Kaidan smiled and nodded, "Of course. We've always made a good team."

_Son of a bitch!_

It was all he could do not to leap across the table and hit Kaidan when his eyes flicked briefly to James' and he saw the smug satisfaction in them. Did he think this was his big chance to win Shepard back? He was completely deluded if he thought he was in with a chance just because Shepard was letting him act as Garrus' replacement. She was doing this because it was practical to have Kaidan replace him, not because she wanted to get closer to Kaidan or spend more time with him.

James kept reminding himself of this as Kaidan and Shepard began to reminisce about memorable ground missions they'd gone on while they were chasing after Saren. Their shared history did bother him, James realised. He was used to having Shepard all to himself and being the person who she had a connection to. Yes, she was friends with lots of other people, but she hadn't once been in love with those other people.

Shepard tried to include James in the stories as she and Kaidan talked, but he still felt excluded and after a fifteen minutes or so he was fed up with it. Kaidan was trying to draw her back to a life and time when she'd been in love with him, and a time when James wasn't in her life. He saw what he was doing, but frustratingly it seemed that Shepard didn't.

After another few minutes of them discussing events which excluded him he stood up, trying not to let his jealousy show, "Well, thrilling as this is, I'm going to go downstairs and get a workout in."

"What?" Shepard stood up beside him, her face a little apologetic as she realised how left out he must have been feeling. "Have you seen Chakwas about your face?" She gently touched the deep scratch that the asari had given him as it went down.

"It'll be fine, I'll put some medigel on it." He caught her hand and saw there was blood on it and realised he must have been bleeding the whole time he'd been waiting. He hadn't felt anything, but now that she'd drawn attention to it he could feel it.

"Another scar for the collection?"

"Well, I know how much you dig them." He gave her a brief smile, but her flirting couldn't quite fix the unpleasant feeling that had settled inside of him. "Let me know when Scars is awake."

"I will." Shepard gave him a look that said she knew why he was leaving, but she didn't try to stop him as he went downstairs.

He stripped off his armour in the armoury and grimaced when he saw himself in a mirror; he was a mess. It was wonder that no one had said anything to him as the scratch was incredibly deep and blood had run down half of his face. He cleaned it up as best he could, applied medigel to it and got dressed in his usual t-shirt and alliance trousers. His leg was still aching a little where he'd taken a biotic hit, but it wasn't anything serious.

His workout was less of a chance to exercise and more him beating the hell out of the punching bag while he worked through his frustration. All of the jealousy he was feeling about Shepard asking Kaidan to join the ground team, he pounded into the bag. Illogical as it was to feel jealous when he was the one with Shepard, he still felt sick to his stomach at the thought that a small part of Rennah wanted to go back to Kaidan.

It wasn't like she had ended things with him by choice; she'd died and he'd moved on. When she'd tried to reconnect with him, it had been Kaidan who had left her. What if she was regretting walking away from Alenko now that he'd changed his mind? What if she was only realising now, after having Kaidan back on the ship again, that she actually missed being with him? What if Kaidan was right and she was only with him because he was good for her ego…?

"I think the punching bag had learned its lesson, Jimmy."

James jumped at the sound of Shepard's voice and turned around to see her leaning against his workbench watching him. She'd taken off her armour and was dressed simply in a pair of BDU bottoms and a short sleeved N7 shirt. She still looked tired, but her eyes were bright and sparkled a beautiful deep indigo as she watched him.

"How's Scars?" He looked back at the punching bad and gave it one final smack before he stepped back, "Is he going to be okay?

"He's still unconscious but Chakwas thinks he'll be fine. " There was a pause and James looked up at her to find her staring at him. "Do you want talk about it?" She asked finally as she pushed away from the bench and came towards him, "Kaidan, I mean?"

_How did she know?_

"Yeah, I guess." James sighed and wiped some sweat off his forehead with a towel that had seen better days, "I'll be blunt, I'm not sure it's a good idea having Kaidan with us on the ground team. He and I don't exactly get along…"

Shepard made a face at his words and waved a hand at him, "We're all adults, James. We should be able to function together as a team without letting our personal feelings get in the way."

"I know that's how it's supposed to work, but I don't trust him, especially not when he's still watching you like a little lost puppy half of the time."

"_James Vega_!" Shepard exclaimed softly as she walked forward and linked her arms around his neck, staring up at him with that small smile on her face, "Are you _jealous_?"

He hesitated for a beat and then scowled as he answered, "Maybe."

"You don't have to be." Shepard went up on her tiptoes and pressed a gentle kiss against his lips, and then a second hotter kiss that had enough heat in it to make James start to burn. She pulled back and looked at him with that twinkle in her eye that James had come to recognise only too well, "The only man I want is _you_. Maybe I should remind you how much I want you…?"

James felt some of the tension ease out of him and he wrapped his arms around her, wondering how she knew exactly what to say to make him feel better. She could be incredibly sweet sometimes, and this was one of those times when he remembered that under the solider and the legend, she was just a regular woman. He felt her shift her hips sexily against his, and an instantly later her hands began to move along his shoulders and down his arms, the pressure of touch enough to encourage him to pull her closer.

"EDI, is anyone else in the shuttle bay right now?" Shepard's voice was soft and slightly muffled against his neck, however the AI could evidently hear her perfectly well.

"No Shepard, you and Lieutenant Vega are alone."

"Good, let's keep it that way. Can you lock off this level from the elevator and disable the security feed?" Shepard pulled back from James and winked at him saucily.

"Your current position isn't visible on the camera…"

"Just _shut it down_, EDI." Shepard leaned forward to nibble on his neck, and James groaned as heat began to rush lower in his body.

"Of course, Shepard."

"Do it. If people need to talk to me, they can make contact via you or my omni-tool."

"Yes, Shepard."

Rennah flashed James a wicked smile and ran a hand down his chest, tracing the logo on the front and then dipping lower. James felt his muscles contract helplessly under her touch, and his body reacted at the sensation of her fingers dipping lower and lower on his stomach. Locking off the shuttle bay was a hell of a way for them to get some alone time, but he was game if she was.

At least Esteban couldn't walk in on them this time.

"I always liked your shirts." Shepard traced the logo again, her eyes sultry and low-lidded, "The first time I met you, when Anderson brought you to the ship on Omega, the first thing I noticed about you was your _tight_ shirt." She grinned a little wider, "I may have briefly entertained thoughts about what might be under it."

James tried not to flex as Shepard pulled his shirt off him, her eyes meeting his with a sizzle before they dropped lower and slid appreciatively over his chest. It still blew his mind that she was actually interested in him and that they were a couple, and in some ways he supposed he was worried that he wasn't good enough for her. It was only when they were alone together like this that he knew without any doubt that she wanted and desired him.

"I always thought you were hot no matter what you were wearing or, you know, _not wearing_." James couldn't resist removing her shirt too, but the bra she was wearing underneath spoiled his view of her body and he turned her around so he could unclip and remove it, running his hands lightly down the tattoos on her back.

He'd had lots of time to study the designs over the past few days, but every time he saw them he seemed to find something new. He outlined the symbols on her lower back and then followed the contours of the patterns up to trace around the space scene with its planets and stars. Then, on instinct, he moved one hand up higher and lightly traced the skin around her amp. Shepard went rigid under his hands and he heard her let out a shaky breath as she leaned forward and rested against his workbench.

He brushed one finger lightly over her amp port and she instantly jerked under his hands, letting out a noise that was half whimper, half gasp. She gripped the edge of the bench as goose bumps spread over her skin and her knees buckled as though she was about to fall. He lightly brushed against the amp again, the barest of touches, and this time Shepard's knees did buckle as she cried out, and James only just managed to catch her before she fell.

"Too much?" He turned her around and lifted her up to sit on the bench, slightly concerned that maybe he'd misjudged the effect that touching her port would have.

Shepard shook her head, staring at him dazedly with dilated pupils and parted lips, "No. That felt _good_."

She reached out with a growl and pulled him to her almost violently, her hands digging into his skin. Their mouths came together in a fiery kiss that seemed to steal the air from his lungs; a hungry kiss that was all tongue, lips and teeth. There was a desperation to Shepard's movements as she arched against him and raked her nails down his arms so hard that James knew she was going to leave marks.

She was wild against him, moaning and twisting in pleasure as he turned his attention to her perfect breasts, lavishing attention on one and then the other. Did she know how hot she looked perched topless on his workbench? She was like something straight out of one of his fantasies, only this wasn't a dream.

He kissed his way through the valley between her breasts, over her taunt stomach and dipped his tongue into her navel, grinning to himself as she made another little sound of pleasure and let herself fall back against his workbench, apparently too strung out on sensations to hold herself upright. He removed her pants in a few quick movements, sliding first her boots and then her pants and underwear off until she lay naked before him.

"James…please…" She raised her head up to look at him, her skin flushed and eyes dark with need.

He was already rock hard and aching, but the sight of her naked and waiting for him sent his blood pounding through his body. He unfastened his pants and stepped out of them, then stepped between her thighs and leaned across her body so he could kiss her again, her tongue sliding teasingly against his. As the kiss deepened she wrapped her legs around his waist and arched her back, and James felt a pang of desire so strong it was painful.

He positioned himself at her entrance and slowly began to push forward, the delicious sensation of sinking into her tight, wet warmth driving everything else but Shepard from his mind. She moved under him, her muscles tightening around him and he gasped. He took hold of her waist to steady himself and pulled her towards him as he thrust forward, burying himself in her. Both of them cried out, and James stilled for a moment as he enjoyed the sensation of being sheathed inside her almost scorching warmth, her biotics already lightly flaring and making him tingle.

He began to move then, long slick strokes that must have felt just as good for Shepard as they did for him, and she sat up and wrapped her legs even tighter around his waist. She clung to him tightly, their breath mingling as she panted against his lips and then kissed him again, biting his lower lip and raking her nails down his back. He gritted his teeth as she groaned and twisted against him, her small movements making her pelvic muscles tighten over and over.

"_Dios mío_, Lola!" He caught her face in her hands and kissed, his movements inside of her became faster and more urgent.

He felt all coherent thoughts slide away as the wonderful tension built inside of him, every fibre of his being straining towards the thundering ecstasy he could feel approaching. He lowered his head and took one of Rennah breasts in his mouth, biting gently as he thrust into her harder, using his superior strength to keep her still when she cried out and writhed again him, almost pulling away.

He switched to the other breast and Shepard arched her back and cried out, her body tightening rhythmically around him as she shattered, her control gone as she went up like a supernova and her biotics almost blinded him. He wasn't far behind, and after another three deep thrusts into her he shuddered and gave into the sweet release that crashed over him, moaning her name helplessly.

They clung together, lost in each other's bodies until the waves of pleasure receded, then Shepard let out a delighted laugh and flopped back against his workbench, her body lightly coated in a sheen of sweat. She was such a passionate woman, James thought as he watched her stretch in bliss, and so wonderfully sensual and responsive. He smiled down at her and moved to one side to lean against the bench, completely exhausted from the sex and the workout he'd done prior.

"My god, James!" She reached up and affectionately trailed a hand down his chest, "That was incredible."

He leaned forward and kissed her, "Speak for yourself, Lola. You were pretty damn amazing."

She smiled and slowly sat up, taking her underclothes from him as he retrieved them from the ground and offered them to her. They dressed quietly, but it was a companionable silence that was free of strain, and every time James met Shepard's eyes he was pleased to see her smile. He could feel the connection between them and he realised, idiotically, how stupid he had been to get so worked up about Kaidan.

"You know, Joker probably knows exactly what we did down here." James finished pulling his shirt on and couldn't resist playfully slapping Shepard on the backside when she bent down to pick up her shirt.

"Probably," She grinned over her shoulder at him, "But I'm _sure_ he'll believe us when we were training."

James stifled a laugh "Well, it was the best workout session I ever had."

"For me as well, Jimmy." Shepard took his hand and snuggled under his arm as they made their way to the elevator together.

* * *

**A/N – I love Rennah and James. So so much! Please review and let me know what you thought of this chapter.**

**Also, I wrote a lovely little Kaidan/Shepard one shot which I posted the other day called Coffee and Chocolate, so if you're a Shenko fan you should check it out. It's cute. I'm biased of course, but it's cute.**


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